No couple is the same as the next. While one might be at it like rabbits all the way through the pregnancy, another might swear off all intercourse until the baby is safely outta there.
Since I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago, I've been madly curious about what mine and my partner's love life is going to be like. Madly curious and a tad anxious.
Anxious because my body is swiftly changing. And when I say swiftly, I mean it. The thigh gap I've had for years is almost completely closed. It's like it happened overnight. I've been stressing he won't want to look at my body let alone enjoy it. Even though he tells me, all the time, that he thinks there's nothing sexier than a pregnant woman. I think to myself 'yeah, but not this pregnant woman.'
There are countless reasons why expectant dads AND moms say no when it comes to nookie. Dad can be insanely fearful that he might hurt the baby, while mom doesn't want to be touched anywhere at any time. If physical intimacy is a distant memory for you and your partner, read on and you'll feel much less alone.
15 Can Still Get There Without Doing It
I do not know how I will feel when the bump is humongous, but for the time being, I am psychologically comfortable with doing it. However for NewMomOfOne it's a different story.
"He is not feeling psychologically comfortable with sex and neither am I. And I am not taking this as a lack of love or attraction towards me. It is our first, we did not know how our libidos would react so we talked about it and decided that sex is not for us during pregnancy.
But that does not mean we don't have our moments. Yes, it's kissing, cuddling, him telling me how beautiful and glowing I look and how proud he is and being in each other arms which might not compare to an orgasm but comes pretty close from an emotional point of view."
14 Too Bad For Him
It must be a strange thing to go from getting it on half a dozen times a week to none. But this is what happened to SecondOneOnTheWay, whose love life did a vanishing act for the full duration of her pregnancy. In this case, she made the call to sign it off for nine months.
"Before pregnancy my husband and I are intimate at least 5/6 times a week. During pregnancy NEVER and I mean not once do we have sex. The second I see those 2 lines that's it. I don't know why but I don't feel comfortable at all.
I know he would never cheat on me, but if he can't accept how I feel about [intimacy] while pregnant that's just too bad he'll have to get over it."
13 He's A Coward
Sometimes, mental health issues can get in the way of making love, like in the instance with JellyBeanWilliams and her husband. (The best thing you can do if mental health is having an impact on your love life, is talk to each other, and, if necessary, a professional.)
"My husband was scared to have sex with me while I was pregnant with my 1st, and although it was hard for me I understood. Now that my daughter is almost two, we still have [intimacy] issues (we did before & we do now).
I don't think it has to do with how he feels about me...he just desires it less, but I will say that if it were not for our son I probably would have found someone else for that emotional connection (he has extreme social anxiety & cannot even talk to me sometimes) and possibly more."
12 It Was All I Wanted
From my research, it would appear that it is actually the women who desire doing it more during the pregnancy than the man. Much of the time it's all they want, like with Jocelyn.
"Oh man, all I wanted this pregnancy was sex!!! but alas, my hubby gets weird about it as well...he's ok, up until I actually start looking pregnant. It's been almost 2 months since we last [did it] (I take matters into my own hands every night, thank god for [explicit photos]! and thank god I'm due in 3 weeks lol.)
I think that my hubby may suffer from the Madonna-whore complex: in a nutshell it's where the man no longer sees you as "his" (his goddess type) but can only see you as the mother type. And in their minds, the mother cannot also be the whore."
11 Because It's A Girl
While it is one word that'll come to most people's minds when they think about intimacy during pregnancy, I have to admit I felt sorry for Becky9384 when I read her story. I think, like her, I would feel upset if my man told me that doing it is awkward because of my shape.
"He says it's awkward now because of the bump. My belly does stick out now. I'm so upset with him and I don't really know what to do. I want to have [get in the sheets] with him and I need him to touch me. I don't want our private life to drift away because I'm pregnant.
He says if it was a boy inside me it would be different... He doesn't want to hurt his little girl. He says he just feels weird now. I don't know what to do. I want to have that intimate time and touch."
10 Crushing The Baby
I will confess. One of the thoughts I did have, before I knew about the reality of making it during pregnancy was 'will the baby get hurt?' Now I know the truth - that the baby is cushioned inside the womb and can't possibly get hurt - I don't feel any form of stress or guilt about getting it on. For one mom though, her partner is so paranoid he refuses to try anything.
"My partner is so paranoid about crushing the baby, and refused to try different positions either. I'm currently 35weeks, haven't had any for 2 week, and on top of that he was also told not to touch me for at least 4 weeks after I give birth (coz of the 'being highly fertile' thing). So it looks like I'm going without for a while."
9 The First Freaked Him Out
I can't say that I am really surprised that men grow more and more anxious about doing it as the pregnant belly expands, especially with the first born. This is what happened to mom Mel. It didn't get easier with the second either...
"When I was pregnant the first time, my husband grew more and more anxious as my belly grew. He was fearful of hurting the baby, hitting the baby in the head (I laughed and laughed at that one) and toward the end of the pregnancy the only way we would make love was him from behind.
I think if the belly was out of sight, it was kind of out of mind. Then with the second pregnancy he just wouldn't do it. He said it freaked him out after seeing our first son's birth and thinking about where the baby was going to come out of again."
8 Just Plain Weird
One thing that needs to be told to moms of the world who have encountered this issue is 'you're not alone.' This is what mom Alex wanted to reiterate on a forum post for moms who found themselves in the same boat.
"You are not alone, it's been the same for me since I found out I was prego. The only response I get from my husband is that "it's weird." The only help I can offer from my own experience is to express to him that nothing is going to bother the baby and it's still important to you to make love and that intimacy is very important to you."
While being told 'it's weird' isn't the nicest thing in the world to hear, try and be that little bit understanding and see things from his point of view...I mean, in all honesty pregnancy is a bit weird.
7 Ugly, Confused, Frustrated
To have a partner who won't go near you when you're carrying his child must be heart breaking. For one mom, who wishes to remain anonymous, she started to feel rejected as soon as she started to show.
"My partner wouldn't [do it] with me from when I was about 4 months pregnant and I was starting to show. I wanted to [be intimate] with him but he wouldn't go near me with a barge pole!
He kept telling me that it's normal for men to go off their partners when they are pregnant. He was completely grossed out by the idea of having any sexual contact with me what so ever, he wouldn't even touch me [intimately]! and rarely even hugged or kissed me, it was like I had a disease and to be quite honest it made me feel unsexy, unloved, ugly, confused, frustrated!"
6 How To Do It With A 'Mother'
Coming to terms with the fact that your love is going to become a mother can, for some men, be almost too much to handle. It's confusing and weird, especially the first time around when you don't have a clue about what you're really doing anyway. This is what happened to Melanie V and her partner.
"We didn't discuss it much which didn't help and I started to wonder if he had gone off me or even worse - didn't want a child with me. When we spoke about it (when I got pregnant the second time) it turned out he was coming to terms with the idea of me as a mother to his children as well as his lover but also the worry of doing some harm to the baby."
5 He Lost Interest In It
When you're pregnant, it's common for your drive to go through the roof. Though it's not all that great when your partner doesn't share your new found enthusiasm for getting it on. This was the case for Aerogi199.
"Am currently 7 months pregnant and while my drive seems to have increased, my husband has no interest in [doing it] at all. I have talked to him about this and he says he has no idea why he isn't interested in [being intimate] anymore.
He says it might be because he knows the baby is there and it creeps him out and he is also afraid of hurting the baby. I think it's because he doesn't find me attractive due to the way my body has changed and I am worried that when he sees me give birth it will gross him out and he'll never want to have [me] again!
4 Is He Getting It Somewhere Else?
It's okay when neither of you are in the mood and can easily live for nine months with minimal intimacy. But when you really need it, it can be a tragic state of affairs, like it was for AGoodWoman.
"I am unfortunately in the same boat. I wish my husband would want to touch me because I really miss the intimacy. He's had low libido in the past but this has gotten worse since I have become pregnant (I am seven months now).
I have heard some people say this is normal but I do have my fears that he a) no longer wants it from me because he is not attracted to me, or b) is getting it elsewhere from someone who is not pregnant. Who knows what is going on in his head?"
3 I Wish He Would Just Do Me
It is strange, isn't it, that a woman can carry a live human being in her belly. The more I think about it, the more I think 'well, it isn't all that surprising that men are freaked out about intimacy. While Debra Gibson find herself aroused much of the time, her husband is petrified of getting intimate.
"My husband is very unresponsive. Since the pregnancy, he claims he is totally freaked about a live human being inside of me and is petrified of hurting the baby. I find myself easily aroused and I want to be intimate with my husband a lot more often than our normal. Being newly married, this has put a strain on our relationship because I have a need to feel desirable, and he has backed off."
2 I Don't Want A Gentleman, I Want...
Pregnancy is a weird event for both parties involved. So when your partner is struggling to find the right words to describe why he doesn't want to get it on, breathe and have patience. Like I image StilettoSam did...despite feeling frustrated.
"I just had a heart to heart with my Hubs this morning about the same thing. His take on the matter is that he feels protective of me, like, and I quote 'The holy cow that you just don't touch' (LOL!!!!!) and that he loves me dearly and still finds me attractive.
He says it's nothing to do with my changing shape or the bump or the baby being on board, he can't really describe it, just, he says it's strange for him! I, on the other hand have been a randy wench from around the second tri and am starting to find this a bit frustrating."
1 Get Your Hands Off Me!
Our final account is from mom Helen Glass, who had been diagnosed not only with endometriosis (a condition which has links to fertility issues in women) but with extreme morning sickness as well. While her and her husband spent a lot of time in the sheets in the first year and a half of their marriage, once she became pregnant, being intimate went out of the window.
"I felt like I was host to a parasite that was determined to suck the life out of me. I couldn’t let my husband touch me, not while I was so sick and weak and undesirable. For his part, my husband had no idea what to do to help me. [Doing it] was no longer on my radar, and the pats he gave me on the back as I vomited was the only form of physical intimacy we had."
Sources: WhatToExpect.com, BabyAndBump.com, IrishExaminer.com, CircleOfMoms.com, EHealthForum.com, Romper.com