When a man and a woman become parents, they have an idea of what they're going to experience, but sometimes the reality is not as close to their ideal as they might hope. The parenting journey is beautiful and difficult, but it's also hilarious and parents with the right attitude can find something to laugh about daily, even if it's something they have to laugh about in hindsight.
The funniest parenting truths are often the most honest ones, when parents are willing to share an experience or insight that is universally recognized as accurate. Lucky for parents today, we have social media so we can share our parenting truths and read other parents' for encouragement along this journey with no directions.
Many celebrity parents use Twitter and tweet often about parenthood, such as Ryan Reynolds or Chrissy Tiegen. However, the truthful tweets can also be found on any parents' feed. This sharing of information helps us connect to other parents and captures a moment in time that we can look back on and remember later.
Honesty is the best policy when it comes to sharing the parenting struggles, and the tweeters on this list weren't afraid to let loose the honest struggles they face. They shared them in a format that is both hilarious and extremely easy for any parent to recognize.
As parents, we always need a stress break, so enjoy a list of the most honest and hilarious tweets floating around the Internet at this moment.
15 Mom Never Gets A Break
Truer words may have never been spoken about the parenting experience. When a child is out of diapers, we often think our responsibility in the potty department is over. A child is potty trained meaning self-sufficient, right? Wrong.
Young kids still need parents to help them clean up after they use the restroom, and many times that means after the child is cleaned up, they run out of the bathroom and leave mom to flush their mess. In fact, even school-aged children are guilty of this at times.
Blame a child's trouble focusing on one thing at a time. Blame the fact that kids can sometimes be inconsiderate. Whatever mom blames, know that flushing toilets for someone else is often just the beginning.
Locating items kids can find on their own, helping them pick up their own messes so it is done with some semblance of order, and performing other tasks that are doable for kids is a big, thankless part of parenting.
14 We Have Concerns About Their Intelligence
The good news is not every kid even wants to go to college. The other good news is that hilarious stunts kids pull as children are often no indicators of their overall intelligence, thankfully.
One parent recounts her child's horror when he realized he couldn't see his own eyes without a mirror. Another recounts a story of her child asking her if her breasts produced vanilla or chocolate milk. Kids work with the little that they know and don't t think beyond that.
What's important for us as parents is that we handle the situations when our kids make less than intelligent decisions kindly. Sure, mom and dad can laugh their heads off later when the child isn't around, but it's not a good idea to make fun of a child in front of them, no matter what they've done.
13 Okay, We Aren't Always Honest
We're not bad parents for this, really. Sometimes at night when the kids are in bed and we realize we haven't eaten anything except leftovers from other people's plates as we raced around cleaning up messes all day, the chocolate is too tempting to refuse. Okay, so it technically belongs to our kid. The kid lives in our house, so it really belongs to us.
Not only will we lie about food we ate, but we will do the same when our child is trying to find the Lego mom stepped on and threw in the trash. We will actively look for that Lego as if we have no idea it's in the city dumpster by now.
Animals also present a ton of opportunities to lie. Saying the rabbit ran away is much easier than explaining that the dog had it for dinner. It's worth walking the neighborhood putting up lost bunny signs just to save our kids and ourselves the trauma of explaining the food chain.
12 We Bribe
If a child wants a special privilege, mom and dad have the upper hand. I know, it's horrible to have to use it, but parents know the house will remain a death trap of Lego pieces unless a carrot can be swung in front of a kid's face to make them put those things in a container.
Many moms use the if/then technique for making sure tasks around the house are managed. For example, if a child wants to watch TV, they have to wash the dishes. If a child wants to play outside, they have to fold their laundry. If a child wants to go somewhere, they have to tidy the house first.
How well this works depends quite a bit on the temperament of the child. Some kids will do anything for the smallest sign of a reward at the end. Others will decide going to the park is not worth it if it means time spent picking up Legos.
11 Miscommunication Is Epic
As parents, we feel the love of our children surrounding us most of the time. However, we don't feel it all of the time. In fact, our kids get fed up with the idea that they want to give us all their love and affection when they have such cool toys to focus on.
This is just one instance of parents misinterpreting what their child meant or who they were talking to. With children, misunderstandings are common, and strangers sometimes get to be a part of them. One mom recalls encouraging her child to drink water only to have that child go out in public and say that drinking, presumably not water, made her mom super happy.
Kids are great at misrepresenting us, and we are great at thinking we know what is going on only to find out we don't. Communication in parenting is one of the most difficult parts.
10 Kids Are Great At Disrupting
If at all possible, mom should never make a phone call in front of her child. This sounds like an exaggeration, but from the early age of birth, children know when mom needs them to be quiet and they find creative ways to not comply.
Babies obviously scream. Even if they were sleeping two minutes before, the minute mom hears a voice on the other end of the line, her child knows. It's even harder with toddlers since they see mom giving her attention to someone besides them and lose their minds.
School-aged children are also guilty of playing independently until mom says she needs to make a call. Then they absolutely must discuss their favorite hobby or drag their band instrument into the living room to demonstrate their skills. Basically, once mom has kids, she will have to spend the next 18 years communicating through text only.
9 Sleep Is Optional
The parent who is actually brave enough to wake up a sleeping child has to be at the end of her rope, and it doesn't actually take long to get there. Just when we think our sleep habits will go back to normal, our toddler and school-aged children like to wake us up and tell us they went to the bathroom, they aren't tired, or they don't want covers on them anymore.
Though all of these situations require no help from us, kids suddenly become ready to communicate their every thought when the sun goes down.
The good news is that teenagers have a shift in sleep cycles. That means they still need nine hours of sleep a night, but their bodies will likely shut down later and want more sleep later into the morning. By then, they should not be coming to our rooms to tell us about misplaced socks, but we can enact our revenge by setting their alarm clock for four am as payback for all the sleep we lost.
8 Kids Are Wrecking Balls
Kids are crafty with whatever they are given, which means they can actually destroy an entire house with a granola bar or paper or any other innocuous item mom allows to be in their possession. The goal of keeping a clean house is lofty at best when kids are involved.
Even well-meaning children often forget to put items back where they came from or to only eat at the table. As opposed to being willfully disobedient, most of them are just distracted by all the excitement of living in an imaginary world. It makes instilling discipline and cleanliness rather difficult for most of their lives.
Natural consequences are always best if possible, so the child who destroys the house with the granola bar should also get to clean it up. It teaches consequences for actions and decisions and will hopefully serve as a reminder the next time a child wants to go overboard with chaos.
7 The Tyrannical Threes Are Real
Everyone rants about the terrible twos. These people apparently have no memory of their children being three, which may be good for them because it was likely just one solid year of screaming, hitting, and over-the-top tantrums that scared everyone in a 100 mile radius.
Moms have lamented the difficulties of three year-olds vs. two year-olds a number of times, and some of the most common complaints are: at three, they can speak better now, but all they do is complain; at three they know they are being disobedient and just do not care; at three they are never happy, even if they have what they want!
Yes, we love our three year-olds, but we also love when they turn four and become somewhat like humans again. Threes are about survival, and that may mean mom lets her kids eat crackers for lunch and cheese for dinner as long as the kid eats something. Whatever mom has to do to live.
6 Parenting Is Gross
A word of advice for every parent out there: if mom and dad don't want to be ill, never look in the high chair lining, or the car seat lining, or anywhere a child and food have connected. Turn a blind eye unless the smell becomes alarming or there is a very high chance of mold.
We can try all we want to reign in eating and to keep it neat and cleaned up, but kids are literally created to do the opposite. If they don't like those peas, they will just wipe them on the liner of the high chair. If those sweet potatoes are not the right consistency, they will simply toss them on the floor.
What they manage to do to animal crackers in a car seat no one really knows, but the first time mom or dad pulls the car seat out to clean is an education like no other.
Have a strong stomach and be up to date on all necessary vaccines. For those of us who have kids, it gets messy.
5 Kids Are Emotional
Again, parents tweet about three year-olds because the kids deserve it and parents find solidarity in knowing there are other individuals struggling with crazy childhood behavior.
Three year-olds can be pushed over the edge by a cat fart, a happy song, or sunshine. It doesn't really matter. If it lands on them the wrong way on any given day, the meltdown starts and is very hard to stop once in progress.
Even desired items can cause a three year-old to lose all hope in humanity. A three year-old may ask for that milk, but when mom brings the cup, they suddenly realize this is the worst drink ever and have no idea why it's being offered.
The toy they loved yesterday now makes them cry, and their favorite food is suddenly the grossest thing in the world if it doesn't contain at least 50% sugar. Good luck!
4 Play It Safe Around Unknown Items
Remember that scene in Baby Mama where the mom licked a mysterious brown substance to determine if it was chocolate or poop? Mom should never do this, even if she doesn't have a dog.
Children often leave "treats" around the house because they can fall out of a diaper. Even potty trained toddlers who have nudist tendencies don't always make it to the potty, but they aren't exactly obsessed with cleanliness, so they may see no need to clean up their mess or even tell anyone about it.
Unless it reeks, mom may not know there is mystery poop all over her house.
Adding a dog only adds more trouble. Sure, kids love pets, but when two creatures in the home randomly poop and just leave it behind, nothing in the house is really safe, and putting unidentified food in the mouth is off limits.
3 We'd Do Anything For Them, But...
Ryan Reynolds is not only the star of Deadpool; he is also the father of two little girls with Blake Lively. Reynolds tweets are often hilarious and speak to our adult inside voice laced with sarcasm and dark humor.
No topic is off limits for Reynold's hilarious tweets. He has made a joke about dressing his daughter as Newt Gingrich for Halloween because they look similar. He has honestly expressed the feeling of "I can't do this" when talking about spending the day with his infant daughter.
He even sarcastically claims to sing his child a lullaby about how all the people in her life are going to die.
If mom appreciates Reynold's sarcasm and wit, he is worth following on Twitter. He is dark, funny, and sometimes amazingly accurate about parenting. He has even put out a video of dos and don'ts for dads during labor. It contains his typical snark.
2 Parents Adapt
A new mom never believes she will be this way. When her child is hurt in any way, even if they are hurt because they blatantly disobeyed or caused physical harm to another child, mom and dad will go into crazy mode making sure they are okay. This is normal as new parents and as parents to young children who don't know enough about good decision making.
However, as time goes on, mom and dad may find that as long as no one is bleeding or unconscious, they aren't overly concerned about their child's injuries. Sure, they still care, but they have also been around their children enough to know that there's a 50% chance the child did something to bring on the outcome, and they are too tired to dig deep down and find out what.
Keeping kids safe is every parents objective, but we find ourselves backing away from micromanaging every possible problem before long.
1 There's A Quick Way To End Co-sleeping
If mom and dad are ready for the co-sleeping situation to be over, this just might work. It's cruel, but most of us can agree it's likely highly effective.
Children will creep into mom and dad's bed for years, and it's okay. As long as this set up works for the household, it's fine. However, there are times mom and dad don't want to be woken by a foot in their neck or a young child having a potty accident on their leg. In that case, discouragement is key.
While most of us wouldn't go as far as scaring them to death or scarring them for life, we might try other strategies to make them uncomfortable.
One way to keep them out of our bed is to keep a pallet on the floor. If they are scared, they can sleep in mom and dad's room but not in their bed. It's a way to start drawing lines that just might work as well as the clown mask.
Sources: Scary Mommy, Buzzfeed, Nation Wide Childrens Org, PsychologyToday