Maybe it is just me but every time I go to the gynecologist I think, “This doctor must see some crazy sh*t. If you look at women’s lady bits all day, every day, there will be things that you cannot un-see.” I have wanted to ask, but it seems that these folks are too professional for that.
However, the anonymity of the internet has brought a whole new era of confessions. We are now allowed to hear it straight from the medical professionals’ mouths but online they can share the most horrifying, disgusting, gut-wrenching things that they have seen in their careers.
These stories may make the reader re-think their personal hygiene, or perhaps feel blessed that their baby cannon has not experienced some of the horrors that are laid out in the paragraphs below.
As per usual, a Reddit thread has opened the vaults of the medical community and given us access to their darkest revelations. I am not one hundred percent sure that I wanted to know all of the gory details, but I could not stop reading them. Set down your coffee, pull up a chair, and if you have a weak stomach—maybe you should go read the comics instead.
15 The Exploding V
There are some things that just cannot be unseen. Or unheard. There are some things that should remain in the vault of the OB/GYN mind. And yet, like a car crash, we all end up wanting to hear about the gory details involving the mystery of our lady bits.
"My wife is an OBGYN specializing in maternal fetal medicine which is basically high risk patients...she had an obese diabetic woman come in with an abscess the size of a lemon on her labia. When they lanced it the abscess exploded missing my wife but hitting her nurse...she described the smell as worse than a thousand decaying bodies and the nurse with over ten years of experience proceeded to throw up all over the exam room."
14 A Dead Frog Found In Her...
"An overweight woman comes into the office for an STD test and pelvic exam, complaining of colorful discharge, an awful stench, and burning during urination…He gets in there for the pelvic exam, all the while assaulted by the stench of rot, and finds a f*&#ing dead frog in her vagina. This thing is heavily decomposed, since the warmth of the woman's vaginal cavity has helped to speed up the process, and he has to pull it out piece by piece. Needless to say, she also had a wicked UTI.
The woman explained that she'd passed out naked and drunk/high/whatever at some party at her boyfriend's house, and figures he or one of his friends must have thought it would be an absolute riot to put a live f%$*ing frog up her vag."
13 Twenty Pencils
When a person is learning how to pleasure themselves, the curve can be steep. There are a number of horror stories out there about objects that have been used for pleasure, but this one is a doozy:
"Surgeon here. I was doing a pediatric surgical rotation when an eight year old girl was brought in by her parents in ER for vaginal bleeding. I was called in to have a look at her because the nurse 'could see something inside'. Yep, there was stuff inside, and lots of it. PENCILS. She used to pleasure herself with pencils. Took her to theatre and removed more than twenty pencils from her. Scarred for life. Can never look at pencils without remembering that..."
12 How To Kill His Swimmers
The lengths that some women will go to…
"Not a gyno but was an EMT/Firefighter about 10 years back. Treated a very attractive woman who decided to dump about 4 oz of Drano into/on her vagina to "kill the sperm" that her date left in her "by accident"…To add to the awkward factor, about a year later I met a very attractive woman at a grocery store. Got her number and met her for drinks. Later that night we ended up at my place making out. As soon as I started taking her shirt off I suddenly remembered that the girl who I had taken out for drinks was the one who previously dumped drano into her vag. Our night ended abruptly and awkwardly as you can imagine."
11 Homemade Birth Control
Educating the masses and providing low-cost birth control options is a heated debate that has raged for decades. But I think this story is a perfect example of a woman who could benefit from a free condom…or really any form of REAL birth control.
"I'm an EMT and work in free health clinics with Remote Area Medical. We provide vision, dental, medical and women's health clinics. I was assigned to the women's health area when we had a lady come in with a washcloth shoved in that region. Stank to high heaven, and she'd put it up there three weeks ago as homemade contraception. That was my first time working in the women's health clinic. And I have more, such stories, such horrible horrible stories."
10 Two For Two
God knows we have all been taught the importance of keeping our cooters clean. There are horror stories all over the internet about women who have caught infections from foreign objects or just simply for not taking proper care of themselves. This story will make you want to spend a couple extra minutes in the shower, checking to make sure your cargo bay is empty:
"My friend is a nurse at a gynos office and she told us this story a few years ago. A lady came in complaining that she was bleeding during sex. When the doctor examined her he found two old condoms and an old tampon. She also said she hadn't gotten her period in six months."
9 New Storage Space
There are various slang terms for the vag that are vulgar and don’t any sense. These names seem to be made up by men who don’t understand how the plumbing even works, and are usually not complimentary to the wonder of the poontang. But referring to your beef curtains as a coin purse does hold some merit, as the following story shows:
"I'm a critical care nurse and we had a prostitute brought in through the ER and she kept grabbing towards her vagina shouting she had stuff in there. We looked at each other and thought oh no now we gotta look. We preceded to pull out toilet paper, $32.50, and a handful of maggots. Almost all of us gagged."
8 The Same Pair For Too Long
If our mothers have taught us anything, it is to always wipe! Front to back, repeatedly. It took about two years for this message to stick with my daughter, but it better be something that sticks with her for life. But some women forget this lesson, and their story turns into a tragic scenario involving atrocious stank and ruined undies:
"My mom works as a Gynecologist's assistant and she has told me a few stories. A woman once went in and apparently filled an entire room with her putrid stench. She had been wearing the same underwear for two months and her panties, which were originally white, became a darkish yellow brown. She apparently wasn't very good at wiping either."
7 Getting Pregnant From The Back
We trust our spouse to be on our side and to tell us the truth, right? Well one woman found out the hard way that her husband had lied about basic anatomy. And it wasn’t until a checkup that she learned about the accuracy of her husband’s statements:
"One of my friends worked as an intern with a gynecologist 2 years ago. There was a client complaining that she couldn't get pregnant. She also had been having diarrhea for a long time. The gynecologist asked if she regularly had anal and the woman confirmed that she only did it anally. Apparently her husband had told her you can get pregnant from anal sex, so she wanted it non-stop to get pregnant."
6 Coming Out Through The Front
We all know that cancer is a horrible thing. But there are some parts of it I had never imagined.
"I'm on placement as a scrub nurse for a Gyne theatre. I've seen many, many gross things in my time here. Mostly it's been terrible smells and a whole load of prolapses, but one case really sticks in my mind. This poor woman came in with cervical cancer, and she got treated for it with chemo. For some reason (I don't know the medical technicalities behind this) her rectum and vagina fused, and any bowel movement she had would erupt furiously out of her vag. She was also very overweight, so couldn't properly clean herself, meaning all the festering sh*t and general uncleanliness had caused everything down there to start rotting."
5 A Hairy Nightmare
We’ve all had ingrown hair happen, and they are especially painful down south. But I never knew it could turn into something so ghastly and unpleasant.
"Nurse here. I had a girl come into the ER walking funny. She was complaining of pain near her vagina. She has an in-grown pubic hair next to her vagina that was infected & created a 4cm lesion of pus & stench. The PA and I had to drain the vesicle. I think I screamed louder than her when it popped while the PA was injecting some lidocaine to numb the area. It's sad, with no insurance, the poor girl let it go for so long before she spent the money for a doctor."
4 The Tumor Scare
Pap smears can be uncomfortable but also scary, because we’ve all heard stories about cervical cancer. This newbie gyno’s story might make you think twice about a number of things that involve your beaver den.
"My sister's boyfriend was doing a gyno rotation. He was quite upset, as he was examining a woman that from sight and smell alone it was obvious she had cervical cancer so advanced that she wasn't going to make it. For the first time on that rotation he had to warn someone about their imminent death. It was all very depressing and solemn, so it was quite a relief when it turned out to be a tampon that had been in there long enough to resemble a tumor."
3 The Creative Doper
We all have heard stories about the lengths that addicts will go to achieve their high. No matter what the drug, addiction is a powerful beast that will make people do things that those of us who are sober could never imagine. The drug starts running the mind, and there is room for little else.
I thought that all of the HBO shows I’ve watched would have prepared me better for this story. But I was wrong.
"Ex-gf's dad used to be in the field before retiring. Worse case he had was a woman who was a heroin addict. For whatever reason she had to get creative with where she injected. Apparently, she considered her labia a good place. That was until they went gangrene on her."
2 Thanksgiving Will Never Be The Same
I will never hear a gobble and not think of this story.
A woman was in for a pelvic exam, is up in the stirrups and my colleague has her fingers in up to the cervix. At this point, something possesses the woman to ask, and I quote, "So, do you ever think about stuffing a turkey while you're doing this?" My colleague, trying to keep a straight face, answers, "No, but now I will every Thanksgiving..." The woman finds this hilarious, and proceeds to stare my colleague dead in the eye while yelling "GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE", with my colleague's hands still up her hoody-hoo.
I still enjoy telling that story to friends at Thanksgiving. It means more turkey for moi.
1 It's Time To Retire
We’ve all seen our grandparents, and maybe even parents, hit the age where retirement is the only option. Sometimes this is due to their age or mental state, and sometime this is due to the conditions of their job. This poor woman put in 20 years as an OBGYN nurse, and she finally hit her limit. I really can’t blame the poor thing.
"My grandmother was an Ob-gyn nurse for 20 years. One night she came home from work and was eating dinner at the table. Out of nowhere she slammed her silverware down and screamed " If I have to look at one more f*^$ing c*$t the rest of my life I will kill someone!!!" She quit the next day."