15 Of The Most Hilarious Questions First Time Moms Ask About Pregnancy

There are no stupid questions, but there are some truly hilarious ones. Some are funny because the pregnant woman who is asking is concerned about something that won't end up mattering to them at all in the end-- but that's okay, everyone needs their pregnancy anxieties quelled. We all get worried about even the simplest things. However, once you find your answer you probably won't give the issue a second thought. For example, during labor you probably won't have a spare thought to consider the fact that you pooped, hell, you may not even notice!

Other questions are funny because they reveal a blind-spot in a pregnant mom's thinking, you can tell she's never been through this before. We all start off knowing absolutely nothing about pregnancy, and its completely okay to ask! But we're going to have a bit of a chuckle over your question anyway. Hey, we'll take any humor we can get when we're desperately uncomfortable incubating our little humans. While first time moms are the usual suspects for these adorable questions, even veterans forget or have a new experience that prompts them to ask the internet what's up.  Don't worry, everyone has asked these hilarious questions and we will even give you the answers.

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15 Did My Cat/Dog/Toddler Just Hurt My Baby?

Many, many pregnant mothers get concerned if their toddler squeezes their belly, or if the cat nestles on top of it, or if the dog accidentally knocks into it. This can be a worry even for experienced mothers, who didn't have a pet or a little one around during their first pregnancy. The answer is no, a pet or a baby really doesn't have the strength necessary to harm the baby. Your little one is surrounded by amniotic fluid that act like a cushion. Imagine a tight water balloon being poked by your finger, when there's an egg inside. You'd have a hard time effecting the egg, even if it was near the surface at the time. Even if your skin feels sore where the pet or the toddler bumped your bump, you're fine. That's not to say that your baby can't be hurt by outside forces. If you've taken a fall, or you have some bruising developing where your tummy got hurt, you're probably in need of a doctor's attention.

14 I Will Die Without My Coffee, Do I Really Need To Eliminate It? 

If you're asking this question you're probably a coffee addict and you're probably taking in too much caffeine a day to be safe. You need to scale down, albeit slowly (the lack of caffeine is a shocker to the system that outweighs the risk of a little too much caffeine, in most cases) One the other hand, you don't need to eliminate the stuff, or limit yourself to one cup a day (unless you're at risk for pre-term labor, or your doctor has warned you specifically not to have any caffeine for some other health reason). Otherwise the Canadian government has a really helpful guide that lets you know approximately how much caffeine is in your coffee. They recommend a pregnant woman consume only a maximum 300 mg of caffeine a day. That's at least two cups of filter drip, or at least three of instant! You can get a lot more warm, comforting beverages in if you switch over to tea, especially if you like it weak or decaf.

13 How Do I Get My Socks On?

At some point you realize that you can't just bend over and reach your feet anymore, and while you probably want to go sock-less because your feet are swollen at this point, pregnant women in cold climates might not have that luxury. Don't put yourself through some hilarious yoga-like stretching to get them on, just put your foot on your knee, under your belly. If you can't do that anymore, get your partner to put them on for you, he got you into this mess, after all! As a last resort, use a sock aid like the one you see above. Also, do yourself a favor and buy some larger comfy socks that won't further stress out your swollen feet. That and some comfy slippers can be a real life saver. A last tip for our pregnant sisters who have to deal with snow: slip-on snow boots. If you buy them in your first or second trimester, remember that your feet could swell up a size or two.

12 Does Labor Really Hurt That Bad? 

Yes, labor really does hurt "that" bad. While experiences vary between each woman, it is likely going to be the most pain you've ever experienced in your life. We don't blame you for hoping otherwise, but don't fool yourself! Unless you've had severe burns, cluster headaches, kidney stones, or some other kind of pain that was so bad you (literally) passed out, you haven't felt pain that was worse than labor. Good news is, you can handle the kind of pain labor brings and it isn't as bad as those other experiences. Plus, contractions come and go and let you recover from them, while those other experiences give you constant pain. Plus, they involve stabbing or burning pain, not the squeezing pain/pressure that labor gives you. As for the second question, while some women describe labor as really bad period cramps, that's not how all women feel about them. Unlike cramps, contractions deal with a lot of pressure and not a lot of sharp pain (if that's how you experience your cramps, some women do feel them as squeezing pains, which is a little closer to the sensation of a contraction).

11 Why Am I So Itchy? Why Do I Suddenly Have Acne? 

The world of pregnancy has so many physical discomforts that rarely make the highlights list when you're talking to the women in your life about their pregnancies. But once you're experiencing it for yourself, you're aware of every little bump along the road, as it were. If you're itchy on your stomach and your boobs, its because your skin is stretching. If you suddenly break out in acne, you can blame the abundance of pregnancy hormones flowing through your veins in never-before-reached concentrations. If you have other symptoms you've never heard of and are feeling like you're falling apart, we suggest a warm bath, a massage, and some chocolate.

10 Can I Go To This Concert, Or Will It Hurt My Baby's Ears?

Your baby's ears essentially can't be hurt by any noise that you can handle. Think of how things sound when you're underwater, muffled right? Plus the sound your baby hears also has to travel through your skin first to get to the amniotic fluid, so that softens a great deal of sound as well. The muffling effects of the womb actually effect high pitched notes more than lower notes, which should be good news to all the Dads out there who want baby to hear their voices. If you're a proponent of playing music for your baby to listen to, try to pick songs with lower notes over higher, as they may not be able to hear the highest notes at all. Don't worry though, even if your voice is quite high your baby can hear it fine, because it originates so close to them.

9 Will My Water Breaking Stain Anything?

Amniotic fluid is a clear fluid and won't stain anything. It will, however, ruin your mattress (especially if you don't have time to clean it after because you have to rush off to the hospital). During your third trimester you may want to sleep with a puppy pad or a bunch of towels or an absorbent mat beneath you. On other surfaces, amniotic fluid behaves much like water. It doesn't have much of a smell, and it'll be mopped up easily. On the other hand, many first-time moms don't realize that water doesn't often break all at once. You'll likely be leaking a little bit for a few hours, which can be really annoying to clean up. So pick up some major pads before hand, or use puppy pads beneath wherever you're sitting.

8 How Can I Stay Modest In The Hospital?

Short answer: You can't. Long answer: it depends on what you mean by modesty. You can wear two hospital gowns so that your rear is covered if you're planning on pacing the halls, which some women do. You can get layered shirts, wrap shirts, or shirts designed for breastfeeding, so that breastfeeding is a little more inconspicuous. If you plan on skin to skin right after birth you can get a loose shirt that can be pulled back and quickly covered up over your baby (but you might need to really wash it after the newborns gets their fluids on it). On the other hand, if what you mean by "stay modest" is really "how can I best hide my vagina", you don't have a lot of options. During regular checks on your cervix and during pushing everyone is going to be able to see your vagina. Just let your nurses know that you're shy, and understand that no one there is judging your body, they're all very used to vaginas.

7 How Do I Manage The Hair Down There?

If you can't see/comfortably reach down there anymore, don't worry, it happens to everyone. I don't advise continuing to shave/wax yourself with a mirror, but some women report that they managed it just fine. I can't imagine how they do it without nicking themselves, but if you can, go for it! Personally, I much prefer the advice to use a guarded trimmer, so you can't really cut yourself but you can keep it at a manageable length. Other great suggestions include going to a professional to get them to wax you (and hey, while you're there you should book yourself for a massage too!). Sometimes your partner will be willing to get down there and shave for you, maybe even wax if they've done it before. On the other hand, no one in the labor room is unfamiliar with the sight of a untrimmed vagina. It'll be the least of your concerns once you're there.

6 Can I Avoid Pooping On The Hospital Bed?

Nope. I'm sorry, but its probably going to happen. Technically, if you haven't eaten for a long time before the pushing begins you might get off scott free, but no one wants to go without food for that long. We're talking days here. Besides, you're going to need your strength. We've also heard of women who try their best to get their business done in the bathroom during the first two stages of labor and that can certainly reduce how much you go in the last stage. On the other hand, you might be in too much pain to accomplish that. Then, pretty much everything in your intestines is doing to be moved out during the pushing process and you can't get it all. The good news is that the nurses will be very quick to clean it up, and you may not notice it even happened. If you do notice, you'll probably be in too much pain to care.

5 Will I Be Able To Drive Myself To The Hospital?

Are you kidding? No, you could be putting yourself and your baby at serious risk, not to mention the other people on the road! If you feel like labor isn't bad enough yet to be a huge distraction while driving, you probably don't need to go to the hospital yet. In fact, if you arrive there in the first stage of labor, with no signs of getting to the second stage anytime soon, they may even send you back home. Potentially, you could drive yourself to within walking distance of the hospital and then wait around, but that won't be comfortable. Plus, you have no idea when your contractions could become a big distraction, and you wouldn't want to find out while you're driving that you suddenly can't keep your eyes on the road during contractions. So you should just wait until someone can pick you up, even try a taxi if your family members aren't available or will take too long.

4 Why Doesn't My Baby Like Me? 

To new moms, some baby's behavior while they're in the womb can be really confusing. If the baby kicks or punches your hand away when you, or your partner, touch it, you could think its rejecting you. Especially if it also seems to stop moving when you talk. Why isn't it excited about interacting with you? We promise, your baby does love you and is curious about your voice and what's going on outside the womb. It just responds counter-intuitively to your touch and voice. If your baby kicks things away, that's just it's way of responding to the pressure you've just (safely) put on him or her. Sometimes its co-incidence and sometimes it wanted to stretch in that direction and is saying hey, move out of my way! If your baby stops moving whenever you speak its actually a sign that it can hear you and that you have its attention. Your baby stopped thinking about stretching and started to think about that soothing voice it hears.

3 Is It Okay To Take A Bath/Go Swimming? 

In the vast majority of cases you can have a bath and go swimming all throughout your pregnancy. In fact, many women feel that swimming or floating feels great during your pregnancy because it takes the weight off your swollen feet. Doctors do tend to advise against using a hot tub, as the temperature rise could be harmful to the baby, and this is probably where the common myth that you can't be in water at all comes from. On the other hand, there are a few conditions that make going into pools or tubs inadvisable, or even dangerous (sub-chronic hematoma is one), and you want to be sure that the water you're in is clean. By the way, you definitely need to avoid jumping into the pool, or scuba diving, as your baby can't handle big changes of pressure or bubbles that form in your body when you jump.

2 Is This Baby Bump Shape Normal?

Yes, it almost always is. If you're finding that your womb is an odd shape early on, especially if you're under normal weight, don't be alarmed. The womb can thicken on the side that the fetus implanted more heavily at first, and there may not be amniotic fluid yet to even everything out. Plus, women's wombs vary in shape and size even before they are pregnant. When things get a little further along, a baby's positioning will have a lot to do with the shape of the bump. It can lean to one side or the other, create a "B" shape, or move up and down on your body. There's a major exception, where a baby bump shape might be an indication of something wrong. If you have a small pocket of skin that pops out, you could have a hernia, which is where some tissue has broken through between your muscles. This can be very dangerous and requires your doctor's attention.

1 Why Is My Pee Bright Yellow Or Greenish?

The first time you see an intensely yellow or greenish pee you might freak right out. What crazy thing is your body doing this time? Actually, it has nothing to do with your body and everything to do with your prenatal vitamins. An excess of the B vitamins is usually to blame for this, while sometimes its the dye in the vitamin capsule itself that causes your urine to change colour. Either way, its nothing to worry about. Unless you have pee in other colours-- that's a problem your doctor needs to hear about.

Sources: WhatToExpect.com, WebMD.com, Nature.com, PublicHealth.gc.ca

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