15 Of The Most Unbelievable Maternity Tees

Maternity shirts can be cute, fun, and adorable! I had a few awesome ones of my own, particularly one that I had blaming my love of chocolate on my baby. I think I still have that shirt somewhere, actually. Anyhow, these shirts come in a variety of different ‘flavors’, so to speak.

They come in snarky, they can look like ultrasounds, and they can have something hilarious on them. People often love these little shirts announcing their pregnancy to the world, using the magical medium of text on fabric.

But, what about when these t-shirts are offensive?

Yeah, we all know what kind of shirts I’m talking about. The ones that come from specialty stores, and often have vulgar language on them. And sure, some people find them hilarious. I found a few of them to be pretty awesome, and if I could have gotten one, I would have believe me.

But, not everyone feels that way, and many people find some of the humor on these shirts to be just… wrong. I mean, come on, who needs to see an ultrasound baby on a shirt flipping everyone off?

Personally? To each their own, I say. I find some crude humor to be hilarious in the right situations. It goes to show that what one person finds offensive, another person can think is hilarious. But, do some of these shirts cross the line?

First, let’s discuss the ‘qualifiers’, so to speak. If it hits one of these, it goes on the list. But whether it’s funny at all, that’s up to the reader.

1- Is it Vulgar?

2- Is it an Over Share?

3- Is it Rude/Body Shaming?

Be the judge. And be sure to tell us if any of these are truly offensive, or if they’re just funny, in the comments!

(**Please note that there will possibly be some foul language on the shirts, although I will not use the actual words in the article itself. Also, please note that some of this is satire, it’s meant to get a laugh out of people. Thanks!)

15 "I Put Out"

I mean, it doesn’t get much more straightforward than that right there. It’s a shirt that states the obvious fact, because let’s face it, if some ‘putting out’ wasn’t happening, then there would be no baby, right?

The question is though, does everyone else need to know that there was putting out going on? Aside from the obvious baby bump that is… The grand answer to that is, probably not. The other question is, is the shirt announcing the putting out funny? The answer to that? Possibly.

Not that we need a shirt that brags about our 'putting out' prowess, or anything like that. I mean, as I said, if the shirt is maternity, then people probably already know she's an expecting woman anyway. But, if they’re going to know anyways, why not brag about it, I guess. I mean, it’s not like it’s body shaming at least, right?

14 "Wake Me When I'm Skinny"

Ya gotta be kidding me… Really? What’s wrong with this shirt? Well, let’s see, first of all it's the fact that it’s body shaming at it’s finest is pretty off-putting to me. I mean, it’s insinuating that having a pregnant belly is wrong.

Surprisingly this t-shirt was made by A Pea in the Pod, a well known maternity clothing manufacturer. These people should have known better. Does it have a smidge of humor to it? Yeah, sure. I can see how some people would find it funny.

Far more people found it offensive than funny, though, because Destination Maternity, who was selling the shirt made by the manufacturer, actually pulled the shirt from shelves and discontinued it. So it’s not like people were seeing things… this one truly was pretty offensive, and could be pretty hurtful to receive as a gift if it was given as one.

13 "And To Think I Almost Swallowed You"

Sigh. Because informing the world that we put out isn’t enough, apparently we need a shirt that claims that our baby was almost the unfortunate casualty. It depends on who’s being asked, if you get my drift. Ahem. Anyhow, this shirt may take the joke a little too far if you ask me. That’s not something parents would want their kids to find later on down the line, and it’s not something that can be worn just anywhere.

Let’s be honest, does anyone need to know that we considered swallowing our kids at one point? Would we want to explain that when another kid happens to read it and ask what it means? Let’s say OUR kids read it off someone else's shirt and ask what it means? Who wants to explain exactly how a baby can be swallowed to a curious kid, show of hands!

No one? Surprise!

12 "If You Think My Mom is a B***h..."

While yes, this can be amusing to a lot of people, quite a few others are going to find it beyond offensive to basically call the unborn baby a b***h. A lot of people will have an issue with calling a baby or child of any age a nasty word, whether or not it’s meant as a joke or not.

And it’s understandable, because it can bring up memories of abuse to some people. Besides that, who actually thinks their baby is a b***h before they’re even born? Seriously. This is a joke that has gone a little too far.

This one is directly in the middle, right between offensive and funny. There’s going to be about the same amount of people who finds this hilarious as there are those who want to see this shirt burn in a barrel somewhere. Is society too easily offended nowadays, or is this shirt really that bad? Or is it one of those things that just depends on how it’s looked at?

11 "Yeah, It's a Boy"

Wow. Well, I mean… what all is there to really say? It’s an ultrasound of a baby with a really big… er…member. There’s no way to redeem this shirt, or even justify wearing it in public. And yeah, I guess in private, this t-shirt is pretty hilarious.

The problem is when it’s worn in public, and this is one of the shirts I have actually seen worn in public. It’s something that makes people do a double take, and possibly take their hands and cover their small children’s eyes.

Let’s be honest here, this isn’t real, we all know it’s not real, but that’s not the problem. The problem is the crude humor that no one wants to explain to their children, and the dirty shirt that no one wants their parents to actually see.

Admittedly I have a shirt that says ‘I should be a 4 star general because of how I make privates stand at attention’, but it stays hidden in the back of my closet… because I don’t want to have to explain it to my kids. Same concept.

10 "He Knocked Me Up"

We’re back in the realm of, ‘We didn’t need to know that.’ Honestly, some things can and should be left up to assumption. This is one of those things. Because, yes, we know someone did the deed and knocked ya up, but we don’t need verification as to who it was.

It’s really no one’s business if the person that’s hanging out in the mall is also the baby daddy, but some people seem to feel the need to tell everyone every little detail.

This shirt, honestly, is more funny than crude though, in my own personal opinion. While I wouldn’t wear it in public or anything, I would wear it to lounge around in. And I think my husband would find it pretty hilarious, as well. And honestly, the colors are adorable.

But I can also understand why some people also would find this offensive, mainly due to it revealing more information than others would want to know, I guess. Ok, so maybe it’s not offensive, per se, but overshare? Yes, yes it is.

9 "Oops, I Forgot To Take My Pill"

Well, obviously whatever form of birth control that was being used ended up failing, because, well, baby. No one cares exactly what happened, believe me. They’re not interested in how the baby got to be there, they only care that the baby is on the way.

This t-shirt gives the impression that the baby is just one big oopsie-daisie, and not a bundle of joy on the way… what? The baby was an oops? Well, that’s just kind of awkward then, isn't it!

I get it, ok. This is hilarious to the inner circle that we all call our friends, and they’re probably going to crack up seeing you wear it with no care given. Another shirt that’s definitely way more funny than it is offensive.

And hey, if there’s a nosy relative that needs putting in their place, then perhaps wearing this to the yearly family get together isn’t such a bad idea. All in all, it’s an overshare at the worst.

8 "You're Fat, I'm Pregnant"

Body shaming--and I can say this over and over, is never ok. Yes, when we’re pregnant we often feel like hot air balloons, filled to the brim with hot air. And yes, some people eyeball us when we’re out and about before the belly has popped and we just don’t look pregnant. But calling other people fat isn’t ok either.

Any shirt calling people fat isn’t ok, even if it is meant to be funny and nothing more.

I get that this shirt is about making the mom feel better while getting a laugh. But to some, it’s going to be just plain offensive. Calling someone fat, whether it’s someone doing it to their face or on a shirt, is never ok. There’s a better way to make the mom feel better without resorting to body shaming. If this shirt is a must have, wear it at home please.

7 "Future MILF"

*sigh* So, for those who don’t know, MILF means ‘Mom I’d Like to F**k’. Sorry, I know I said I would avoid the swearing as much as possible, but this one… I mean, it needed explaining for some innocents who’ve never heard of the term.

So, yeah…why would anyone brag about being a term that guys use to search porn and discuss any woman who has a baby?

Ok. Let’s get serious and get out of sarcastic. Yes, this shirt is going to cause some people to get offended and act like wearing it makes someone a bad parent. That’s how people are. But, honestly, it’s more amusing than offensive to me, yet again.

(I know, I know. What can I say, I enjoy this kind of humor.) So, yeah, get this shirt, but be prepared to have someone give you the stink eye because they’re annoyed and offended.

6 "Vegans Also Need Protein"

Well now, what can I say? It’s a shirt with sperm on it, and we all know what it’s implying. Not only can this offend a lot of people, because this is something else that no one wants to explain to their kids. Yes sperm are made of proteins, and it's funny that the shirt suggests that vegans want, or need in this case to have babies too.

Some little old lady is going to see this shirt and faint, let’s be honest people. I know that I don’t want to be the one responsible for making some sweet little old lady pass out and faint. This shirt hits all the qualifiers, it’s an over share, it’s vulgar , and it’s rude because it’s, once again, insinuating a sexual act.

While there are far more blatantly obnoxious maternity shirts, this one is a little too in the face of those who read it, but at the same time, i ca appreciate the humor behind it.

5 "In Like A Banana, Out Like A Pineapple"

Ok, maybe I was a little fast on the uptake for that last one, because this one tops it hands down. It’s just--wow. If anyone needed a really quick play-by-play to discuss what happens when babies are made and how they come out, size-wise, this is the way to go.

Using fruit to discuss body parts and infant sizing has been used many times over, but this kind of tops the cake. This isn’t the shirt to wear if going out in public, that’s for sure.

Let’s be honest, I don’t want to explain to my five year old, who can read, what that means. I shouldn’t even have to look up an excuse or think something up to throw them off the trail, so to speak. This is something that doesn’t need to be worn around kids, or where kids may see it. Save this one for lounging around at home.

Or tear it up and use it as rags, whatever you see fit.

4 "Saved The Horse, Rode The Cowboy, Now I'm Pregnant!"

We’ve all seen the "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" shirts, stickers, and everything else. It’s funny enough, and makes sense. So I guess the shirt that gives us the next step in the process is good for a few laughs too, right? I mean, if by saving the horse, someone has to ride the cowboy, then it’s always a risk that getting pregnant would happen, right?

One would think someone would think of some condoms or something there, right? *crickets* Well I thought it was funny.

This one is more for those women who end up with a cowboy, obviously. Otherwise the joke loses it’s meaning altogether. It’s ever so slightly vulgar, but this one is more amusing than anything else. I don’t think anyone would pass out seeing this one, at least. It could be worse, a lot worse. Like, ‘In like a Banana, out like a Pineapple’ worse.

3 "I'll Be More Fun When I Can Drink Again!"

Uh, no, trust me honey, the most that’ll be going through any mom’s mind when that baby is born is the slew of responsibilities that comes with having that baby. That includes, but is not limited to, having to stay sober to take care of the baby. What if something happens and mom is drunk? How will the hospital staff react to mom being trashed when she takes the baby to the ER? Probably not very well.

Whether that’s fair or not, that’s not the point.

Drinking in moderation on occasion is fine, but this shirt insinuates otherwise, it insinuates drinking until mom is trashed and hanging off the walls. And I hate when people think that they need to drink to have fun or be fun. Find new ways to socialize and have a good time that don’t involve alcohol. Mr. Liver will give many thanks for it later on!

2 "My Twerking Days Are Over"

First off, everyone should stop twerking, anyhow. Please? Find a classier way to shake some booty, please. Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, you bet your jiggling butt cheeks that the days of twerking are over. At least, for the most part. Clubbing should be a forethought if that, that baby is thought number one.

The only club mom is going to be heading to on a regular basis now is the playgroup that she goes to every week with her darling.

In all seriousness though, this one is funny. For those who do twerk it, as distasteful as some people (myself included) find that dance to be, if it’s something mom is into, then do it when the occasion arises. But baby always comes first. A night at the club one in a while is ok, it’s when it’s all the time that there’s an issue.

1 "Peek a Boo"

It’s a baby peeking out of a vagina to see what’s outside. Need I say more? As this shirt goes into mildly graphic detail of what a stretched out uterus looks like, attached to a vagina, it even gives us the overly animated cartoon baby peeking out like a cute little ragamuffin for good measure.

This shirt is definitely going to make someone uneasy, even if it is ‘just what our bodies are made to do’. Yes, I agree, our uteri were meant to give birth… that doesn’t mean the world needs to see how.

This is perfect for around the house or maybe even for the baby shower if everyone is of like minded humor. But, for out and about? Maybe skip this and go with the MILF shirt? It’s a little bit more tasteful. At least someone can claim that it’s misspelled and is actually saying MILK. You know, because…breasts? And breastfeeding?


Fine. I’ll stop now. I still thought it was funny.

Sources: Huffington Post , CafeMom , Cafepress , Pinterest

More in Hilarious