In the play Romeo and Juliet, Juliet famously tells Romeo, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Let's not forget she's a lovesick thirteen-year-old caught up in a whirlwind romance. She doesn't know what the f*** she's saying, and things don't end well for her or her lover-boy. Unfortunately, sometimes parents actually believe Juliet and assign their babies the worst of names.
Progenitors may justify their choices by telling themselves the baby is so sweet, he or she will be able overcome the name's horrific sound and make it lovely. Namers may also be blinded by the love and admiration they feel for their great aunt or grandfather, therefore passing on the designation of a loved one to their little darling without stopping to realize the name is UGLY.
Luckily, many absolutely gag-worthy names can be shorted into nicknames that are perfection for a little guy or gal. Crisis averted. Until someone learns the child's actual name and makes a gnarly stank-face. Let's just hope kids assigned these names are able to conceal the truth for as long as humanly possible. Read on for 15 of the yuckiest names that will cause kids everywhere will run and hide under their beds.
Beauregard is of French origin and means "beautiful gaze" or "beautiful view". This name is as stuffy as an attic in July and sounds kind of like a breed of dogs or a fancy yacht club. Leave this name in the past where it belongs and don't inflict this unfortunate title onto any innocent young whippersnappers.
Beau is a lovely shortening of this name that is currently ranked 195th in popularity for boys. Considering using this Beauregard? Drop the last six letters and no one will be the wiser. Another option for freshening up this worn out old dishrag of a name? Reggie is another shortening of this name that is just adorable, and much more palatable.
The name Beauregard is currently ranked 3,904th and is surprisingly up 35 places since 2015. It is possible this name is making a come-back. Let's all hope it stops where it is and doesn't gain further noteriety. Those who fancy Beauregard may want to mercifully consider using the names Miles, Gabriel, Beaumont or Everard instead.
Gertrude is a German name that means "strength of a spear" or "spear maiden". It is still far down on the list of popular girls names and currently ranking 5,171st, this name has risen over 1,000 places since 2014.
Gertrude was the 23rd most popular name for girls in 1900, but since 1966, the name has fallen off of most lists of popular girls names altogether. A fascinating bearer of the name is Gertrude Nivelles, the patron Saint of cats, who has been called upon for protection against mice, rats and mental illness. Shakespeare chose Gertrude as the name of Hamlet's mother. Those who are familiar with the play will confirm the fact that she was far from mother-of-the-year.
Trudy is an adorable shortening of the name. Gertie is another sweet choice and was Drew Barrymore's heartwarming moniker in the science fiction sensation of the 80s, E.T. Mabel, Beatrice or Eleanor may be other names that those who have a fondness for Gertrude may enjoy.
Donald is a Celtic name that means "proud chief or world ruler". Donald was once a top 20 name, but the introduction of Disney's Donald Duck in 1934 put the kabosh on the name's popularity, as the name was suddenly seen as silly instead of distinguished. Political affiliations aside, actions of The Donald Trump have not always had parents rushing to name their children after him.
Other famous Donald's have opted to go by Donny or Don instead and include actor and singer Donny Osmond, singer and songwriter Donnie Wahlberg, comedian Don Rickles and the fictional Don Draper.
The name Donald is currently ranked 696th for boys, up 70 places since 2015. Donal, Donelly or Donovan are versions of the name that may be a bit more palatable for parents. Those who appreciate the name Donald may also like the names Patrick, Arthur or Liam.
Brunhilda is a Norse name that means "armed for battle". It was ranked 15,798th in popularity for girls in 2011, and has since fallen off of the radar completely. Those who like the name Brunhilda may instead opt for sweet-sounding names Hannah, Mia or Emilia. Nicknames for this title include Hildy and Hilda. These shortenings help make the name a bit less brutal.
The name was given a new life when Quentin Tarantino's Oscar winning film, Django Unchained featured the lovely and graceful Kerry Washington playing a heroine with this unusual name.
The very similar name, Brumhilda, was given to Heidi Klum's character in the 2004 film, Ella Enchanted. In the movie, Brumhilda is a giant who falls in love with a dwarf. As one of Heidi's only movie rolls, we're not quite sure why she chose to do this one, but it was definitely entertaining.
Black Angus beef is delicious. Choosing the name Angus for a child is in poor taste, in our humble opinion. It does mean "the chosen one" or "unique strength". It is of Celtic origin and is currently ranked as the 1,930th most popular choice for boys, down 594 places since 2015. It was ranked the 60th most popular choice for boys in Scotland in 2015 and 69th in both New Zealand and Australia in the same year.
The Gaelic form of the name, Aonghus is the name of the god of love and youth in an Irish myth. Angus T. Jones, child star of the popular television show Two and a Half Men, has also brout the name into the spotlight in recent years.
Shortening this name to Gus makes it much less offensive. Angy is another option, but this one may get confused with the word angry. Those who like the name Angus might also like the names Henry, Asher or Cole.
Great Aunt Bertha may be a gem-and-a-half and cook a mean fruitcake, but parents should think twice before passing her name on to future generations. The name does mean "bright and glorious", but children would probably rather be named Bright or Glorious than the dreaded Bertha. The name is of German origin.
Bertha isn't all bad. It is the name of a Teurtonic goddess known for being a lovely and generous spirit and Saint Bertha of Kent is a 6th century figure known for helping in the spread of Christianity.
Berty is a possible shortening of Bertha that is worthy of any adorable little girl. This name is currently ranked 5,128th for girls, and is surprisingly up a whopping 1,932 places since 2015. Those who just can't get enough of the name Bertha may also adore the names Marge, Eva or Esther
Even the nickname for this name isn't great. Morty rhymes with warty. It also quite closely resembles the words mortician and mortuary. This name is of Enlish origin and means, "dead sea". Even a redemptive definition helping out a lot of the other ugly names isn't present here. Mortimer is dwelling at the very bottom of the name popularity list, currently ranked 12,982nd.
Morty is the name of Bette Midler's cheating husband in the 1996 movie, First Wives Club. He leaves Midler's character for his mistress, played by Sarah Jessica Parker. It is also the name of a character on the popular American cartoon, Rick and Morty.
Walt Disney actually chose the name Mortimer for a certain famous mouse. Fortunately, his wife convinced him to go a different direction and use the name Micky instead. Those who like this very original name may also appreciate the names Vaghn, Quincy or Sanford.
It's hard to hear or say this name without a little giggle escaping one's lips. Dorcas is a Greek name that means "gazelle". Gazelles are graceful animals, stately and refined. We can't say the same about this insulting sounding girl's name. There is no shortening of this name that makes it any better. Dorc certainly won't work. No one wants to be calling their little Dorc home for dinner.
Dorcas is the name of a woman mentioned in the Bible. She was known for spreading love and kindness wherever she went. She sounds like a real peach, but this name is still terrible. One of the girls kidnapped by the brothers in the musical movie Seven Brides for Seven Brothers is named also Dorcas.
This name is currently ranked 10,923rd and falling. It is down almost 4,000 places since 2015. Celeste, Sabrina, Augusta, or Dorothy are other names those who like Dorcas may want to consider.
Elmo is a German name that means "protector". Saint Elmo is the patron saint of sailors, so those who love sailing should still avoid naming their child Elmo. Sorry.
The furry and red little creature known for his cute, squeaky voice and squeezable nature is one of the favorites of those who love the PBS children's television program, Sesame Street. He may be adorable to some, but to others, the crimson little furball is just plain creepy.
The name Elmo can be shortened to Mo, which is quite catchy. Eli is another option for those dead set on using this name. Elmo is currently ranked 8,637th, and is down over 1,000 places since 2015. Those who love the name Elmo may also like Emmet, Mitchell or Holt.
Helga is of Scandanavian origin and means "prosperous or successful". It sounds a little like someone violently coughing. The Teutonic meaning of the name is "holy or faithful". It is currently ranked 10,923rd, down over 1,000 spots since 2o15.
Helga is the name of the tough-as-nails tomboy secretly harboring a major crush on the hit Nickelodeon cartoon, Hey Arnold. The program aired from 1996 until 2004 and may have helped put this hugely unattractive name in the spotlight. Helga is also Sandra Bullock's mom's name, and Helga Hufflepuff is one of the four founders of the fictional school Hogwarts in the Harry Potter series.
Nicknames for Helga include Helgie, Ellie and Hellie. Vivian, Narcissa or Sylvie might be names those who like Helga will appreciate.
Clarence is a Latin name that means "bright". It is the name of George Bailey's goofy guardian angel in the classic Christmas movie It's a Wonderful Life. Clarence Birdseye is the man credited with inventing frozen food, so lovers of Lean Cuisine might eat this name right up.
It is currently ranked 1,471st and has risen 56 places in popularity since 2015. Nicknames for Clarence abound and include Clare, Ren, Cal, Clarey and Larry. Soulful musical performers Aretha Franklin and Louis Armstrong both chose to bestow this name on one of their sons.
Clarence may be making a comeback, but it's still ugly according to us. Theodore, Lawrence or George may be other popular choices for those who like the name Clarence.
Myrtle is a Greek name that means "victory". Aphrodite is the Greek goddess of beauty, love and sexuality. Her shrines and temple gardens were often adorned with myrtle trees. There are many different botanical beauties given this name including the Crepe Myrtle, found in India and the Honey Myrtle and Lemon Myrtle, both native to Australia. Great. This name is still hideous.
Myrtle is the name of a character in F. Scott Fitzgerald's masterpiece, The Great Gatsby. Her character was most recently depicted by Isla Fisher in the 2013 film version of the novel. Another literary Myrtle is moaning Myrtle, the depressed and sullen ghost who haunts a Hogwart's bathroom in the Harry Potter series.
Myrtle is currently ranked near the bottom of the girl name barrel, coming in at 14,818th. It is down 209 places since 2015 and will most likely never be number one. Ethel, Ida and Florence are alternatives for those who like the name Myrtle for some strange and unexplained reason.
Gaylord is a French name that means "brave, brisk or high-spirited". A chap with this name will undoubtedly need to be all three in order to stand up to bullies that will taunt him, walk briskly away from those attempting to give him wedgies and throw snowballs at him and stay in high spirits despite his ugly, ugly name.
There is a reason Ben Stiller's character chose to go by Greg instead of his given name in the movie Meet the Parents, released in the year 2000. Gaylord is an attrocious name. Due to changes to the meanings of certain words over the last 100 years, this name is no longer appropriate and actually sounds like a bigoted insult.
This name is currently ranked 11,751st and is strangely up in popularity 143 places since 2015. Those who are able to stomach the name Gaylord might do well to choose a similar name instead. Some include Gavin, Bryton, Eli or Finn.
Sorry, Peggy, darling. Your name is down-right hideous. This name is of Greek origin and is a dimunitive of the name Margaret that means "pearl". Want some advice? If considering the name Peggy, just cut to the chase and use the name Pearl instead. Everyone will thank you.
The highest popularity the name Peggy ever got was 31st place in 1937. Mad Men's confident character, Peggy Olson may have something to do with this name's recent resurgence. While still ranking pretty dang low on the name totem pole at 3,607th, Peggy is up in popularity 11,211 places since 2015. Sounds like Peggy is making a comeback. Crappity crap.
Shortening the name Peggy has one viable option: Peg. That's even worse than the original. Those who like Peggy but are kind enough to reconsider using it as a name for their baby girl may also like the classic-yet-current names Sybil, Anastasia, Jane or Caroline.
It's a good think Wolfgang Puck makes delectable dishes because his name is dissatisfying to say the least. Wolfgang is a German name that means "traveling wolf". The definition of this name is pretty much the best ever, so it's too bad the name itself is so unpalatable.
Mozart is another bearer of the name Wolfgang who did it proud. He is, after all, the man responsible for composing the tune for "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and "The Alphabet Song". His music is beautiful and timeless: the complete opposite of his name. While shortening this name to Wolf makes it pretty badass, shortening it to Gang may not be such a great idea.
Wolfgang currently ranks as the 1,556th most popular boy's name and has risen 248 places since 2015. Wyatt, Johann, Amadeus or Cooper are other possible choices for those who like Wolfgang.