Life is fun, isn’t it? I mean, it’s worked up to be fun! We get all this awesome attention, whether we want it or not, and we get all the fun symptoms that go with growing a child inside of us, like heartburn, diarrhea, constipation, nausea, constant urination! Seriously, it’s the best!
Ok, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, yes, growing a child, being pregnant, can be one of the most (if not the most) rewarding experiences women can ever have in their life. And 9 times out of 10, every negative thing is totally worth it in the end once the baby is born and the mother is holding that little bundle of joy for the first time.
But, during the months before that birth and the bundle of joy holding, mothers are going to likely be asked a slew of questions they don’t want to hear. Such as, for example, “There’s really just one in there?” By all means mamas, feel free to give that dumb question a look of pure annoyance and disdain while thinking of a snarky reply. Let’s face it…pregnant, hormonal, and asked dumb questions is not the way to get a nice reply out of someone.
So sit back, relax, pop some popcorn, and check out some of the worst things to say to a pregnant woman. Make a game of it, keep tally of all the things anyone has asked and add it all up at the end!
15 "Was it planned?"
Hang on, let me clean up the tea I just spit everywhere thanks to the audacity of this question.
People seem to think that, for some reason, it matters a whole lot knowing whether or not the baby was planned or not. It doesn’t matter at all, and frankly, it’s none of their business. It doesn’t matter if she had this baby planned and was sticking her legs up in the air to let his swimmers have easier access or if it was a total accident.
If an expectant mother is sharing that she’s expecting with an overjoyed look on her face, she wants those around her to be excited for her! If she wanted help with it, she’d come out and ask for it.
The worst part is what if the baby’s conception was an accident, the look of pity or the words of, “Oh, what a shame.” Or, even worse, asking if the mom ‘knows her options’ when it comes to the baby. I’m pretty sure that most women know what options are out there, and what ones they’re comfortable with. Your judgment is not necessary, thanks.
14 "That’s not good for the baby."
That’s not good for you, either, but I see you’re drinking/eating it. You’ve probably been there. Everyone has advice on what you can and cannot do when pregnant and they think because you’re pregnant, that they can give it freely. They advise you against doing everything from exercising, to coloring your hair, to drinking coffee. Some women have even been slipped decaf unknowingly by baristas because they felt it was better for the baby.
Well, next time they open their mouths, you can tell them to shove it. You go right ahead and exercise if you want to, and you can color your hair as long as you’re in a well ventilated room. Oh, and coffee? Perfectly fine as long as it’s in moderation.
If she’s not taking shots of Single Malt Whiskey, while skydiving and bleaching her hair with a bag over her face, chances are she’s not hurting her baby. Pregnant women are not ill, they’re just carrying a child. Making them feel like they have a serious condition is alienating them, even more so than they already are.
13 "Natural birth is the only REAL birthing way."
Stop. Just stop. Unless someone has been asked for advice about labor and delivery, then it is not generally wanted or needed. Every woman’s birthing plan is very personal, and she shouldn’t feel ashamed for what she wants, which, condescending words about women who choose epidurals just may do.
It’s not ok for people to try and tell you what to do and how to do it. If you want your mother in the room, you have her there. You want to go with an epidural? You feel free to. You want to go all natural? Go for it, I’ve got your back. Whatever you choose, your friends and family should have your back and be supportive. If you want someone’s input, then yes by all means, ask! But you can also feel free to tell anyone who starts rudely giving you mouth about your decisions to kindly shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.
12 "Wow! Looking tired today!"
Gee, you don’t say? It’s not like growing a baby is, you know, hard work or anything. Right? Comments like these are so annoying… and you know how tired you look, it’s not like you didn’t avoid all mirrors all day.
People, if she’s looking tired, it’s probably only showing you a fraction of how tired she actually feels. She doesn’t need to be informed that she looks just as miserable as she feels. Likely, she was up all night getting comfortable, going pee, getting comfortable again. And then you have the fact that, again, growing a baby in and of itself is tiring on the body.
If you see someone, pregnant or not, looking tired and worn out, telling them how cruddy they look is not the way to go. Instead, if you must say anything, tell them they look fantastic. Whether they actually do or not, because that’s what they’d want to hear. It’s all about being kind.
Think back to a time you were so sick you wanted to stay in a ball all day and hide, but you couldn’t, you had chores and things to do. So, you went out and ran your errands. You knew you looked miserable, but if anyone told you how bad you looked, did it make you feel worse? More than likely it did.
11 "Shouldn’t eat that."
Who are you, the food police? If you ever want to truly tick off a pregnant woman, by all means, tell her to drop that food she’s been craving because, back in your day women couldn’t have that when pregnant, or because it’s not organic. Please. Come back once you’ve found your head from where she’s ripped it off and tossed it to like a volleyball.
Women know what they can and cannot have, and the list of cannot is getting much shorter. And either way, it’s up to her to decide if she should or should not have something.
Personal experience, I went to a Japanese Sushi Bar when I was pregnant with my second baby. I had avoided ALL sushi when pregnant with my oldest, but with my youngest… I knew what I could have. I specifically got only cooked shrimp on rice, and some California rolls and shrimp rolls. Shrimp is ALWAYS cooked in sushi, and the ‘crab’ that is used is often imitation, which is also cooked.
Midway through my meal, someone decided to come over from their table to lecture me on eating sushi while pregnant. I decided to lecture them about minding their own business.
10 "Enjoy the freedom!"
Ok, don’t rain on someone’s parade. I’m sure that she knows that things get a lot tougher once that bundle of love is born. She knows her nights at the bar are limited and maybe even over. She knows her Friday nights are no longer about going out to the movies and are now replaced by diaper changes, feedings, and reading stories.
Guess what? Most wouldn’t trade it for the world.
We’re all well aware about what comes with motherhood. Most women are fully knowing that it means they’re going to be spending a lot more time at home, but it also doesn’t make mom a recluse either, she can always meet up with the baby for a coffee or an outing, go shopping, grab some lunch.
She’s still your friend that you love, she just now comes bundled with a poop machine that needs changing once every hour or more and needs to be fed every 2 hours. And I guarantee you, if she’s up for it, your friend will find a way to multitask and shop while feeding that baby.
She probably can’t do salons and nail shops as much because of the fumes not being good for baby, but anything else, and ask her. She may be game for it.
9 "I feel Pregnant too!"
Guys…no. Don’t say this to your wife or significant other. Unless you actually are pregnant. You do not ‘feel’ pregnant like she feels pregnant. She has a child in her womb, growing. It’s putting pressure on her bladder and making her pee more, widening her hips slowly, and making her have bowel problems.
The only thing making you have bowel problems and putting any pressure on your insides is last night’s Mexican cuisine, and your pressure is gas.
While you think you’re being sympathetic with that one, in all actuality, the lovely woman you’ve just said that to is now plotting your demise. Or she’s inwardly laughing at how absolutely asinine that statement was. I don’t care how bad you’re bloated from your lunch guys, it’s not the same thing.
8 "It’s Not Twins? Seriously!"
Well, gee, if I didn’t feel like a whale before, thanks for making me feel like one now. No, really, I love feeling like I should be in Sea World, basking in the sun and waiting for people to throw fish in my gullet because of my size.
In all seriousness, any pregnant woman is well aware of her current size. A lot of times, she’s already criticizing herself for it behind closed doors. She does not need someone butting in and telling her how huge she looks.
Instead of commenting on her size, tell her how fabulous she looks in her outfit! Pay her a compliment! Ask how the baby is doing instead of asking her to make sure there’s not more hiding in there. (I mean where do you think it’s going to hide…behind the spleen? PEEK-A-BOO!)
There are far more tactful ways of talking about the baby’s development than taking a hit at mom’s self esteem.
7 "Pregnant women are supposed to eat!"
If she doesn’t need your input on how much she’s gained when she looks huge, guess what? She also doesn’t need it when she looks to be on the smaller side either.
Listen, she’s been given all the info she needs from her OB-GYN or midwife. You know, the person who has a medical degree or license, who does those routine checks on her and her baby every single month, without you there with your third-person input.
When you bring up how tiny she looks, you might be fueling the internal fires of worry that she has only just recently fanned down. If you’re not the doctor, don’t worry about her weight. It’s not your concern. Again, if you want to comment on mom’s appearance, the best thing you can say is “You look fabulous!” Seriously, those three words can make her day a million times better.
6 "This baby must be a..."
No, you’re not. You’re taking a guess based solely on chance and some Chinese gender prediction chart you saw on Cosmo the other day. There’s no way to flat out tell what someone is having based on when they conceived, what position they did the deed in, what color their pee is, how a watch or necklace swings over her belly, or even how she’s carrying the baby or what her cravings are.
You can have either gender and be craving the rainbow of foods, from spicy to sour to sweet. You can have either gender, and carry high or low.
And if you happened to be right, please, don’t attribute it to an old wives tale you used, Sherlock. You had a 50/50 chance of being right no matter what you guessed, and yes, you made a guess. If she’s sharing the gender with you, she wants to celebrate, she doesn’t want to hear, “I knew it, told you so!” Save that for your internal monologue and just tell her how happy you are for her.
5 "Can I touch the belly?"
Do I look like a Lucky Cat? NO.
Seriously, pregnant women are not dogs or cats just itching to be rubbed like a household pet. Many like having their personal space as well. And asking, yes, is definitely preferable to just reaching out and rubbing the belly like mom is some Buddha statue.
You’re still putting the mother in an uncomfortable position if she doesn’t want to be touched. And believe me, we all have those days where we don’t want to be touched.
If she wants you to feel when the baby is moving, trust me, she’ll ask you if you want to feel. And then, if you want to, feel free to rub the belly all you want. But let her ask you first. It doesn’t hurt to let mom have that control over her body to be the one asking others if they would like to feel, versus them asking her if they can invade her personal space.
4 "My labor sucked!"
Good for you, would you like a cookie? Because you’re obviously looking for something by telling this to a mom-to-be, who most likely has enough to be worried about with everything else going on with her pregnancy, just how horrible your labor was.
When people do this, it doesn’t feel like you’re offering anything to the mother, it feels more like they’re after sympathy. Mom doesn’t need to hear that right now, and if she wanted to know about the terrors of labor, believe me, there’s a nifty invention called Google, she can pull up labor horror stories right in the comfort of her own home, with a bowl of comfort ice cream and a pillow to cling to.
While, yes, your labor may have been awful, there are many contributing factors to that. What doctor you had, for example, or your personal pain tolerance, or any complications you had. All reasons you could have had a bad birthing experience, and all things this mom may not have and doesn’t need to worry about right now. She shouldn’t be stressed out before labor worrying ABOUT labor. Keep the war stories to yourself.
3 "Should women over 40 be having babies?"
Gee, you’re right! Let me just phone up the company I ordered the baby from and get them to stop delivery, I’m sure it’s not too late for that, right? Think about what you’re saying or asking, here.
First off, the mother’s age is not your concern. You’re not supporting the baby or the mother, her support system is. Second, it’s a little late to do anything about that now, and her choice to keep her child is her choice, so you should leave it at that. It’s not up to you to determine when someone should or shouldn’t have kids.
Most people of any age, upon discovering they are pregnant, have a moment where they sit and weigh all the pros and cons and let all their thoughts fly, whether they could go through with them in actuality or not. This includes trying to figure out how to take care of a baby and if they are ready for one.
I guarantee you, if that mother is keeping that baby, she has worked something out, probably has some help in some form, whether it’s a partner or a parent, and they are prepared to bring that baby into the world, whether you approve or not.
2 "Is dad in the picture?"
Is that your problem? You may be opening up a very raw wound that mom does not need opened up right now. Maybe the dad is in the picture, but not in the way you think he should be.
Maybe they split up because the relationship was toxic and they knew it would be better for everyone to keep things amicable for the baby, but not be together romantically. Maybe the father died overseas or in an accident. You don’t know.
If you have the audacity to ask this question and you get a more rude reply, don’t get offended. Mom’s right, it’s not your business, and you shouldn’t ask questions like that when it’s not your concern.
Ask mom how she’s handling being pregnant instead, offer her an ear to vent to. If she wants to vent about the dad not being there for whatever reason, she will. If not, then it’s probably personal and she’s not wanting any judgment about her decision at the moment, thanks.
1 "Any news yet?"
Gosh, I’m sorry! The baby was born 2 weeks ago, I forgot to fax out the memo! Hang on, let me go and just send that out right now so everyone will know the baby is here.
If there was any news, mom would tell you. Mom would be bragging, once she’s had some time to recover. Dad would be bragging almost right away. Grandma and Grandpa will be bragging if they are in the picture. Anyone who is immediate family will be bragging.
Believe me, if the baby was born, you’d have heard about it by now from someone, whether it’s through a phone call, text, Facebook post, Twitter tweet, Instagram picture, whatever, you would have found out.
If you think you’re anxious, believe you’ve got nothing on the amount of anxiety mom and dad have right now. Be patient. Someone will let you know something when that cute ball of baby fluff is born into the world!
What was the worst thing anyone said to YOU when you were pregnant or while you’ve been pregnant? Let us know in the comments!