Kids always look to their parents like they are indestructible, formidable forces in this world. Well, they are, but hey, they are just human. And just because people become parents does not mean they cease becoming, well, people. Because beneath those parent-y exteriors lies a human being- handling a handful of different thoughts, encounters, stories, and experiences that range from the embarrassing to the bizarre to the downright sinister. Who knows what it was like in University when they were still silly college students? Or what his mother was like when she was head cheerleader (Embarrassing story about making out behind the bleachers, perhaps?) Or what her dad was thinking when he was chugging down that keg of beer (“Ew, dad, don’t tell me in specific detail how smashed you were and how many girls you hit on”)?
Maybe it’s about their first sexual encounter in a car in a park when they were in high school, or maybe it’s that first drop of acid they took at a party in 1975. Maybe it’s being completely shattered at a high school reunion party. Or it could be something even more horrible like maybe their daughter is really the kid of the mom and a neighbor (how scandalous!), or that they killed someone back in the day?! Either way, these are the horrible confessions parents would tell absolutely anyone else other than their own children!
15 I Write Gay Naughty Fiction
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My, my who turned up the heat in this place? Well, this confession is surely one “extremely awkward, unfortunate” conversation waiting to happen! JustZoni revealed that he/she is a fairly known writer and artist- which his/her kids do know. But what they very well do not know is that their parent has been producing “explicitly gay erotica” and that’s what has been paying the bills “over the last ten years”!
Not that plans to keep this little nugget of wisdom from his/her children for long; in fact, would not mind that the kids find out when they’re older. But imagine passing by a quaint little bookshop on the way home, scrolling casually through titles and…seeing your parents' name on the cover of an erotic book! But hey, we guess JustZoni is smart enough to use a pen name just so the kids wouldn’t put two and two together.
14 I Helped My 3 Months Old Relive Hard Balls With My Index Finger
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Hold on to your hats, everyone, because this is a hard one. Ok, so as a parent, we all know we’d do anything for our children. This means cooking for them, wiping them down when they get all muddy, fighting another parent in school conferences. But nobody saw this coming: a father, on the Ask Reddit revealed to the Internet (but NEVER to his daughter) how he helped ease her constipation when she was 3 months old.
The girl was crying her head off because of the pain. So what’s this father to do? He dug out the “rock hard balls of shit” (yes, those were his exact words) out of her anus with his index finger! She stopped crying immediately; it seems the uncanny method provided instant relief. Oh, Lord. What a very, very dedicated father. (And yes, he did wash his hands after- for 10 minutes at least).
13 I Let My Daughter Assume I'M Dead And A War Hero
Imagine growing up without a dad, thinking he was a brave war hero who died in the war efforts in the East. Well, not for this story. At least, not if you were the father who very much did not die in Afghanistan. Of course, his daughter will never know his horrible secret.
Wardadthrowaway confessed his dark secret on the Ask Reddit forum: that when he was in Afghanistan, he got a girl pregnant. Okay, that’s not so bad. But it doesn’t stop there! When the girl went back home to the US, she ended up telling everyone that he died; that he was a hero who saved her from being blasted to bits during the action. Yikes, how can you get out of that one? And so, in his own words: “I don’t want to destroy her by telling her her daddy is not a hero and more like a villain.” We feel sorry for everyone in this situation.
12 My Husband Wanted Me To Abort Our Baby
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Imagine being a split second away from either being made to live or not… but if you were this mother’s daughter, you couldn’t, because momma would never tell you! A mother narrated how, back in the day, the baby’s father wanted her to abort the baby. And she almost did! But she changed her mind literally minutes before the procedure. That is some potential Butterfly Effect thing right there!
But of course, the daughter was born, and seems like the tides have changed: the parents share custody of the kid now, and according to the mother, he’s “a great dad”. Although, the really crushing part would be the daughter finding out the reason why he did not stick around much in her earlier years is because he did not want her; so it is for the best that this secret is kept and buried.
11 I Checked My Junk Using My Son's Microscope
Parents borrowing things from their kids is a totally normal occurrence in a day to day life. After all, parents and kids are in the same household, and one’s stuff is bound to end up in the other’s hands, with just the right timing and permission. But this father’s borrowing incident? It probably should never, ever be mentioned to his kid!
Leproscro exposed his very dark secret of his quest for scientific knowledge: “I used my son’s microscope to look at my own sperm. Yep…I jizzed on my kids’ toy…..on purpose.” Well, what do we say to this bombshell of a secret? I mean, the wonders of the human body probably make one curious once in a while to observe one’s own bodily fluids. But, this is hella funny in that twisted, horrible way. We sincerely hope he cleaned that telescope before handing it back to his child.
10 I Don't Want My Daughter To Know Her Father Was A Wife Beater
Perhaps not all secrets should be revealed to a child. Especially when the family secret involves his or her bloodline, and nothing good about it, too. And although knowing who one’s biological parent is is probably important to one’s identity, sometimes “blood is thicker than water” is just not true.
For glencocobutter, the horrible truth she wants to keep secret is that her kid’s biological dad used to beat her up. In her confession, she expressed reservation: “I don’t know how I would explain to her that the man she looks up to like a dad isn’t biologically her father”, but later on was firm in her words: “I just don’t want her knowing that half of her DNA comes from an abusive scumbag.” At least, her daughter will sleep soundly at night not knowing that her real dad is a wife-beater. Maybe it’s not so bad keeping that secret after all. You go, Glen Coco!
9 I Ruined My Body By Giving Birth
TheFalteseMalcon puts a disclaimer on her horrible secret: that she loves her kids and does not blame them for what happened; and what happened did not affect her relationship with them at all, but her terrifying secret is something she keeps deep inside her. So what’s this big, dark event that sounds so intriguing and shocking? Well, it’s her…giving birth.
That’s right, her resentment stems from actually birthing her children! And we quote: “How much I resent that they’ve ruined my body. Seriously my vagina is wrecked. I hate looking at it, I hate having sex because it hurts and I just can’t stand the thought of my partner seeing/touching it. I even hate going for a pee because when I wipe it just feels awful.” Sounds a tad awful and actually kinda scary! But yeah, it’s probably wise she didn’t tell her kids because we don’t think they can handle the dissonance.
8 I Cried All Night Seeing My 4-Year Old Battling With Cancer
Hold up, mommas, this one is a major tearjerker.Come_along_quietly narrates what must have been one of the darkest, if not the darkest period of her life. Ready for this? Her son had cancer, and it was at Stage 4, which to any reasonable person would mean preparing for the possibility of death.
And this is exactly what that brave momma did: “That when my 4 yr old son was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and he'd sleep with his mom, I'd sleep in his bed crying all night thinking about how I was going to explain to him what death was, and how to explain that he was going to die.” Do you hear that? That’s the sound of my heart crushing to a million pieces. BUT the good news is, her son survived! She didn’t have to explain to him anything about dying, and did not elaborate on that dark period further as not to worry the kid; he also barely remembers what happened, 5 years later in his cancer-free body.
7 I Was Drug Addict
The Internet holds a great many things: information, memes, and parents’ deepest, darkest secrets. Touching and equally heartbreaking, this father, called Mikes_friend_Tyler on the Ask Reddit forum, made a letter-style confession addressed to his daughter, whom he will never tell in real life, of course. It’s only the rest of the Internet who will know.
It begins like this: a picturesque scene wherein the dad is locked in the bathroom, as he told his baby girl back then. “In reality, I had overdosed on heroin,” he writes. The daughter must have had some keen sense because she told the mother and the paramedics were able to get there on time. “You saved my life, Lizzy,” he writes further. He ends his “letter” by detailing the mixed feelings of shame, guilt, and gratitude he feels whenever he looks back on that fateful day. And yes, he has, in fact, stopped taking heroin. Take all of my tears!
6 I Was Part Of A Violent Prison Gang
This man, father of a son, had a dark and terrible past. Im-A-Felon described his past life of being in prison, joining a gang to survive inside, and hurting a man to prove his worth to his Brothers. His love for his son fuelled his need to make it inside and to make it to the other side. “Variables and mixed emotions of a sad and violent place in which its easy to get lost in the hardened persona you created for yourself,” he narrates.And who said that things are only black and white though? It seems like this man did, as the saying goes, “what he had to do”. And the important thing is that he seems genuinely repentant for his past life, ending his confession with: “I’m sorry everybody. It feels so good to get that off my chest though. Please forgive me…” Heavy stuff, indeed.
5 I Wished He Was 'Normal' Every Now And Then
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Rugmuncher, in the Ask Reddit forum, mother of an autistic child, revealed this nugget of a secret: that she sometimes thinks “why can’t you just be normal?” about her child. This is not to say that she does not love him, which she made clear in her post, narrating how she plays and cuddles a lot with him, tells him everything will be just fine, and encourages him to interact with other children.But her sentiment stems from worry; that without her, it will be difficult for him to be independent. “Will he be able to live independently once I'm gone? Will he ever get a job? Find a girlfriend? Interact with his peers? Have an actual conversation with someone? Go out and order food in a restaurant?” she asked herself, and still hated herself for wondering the big what if: that what if he was just normal?
4 I Used To Fool My Kids
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What is the most desperate thing you’ve done to make your kids eat or drink vegetables? Because making-airplane-motions-with-the-spoon or cooking mac and cheese with veggie substitutes have nothing on this dad’s wiseass technique. His sneaky- but ultimately creative- plot will leave you laughing and clapping simultaneously.
Planet808 revealed that he lied to his kids about “V8” (a beverage made of water and a blend of 8 various vegetables such as beets and celery) being “Superman juice” and that it does not make them immediately grow taller or run faster. In order to fool his children, he would stand behind the kitchen counter when demonstrating the “effects” of V8; drinking it down while standing on his tiptoes to fool them at how fast he’s growing.
Of course, there has to be a little reinforcement mechanism to make sure they keep drinking: “then they ask me if they grew and I tell them their arms got juuuust a little longer,” he said. It seemed like his technique worked just fine because his kids would watch him “grow” and chug down the juice themselves!
3 My Son And Daughter Are A Couple
Okay, we don’t know which part of the situation is hilariously cringe-inducing: is it the fact that the dad suspected his son and daughter are engaging in an incestuous relationship or the fact that when he revealed his suspicions to his wife, she agreed?!
In the Ask Reddit forum, a writer detailed the events that led him to his suspicions: that he found the same brand of condoms in both their trash bins, and also found his daughter’s hair on his son’s pillow. Upon being asked what to do, he simply answered: “I don't know, honestly. Whether they're together or not, confronting them about this sort of thing will affect the relationship my wife and I have with our kids.” I guess this is just a case of Schrodinger’s Incestuous Siblings until the time confronts them about it!
2 My Mother Bought Me For $10,000
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Telling your kid’s friend that your child was actually bought from a black market? Probably a good, not such a bright idea. Telling that to the kid herself? Err…still probably not such a good idea. Telling your kid that she’s adopted instead of bought and sold on the black market? Much better and less of a chance to ruin the kid’s life! A Reddit user (his or her account since deleted) tells the story of how he/she found out his/her friend was actually bought from the black market (the daughter vaguely knows she’s ‘adopted’ but nothing more than that).
The mother paid a man with dual citizenship (a husband of a relative) 10,000 USD so he can go back to his home country and buy a baby, make it seem like the child was from a previous relationship. Afterwards, he adopted the kid out to the woman who paid the money. Very, very shady business.
1 My Daughter Had An Identical Twin Who Didn’t Survive
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Another life is an awfully sad and harrowing price to pay for survival, but a brave mother did what she had to do. Being involved in an abusive relationship,speckleeyed recounted how the biological father of her then-twins decided that if she did not want to stay with him, he would rather she would be dead and gone.The man started to drive onto incoming traffic, butspeckleeyed was brave and smart: upon seeing a police car parked about a block away, she decided to roll out of the vehicle, even at 45mph! She ended up sore and bruised but thankfully alive. Sadly, the other baby did not make it, and only one of the daughters did. The girl also grew up knowing a different “dad”, but not knowing he is not the biological one. Although a frankly captivating tale, it could only lead to sorrow and heartbreak if the daughter finds out the truth of her biology.Sources: Reddit, Thoughtcatalog, Redbookmag