There are so many positive emotions associated with the birth of a child: Excitement, fulfillment of anticipation, absolute joy, and especially love. New moms bask in that glow, but at the same time, they can have moments where their emotions are not so happy-happy-joy-joy. We don’t always want to talk about the negative emotions that also follow the birth of a child, but they are present, whether we acknowledge them or not.
The word hate is used jokingly in this article, but there are people that new moms will develop less than warm fuzzies for. New moms might acquire feelings of envy, of total annoyance, or even hostility towards some people after giving birth. I’ve been on both sides of this fence, so I totally get that a new mom is not completely herself when she passive-aggressively demonstrates you have just done something that really ticked her off. Best to give her some space, and be there for her when she calls.
Hopefully, most of these feelings won’t last forever, and will drain away as moms become more experienced with their babies. As their situation changes, and their emotions calm down, they will maybe start liking these people again. Some of them, at least.
If you happen to know someone who is a brand new mother, and if you identify with one of the people in this list, you might want to cut mom some slack. She just popped out a baby, for goodness’s sake—she deserves a pass for acting like a crazy person.
15 The Nurse Who Just Handed Her A Baby
This one might be surprising to some, but when I gave birth to my first child, I was so exhausted after 17 hours of labor and an emergency C-section, I wanted to hold my newborn baby for about two minutes, and then I wanted the nurse to take her to that precious little baby nursery I had seen in the movies. When I asked the nurse to please take my child away, I needed some rest, a grin split her face in half and a booming laugh greeted me. “What’s so funny?” I asked her.
“We don’t do that anymore. Your baby stays right here with you. Oh, and by the way, you better get that baby latching right now, she looks hungry.” In that moment, I was overcome with rage at that poor nurse. Ultimately, I was grateful for the bonding experience that followed. But at the time, I was so mad, let’s just say it’s a good thing there wasn’t a scalpel nearby...I never wanted to cut someone so badly in my life.
14 Any Person Who Has A Cold
When is the last time you hated someone just because they have a cold? Anyone? I’ll tell you when! When you just had a baby. If you have a cold around the time a woman’s baby is born, you are dead to her. I don’t care if you’re her best friend in the whole world, and you and she haven’t been separated since that time in Kindergarten when you beat up Susie Parkinson for teasing her about her glasses. If you have a cold, you are blacklisted from her life. And that’s all, folks.
And, that new mommy wants nothing to do with you for at least a month after your cold is gone. Just in case. If this seems a little nuts to you, that’s because it is. But, new moms can’t be too careful with their precious baby, so just bide your time. If you’ve been banished from her life, don’t fret. She will forgive you for getting yourself sick…eventually.
13 Her Husband
Husbands are great. We love them, most of the time. But, there are times where we really relate to the women on Snapped, and that's the truth. There is more than one wife on that show that I really thought, "Meh. Let her off. Her husband deserved what he got." All joking aside, husbands and wives can drive each other equally crazy, I'm sure.
New moms emotions are pretty wonky after the birth of her child, so you husbands are going to really have to step up your dad game and help mom out. She needs you to be her partner, and take care of that little one that you both created. Men have been stepping it up in the parenting department lately, and that is awesome. Don't be the dad who doesn't know how to change a diaper, and doesn't take turns with feedings. Your wife wants to love you, not hate you. Help her out with that.
12 Skinny People
After a woman has just given birth, and her body has rolls and random folds flapping around like Jabba the Hutt, basically any woman who hasn't just had a baby looks like the skinny people pictured above. And guess what? She hates you. She hates you for purely superficial reasons, and she can't help it. She wants her body back, and she can't imagine that the current state of her body could ever possibly change into anything resembling normal again.
After a while, she will stop staring at your skinny arms, I promise. In the meantime, maybe you could be as supportive as possible, and go on a few walks with her. Maybe hold her feet for her while she's doing a couple sit-ups. If she's the yoga type, take her to class and above all else--tell her how skinny she looks after just having a baby! This will put you and your skinny self back in her good graces.
11 The Solicitor Who Just Knocked On Her Door
She might have been the friendliest person at the neighborhood block party, but that was before she had a baby. When she’s got a newborn at home, that welcome mat will be pulled out right from under your feet, if you dare to knock on her front door (the doorbell should have already been dismantled).
If you are a solicitor, you may be risking your life unnecessarily, if you go up to a door with a “Baby On Board” sign in the front window. I’m also looking at you, sweet little Girl Scouts with your darling pigtails. You might be the cutest kids there ever were, and you do look positively radiant in your sashes, but don’t do it. I do realize you are learning important lessons about life and business, as well as social skills and responsibility. But, you might also learn how to cuss somebody out in four-letter words you’ve never heard of before. Take my advice: go knock on someone else’s door.
10 The Neighbor's Dog
Listen Fido, she doesn’t care how cute you are, with your fluffy little lamb tail, and those melt-me brown eyes, if you open those canines to howl at the moon, or bark at the wind one more doggone time when her baby is sleeping, you will be a gone dog, and you will find out exactly where the red fern grows. Cool it with all the noise, pup.
If you are a dog owner living right next-door to a woman who just gave birth, you may want to pay special attention to your dog’s noise level for a while. I’ve heard some crazy stories of things neighbors have done to annoying dogs. I’m not implying she would do something like that. I’m just warning that a new mom might be a little off her rocker for a while from lack of sleep. Best not to push it with her. I’m just sayin’.
9 Her Mother And Mother-In-Law
She loves you moms, she really does, but her irritation is growing larger by the second. Just as she didn’t need you in the delivery room bossing around the doctors, she doesn’t need you after the birth of her child giving her hundreds of pieces of advice per minute. She knows that you’ve been there before, and that you’ve raised children to adulthood, and that some of them even went to college, but she just doesn’t care. She wants to do it on her own.
You will always be her mother. That doesn’t stop when she has a child of her own, but unless you want her to grow to hate you, do your very best to bite your tongue and let her figure it out. I don’t care if she’s putting a diaper on her baby backwards, let her do it. Now, if in her exhausted state, she sets the baby carrier up on the hood of the car and tries to drive away like that, you have my permission to interfere.
8 The Friend Who Comes By Too Often
There is no exact right answer for how often to visit a new mother, but if you going to her house every other day; that might be a bit much. New moms need some time to rest, and socializing is probably not high on her list of activities at the moment. If you do want to stop by the new mom's house, but you don't want her to hate you, my suggestion: call or text her first.
Also, don't overstay your welcome. It's fine to hold the baby for a short time, but don't be that person, who stays for hours talking her ear off, when all she can think of is sleep. If you bring a casserole, stuff it in her freezer and then leave--she will love you forever. She really does want to see you, but just not too long and not too often at the moment. Give it some time. Before long, she will be begging you for a girl's night out.
7 The Friend Who Doesn't Come By Often Enough
Opposite on the spectrum of friends the new mom hates, are the friends who don't come by at all. Sometimes, these are the friends who don't have children. They might even be the friend who throws your baby shower, but suddenly stops coming by. This is most likely because they feel the change in your relationship and it scares them. They don't have children and don't know what to talk about with you, or what to do with regards to kids. So, instead of trying to develop a new relationship, they stop coming by altogether.
The new mom will hate you for abandoning her. She will miss you, and she needs you more than you know. She wants a friend who doesn't have kids, because then she can have someone in her life that she doesn't have to discuss her newborn's bowel movements with. Don't give up on her, just because she is at a different stage in her life. There is much you can bring to each other yet, friend.
6 Other Moms With Older Kids
The new mom will eventually find the effort of caring for an infant to by trying. Sometimes the joy dissipates a bit--while it doesn't go out--it can be dimmed from all the hard work involved with a tiny baby. Carrying them around everywhere, the constant feedings, the constant diaper changes, the fact that going anywhere for more than 45 minutes is impossible, and the sleepless nights starts to wear on the new mom's nerves after a while.
Suddenly, she starts becoming envious when she sees moms of older kids. You know, the kids who don't need diaper bags, or strollers, or even need their mother to carry them. They walk next to her, without clinging to her, and she is carrying a dainty purse and wearing heels. Yes, the new mom hates you. She would love to trade her 20 pound diaper bag for your purse, and she can't even imagine wearing heels for at least the next three years. While she doesn't want to wish away these early days because she is enjoying them mostly, she can't help but be a little envious of your freedom.
5 Other Moms Who Bounce Back Faster
Every body type is different, and we all bounce back at different rates. Even though the new mom wants to be selfless and unconcerned about her body ("As long as I'm healthy, I'm happy"), it's just not the way it really goes. We all want to feel beautiful and whatever that beauty may look like to you, it doesn't usually involve a FUPA.
She will start comparing her post-baby body to her friends' who had babies around the same time, and even though she shouldn't judge herself too harshly, or compare her body to theirs, she can't help it. Society has not allowed us to put much before beauty, just yet anyway. She will become jealous of women's bodies that appear to have bounced back faster. Like a good two-face, she will hate those women with the passion of a thousand suns, but will only shower them with compliments to their face.
4 The Mom Who Makes Multiples Look Easy
We've all seen that mom. The one who gives the rest of us a bad name. The one who's got, like, seven kids, and her house is spotless. She's the mom who doesn't even appear to break a sweat. She's never late to anything, and she seems to have parenting dialed in. Well, the new mom probably hates her worst of all.
The new mom is just trying to get from one minute to the next. She's still struggling with the tabby things on the diapers, and she still hasn't figured out all her kid's different kinds of cries. She looks at you like you are some sort of Martian, and she's sure there is no way she could ever be that confident. If you are one of those moms, take it easy on your new counterpart. Offer her a tip or two. I'm sure you've been in her shoes before--or if you haven't--and your kids came out with halos, tying their own shoes, and making their own crafts, just move along. You've got no business being around a new mom.
3 Her Boss
But, but, I can't work tomorrow! I don't have a babysitter! Bosses are awesome people and are completely understanding, right? Sometimes. But sometimes, they just don't get it. I have had a boss when she was kidless, and then she was my boss after she had a kid--two different people.
Some bosses don't always understand that a new mom has a baby at home who needs her. She needs you to be a little more understanding if she has to run off to a doctor's appointment, or the baby gets sick and she has to leave. Bear with her, she will develop a routine, and the baby will need her less the older he gets. Until then, try to be a bit more flexible. Let her work from home, if that's possible. Otherwise, you might just create the world's next stay-at-home mom. Not saying that's a bad thing, but if you need her brain and her services, don't constantly be telling her how unreliable she is. She will grow to hate you and then she will take over a competing company, just to spite you.
2 People Who Don't Have Kids
The new mother will soon learn of the thin veil that separates parents from the childless. There is an understanding and sympathy that can only come from actually having a child. You can't understand merely by watching parents interact with their children, and you can't learn about it by studying parenting. You must have a child, or you simply cannot comprehend the effort involved, or the depth of love and worry that comes from being a parent.
If you've ever been on a plane with a newborn, you will know there are two types of people you will encounter on that plane. The people who've had kids, and the ones who haven't. Any person who has ever had a child, simply couldn't possibly criticize or give you an annoyed look when your kid is crying. They will offer to take the baby from you, and will help you as much as they can. That separation can become animosity, when the childless do or say enough to piss off the new mother.
1 The Baby
“No, not the baby! You can’t hate the baby!” I hear you crying out indignantly. No, you are right, of course. You can’t really hate the baby. They are too innocent and adorbs for you to ever hate them, but you can be driven crazy by your new baby. Or more accurately, you are driven crazy trying to figure out that rhythm, that simpatico that new mothers are so desperately seeking.
Mothers feel so many strong positive emotions for their baby, but it's okay to admit that the new mom can get frustrated and worn out when trying to figure out life's greatest puzzle. Some babies are easier to figure out than others, but all babies will drive mamma crazy at some point. New moms will learn how to handle it all, eventually. Don't you give up, Mom! It's okay to acknowledge frustration, but don't let it get you down. You have already realized that your baby is the best thing that ever happened to you. You can do it!