Ah, the life of a Royal. Expensive clothes, gourmet meals, and The Crown Jewels. Being a Royal gives you the fame, opportunity and the money to do what you want. But not really. Care must be taken—because with state-sponsored living comes the expectation for proper ethics, behavior, and decorum.
For Royals like The Queen, born to King George VI, this standard was set at birth, and fully locked-in when she ascended the crown at 26. The Queen seems to take the responsibility of Head of the Commonwealth seriously, and comes off as a stickler at maintaining a positive image. But no one is perfect. Because she's human, and has been in the public eye her entire life, there are some unflattering photographs of The Queen online-- either picking nose in public, admonishing a family member, or looking flat-out grumpy.
It seems much more difficult to keep your Royal wits about you when you’re a teenager, as we have seen from online party pics of Prince William and Prince Harry. But even then, it’s interesting to see the discrepancy in the wild, youthful behavior between the two men; Prince William (second in line for the throne) has a couple of iffy online photos, but they pale to the amount taken of younger brother, Harry (the spare to the heir). Even more striking have been the on-camera captures of Kate Middleton and Sarah Ferguson, two women who were born commoners, and ascended to royalty though marriage. The job has a learning curve, and many photos of the two women prove it took some time to find their “royal footing.”
Through it all, it’s glaringly obvious that The Royal Family is, in many ways, no different than anyone else’s. Princess Katherine forgets to wear proper panties, Prince Charles and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall (famous forever) still take terrible, but hysterical, photographs.
Who among us has not stepped out of our front door in a dirty shirt, unloading a tirade on our kids? The only difference is that The Queen is wearing a $500 silk scarf when she does it, and paparazzi is there to capture the moment. Here are 15 photographs the royal family doesn’t want you to see…
15A Wolf In Royal Clothing
On a recent state visit to Canada, Princess Katherine bent over on the tarmac and had “words” for Prince George. Her jaw line is tense, and although Kate is smiling, there is a tiredness and slight rage behind her eyes. The internet lost their minds on this exchange, and imagined the address went something like this:
“Lovey, You need to Listen to Mummy now.! Do you remember Mummy telling you how I’m tired and my feet hurt, and we have all had a rough day?” Well, I did. My darling Wee Toot, get it together RIGHT NOW or Mummy won’t give you a butter tart later. GOT IT?
Honestly, it probably went more like this:
“Sweety, I know you are tired. Mummy, Daddy, and Sissy are tired, too. But this is our life, and we need to replace our smiles, all righty? Now do be a good toot, and tonight Mummy will bust an Aero Bar out of the suitcase for you.
“I’ve heard you need an escort who must follow you. Especially on days you wear dresses. And it’s windy.”
My mother never told me to “wear clean underwear because you could get in an accident" or however the heck the line goes. Because frankly I believe that my Mom knew that if I found myself in an accident, I'd have bigger problems than skid marks. Am I right?
Princess Kate didn’t get the lecture about clean panties, either. Nor the one about wearing panties AT ALL. In searching online, I found no less than three different occasions when Kate’s dress took to the sky, and revealed a completely naked bum. But have you seen her butt? With nary a stretch mark, cellulite, or fat jiggle, she has one desirable derrière.
The internet delights in Queen Elizabeth "going for the gold". I found no less than a dozen bona fide pictures (and entire articles) documenting The Queen's penchant to pick. But is it such a common occurrence? I did the math on this. At 90, Elizabeth has been queen for 64 years, with, let's say, an average of 10 public appearances a year. That makes for 640 public appearances in the last six decades! Statistically, twelve photos of The Queen caught picking cornflakes over the years seems quite low. I’m going to cut the lady some slack. She's allowed to give it a pick now and again, so what if it's a nasty habit. The Queen can pick whatever she desires...she's the Queen!
The above photo was taken when Prince Charles and Princess Diana went on a royal tour of South Korea in 1992. All of the photos from the trip convey the same sad, haunting quality of the distant couple.
The couple married in 1981 and was said to have had five happy years together. But the difference in age and personality drove a wedge; Prince Charles was said to have fallen back into the arms of his ex and then-married girlfriend, Camilla Parker-Bowles, and the lonely Diana began a five-year affair with James Hewitt, her riding instructor. There was even speculation that Prince Harry was fathered by Hewitt, although other legitimate sources say Diana didn’t meet Hewitt until after Harry was born. One month after this photo was taken, the couple officially separated. Their divorce was finalized in 1996, and a year later Princess Diana died in a car accident in Paris.
11The Royal Boob
Camilla: “It’s a job well done, wouldn’t you say?”
Prince Charles: (Camilla? Diana? Camilla? Diana? No contest, definitely Diana)
Camilla: “Charles! I'm talking to you!"
Prince Charles: “Huh? Did you say something, Love?”
Camilla: “I was remarking on how marvellously well the artist managed to capture this. It's like the most perfect figure, ever!"
This photo shows Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla paying compliments to a wooden carving of a ship’s figurehead at Hector Quay Museum in Pictou County, Nova Scotia. The photo was taken in November 2012, when Prince Charles and Camilla embarked on a two-week tour of the pacific, part of The Queen's Diamond Jubilee Tour.
10Blowing In The Wind
Harry: “Do you feel that, Brother? Our hair is totally blowing.”
Will: “Crap. I thought so. Are we bringing shame to our family?”
Harry: “No, dude. We look good. I totally feel it.
Wills: “Are you sure we’re not channeling hedgehogs? Shall I fetch a hat?”
Harry: No way. We look good. Hang on whilst I flash the paparazzi a little “Blue Steele”.
This photo was snapped at a polo match in 2008. Prince William was on the eve of his 26th birthday, and Prince Harry is a sprightly 24. With their matching black shirts, flushed cheeks, and heaping heads of fuzzy hair, the then-bachelor boys are adorably shagtastic. Oh and William, on this side of the pond, we would say you look more like an adorable pair of groundhogs.
“I thought it couldn’t’ be the future king—but now I’ve seen the pictures it’s no wonder he has a smile on his face. He has big manly hands and certainly knows what to do with them.” – Anna Ferreira
When he's "in his cups" it seems grabs one that doesn't belong to him. A year after younger brother, Harry made the "cuppeth runneth over" boob grab, William went in for his own.
I wonder if Prince William headed out that night, and after a couple of big beers thought, “screw it, I’m bustin out.” But, I must think the man who will be king feels intense pressure to walk a straight path, and risk any and all embarrassment to his family. So there doesn't seem to be the same gusto in his grope as we saw with Harry, but more or a tweak and a graze.
8Bear With Me
Camilla: “Ew, God. I hate doing this. This thing stinks.”
Prince Charles: “Whatever is your problem, Dear? Fake it, till you make-"
Camilla: “ I do enough of that, Charles. I cannot fake everything.”
Prince Charles: “Heavens to Betsy, Camilla, it’s not a damn python. Pet the koala!”
On a visit to Adelaide (another stop on The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee Tour) Charles and Camilla handled the baby koalas. Blame it on the 104 degree temperatures, or Charles misplaced courage to try out some Aussie slang, "I'm so jet-lagged I feel a few sausages short of a Barbie," but it seems the koalas were the last straw for Camilla.
They got the shot, didn’t they? Well, I’m here to tell you this is an apple. I don’t want to hear later that I was eating a candy bar, or a piece of bread! It's an apple!
Commoner Sarah Ferguson became Sarah, Duchess of York, in 1986, when she married Prince Andrew (Charles little brother), the Duke of York. The couple had two daughters, Princess Beatrice and Eugenie, but separated after six years and divorced in 1996. Sarah’s public behavior has always been tabloid fodder, from topless photos to a “pay-to-play” scenario, involving an undercover journalist and her ex-husband. The latter indiscretion booted her from the guest list of the 2011 wedding of Prince William to Katherine Middleton.
During her reign as The Duchess of York, the affectionally named "Fergie", faced criticism for her yo-yoing weight. After years of a tumultuous relationship with food, Fergie embarked on a successful eleven-year endorsement deal with Weight Watchers. Recent pictures show Sarah looking slim and trim. It looks like living out of the public eye is truly the best revenge.
“Ya know what? I could do this. I look natural. I dare anyone say I’m not cool.”
Apparently, the Queen’s Jubilee trip was a cornucopia of geeky photo ops for Prince Charles and Camilla. On a side trip to Toronto, Prince Charles visited a youth training center. After he was photographed working the DJ decks, he tried his hand at dialling the knobs and mixing and mastering the tunes. Once he got the hang of it, he spun a record. I like to think he then stunned onlookers by stripping off his suit jacket, rolling up his shirt sleeves, and dancing The Dougie.
“And another thing—who put these black gloves out for me this morning? White would have matched my ensemble!”
I recently finished Season 1 of The Crown on Netflix, and now I have major respect for The Queen. Perviously, my working history on Her Royal Highness was that she dished out crankiness with the same gusto as all my old math teachers. It turns out that she's not pissed; she's just concerned that The Royal family stay above the fray.
It did seem like The Queen went on a major tear when a few of her daughter-in-laws joined the family. With Princess Diana, she seemed to take umbrage with her dramatic flair and appeared annoyed by her failing relationship with Prince Charles. Duchess Sarah's audacity to embarrass the family with her brash manner and topless photos seemed to push The Queen over the edge. After watching the Netflix show, I was able to understood the history and honor of royalty, and the importance in keeping dirty secrets under wraps.
4Pick A Winner!
In August, 2009, 27-year-old Prince William and then-girlfriend Kate Middleton attended the wedding of William's friend, Captain Nicholas Van Custem. While the two walked into the reception, held at the Guards Chapel in London, a friend turned towards William and yelled, "you'll be next!" A moment later, on the same walk into the chapel a photographer snapped a picture of William, finger in his nose. What is not known is if the photographer giggled, ad then followed up the friend's declaration with, "Go ahead and do it-- you've picked a winner!"
3We Could Be Peasants
Last April, In honor of the Queen’s 90th birthday, a series of photographs were taken of the Royal Family. For one session, famed photographer Annie Leibovitz captured the Queen, surrounded by two of her grandchildren, and her five great-grandchildren in the green drawing room of Windsor Castle.
Evidently, the Queen and her progeny weren’t game to pose naked, or in a tub of milk, or any of the other dramatic settings where Leibovitz has shot her subjects. But the session wasn't any less theatrical. The family wore casual clothes, and looked natural in posture and affect, the only gild being the dramatic furniture and picture frames of the drawing room. Adorable great-granddaughter Mia Tindall holds the Queen’s purse, and Princess Charlotte coos happily on The Queen's lap. Prince George stands out in his darker jumper and shorts. So much cuteness.
But there is something off about the picture-- in an Awkward Family Photos sort-of way. On the left, Grandson James stands uncomfortably removed from his family. Oh James, was it something someone said? Additionally, the poor lad sports a bad bowl cut and dorky suspenders over a dingy grey shirt. For a moment I actually wondered if the child might be an extra from London’t latest production of The Grapes of Wrath. Hmm...can someone check on James?
Oops. Back in 2003, Prince William and Prince Harry spent a night in London’t Boujis nightclub. At the time, both William and Harry were single. In the shot, William appears to be chatting happily and responsibly drinking a martini in the background. Harry, in the foreground of the shot, might be a drink ahead. He is seen bussing Natalie Pinkham on the cheek and is completely cupping her right breast, which is being pushed up and out of her black camisole.
While the photo itself could be embarrassing for a royal, the brouhaha got worse as the photos were leaked to the press three years after the night on the town. By that time, Prince Harry was in a serious relationship with the Zimbabwean socialite, Chelsy Davis. Prince Harry’s communication secretary Paddy Haverson ordered The Sun newspaper to correct the photo date, thus preserving Harry’s good standing with Davis.
1We Could Be Royals
Here’s a photo from Kate’s younger days, and I gotta tell you—it gives me hope. It should give us all hope. What can be seen here is that Kate is a naturally pretty girl. She was already blessed with sparkly eyes, a nice nose, and straight teeth. I do believe with a good post-college job and armed with a few beauty tools, she would have been a hot commodity in Shoreditch or the Marlyborne neighborhood.
But when you meet and marry Prince William, your beauty game is taken to another level; you are supplied with stylists, who come to you with bags filled with blushes, bronzers, stains, and liners. Add to this the hairstylists, the true rock star of the glam squad, and Kate went from lacklustre locks to a cascade of chocolate waves. That's all it is, ladies. All we have been missing is a royal team. And the prince to get us there. But that’s just a small detail.
Sources: Express.co.uk, HuffingtonPost.com, Telegraphy.co.uk, People.com
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