Some couples get hot and heavy more than they’d ever imagined possible when they were trying to conceive. Then came the raging pregnancy hormones. They may have swung mom-to-be's moods into overdrive, but they also made mom-to-be totally lust after her S.O.
After TTC baby-making, followed by plenty of preggo bumpin and grindin, some couples are kind of ready for a break. Oh yeah, and then there’s the fact that mama just gave birth!
Hey mama, don't feel bad, many women report they're not at all ready to get it on now that they’re done having a baby. That’s okay, there's plenty of company at this party. Enough parents put their romantic lives on hold when their little one finally arrives. Um, that’s not to say leaving romance at the labor and delivery room door is some sort of strategy for maintaining a healthy relationship.
Physical contact can keep mom and dad emotionally close, and that’s a must-do now and always. But, sometimes it’s not so out of the norm to feel like intimacy is on the “don’t” list.
Keep in mind, every couple is different. Just because some BFF said that she and her honey started getting it on the moment that she walked out of her 6-week postpartum doctor’s visit doesn’t mean that other couples need to do the same.
And, when a cousin says that she and her guy are all over each other at least five or six times a week, don’t feel like what's going on at home is lackluster. There’s no real right or wrong here.
For women who’re just not feeling it, take comfort in these top reasons why couples won’t get it on after the baby comes.
15 The Possibility of Pain
You just squeezed a baby out of your hoo-haa! And now he wants you to do what? No way! If you had a natural delivery, chances are that you’re more than sensitive down there. Pushing another human being out of your body caused stretching, tearing and all kinds of not-so-good things to happen to your private parts.
Maybe you had stitches or maybe you only tore slightly. Whichever one it is, you still don’t want anything touching that super-sensitive space. At least, not yet.
Even though most docs will tell their patients to wait until after the postpartum check-up before getting back into the saddle, those extra six weeks wont magically make your anxiety about pain disappear. In reality, that first intimate encounter may hurt. It won’t be a full-on first-time virgin feeling. But, it might not be entirely pleasant.
That is, for you (he’ll be totally into it). Don’t stress. As time goes by your vagina will eventually get back to its norm and the possibility of pain will be a foggy memory.
14 Fear Of Getting Knocked Up, Again
Two babies in one year? Unless you just had twins, the idea of having another baby immediately after giving birth (or anytime in the few months following) is completely unthinkable. You already have enough sleepless nights, diapers to change and teeny, tiny little baby clothes to buy.
Adding another little one to the mix seems like a total impossibility. On top of that, the very thought of toting your tot around with a bulging baby belly doesn’t exactly thrill you.
Hey, you know how babies are made. After all, you just made one. ,You’re not about to do anything right now that might in any way possibly result in another baby. So, you put romance on the back burner. Okay, you know that a good BC method can prevent pregnancy. But, you also know that nothing (other than abstaining from the act) is 100 percent.
What’s the result? When he reaches out, you kind of shut down.
13 Mama's Exhausted
Between the night-time feedings and the constant diaper changes, you’re starting to feel like something out of The Walking Dead -- and it’s not one of the humans. You remember those college days when you had final after final after final, and were crazy tired. Back in those days you thought that there wasn’t any way you could possibly feel more out of it.
But, then you had a baby.
The first few days weren’t so bad. Well, you were in the hospital and had an entire professional nursing staff to help. Then you took your little bundle home, and everything changed. After a baby-packed day, when you finally get to crawl into bed the last thing on your mind is getting it on. Your head hits the pillow, and you’re out.
If anyone is going to wake you up for anything, it’s your baby – and not your honey. Sleep is precious right now, intimacy can come later on.
12 There’s No Privacy
The doc’s given the go ahead and you and your honey have planned a totally romantic night in. The lights are dim, you’ve got on a spit-up free nursing bra and things are starting to heat up. Then it happens. There’s a scream, and a cry and the baby monitor is lighting up all over the place. Or worse, baby’s bunking in your room. She’s in her crib, but she’s still staring at you.
Getting hot and heavy isn’t exactly easy when you’ve got a pint-sized audience. Whether it’s a cry from another room or the fact that your baby is sleeping in your room, the complete lack of privacy is a definite mood killer.
If you’re having privacy problems, it might be time to find a sitter – somewhere else. Ask grandma if you can drop the baby off for a few hours or see if your BFF wants to take her to the park for an hour.
11 Being Covered in Baby Goo
What’s that on your shoulder? Maybe it’s spit-up, maybe it’s diaper rash cream or maybe it’s something else. You don’t really know, and you probably never will. That’s okay. You look like every other new mama.
You’ve got on you yoga pants (but, you haven’t done yoga in about nine months) and might just be on the fifth day of wearing them. It’s possible you washed your hair three days ago and your ponytail is starting to turn into major dreads. You’re not exactly at the top of your game, and you’d rather take a nap than take a shower right now.
The new mommy look that you’re sporting isn’t exactly making you feel like a cover model. Between the random goo all over you and your sudden inability to brush your teeth (or at least remember to do so), you’re like one of the many mama’s who just doesn’t feel like getting it on.
10 There Are Only So Many Hours In a Day
Everything seems like it takes twice as long with a newborn. Just going to the grocery store is now a full-day adventure. It takes an hour to get baby ready for the outing. The moment you step out the door – boom, your baby spits up, pees or poops enough to need a full-on change. So, now you need to add another half hour on to your trip.
By the time baby’s changed and in the car, she’s crying and needs a meal. You undo the car seat straps, take her back inside and feed her. Then there’s another diaper change and even more time to repack the diaper bag (because you’ve now used up the diapers that you stashed inside).
There are only 24 hours in a day, and you spend 23 of them devoted to your baby. It’s not likely that the remaining one hour will go to romance. If you’re lucky, it will go directly to sleeping.
Plenty of new parents skip sex out because they run out of time. Whether it’s soothing your crying kiddo, spending extra time with her after a long day of work or anything else, the intimate stuff always seems to get put on the very end of the to-do list.
9 No More Hands On Mom
Mama, you’re cuddling, soothing and hugging your little one all day long. Beyond that, you’ve got your baby attached at the nipple for what seems like hours. No one’s saying you don’t love your newborn or that nursing isn’t a magical experience for the both of you. But, you’re starting to realize that there’s a serious lack of personal space.
Okay, so your hubby’s hands gently caressing your back aren’t anywhere near your baby’s breastfeeding vice-hold. That kind of doesn’t matter to you right now. Sometimes another hand on you is just that – another hand on you. And, you’re tired of being touched.
When baby goes to bed you want to create a little bubble around your body that no one can invade. This includes your S.O. You’re likely to interpret any intimate overture as just another needy hand coming at you. Obviously, this isn’t the case. But, it’s still how you feel.
8 Hormonal Breastfeeding Mama
Along with the fact that you feel like you’re constantly being touched, breastfeeding may affect your hormone balance – and drive your libido into the ground. While you’re breastfeeding your estrogen levels are likely to be lower than usual. This may make things, um, less moist down there. The result? Painful or uncomfortable intercourse.
Knowing that getting it on won’t exactly feel ‘great’ makes the act much less appealing. Right?
Not only is the estrogen drying things out, but other breastfeeding-related hormones are doing their best not to help. Lower testosterone levels and higher levels of prolactin may also limit your libido.
This isn’t to say that you should stop nursing just so that you and your honey can jump back into the sack. Not at all. Breastfeeding your baby is important. It nourishes her, creates a mother-child bond and is a majorly healthy way for your baby to eat for free!
7 The Baby Blues
Your hormones are all over the places, and so are your moods. One moment you’re elated over being a new mama and the next you’re crying. You aren’t alone in your sadness struggle. Roughly 70 to 80 percent of new mommies have mood swings or some sort of negative emotions after childbirth, according to the American Pregnancy Association.
You feel irritable, weepy, anxious and can’t seem to sleep or concentrate on anything. The sadness that you’re experiencing isn’t easy to deal with, and it won’t make your sex life any better. You may feel somewhat disconnected from your spouse or partner. This makes getting intimate a monster of a challenge.
The “baby blues” typically decrease in severity in the days or weeks after delivery. By two weeks postpartum you may feel back to your pre-baby self. Okay, so that’s pushing it. But, you might start enjoying life (and sex!) eventually again.
6 Postpartum Depression
Sometimes the “baby blues” don’t go away. And, sometimes what you’re feeling is much more serious than some sadness here and there. Postpartum depression goes beyond the “baby blues.” Even though it too is likely caused by hormonal changes, it’s much deeper and typically last longer than the milder “blues.”
Postpartum depression is characterized by a host of severe symptoms, including sadness, hopelessness, being overwhelmed, moodiness, irritability, anger, loss of interest (in activities that typically bring happiness – including being intimate), difficulty concentrating and even thoughts of harming ones’ self or the baby.
Experiencing postpartum depression makes it tough enough just to get through the day, let alone even think about being intimate with your significant other.
Keep in mind, only a trained professional can diagnose postpartum depression. This is a serious issue, and requires immediate attention. If you’re having symptoms talk to your doc right away. There are treatments and ways to get help.
5 Self-Esteem Issues
That post-baby bod isn’t exactly where you thought it would be by now. You know that you shouldn’t stress over it. But, you just can’t help thinking about it every time you walk past a mirror or try on your pre-preggo pants. Hey, not everyone can throw on a bikini and feel completely comfortable in it a few weeks post-baby (unless you’re a SI swimsuit model that is).
When your self-esteem flutters, you’re likely to feel less attractive. You feel self-conscious about your body right now and don’t want anyone looking at it or touching it. When your other half suggests shedding your clothes, you think, “And let him see my naked body? No way!”
Even if you know deep down that your significant other could care less about that tiny pooch that’s left over from your baby bulge or the added padding that’s still sticking to your rear (hey, it works for the Kardashians), you may still feel like hiding.
Don’t be so hard on yourself! It took nine months to build up to your maximum baby weight. How could you possibly take it off in a few weeks? As long as you’re eating a healthy diet and getting some physical activity, you’ll be okay.
4 She Wants To Talk
It’s been a long day – for everyone. You’ve been stuck in the house for the past 12 hours with no one other than a 2-month-old to talk to. You tried discussing the current polecat climate. But, all you got in return with a gurgle and a fart. Hmm. Life with a newborn may be sweet, but it’s not exactly packed with compelling conversations.
So, maybe you aren’t home all day with baby. Maybe you work too. That means you head off to work, talk about work stuff, and then pick up the baby. That means baby talk and then some more baby talk until your little one goes to sleep.
The two of you cuddle up in bed and – talk? Yep. After a long day of not getting to talk about all the things that are on your mind, you would rather use your words than your hands (or any other body part) right now.
3 Someone’s Holding A Grudge
You spent all day changing dirty diapers, doing laundry and making sure that the dog hair wasn’t taking over your couch. That’s not to mention the hours you spent rocking, feeding and dressing baby. Oh yeah, and you also went to the grocery store (with a baby, no less) and somehow managed to cook dinner.
Your other half comes home, throws off his shoes and couches it for the next half hour. You clear your throat and motion to the pile of laundry that someone needs to fold. He gets up off of his fluffy throne (that you vacuumed) picks up a pair of socks from the top and says, “Do these look faded?”
Not-so-helpful guy certainly isn’t getting any tonight. When mama doesn’t feel the love, in the sense of having a partner who puts in and not just puts out, nothing’s going to happen in the bedroom department.
Talk to your partner, explaining that you could use some help around the house or with the baby. It’s entirely possible that he’s just not aware of how, when or why you’re struggling.
2 It’s Too Rushed
Baby just fell asleep. You have 25 minutes before she’ll soak through her diaper and start screaming. Go! It’s time to bump some nasties!
Um, wait. What’s with all the rush? Well, you’re limited on time and you want to pack in as much intimacy as possible in the few short moments you have alone. So, you jump into bed, roll onto the couch or close the laundry room door and get to it. As your start to get busy you find yourself painfully aware that the moments are quickly ticking by.
Before you know it, the baby will be awake again, and your romantic time will end.
Instead of staying in the moment, you rush through the act at top speed – and neither of you is really enjoying any of it. How could you? It’s a race to the climax, and that’s certainly no fun. When being intiamte becomes all about the rush it can stop just as quickly as it started.
1 The Milk Bags Are For The Baby
Breastfeeding mamas may feel like their boobs have gone from part of their intimate scene to for-baby-only. Apart from the hormonal changes the nursing brings on, you’re suddenly feeling protective over your girls. When your baby-daddy grabs for the milk bags your first instinct is to push his hand away.
Yep, it’s not so nice of you. But, you’ve stopped seeing the attractiveness in your cleavage and started thinking about that area as a way to nourish your little one.
Not only are those breasts for baby, but they’re tender and might start leaking. His grabs and gropes feel like someone’s putting your chest into a rock tumbler. That not so pleasant touch is making you pull away – from everything and anything in bed. When you finally do let him get close those milk bags start leaking.
The next time your guy starts fumbling for them, you hide those leaky boobs as far away from him as possible.
Sources: AmericanPregnancy, NIMHNIH, HealthyWomen