A wise man once said, “A man who doesn’t know how to row one boat, can never row another one!” Running away from a situation only adds to future problems. Unfortunately, many people run away from their problems only to mess up their lives further.
More and more men are failing at dealing with stress and finding workable solutions to keep things in control in their lives. When it comes to fathers, they are not just ruining their own lives by running away, but also that of his family. Shockingly, 24 to 48 percent of American children live in fatherless homes.
But, who should be blamed for raising inefficient, impatient or intolerant fathers? Are runaway fathers from fatherless homes? If not, why are men not able to bear postpartum stress these days? Are we as a society at a fault in the way we are raising our kids? Are we not giving enough chance for our kids to deal with stressful situations? Are we too protective of our children? Are we at a threshold of a new world where there will be no families?
Questions are many, but answers are few. We need to find our answers within ourselves. When a father runs away from the responsibilities of fatherhood, mothers have an added responsibility to raise the kids and serve as both mother and father. Rarely do women run away from their families. They usually face the challenge of motherhood and with all the more fuel when they have added pressure.
It is time all parents apply their minds to their problems. Instead of brooding on their issues they should find practical solutions. If both the parents lack energy and patience, it is better to find someone to help instead of suffering silently. Professional help sometimes can save families. Let’s see what leads a father to take the extreme steps of walking out on his child.
15 He Suffers From Postpartum Depression
It is not always the father’s mistake. When a newborn child comes into the family it takes a toll on both parents. Who doesn’t know about postpartum depression? But dads can also get postpartum depression. This is a lesser known fact. Many mothers have no idea that even dads can have a number of emotional problems after the baby is born.
While a mother’s roller coaster of emotions may be on full display, a father may just withdraw if he has a problem. Men are more likely to internalize their feelings and withdraw from the situation that is causing him stress.
The mother may judge this kind of behavior and become even more emotional and needy. This only creates further problems in the relationship. This doesn’t always happen of course, and the new mother is at just as much of a disadvantage as her partner,but it can push him further away.
Everything comes to a point when problems seem to be impossible to resolve and the father feels the best solution to saving his sanity is to withdraw completely from the situation.
14 His Own Dad Ran Away
The number of broken families in America can be alarming. The statistics of fatherless homes is worrisome. Children from fatherless homes face many issues and often suffer from lack of self-esteem and get into trouble. They are prone to commit suicide and run away from their homes.
Eighty-five percent of children from fatherless homes have some sort of behaviour disorder. Most of these children have anger issues and an inability to manage their emotions.
While these children grow up they are missing a role model to follow. They did not see commitment in their parents’ relationship so they have no remorse when they repeat it in their own lives. America faces a big challenge of a growing generation who has never seen their biological fathers. What do we expect from such children in the future?
Single mothers do the best they can as a single parent, but most work and it is difficult to spend quality time with her kids and to instil good values.
13 He Hates The Child
There are moments when both mom and dad are frustrated with crying newborns and it can lead to Shaken Baby Syndrome. This happens when a parent loses his or her temper and shakes the baby in aggravation. Most parents regret very soon that they lost their temper and never get to shaking the baby.
However, for some, men in particular, this anger lingers on and turns into hatred. These men are often lacking empathy and fail to understand the limitations of a newborn.
Many dads have confessed yelling and shouting at the newborn “What the hell do you want me to do?” “Will you stop crying?” “Why are you doing this to me?” One mother narrates the horror when the dad came back home and washed his hands to pick up his newborn. Unluckily for him, the baby wasn’t wearing a diaper.
It is anybody’s guess what happened next, but the father suddenly threw the baby. Fortunately, the baby landed on a bed. Some fathers simply don’t see the baby as a living being but rather see the baby as an object and have little emotional connection to it.
12 He Is Not Feeling Involved
It does not happen to all, but many fathers do not feel connected with the child until the child grows up some, starts playing and becomes more interactive. But it takes time for a child to reach that stage. Until then, the fathers should make the effort to still be involved. When fathers go back to work after the baby is born they see the baby less.
They are often not quite as involved with the baby care. This is another reason for less bonding of father and child.
When the father comes home from work tired, a crying baby and a cranky wife makes home worse than the office. Continuous turmoil at home may make a father run away. He is unable to handle the situation even though he is in a better situation than mom.
It is at this time, the father should try to understand the condition of the mother who struggles through the day and daddy comes home unwilling to help with the baby. Simply being more involved with the care of the baby will help a dad feel more connected and less prone to simply see the wife and baby as a burden to be left behind.
11 He Is Under Financial Strain
Before the baby is born, while a couple may have a little bit of an idea that the baby is going to increase the family expenses, they discover only after the baby is born how much of a strain it really is. Some basic requirements for the baby put a lot of financial strain on the father. Apart from that, if the mommy had to leave her job or reduce her work hours to care for the baby then the financial burden can be multiplied.
The father might regret having a child or he may feel they should have waited to be financially stronger before the child came. When the father feels he is unable to provide for the family and there is stress at work and home both, then he might feel the need to escape. In such a situation he may not feel any love for the child and rather may see the child as a burden and mistake.
In extreme situations such as this, fathers make bad decisions and leave rather than face the situation as best as he can.
10 He Is Afraid Of Responsibility
Running away from responsibility of the child can happen when the partner either belongs to a broken family, has no real family background to pull experience from. A majority of runaway dads may belong to this category where they have never taken any responsibility.
After the child is born, they may feel they are tied down and they cannot possibly ever be able to provide a good life for the mother and child. The responsibility lying before them is just too overwhelming and they simply run away to escape it.
They feel they cannot spend their money on things they like or maybe they don’t have any money at all. They may feel that their life is slipping away. Such men may also tend to inflict mental or even physical abuse on their wives.
When things get tough after the childbirth and they are sleep deprived and the couple keeps fighting all the time, then they suddenly take flight to escape the responsibility fatherhood has laid on them.
9 He Is An Unwed Father
A baby outside of wedlock also is one of the major reasons why fathers leave. There could be many reasons for parents staying unmarried. Maybe the child was unplanned. Maybe the father did not plan for a family so soon. He does not even like the relationship to the extent to have a baby.
He was just, in plain words, physically attracted to the mom, but he does not connect with her well and has no emotional connection to the mother.
In many cases, the woman conceives before the couple has the chance to get to know each other well.. Pregnancy can be a shock to both in such a scenario. Some fathers just leave even before the baby is born. Some fathers may be shocked, but are ready to face the challenge.
However, after the baby is born, the new responsibility, sleepless nights and financial burden, can motivate the father into flight mode. He may feel that since he has no legal commitment to the mother, he doesn’t need to take responsibility for the child either
8 He Is A Young Teen Father
There is a reason that awareness is being spread in grade school and colleges about teen pregnancy. Society is trying to stop teen pregnancy by educating teenagers about the outcomes and it is taken seriously in many high schools and universities. They have been successful in bringing down the rate of teen pregnancy to some extent in the last 3 years.
However, it does still happen and only 20 percent of teen fathers marry the mother of their child.
Many teen fathers are unable to complete their education and have to drop out of high school because they want to support their child. They see their adulthood being spent in poverty. Usually these teens come from families who are financially weak. Those who are not able to come to terms with the situation tend to run away.
In some cases, even though they want to be involved in the child’s life, they may not be able to provide enough financial support and eventually give up.
7 He Hates The Mother
There are instances where husbands did not really love the wife in the first place. The relationship could have been some kind of a rebound from a previous relationship and there was never a real connection with the woman. In such relationships, even before the pregnancy, things may have already turned sour.
After the child comes, things may go downhill quickly. The father realizes that he doesn’t love the mother to begin with and now he is saddled with a baby. Father may feel all the more repulsed when there is no intimacy for a long time because of the pregnancy and this may take a further toll on their relationship.
He may love his child, but he does not like the mother. He may realize the futility of their relationship only when the baby comes into the picture.
Constant criticism, bedtime fights, involvement of other people in their problems, making decisions without involving the father and not letting the father follow his parenting style with kids can make the things worse. With a newborn at home, it is impossible to handle such issues without help.
6 He Doesn’t Want A ‘Have It All Mother’
This is an age of yummy mummies. The numbers of women who are on top of their careers, having children, taking care of the home front and looking their best at all times are increasing by the day. Women who are independent financially and have fewer emotional needs do not behave like a traditional wife. Of course, many successful women have supporting partners behind them, but not all.
While women may be enjoying their newfound freedom and ability to manage everything single-handedly, some men may not like the new definition of mothers as women who can have a successful career and raise successful children.
There are still men who strongly believe in the traditional role of men and women and think their wives should stay home with the children, cook and clean and forget about a career. They want to be the breadwinner and major decision maker of the family because that is what their own fathers did for them.
They do not want to share the responsibilities at home and may start resenting their wives. The men get to the point that they give up and decide that if the woman wants to do everything herself, he’ll let her and leaves her to it.
5 He Is Selfish
Some men are just not cut out to be fathers. They are too self-centered to spend sleepless nights with a crying child. They would rather sleep with headphones on their ears. Their mind is wired in a way that they don’t really care for others more than themselves. They are narcissists and children of narcissist fathers are deprived of his unconditional love.
Moreover, when a newborn comes into the family, father gets less attention from his wife so, he may feel threatened.
Unfortunately, a narcissist considers a newborn competition or even an enemy. For him, relationships are replaceable and usually end up with many partners and many children from different wives. Just imagine, if that narcissist is a successful person (which mostly are) they feel they have a license to do anything in their lives and they will never feel ashamed of themselves.
He never will become attached to his children and usually simply sees them as accomplishments to add to his resume, although he has very little, if anything, to do with their upbringing.
4 His Age-Old Beliefs
If a man has seen his own mother as primary care provider he will presume his wife will do the same for their kids. This is a bit different than the man who marries a ‘have it all’ woman. This man is likely to marry a woman who is not career minded to begin with and sees marriage in the more traditional sense.
He sees the increasing involvement of fathers in their child’s upbringing to be confusing and unnatural. He may want his wife to take care of the kid on her own, and is completely baffled when she wants him to be involved.
Deep rooted beliefs are still prevalent in many parts of the country. Most men, who are equally involved in raising the child, whether it is changing nappies or getting up at night to calm the baby, belong to families with modern values.
A major part of the population still stays rooted in tradition that says that it is a mother’s responsibility to care for the child and that should be her only focus in life. He will leave his wife and child and blame the mother for not conforming to his viewpoint. By leaving, he forces her to do what he believes she should be doing; taking care of the child by herself with only his financial support.
3 He Feels Ridiculed
In a study done in 1994, it was found that only a small fraction, 11 percent, of mums value the husband’s input when it comes to the child. A majority of the mothers feel that they know better than their husbands and even treat their husbands like kids. This is one thing that the men hate the most about their wives.
When women do not follow the husband’s advice it is often accepted, but women do not tend to stop there. Rather than simply ignoring the father’s input, they openly ridicule it.
That is where the problem starts. Most men withdraw and do not share their problems with their wives due to one main reason: they know that the woman is going to use it against him at a later date to humiliate him.
Hence, in families, where women tend to look down upon the man, the communication stops. Fighting starts where communication stops. The situation only deteriorates and children or not, he will leave the situation.
2 Influence From The Wrong People
Support from parents, friends or family can also cause a man to make extreme decisions regarding his family. There could be people who may not approve of his relationship and do not like his family. A young father who has a group of friends, of which none is married or have children, may create regret and resentment in some dads.
He may want back his freedom to go out with his friends and do what he wants, when he wants.
With a newborn at home and a struggling mother, he may feel burdened by their responsibility and may want to break free, not realizing its consequences. They may just get carried away by the people who really will not matter to him in the long run. They want to live in the now and be with their friends.
He may actually care a great deal for the mother and baby, but other things in his life are creating a bigger influence and pulling him away. Eventually, he will take the easy way out and leave the family.
1 Not A Real Man In The Eyes Of Many
Finally, a man who runs away from the mother and newborn is often not seen as a man at all. We may try to figure out why a person would leave his family and we may get hundreds of reasons why fathers run away, but the fact is that it is HE who has run away. When boys refuse to become men, they are a burden to our society.
Of course, there are many men who do their best and try to meet their responsibilities, but those who don’t even try are still seen as boys.
Boys take the easy way out, but it takes a man to face a difficult situation and find a solution and do what is right. Becoming a man has nothing to do with age, and some males never actually reach manhood because they always choose to do the easy thing and shirk responsibility.
A boy may list a thousand reasons for leaving his family, but it takes a man to take responsibility for his actions and decisions.
Whatever happened in the relationship that created the baby (aside from rape or insest), both people created the child and both are responsible for its care and upbringing. Even if adoption has been suggested, the father needs to be involved in doing what is best for the child.