Let’s talk terminology. It takes two to tango, and the truth is, both the “he” and the “she” that it takes to make a “they” are going through a lot in the weeks and months after a brand-new, adorable, demanding, exciting, confusing little baby arrives.

Roles have shifted. She was a “woman.” Now she is a “mom.” He was a “man,” maybe even a “guy” or a “dude,” and now he’s this thing called “dad.”

Everyone’s tired on top of that. And new parents can find themselves so busy that things like somehow obtaining a pair of clean underpants or shoving a sandwich in their mouths simply must become top priorities. The rest can – or must – wait.

Father knows best – what’s best for him at the time, that is. And just as we all must follow our thoughts, emotions, and moods to guide us through the decisions and actions we make in all aspects of life, papa will be influenced by these myriad factors, as well, when it comes to sex (or not) during the postpartum days.

So here are 15 factors to peruse as you ponder all that might be involved in his readiness for sexy time after the baby is born.

15 Z’s Please

Well, let’s face it. Beds are for sleeping. And we train ourselves to drift off to dreamland once head meets pillow. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to do this very quickly when you’re very tired from rising every few hours or more to care for a newborn baby.

Apparently, dudes tend to have an easier time doing this than some of us gals. I know I need time to unwind, maybe something to listen to and a good head rub before I can just let go and drift off to sleep.

He, on the other hand, might be snoring minutes after the two of you hit the hay.

Whether he’s a smooth sleeper or not, though, he’s sure to be more tired than usual in your early days as parents, and when he needs to sleep, he needs to sleep. Intimacy sometimes just has to take a backseat.

14 Intense Times

While some find intimate acts to be a great way to, well, blow off steam, stress can for sure contribute to just not really being in the mood. And a new dad might have quite a bit of stress.

He’s tackling a brand-new role separate from his more carefree self of yore. He’s financially responsible for contributing to the survival and well-being of the family, which is now even bigger. He has to make sure this little bundle stays alive and thrives. And he wants to do it well -- the best he possibly can, in fact.

All that pressure and new responsibility combined with sleeplessness and a crazy busy schedule can mean boatloads of stress. And stress, for some -- at some times -- can mean not feeling ready to get silly between the sheets.

13 Turn For Concern

You know how partners can be (understandably) scared for the well-being of their baby mamas during labor and delivery? Well I’d venture that this concern might very likely carry over into the postpartum period, as well.

If your guy seems timid, I’d guess it’s at least a possibility that he’s scared of hurting you or that you’re not going to be physically ready just quite yet. He knows that a human just came out of you -- and very likely even witnessed the event. He knows that your body needs time to heal. But he doesn’t know exactly when you’re feeling completely recovered and ready to go again -- unless you tell him. Catch my drift?

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: These articles may be entertaining, but they could never beat actually talking to your partner / doctor / whoever is most immediately involved in the topic at hand.

12 Little Ears

I have a feeling quite a few new parents end up “rooming in” with their new baby, where the baby is in a bassinet or crib right there in the couple’s own bedroom. And though it’s against the official recommendations these days quite clearly, I know for a fact that couples end up having babies sleep right there in what quickly becomes the “family bed.”

Even if that’s not the case, a new baby is probably always kept within earshot -- and that’s great because it allows parents to hear if the baby should need any assistance and quickly be there to help it.

But this does lead me to think that guys might worry that if they can hear baby, baby can probably hear them.

Talk through it together if this is a concern. One way or another, you’ve gotta live your life!

11 Ups And Downs

Your partner can probably pretty easily read even your most subtle emotional cues by the time the two of you have a baby together. He can tell when you’re happy, pissed off, jealous, mellow, lazy, energetic, or feeling frisky.

And the postpartum days can understandably be a very emotional time for moms. The hormones of birth, the hormones of breastfeeding, sleeplessness… It can be intense, to be sure.

And if your main squeeze senses that you’re super emotional, he may feel that it just isn’t quite the right time to try to jump your bones (even if you have decided that you wish he would).

Might as well talk it all out. Sharing your emotional highs, lows, and in betweens can only bring you closer in all the myriad ways that couples can be close. And if he didn’t feel like you were in quite the right state to be intimate and you actually were, well then you can tell him!

10 Skipping A Base

We tend to be creatures of habit, right? We do things at certain times, in certain ways, and in certain orders in all aspects of our lives, whether it’s dressing and getting ready to go in the morning, preparing a favorite dish in the kitchen, or grabbing our regularly purchased items at the grocery store. I guess it sort of makes things easier that way.

And guys (and gals, alike) may sort of have a routine they follow in the bedroom, right? And it might involve foreplay with a certain region that nursing gals find themselves declaring off-limits for a while: the breasts.

You and your partner know each other best and should talk amongst yourselves about intimacy and relationships rather than playing guessing games, but I can certainly imagine that if the girls are a no-no, it might make it somewhat more likely that sex is a no-go.

9 Only So Many Hours

I don’t say this to scare you. I don’t at all want to freak you out, new or expectant parents. No, I say it to inform you, to perhaps better prepare you for the realities ahead: You will likely have days, weeks, or even months during which you find it very, very difficult to find the time to keep up your basic hygiene, stay in touch with your closest family and friends, and keep something -- anything -- to eat in the fridge at any given time.

So you probably see what I’m getting at here. With only so many hours in the day, sometimes there might just not be time for that lovin’ feelin’. It sounds ridiculous, perhaps hilarious, to you now as you read it if you do not yet have children, but it is true.

8 Out Of Focus

Maybe sometimes during your courtship and early years of marriage you found yourselves bored at work or lounging around at home dreaming of what exciting things you’d do to each other that night -- or as soon as you were alone. But when a baby comes and becomes what both of you are thinking about day and night, his (and your) head might just not be in that place.

Yep, a dad’s mind tends to be occupied by things like poopy diapers, running out to the store for this or that for the third time that day, rocking Junior to sleep, trying to throw together something for everyone to eat, and so forth.

And what does all this mean? Sex might just not be where his head’s at right now. In time...

7 Ships In The Night

Beyond the ups and downs that she’s going through, couples may be having a hard time connecting emotionally in those busy, dizzy, weird, wild postpartum days.

And guys, beautiful humans that they are, may be more ready to connect physically (or feel that it’s more comfortable or appropriate to do so) when they know that the two of you are emotionally on the same level.

As I’ve mentioned before, maybe there just hasn’t been time (or energy) to spare to sit and talk and share some of the stuff you’re going through. Tension, frustration, and confusion can abound and escalate when there’s not enough sleep had by all.

The good news is surely you can realize this might be happening and make it a top priority to find 10 minutes here or there to chat, share, and be close again.

6 Bathe Then Bed

We’re gettin’ real basic with this one.

Remember in junior high when you wouldn’t dream of leaving the house unless your makeup was PERFECT, you were wearing a carefully curated outfit, you had plenty of deodorant and possibly also strong perfume on, your hair was just so, and you were clean as a whistle?

Just stop to think about it. If your guy hasn’t had a chance to shower in three days (or perhaps it’s just that he hasn’t really brushed his teeth much, trimmed his nails, or shaved…), don’t you think maybe he could be a bit less likely to initiate things in bed (even if you are both otherwise unoccupied and awake)?

It’s hard to feel sexy when you feel stinky. And you and your partner might be less than likely to want to get all up on each other if no one’s had time to bathe.

5 Va-Va-Voom Vibes?

Here’s a good reason to consider if he doesn’t seem into doing it after the baby is born: Maybe he can tell you’re not into it.

If she’s not seeming like her confident, sexy self, he could of course pick up on this and know it’s just not the right time. I’m not saying she doesn’t seem wonderful and sexy to him, but perhaps he can just tell that she’s not feeling it.

Chances are he can read you pretty well, and he feels ready (and ready to make a move) when he’s confident that you’ll welcome it.

And guess what? If you’re not yet feelin’ it, that’s A-OK. Why not talk openly with your partner about how you’re feeling and what you’re going through, spend quality time together in whatever way best suits you at the time, cuddle, or hold hands?

4 Rest Is Best

We’ve already hit on the fact that he may just be really, really tired, especially in those very early days. And with the baby waking up to feed at least every few hours at the start of it all, a mom is probably going to be pretty tired, too. And her partner can probably tell when the most important thing is that she gets some fricking rest.

Is he really going to bust a move on you when you’re just about to drift off to sleep for the first time in hours, you eyes closing immediately as your heavy head hits that sweet, soft pillow? Probably not.

In your partnership, you look out for each other in so many ways, and while loving each other in a physical way is great sometimes, at others he’ll be able to tell that you really just need some rest.

3 Enough’s Enough

If you don’t have a clear and practical family plan, you haven’t started using reliable birth control again, or there’s some ambiguity about what sort of protection you’ll use, I could totally see a guy avoiding getting down to business because he is certainly not ready quite yet -- if ever -- to produce another one of these things called babies.

And it’s smart to be careful about these matters, as always. Whether or not a woman’s period has returned, and whether or not she’s breastfeeding, she can certainly find herself pregnant again quite quickly after giving birth.

At a postpartum checkup following the birth of a baby, the doc will probably discuss various birth control options with you. The sooner you and your partner decide on a method of birth control and start using it, the sooner you can get back in the sack without the worry of becoming pregnant again.

2 The Particulars

Getting more specific, there’s the chance that you have clearly decided not to go on hormonal birth control, such as an implant or pill, and your dude’s hesitant to use the method that leaves open to him.

These days, you’d hope that guys would all accept the reality of needing to wear a condom in many situations. Protecting against STDs is of course an important benefit of using this type of protection.

But has it been quite a while since you used these things? So long, in fact, that he can’t even remember the last time he had to go into a store and buy them?

If it’s been up to you for a long time (in your committed relationship) to handle all things birth control, maybe it’s just gonna take some time to get back in the swing of things if the preferred method has now suddenly changed.

1 M.D.’s OK

Immediately following the birth of a child, even if you were interested in sexual intercourse, your doctor would probably NOT advise it. At an exam weeks later (the length of time between the birth of the baby and your visit to the doc will vary depending on the type of birth you had -- vaginal or cesarean), the doctor will make sure everything is back to normal and that you are sufficiently recovered to resume normal activity.

And if hubby knows that you don’t yet have the doctor’s go-ahead to, well, go ahead, he’s of course -- I’d hope! -- not likely to bust a move.

You’ve both patiently waited for the birth of your child through months and months of growth and change. Perhaps you also waited patiently as you tried to become pregnant. Surely you’ll be able to wait to be intimate again until you have the doctor’s OK.

Sources: BabyCenter.com