To be fair, defining the term "lazy" in today's world is not easy. Are we a lazy mom if we don't throw a Pinterest party for our child's first birthday? Are we lazy if we would rather read an adult book to ourselves than play with Legos all day?
Honestly, all of the parents who raised kids in the 1970s and 1980s would have probably been considered lazy by today's standards, and most of them did a pretty good job on the parenting front.
Being called a lazy mom shouldn't be seen as an insult since parenting has become a hyperactive contact sport leaving parents and children reeling from the pace. Lazy moms are just the ones who choose to take things a bit slower, prioritize their own needs, and refuse to join the rat race of being a non-stop shuttle bus to and from extracurricular activities.
Lazy moms tend to approach parenting in a more relaxed way, and research now shows that may be good for both moms and their kids. In fact, lazy moms don't need to feel shame for their parenting choices and could just as easily be called Type B moms or easy going ladies.
These moms aren't sitting on the couch eating ice cream and ignoring their children all day. They just aren't jumping at their every request, scheduling every minute of their lives, and drowning in guilt if they need me time. That's why they are winning.
Lazy moms don't struggle quite as hard with the balance between being a mother and a separate entity with their own needs. Motherhood is consuming and can swallow us whole if we let it, so lazy moms don't. If they want to take time for themselves to pursue a hobby or career path, they do it. They understand that this doesn't make them less of a mother.
It just allows their children to see them as someone besides just their mother.
Lazy moms don't have a problem nurturing other parts of their lives outside of parenting, and they can handle more than just the relationships with their children. That can mean their marriages and friendships don't suffer as much when they become moms.
Because they still view themselves as friends and wives, they can put the relationships with their children into proper perspective and enjoy the company of other people.
Lazy moms don't want to entertain their children every second of every day. It's absolutely possible to be an engaged loving parent without feeling the need to perform for a child from sun up to sun down. Instead of always trying to be the person who makes their child happy, lazy moms are content with their children learning how to be happy. That's a life skill that will last.
Because the children of lazy moms will find their moms are not on call 24/7, they will learn to be more independent. This may mean playing independently, solving problems when mom isn't solving them for them, and developing confidence in their own skills.
These children may be better problem solvers, and they may experience higher confidence in their own skills. Knowing their mothers don't see them as incompetent and trust them with certain tasks helps them understand that they can excel on their own.
Lazy moms generally aren't judgy moms. One reason is that they are always being judged by others. They know how it feels and don't want to pass that treatment along. Another reason is that they are not going to exert their energy on placing judgment on another mom's decision. They value their time more than that.
Lazy moms focus on the time they have in a day and how they want to spend it, and judging other moms doesn't fit into their plan. Even if they think the frenetic pace other moms run on is not their style, they are fine with other parents making their own decisions.
Lazy moms want to engage with their children, pursue their own interests, and develop meaningful relationships. Bashing other moms isn't productive and wastes time, plus it usually leads to conflict either face-to-face or through social media.
Lazy moms are not going to take on the responsibility of doing chores and cleaning up for an entire household when there are other people who live on the premises. That's why they are more likely to make their kids and partners help out. This lessens the chance of mom burning out and also teaches kids responsibility and life skills early on.
Researchers also believe that kids who do chores early in life will find a stronger sense of worth since they are viewed as a helper to their families. They also believe teaching young children to do chores teaches them gratitude. Once a child has to fold laundry, set the table, or put dishes in the dishwasher, he learns to be grateful when other people perform tasks for him.
What he might have once viewed as small jobs or no big deal now come into perspective, and some feel this may make kids express gratitude more often when something is done for them.
Lazy moms are probably not going to nag as much as non-lazy moms. Because lazy moms are less likely to sweat the small stuff, they don't pick their kids apart for every single thing. In fact, they don't notice every small thing that isn't perfect, instead focusing on the big picture view.
This is great for kids. They learn to sort out the big from the small and to spend their energy wisely. They also don't spend as much time with their moms noticing every small task they did in a less than stellar way. It gives kids the freedom to try and mess up, knowing their moms will not see that as a big deal.
Lazy moms also may be less stressed than moms who exert a ton of energy on every small task. Because lazy moms value rest and a slower life pace, they may be able to avoid the exhaustion that comes with running around all the time.
There are hard lessons to be learned when growing up, and many of them are learned by making mistakes. In our current culture, parents are hesitant to let their kids fail because they fear a child will be upset by it. Sure, kids are upset when they make a mistake, but if parents let everything play out naturally, a child can learn lessons from it that will last.
For instance, a lazy mom is probably not going to drive to a child's school and drop off forgotten homework. If a child forgets their homework and then fails, a lazy mom will let that happen so the child will remember what that felt like and prepare in a better way next time.
These practices aren't cruel, and they were common before our days of constantly trying to keep our kids self-esteem high. The truth is kids can feel more confident when they fail, survive, and learn something going forward than when they constantly have parents picking up the slack.
Kids need routines, but routines have been mistaken for meticulously planned schedules, some that don't allow room for children to have free time. Lazy moms don't make this mistake. They will have a general schedule that kids follow, but the details may change based on what is best for the children and the parents at the time.
Kids with routines know what to expect from their day, but they are also allowed more freedom. A lazy mom is not going to interrupt a child who is playing happily to force him into another task just because a certain amount of time has gone by. She can use that time to do something enriching for herself, and her child can continue to explore within his own surroundings.
Structure is fine, but too much is not healthy for kids. They need to learn to manage their own time, and they can't do that if every second of the day is planned out for them.
It's not often that we will catch a lazy mom fighting with her kids over what they can wear or what they eat. Sure, lazy moms may put out healthy food and their kids may reject it, but that is not her cue to start asking them to take three small bites. She is also not going to play short order cook to keep everyone happy. If she is serving something no one wants, well, they can be hungry.
As far as how kids dress or choose to wear their hair, lazy moms know there are more important things in life. Lazy moms choose very few issues to fight over, and appearance is not one of them . Because of this, the children of lazy moms have a way to express their personalities and uniqueness without having to worry about being criticized or forced to change. These kids get to make decisions for themselves and deal with whatever consequences come.
Ladder climbing, whether it is trying to reach the top of a professional or maternal career, has become standard in our world. Both men and women work to move up another rung without realizing that what they want is probably not even at the top.
Lazy moms don't do this because they aren't interested in the ladder at all. While lazy moms are good parents and can have successful careers, they are in it for what they want to get out of it. They figure out the rhythm and pace that allows them to lead the lives they want instead of letting it be defined by people on a ladder telling them what they should want.
Lazy moms have their own aspirations, and they aren't afraid to plan their lives around those. Trying to compete with other people isn't their motive. Living a fulfilled life is.
There are none of the passive aggressive comparison comments coming from lazy moms that are common with non-lazy moms. That's because lazy moms aren't looking around comparing their kids to other kids. Just like they don't compare their schedules to other moms, they don't look at their children and place their accomplishments against others.
Lazy moms are content to let their kids work at their own paces and follow their own interests. If a lazy mom's kid walks early, she will be proud but probably not screaming it from the rooftops. She is proud of her child based on what he is doing, not what he is doing in comparison to everyone else.
This allows the children of lazy moms to flourish at their own pace. It also allows them to pursue interests they choose since lazy moms won't care if they are in the most popular sports or activities. Basically, the kids of lazy moms have a ton of freedom in a good way.
Lazy moms are not at the beck and call of anyone. That means request are often met with, "Wait", "When I have a minute", or "Can you do it yourself?"
Patience is a virtue, and it's hard for even adults to learn it. In today's world of instant gratification and immediate information through the Internet and social media, waiting is not something any of us have to do often. That's why it's even more important to teach our kids how to wait by making them practice.
Because lazy moms don't jump every time their kids call, their kids have to learn waiting, and eventually this hopefully evolves to waiting without complaining. It's important for kids to value other people's time and to learn to use their own wisely, and learning the self-control that comes with patience is a great way to do that.
Most moms don’t intentionally sign up for the martyr job. They just get swallowed by the responsibilities of being moms, and before they know it they resent the fact that they don't have anything that is just theirs because they have given everything to their families. Lazy moms usually avoid this trap because they don't get sucked into only parenting.
Though we absolutely end up putting other people's needs before our own when we becomes mothers, giving up everything for those around us and not practicing self-care creates a situation that isn't sustainable. Moms burn out. They also grow to resent not having hobbies outside of watching their kids perform their hobbies. That's a dangerous place to be.
Lazy moms show their kids that it's okay to still have a self outside of being a parent, and that self doesn't have to needlessly suffer to be a good parent. Everyone can have their needs met and thrive.
Lazy moms are wonderful friends. Because they don't put unrealistic pressure on themselves, going to their homes is an experience in authenticity. The house may be a mess, but they aren't making excuses for it. Play dates with them involve letting the kids play and the adults actually have conversations because they don't micromanage play time. They enjoy other adults.
Lazy moms also don't expect their mom friends to have it all together. They know that no one really does, and that's not seen as a bad thing. It's easy to relax around moms who go with the flow and just let people relax without worrying that they aren't doing or being enough.
Since it's so hard to find mom friends, finding a lazy mom friend is a gift. They are available for their mom friends when they are needed, and they are the least likely to judge someone else's parenting.
A recent study from The Journal of Healthy Psychology gives us all reason to aspire to lazy. It turns out that those who sit and think use energy doing so. That's why an emotionally draining day or time spent thinking through a problem leaves us feeling mentally taxed.
What this means for lazy moms is that their laziness may be a sign that their brains are constantly working, leaving their bodies tired from thinking. The study found that individuals who needed less time to think were more physically active.
So when we think of lazy, we might just want to envision the word thinker. Lazy moms may not physically interact with their children as much because they are physically tired from thinking through the logistics of parenting or other information that is meaningful to them. Some might even say lazy equals smart.
Free time is important for kids, and that fact cannot be overstated. In today's fast world, kids are getting less free time than they did years ago, and that means less time to explore and just play. Research on the subject has led to longer recesses for kids in school, and it should lead parents to create free time in their kids' lives daily.
Lazy parents do this naturally. They don't feel the need to offer an activity or sport at the first sign their kids are bored, instead opting to let them sit with that boredom and turn it into a free play time. This helps kids' brains and gives them time to destress from the fast pace of their everyday lives.
Movement doesn't equal progress, and lazy moms know this. They don't measure success in how many hours were spent with time meticulously planned out for their kids. They are more interested in their kids just being kids and having a plethora of free time before them.
Sources: Today.com, Scarymommy.com, Psychologytoday.com, Everydayfamily.com