Many moms-to-be may worry these days that people talk too much about pregnancy and childbirth because they tend to hear too many opinions and feel judged. But in reality, there is still a hidden, silence where women can feel crushed by the weight of their own reality. It's a strange dichotomy that in a world full of noise and talk, a woman can feel alone and helpless because of the silence that surrounds her.

Pregnancy, childbirth and parenting are very personal experiences, and no matter how many books a woman reads or how much she researches on the internet, she will encounter a problem that she can't figure out the answer to. Because of the silence of many women, it's a lot harder to feel connections and to feel normal in a time of life when everything can feel out of sorts.

During pregnancy and in the first years of motherhood (we're encompassing that entire period as childbirth), women are extremely vulnerable. That's when they need the support, the information, the connection and more that can make her feel more positive and confident. We understand the reasons for the silence — including worrying about feeling judged. But it has to stop for the good of mothers and their children.

Here are 15 reasons the silence around childbirth has to end.

15 It's About Time

In our grandparents' generation, people talked very little about pregnancy and childbirth, including how things got started in the first place. Women gave birth at home if they lived in a rural area, or they went to the hospital if they could in a more urban place, and often no one — not even the dads — learned the particulars about the birth.

Medical interventions were seen as advances, and there was not much discussion about when to use them. In fact, many women didn't feel like they had a choice and instead let the doctor or midwife do the "work" in the situation.

Things have changed with the advent of books like "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" and other tools, and each generation finds parents discussing the details more and more. That means a more honest, truthful approach before and after birth. This generation has even more abilities to share through social media and message boards, so it's definitely time to end the silence.

14 Medical Decisions

One of the major benefits of breaking the silence in recent decades is that the more information a woman has the better ability she has to make decisions based on medical advice. Women don't have to rely on doctors to tell them what is going on in their bodies these days — apps can help them track the baby's development and check on every symptom they are experiencing. And once it is time for the birth, they can read up on the issues and devise a birth plan with options for every scenario that could occur.

In the past, many women have felt pressured to make a decision without the full knowledge of what is going on with their bodies. They may have been talked into an intervention or a medication without full knowledge. And they may have felt shamed from their peers who have other ideas about the situation. The ability to make a decision based on facts can help a woman feel more confident that she is doing the best for her baby. And ending the silence can make all the difference.

13 Birth Empowerment

Sometimes hearing only one side to a story can make a woman feel pressured and unsure, and that is certainly true with birth. As we just mentioned, sometimes information can help arm a woman to make a good medical decision for her birth. But if the doctor is the only one doing the talking, sometimes that means that she doesn't know the full array of options of what her experience could be.

Many women are speaking up these days about their natural childbirth experience, and that includes talking about the benefits to the mother and the baby and the tremendous pride she feels about making it through the birth herself. For a young, healthy mother who has had a healthy pregnancy, it is an option that might make sense. But without hearing from others about their experiences, a woman can often feel too frightened to try for a home birth or an unmedicated birth in the hospital. When the silence is broken, more women could feel empowered to take control of their birth experience and go for the hard, difficult but rewarding experience of unmedicated birth. And as long as the medical truths are also part of the tale, birth can become an individualized and empowered experience.

12 Less Shame And Blame

About 30 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and a small percentage — about 1 percent — end in stillbirth. Those tragedies often leave mothers devastated and feeling like they are to blame for the situation. They often feel ashamed of themselves for failing to give birth to a healthy child, even though most miscarriages have no medical explanation.

About 80 percent of miscarriages happen in the first trimester, and because of that concern most women choose to wait until the 12-week mark to share the news of their pregnancy. That means that a high percentage of women conceive, go through pregnancy and pregnancy loss in silence. Miscarriage isn't talked about much, so many women feel alone even if they actually know several women who have experience the same thing. If they talked to each other, they can grieve together, and they will likely be able to let go of the feelings of shame and blame that come with them.

While each woman must decide if she is comfortable talking about her own pregnancy loss, we believe that ending the silence will help many find the support that they need in their most vulnerable time.

11 Infertility Support

Just as women who have lost pregnancies need support, some women struggle to conceive at all, and they need friendship just as much. Women who struggle with infertility spend each month tracking when they ovulate, getting their hopes up and then facing devastation when they face another month without conceiving. But most do this with only their partner as a witness. Some share their struggles with a few close friends, but it can be hard to break the silence over such a sensitive issue, especially since some women feel betrayed by their bodies and ashamed.

Medical science has brought about many different technologies to help women conceive, and there are also other options to become a mother such as adoption. But some women don't learn as much about the options as they could because of their fear of speaking about their struggles. And some get depressed during the lonely journey. That breaks our heart, especially since we know that infertility is heart-breaking enough. The silence should end so the healing can begin.

10 Mommy Friends

Pregnancy and parenting can change a woman in ways she never imagined, and all too often it changes her friendships. If one relationship is based on going out to clubs and partying, it's no surprise that things change when one friend cuts out the drinking and is exhausted by the first trimester of her pregnancy. And it's much harder to make time for girls nights and dinners with friends when raising a little one. Yet it is incredibly hard to make friends as a parent, because it's often hard to make friends as an adult too.

If women were to break the silence of childbirth, they would be able to find their tribe of mommy friends. Sharing their experiences — without judgment — is the perfect way to start a relationship with a new friend. Women can bond over the pain they went through during childbirth or how sick they were with morning sickness. They can celebrate milestones together and provide support and friendship in the hardest, sleepless times. Mommy friends can be hard to find, but breaking the silence would help a lot.

9 Breastfeeding Support

In the past decade or so, the information on breastfeeding has caused a surge in the number of women who start out nursing their children. But while nearly 80 percent begin the process, less than half make it to the six-month mark. In fact, a big percentage barely lasts through the first month. That's often because they suffer in silence, unable to get the help that they need.

Breastfeeding is hard. It's difficult to figure out the latch; it can be hard to get a good supply; and it can be painful and exhausting. But women who talk to a lactation consultant can often make corrections that can make things go more smoothly and help a mom feel like she can make it through the toughest weeks of new motherhood. Support from friends and family can make a big difference, but often they aren't aware that the mother is struggling and needs help. It's time to speak up and get the help you need.

8 Baby Food

The danger of being silent when you are struggling to breastfeed isn't just that a woman will decide to give up. Even worse, some babies have died because of it. Some women have struggled to keep up and felt too much shame to talk to anyone about it, and when a woman's latch is incorrect, her supply can go down even more.

If a doctor is involved, sometimes a mom learns that her baby is "failing to thrive," which can bring on the shame. But without the knowledge of how to correct the situation, she may accidentally starve her baby. Sometimes that has had tragic results. It's important to talk about breastfeeding and giving support, but it's also important to support a woman in her decision to give a bottle. In the beginning, babies need food every couple of hours, and no mom knowingly wants their little one to be without the nutrition they need. Talking about it can make the difference between life and death, so it is time to end the silence.

7 Postpartum Depression Support

During the months after childbirth, a woman can find herself consumed by the tough task of motherhood — the exhaustion of late nights, the pain of breastfeeding, the endless task of cleaning up poop and spit up. It can be the hardest job a woman has every experienced, and then the hormones that course through a woman during that period can make things worse. Unfortunately, that means that many women suffer from postpartum depression.

The statistics say that around 20 percent of women experience postpartum depression, but those stats could be low because so many women suffer in silence. They feel ashamed for not feeling happy when they are experiencing a time they thought would be joyous. But if more women talked about how they feel, they would be able to find the support — and medication — that could help them feel better.

There are cases of postpartum depression so severe that the mothers have harmed themselves or their babies, and so ending the silence could help save lives.

6 Work Life Improves

Some women have a terrible time getting back to work after birth. They may be excited to get out of the house, but many are still devastated to leave their little ones each day. It can be difficult to get to lunch without worrying about the baby, and if a woman is pumping, she has a unique set of challenges to get through and possibly embarrassments dealing with the boss.

But there is an entire community of working moms exist, and they don't have to suffer in silence. As Sheryl Sandberg taught us, women need to "lean in" and support each other. They can share tips on how to keep their pumping supply up and how to navigate their schedule, and they can commiserate on the pain of leaving the baby each day. A lunch date may mean so much for getting through the day and finding the support that working moms need.

5 Judgment Ends

 

As we mentioned before, a lot more women are talking about pregnancy, childbirth and parenting these days, but unfortunately, many of them only give their opinions about how their way is the right way to be a mom. It's left women who have C-sections or feed their babies with bottles feeling judged and sometimes shamed. But it doesn't have to be that way, and we think that ending the silence will help end the judgment.

First of all, most of the women who judge — and some of the women who feel judged — often feel so opinionated because they are not educated. For example, home birth may be a great option for some families, but other moms could die without medical care during delivery, and so could their baby. So there is no reason that a home birth mom should judge someone when they don't know the full situation. The same goes for C-sections, which almost always happen when the baby or the mom is in danger during birth.

Women shouldn't feel afraid to bottle-feed their baby in public. Some moms have been shamed in the store for that, when they have adopted their babies or had mastectomies and don't even have the option to breastfeed.

There is no reason to make a mom who is doing her best feel bad for her choices, and that's why we hope the silence will end along with the judgment.

4 Policy Improvements

Another reason that the silence around childbirth should end is because when we talk about our struggles and issues, things can be improved. Women can learn from other women, and they may even be able to get a change in policy at a company or the government.

Women are starting to speak out on maternity leave, and some local state legislators have taken up measures and considered new laws. Some companies, like Facebook, have also expanded their parental leave policies.

There are still millions of women who do not have any maternity leave benefits. The Family and Medical Leave Act does mean that most companies cannot fire someone for taking up to 12 weeks off after having a baby, but many women can't afford that. They may have a few sick days, but otherwise, any time they are out of work, they aren't getting paid. Breaking the silence on this issue could change the lives of moms who really need it.

3 Healthier Children

Sometimes, the silence means that only a few loud voices that can be heard on a parenting issue, and that can be dangerous. The biggest example of that is the anti-vaccination movement. That began because of a research study that was later found to be totally untrue. But many moms latched on to the early news that linked vaccines to autism and convinced themselves that vaccines are a terrible idea. They created a very vocal minority that actually drowned out the revelation that there is no scientific evidence to back up the concerns.

The vaccine rates have declined quite a bit, and because of that diseases such as mumps that were nearly eradicated have made a come back. Children who have been vaccinated are still at risk, especially when they are too young to have received the full regimen.

If all women spoke out, other women would know more sides to issues and they may make different decisions. And that could result in healthier children.

2 Better Diagnoses And Treatments

Continuing in the same discussion of health, we believe that when we share our truths about pregnancy, childbirth and parenting we will end up with better medical care for moms and children.

We understand that many pregnancy symptoms are embarrassing, but if women let that feeling keep them from talking to people — especially doctors — they may never get the help that they need for certain ailments during pregnancy and in the postpartum period.

And for the babies, research has proven that a baby is more likely to get an earlier autism diagnosis if he or she is around different adults who might pick up the signals before a parent would Getting diagnosed early means getting earlier interventions, which can help children on the spectrum thrive. So we hope that people will start to speak up, share and have healthier lives.

1 No More Fear

Pregnancy, childbirth and new motherhood are some of the scariest experiences a woman will ever go through. Her body is changing; she feels pain and hormones are making everything more difficult. But most of all, she is entrusted with another life — a helpless little being that depends on her for nutrition and love. That can be terrifying and fill every moment with anxiety layered on to all the other emotions that she is feeling.

But most of the fear comes from not understanding the things that are going on and not feeling confident in her own ability to carry a child, to bear the pain, to deliver a healthy baby and to help that baby grow strong and capable. If we all talked about our fears as well as support each other in our failures and celebrate each other in our successes, then the next generation of mothers would feel more confident and capable.

They would know that even when they make a mistake that there are people there to help them along the way, and that in the end the will get through this phase in life. What a world it would be if we could go through life without fear? We think that is the best reason of all to end the silence.