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15 Reasons Things Fall Apart After The Baby Comes

 

Babies are beautiful little balls of love that we get gooey over, and want to hold, cuddle, and love all the time. Things can feel perfect once they’re born, and we are all led to believe it will stay this way all the time. Watch any commercial for a baby item, and there won’t be any stressed or upset parents to be seen.

We don't even see any of the stress or sleep deprivation parents go through in television shows. For example, let’s look at the show Once Upon a Time, where Snow White had her second child. If anyone follows the show, they’ll know that Prince Neal was born and things were just absolutely perfect between the parents. No real stress between them.

Snow wasn’t noticeably sleep deprived, there were no money problems, no disconnect. Snow and David were absolutely perfect parents to this infant (for the 0.5 seconds he was in a given episode.)

This is not the reality most couples face once the baby is born, and this picture of perfection that is painted seems almost non-achievable to the common person. Babies make it so that the parents are tired, one parent is working, and someone is often stressed out. It’s something we come to terms with when we decide to have children.

But, the thing is, how do we fix these things that can cause the relationship between mom and dad to deteriorate? It’s not easy, and it can take some hard work. There may be issues that mom or dad don't feel they can live with, and they need to talk about these feelings. That having been said, other things can be pretty simple to fix.

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15 All That Stress

Babies are adorable, there’s no doubt about it, but they’re also come with a lot of stress, all wound up into that cute bundle of love. All of the crying and other issues that happen can go hand in hand with parenthood, leaving mom and dad feeling like they’re falling apart. And this can lead to things going downhill.

Stress isn’t good for anyone, and babies can seem like they just come pre-equipped with enough stress to make someone feel like they’re losing it.

If the baby is overly stressful on the parents and they need a break, they should ask for help. Seriously, there’s almost always someone willing to step in for a few hours to give mom and dad a break, so that they can recover their energy and not take it out on one another.

Ask for help if it’s needed, for everyone’s sake. And remember to breathe, and try to keep calm. This too, will pass.

14 Lack Of Sleep

Babies are often not born with a reliable day and night sleep schedule. They eat, they sleep, they poop and pee, and they repeat. Often, babies will be up and down all night to feed, and this can often fall on one parent to take care of and feed the baby, which can get exhausting if that one parent isn’t given a break every here and there.

Often, the parent who loses out on sleep is mom, whether that’s due to dad sleeping through the crying or mom being a single mom. But there’s no doubt about it, moms need their sleep too. If there’s anyone who can help out with the baby at night, get them to help every once in awhile.

If there’s not, ask someone else to watch the baby for a little while during the day so mom can get a power nap in, and can feel a bit more refreshed.

13 Money Problems

Unfortunately, one aspect of having a new baby is the addition of unexpected new bills, and that kind of stress can make even a prepared parent get worried and fall apart from the stress of it all. And if there’s any kind of special needs or specific medications needed that insurance won’t cover, that’s even more monetary problems and more debt.

Money can be a big issue for new parents, who often have to learn to juggle their own needs with their child’s as well. If you know a couple who could use some relief, buy them a pack of diapers.

Also, if helping out by buying things isn’t an issue, because a lot of people have money issues nowadays, then help them by taking them to places or showing them where they can get assistance if they aren’t already getting it. That little bit of help can take a lot of weight off their already burdened shoulders.

12 So Many Chores

When a new baby arrives, there’s always the addition of new chores, and the dividing of those chores by the parents. Will mom be taking on all of the chores? Will dad pitch in and do some laundry? Whose job is it to wash the bottles or throw away all the nasty diapers? Arguing over the chores will solve nothing, and will just create chaos.

One of the best things to do in order to figure out how the chores will get done, is to make a chore chart or sit down and come up with a plan of action before the baby comes, and then stick to it. It shouldn’t fall on one person’s shoulders to get everything done, unless both parties agree to that plan of action.

Be prepared for the new chores that come with a new baby, and make sure to have what’s needed to get everything done smoothly and efficiently.

11 Differing Parenting Styles

People are all raised differently, and with that will come differences of opinion when it comes to parenting styles and they way different people want to raise their children. And with those differences can also come clashes of opinions, which can tear people apart.

Overcoming these differences is the key to getting through it, but how do couples go about doing that when there’s can be such a strong difference?

Sitting with the other parent and discussing their parenting thoughts and styles is a great way to help come to an agreement. Raising children does not all happen in one way, and people will disagree. It’s more in how they come together, to raise that child, that truly matters.

If people cannot agree, and that can happen, then compromising on some issues is a great way to work out these differences. The main thing couples need to remember is that sometimes we won’t all agree, and that’s ok.

10 No Intimacy

Most adults like being intimate. It’s how babies are made, it feels good, and it’s something that is important to many people in their relationship. So, it’s understandable that things can get a bit stressful to one party when the other cannot be intimate for 6 weeks or more.

It’s something they have to come to terms with (and there are other methods to relieve this tension without pestering the tired mom), this is something that will get better.

Unfortunately, while it gets better, some people get annoyed by the lack of spontaneity and the lack of spare time that they have to get down and dirty once the kids are in the picture. Sometimes, setting aside time to be with the spouse is a great way to reconnect, along with spicing things up every so often.

And if nothing else, be supportive if the spouse just isn’t as receptive due to being tired and whatnot. A little understanding can go a long way sometimes.

9 Grandparent Problems

Sometimes, no matter what we do, families just can’t seem to get along. That’s all well and good, but sometimes it puts the kids in the middle, and it can really tear things apart. Whether it’s one spouse not getting along with in-laws, grandparents being pushy, or other problems, the question remains…What does one do when they just cannot seem to get along?

Knowing if there’s going to be animosity before having kids would be a great to know, but it’s not always obvious if there’s going to be a problem. Being able to compromise with grandparents that are not in agreement with the parents would also be helpful, but it doesn’t always happen.

Unfortunately, in some cases, the family really is toxic and has to be cut from the child’s life, but that’s not always the case. All in all, have a little understanding, and do whatever is possible to not let the family fall apart for whatever reason.

8 No Couples Time

Mom and Dad tend to sacrifice a lot in order to take good care of their kids, that’s for sure. When it comes down to it, they make so many sacrifices many times that they don’t get time to themselves to rekindle their love and relationship, and that can make everything fall apart. All couples need time to spend together, without the kids in some way, shape, or form.

Time as a couple doesn’t always mean going out on a date, either. Often, it can be as simple as putting the kids in bed and watching a movie together. What matters is spending time together. Make a nice dinner at home, get the kids fed their meal first and then cook up the parents’ meal, and once they’re in bed, sit together and have a relaxing, romantic meal.

Sit and watch a favorite TV show together. Gamers can even put on the game system and play a two-player game of some sort together. There’s tons of ways to spend time together.

7 Barely Any Alone Time

Often, parents become so focused on being parents, that they forget that before that, they were individuals. And they lose that sense of individuality, which can lead to things getting rough around the edges. Finding the time to take care of oneself can be tough when there’s a baby in the picture, and can stay tough until that kid moves out at age 18 or so.

It can drive both parents crazy when they don’t spend time to themselves.

Keeping up a sense of individuality and taking care of oneself is essential in raising a child. If this doesn't make any sense, here’s why, like anything else, raising a child can burn a person out. It can be super stressful, and can make someone want to yank their hair out by the roots.

Time to get away to do something by oneself can take some of the stress away, and make it so that mom or dad has time to unwind, which can save things in the long run. And it doesn’t have to be all the time, but every so often, find the time to do something that’s enjoyable.

6 Going Back To Work

If one parent has to stay home because they cannot afford childcare costs, that means the other parent works. Many parentsare perfectly ok with this, whether it's mom or dad going back to work, but others can get pretty upset on occasion about it, and even jealous of the stay at home parent.

And that’s understandable, but it’s something that can rip two people apart pretty quickly. Money has to be made somehow, so someone has to work…but which one?

This is something that needs to be decided on before the baby comes, to be honest. Having a stay at home parent is sometimes necessary, especially when it comes to the cost of daycare, but determining who will stay home should be up to mom and dad and should be a mutual decision. It doesn’t always have to be mom.

And the non-working parent does need to be as understanding and supportive of the working parent as they expect the working parent to be of them.

5 Dealing With Insecurities

Having a child can wreak havoc on a woman’s body, and that’s a fact. Some women bounce back pretty quickly, others never do no matter how hard they try. It can go in either direction, and no matter what, some women just end up insecure about how they look once they have a baby. This is absolutely normal, since the change of appearance from prepregnancy to postpartum can be pretty daunting.

Insecurity can lead to jealousy, and it can rip a relationship in half. Some women see signs of cheating everywhere, whether there’s anything going on or not. Talk to dad, ask him about what’s been going through his mind.

Keep in mind that not all men are cheaters. And dads, treat mom like she deserves to be treated, and make her feel beautiful and loved. Sometimes that reassurance that the other party is still in love can make things that much better.

4 Resentment All Around

Babies, unfortunately, can lead to loads of resentment. Most couples are not prepared for the resentment in the relationship. Dad can get resentful over mom being able to stay home, for example. Mom can resent dad getting out of the house and away from the baby, leaving her alone.

Dad can resent mom asking him to change diapers the minute he gets home. Mom can resent dad for getting more sleep than she does. The list goes on and on, and it can be pretty damaging.

One of the best ways to air out resentment, is to talk about it with each other. Discuss how both sides are feeling, and get things out in the open. Mom would probably be shocked at how dad is feeling, because on her side she’s resentful that he can get out of the house. Some dads may be resentful that mom gets more time with the baby. Work it out, and get all of the feelings out there. Work together.

3 Feeling Disconnected

When both sides aren’t seeing eye to eye on things, there’s a disconnect, and depending on how little they see eye to eye is what determines how much of a disconnect there is. A disconnect can come from not discussing things together, from not working together, and from letting things in a relationship fall into a state of disrepair that is hard to come back from. It can be revived, but it takes work.

Babies and the arguments that can come with them can cause a serious sense of disconnect between mom and dad. Sometimes, getting away from the day to day stresses and going on a weekend vacation can help alleviate the disconnect and get things harmonious again. And if that can’t happen, which is understandable, then sitting together and working things out can also help.

Talk to a pastor or a relationship counselor, because like it or not, there has to be some kind of harmony, because a baby is involved.

2 Everyone Feels Criticized

Sometimes, the worst critic we have is ourselves. However, hearing the constant critiques of others would come in a pretty close second place. When other people criticize us, whether it’s our own mothers or our significant others, it rips us apart and makes us question the choices we make.

When the baby is not being placed in harm's way, any criticism can be morally damaging and make it so that the mom (or dad) gets tired of the criticism, and this can tear things apart between two people who actually care about one another.

Instead of being critical about things, we should find ways to compliment what the parent is doing instead. If there is any genuine need for criticism, gently correct the issue if the person is doing anything wrong.

“Honey, that’s a great job with that wiping, he’s so clean! The diaper does need to be turned around, because it’s on backwards, but all in all, great job!” It’s all about the delivery of information. Teach without being rude.

1 Nit Picking Turns To Fighting

Fighting around kids of any age is not ok, and should be taken outside, first and foremost. Secondly, fighting accomplishes nothing but anger, and it just makes things worse. Verbally laying into one another just compounds what is often a problem that did not need to be argued over.

Fighting can just lead to hate, and no one wants to end up feeling even temporary feelings of hate towards someone they care about.

Also, on this note, while verbal fighting isn’t ok and should be avoided at all costs (arguing and fighting are two vastly different things), physical fighting should never, ever happen and is abuse. It is never ok to lay hands on another person, unless you are defending yourself.

Never lash out and hit a partner, or slap them, or even push them. That’s assault, and people go to jail for that on a regular basis. It’s not worth it. Walk away if things are getting that heated.

Sources: ParentsThe BumpAbout Kids HealthWall Street JournalFit Pregnancy

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