15 Reasons Why New Moms Can't "Finish" In The Bedroom

A woman made it through the trials and tribulations of pregnancy. A woman successfully birthed a human out of their bearded clam and into this beautiful world. She expects that everything should go right back to normal. But unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.

Women can have a tough time buttering their bagel before having children, but after, it’s even worse.

There are so many causes that can factor into this struggle; some of them are physical and some are emotional. But lucky for us, researchers have been considering exactly what makes a woman tick, and what makes her tock. There is now scientific insight into the complex, mysterious world of the female “O”.

Each woman is different and they may have more than one of the following difficulties when they're trying to get the ball into the goal.

But never fear—together we will get you in to peak physical and emotional shape. Here are some of the most common reasons that women cannot shout their glee from the rooftops, and some advice on how to remedy them.

15Damaged Pubic Muscle

Ladies, I’ve got some news—as if we don’t have enough to worry about during birth, it is actually possible for to pull your pubococcygeal muscle.

This can get torn, loosened or otherwise damaged when women are trying to push a watermelon out of a lemon, and can be detrimental to their genitals if left untreated.

This rubber band-like muscle is key to climbing the mountain, so women may need to provide it with some strength-training before she begins to ascend. Kegel exercises will help fortify your lady dungeon and help you to regain your footing in the forest of love.

Researchers at Columbia University found that this muscle is where getting lost in the deep-end begins, so it is very important to make sure these tendons remain in tip-top condition.

14Dry Lady-Parts

Your estrogen and progesterone levels drop off after having a baby, and this can cause vaginal dryness. This can make boinking uncomfortable and even painful. You have enough obstacles trying to stop your pleasure train from reaching the station, you don’t need any more road blocks!

One of the most common causes of southern dryness is the lack of estrogen. Estrogen helps arouse women by boosting the flow of blood to their goodies. If you are deficient in this department, your femme-parks which were once wetlands are now a desert.

But worry not—there are simple solutions to turning your Sahara back into an oasis.

  • Lube it up, ladies!
  • Drink a lot of water
  • Avoid vaginal sprays
  • Utilize foreplay
  • Talk it out with your partner
  • Ask your doctor about an estrogen cream

13Low Libido

When you spend your day covered in spit-up and have changed your clothes 19 times due to explosive diarrhea, it is hard to get in the mood-- up to 20 percent of women don’t feel the need to flick the light switch at all.

This lapse in libido could be due to an array of mitigating factors, most commonly hormonal.

If you are on birth control, you may be experiencing a side effect from the surplus of estrogen in your system. This can make it difficult for women to tip their boat, and cause them to not want to sail at all.

Instead, they desire to remain docked in the harbor, eating ice cream straight out of the carton with all of their clothes on. Ahoy mates—look into changing your birth control to a low- estrogen form and it may help in your deep-sea diving.

12Womanly Infections

Ew. I know. No one wants to have an infection of their lady parts.

But unfortunately for us it is very common after birth and the months that follow. There are a variety of problems that could be causing you pain and discomfort, and these will only detour you from completion. Keep an eye out for any symptoms and see your doctor right away if you suspect foul (smelling) play.

Here are the two most basic types of infection. The first is bacterial vaginosis, where some women reported experiencing excessive discharge, of a white or yellow variety. The second is yeast infections. This can cause extreme itchiness, burning when you pee, thick white discharge, discomfort when engaging in gland-to-gland combat

Both can easily be treated by your doctor and will have you back on the hoo-ha wagon in no time!

11Never Flicking The Bean

Yup, you heard me. The old adage is true; practice makes perfect!

Women who are not taking care of themselves downstairs, are more prone to being NOT being taken care of by someone else.

Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk, an expert in her field, says that women who use their imagination while auditioning their finger puppets make them more successful. This accomplishment can be carried over into a little play time with their partner, as well. Doctor’s orders are that you repeat this at least three times a week, and that in doing so you will teach your body how to perform again.

It is critical for your well-being as a mother, as a woman and partner to take care of yourself. The results have been scientifically proven—you need to paddle the pink canoe all the way up the river. And you need to do it now.

10Not Enough Water

Set down your coffee. Put your wine back in the fridge. Apparently, you need to be drinking more water to party with your downstairs DJ.

Dr. Fromberg explains, “The arousal tissue that extends into the connective tissue system is comprised of collagen, elastin and relaxin.” These tissues need H2O to slide properly, and caffeine and alcohol do the opposite.

But coffee is how I wake up in the morning. And wine is how I treat myself at night. We must be reasonable—we can’t just cut out all the good stuff that makes us get through the day! Maybe the way to go is to pound some water, drink a sports drink for extra electrolytes and THEN move onto some vino to get you in the mood.

9Kids Interrupting

Whether it is a baby, a toddler or a five-year-old demanding you button her princess dress—children will always interrupt you when you’re most vulnerable. It seems easier for men to just pick up right where they left off, but for women we need to have peace and quiet.

We need time to relax and time to steep. We need dedication.

Don’t feel bad if your partner is dialing the rotary phone and you just cannot make the call connect. It happens to all of us. In fact, new research suggests that about 75 percent of all women never toot the horn—they just fumble around with the steering wheel, frantically searching for the button.

Women are still enjoying themselves, they just cannot take the final leap.

8Feeling Sad And Anxious

10-15 % of women suffer from some form of postpartum depression, including mood disorders, anxiety, OCD and other unpleasant changes in disposition.

Being sad, feeling alone, experiencing anxiety—these feelings do not make you want to bring the hot dog bus to taco town. (You may have to two hot dog buses or two taco towns, or maybe you have a churro stand instead, but you get the gist.)

Your partner may be feeling hurt by your desire to curl up in a ball and binge watch a show about superficial housewives. If this sounds like you—if you’ve been feeling off or unusually sad, then contact your doctor. Getting help and treatment is the best thing that you can do for yourself, your baby and your partner.

7Lack Of Chemistry

When women go mattress dancing, they need to feel connected to their partner. Especially after giving birth. This can be a hard task to achieve, due to the fact that one of you usually has a baby clinging to your bosom.

But it is important not only to your relationship but also to yourself—women need to tango, and they need to make it until the end of the song. (A little bopping here and there is also fun, but there needs to full dance number every once in a while, or you get out of practice.)

Make time for you and your spouse. Call your mother-in-law. Call your sister. Call the eleven-year-old down the street—just call someone to come watch your kid(s) so you two can spend a little time together.

Relive your younger years and go have some fun in the backseat of your car or in the bathroom at Olive Garden.


Sleeping with your baby can be wonderful. It provides lots of skin to skin contact and you don’t have to get out of bed for every feeding. It does, however, make it hard to visit the bat cave.

When your bed is taken over by a burping, demanding newborn, it leaves very little time for you and your partner to diddle Miss Daisy.

But. This can make you be creative. Maybe you’re unable to complete the jump in the comfort of your own bed, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it elsewhere.

Invigorate yourself. Make it interesting! Go Netflix and Chill in the living room. Get randy on a kitchen counter. Use the excuse to add a little spice and maybe it will help excite your lady bits.

5Low Self-Esteem

When you come home from the hospital wearing mesh panties that are soaked in red, and you’re squishy in places that used to be tight, it can be hard to feel good about your body. But women are their own worst enemy. If you’re nursing you’ve almost certainly got a nice set of bazookas on you. Relish that. Use it to help you feel beautiful.

One of keys to success on the midnight train to Georgia is to feel like you are a woman again. And if you think that your partner isn’t going to love every inch of your new baby body, you’ve probably got a surprise coming. Attention has been showered all over baby, and your spouse will likely take up any chance to get some for themselves. You are woman, ROAR. (Remember, literally roaring can help!)

4Baby First, Mom Second

I know. Between changing diapers, laundry and the overall caring for a baby, sometimes cracking your nut can be far down the list.

You’ve got a lot on your plate and it is completely reasonable for you to feel like crazy person. However, it is healthy for you to knock socks with your partner, and even healthier for you to finish the act. Consider these benefits that completing the circle can afford you:

  • Curb your appetite
  • Fight cancer
  • Help you sleep
  • Make you happier
  • Enhance your smell
  • Improve circulation
  • Make you look younger
  • Boost infection fighting cells
  • Increases Oxycontin which can make you more passionate and also more successful

See? No reason to wait. Get out of that ratty t-shirt and don’t bother putting anything else on.

3Feelings Of Anger

Feeling angry or frustrated with your partner is common when you’ve just had a baby. But it doesn’t help with the bump and grind. Angry women hold themselves back from making an “O” face and instead resort to making an “FU” face.

This isn’t a good look for anyone, and it sure doesn’t feel as good as horizontal refreshment.

Be honest. Get out your feelings. Yell. Scream. Push your partner onto the floor and wind their clock like you used to before someone started calling you “mommy”. If you can’t expose your feelings properly, can’t let go of your annoyance, then make an appointment and go see a counselor.

Do not give up on yourself. Don’t settle for just stuffin’ the muffin—eat the whole thing. And scream while you do it. (Another fun tidbit, according to science, the louder you are the better!)

2Not Enough Time

It is hard to concentrate and get yourself in the mood when you know you only have a small window of time. Women’s bodies are like a rare flower; all of the conditions must be just right for it to bloom.

You can’t throw the flower in the sun, poke it a couple of times and expect it to flourish. It needs maintenance. It needs patience. It needs a godamn minute.

Carve out a specific time for a game of naked wrestling. Lock your bedroom door, shut your blinds and be ready to devote yourself… to yourself. Know that there is no one coming over, no kids interrupting, no facetime work call coming through. Your body needs to unwind and your mind needs to let go. Only then, can you fully surrender to the pink.

1Stress Levels

Moms in general are under a lot of stress. But especially in the those first few months, it can be almost unbearable.

When you are sleeping in 45-minute intervals and have nursing brain, it is almost impossible to concentrate on anything, let alone fanning your own fur.

Science suggests that the amygdala (the area of the brain that contributes to emotion processing) is heavily influenced by stress. In turn, to fully enjoy bumping uglies, the amygdala needs to shut off. This is nearly impossible for a new mother; to disconnect from worrying about your baby is difficult. But it may be stopping you from achieving greatness.

Hire a babysitter to take your baby to the park. Give her strict instructions to stay away for an hour and a half (you’ll probably need less than that but give yourself some padding to pound some cookies or take a dump by your lonesome).

Voila. Problem solved. See, women CAN have it all.

Sources: Woman’s Day, Romper, Science Daily, ABC News, Post Partum Progress, Healthline, Floliving, Awakening Body

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