Let bygones be bygones! It is not worth holding regret unless it teaches a lesson for the next time around. Even if the regret had big repercussions in life, we shouldn't focus on these things for the sake of our emotional health. Guilt and regret can consume a person and create feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.
New moms are under so much stress that any deelpy held regrets they have can deprive them of an enriched motherhood experience and their children of a happy mother. for new moms it's really hard to know exactly what to do when this is something that they've never done before, so with that in mind, mistakes might happen, but they don't necessarily define her as a mom or what she will be like as a mom.
Regrets burden us so much so that we lose the time we have by remembering things we should have done or things we wish we could have done differently. Accepting the present in all its limitations and looking at it from a different perspective can change the quality of life for mom and the family. The more the mother is discontent, the more trials she and her family will have to face.
It is not difficult to convert the regrets into rewards. The only thing needed is a willing mind that can positively acknowledge change, accept and start working towards making things better. By constantly thinking about what could have been better and dwelling in the past will make a mother lose sight of the present and any opportunity she has to shine.
There are women who regret their regrets too. Before that stage comes, it's time to move on and make every moment worth living with the baby. These are some things first time mothers regret.
15 Not Feeling Connected With Her Baby
Almost one in five new mums are guilt stricken to not be gushing with love for the child after it is born. Even though throughout the pregnancy they were yearning and dreaming for the baby, but after birth they find themselves cold. Fear of being judged stops them from sharing this feeling with anyone even their own mothers.
It feels unnatural for them not to bond and think they are abnormal. They feel ashamed for not loving their baby.
From physical pain, mental fatigue, tiredness, and other changes in life, the reason could be anything for not having the bond. It may take days or a couple of weeks for that connection to happen, but it does happen. Knowing that there are other mums also struggling with the same feeling can be a relief.
In a short period the mother finds herself in love with the baby. But it remains in the memory that it took time and can haunt a mother.
14 Not Taking The Time To Heal
It is different to read about something than to experience it. When we read books on parenting we decide that we will do everything right and not make mistakes, but when we become parents then we get know it is difficult to get control of things when a mother is sleep deprived. She may want to be happy and not fight her husband, but she has no control over herself and ends up yelling.
In the first couple of months the mother should plan to get plenty of help and focus only on healing. Without help, healing will not be possible, especially when she has postpartum depression and may even lead to it.
Mothers rant about the advice “Sleep when the baby sleeps,” and wonder how on earth it is possible when there is laundry and sink full of dirty dishes looking at you. Well, to sleep when the baby sleeps the mother should make sure there is nothing else she needs to do for a few months except look after the baby. She needs to get help!
13 Not Being More Assertive In The Delivery Room
There are mothers who regret that they did not have skin to skin contact with the baby after delivery. They feel they should have been firm in the delivery room and spoken to the nurse and the doctor about it. In some cases, before the mothers know it, the nurse gives the baby her first bath. They regret they should have told the staff about it.
They feel they should have questioned and stayed alert about the baby.
Memories fade after a while and moms only remember a few unforgettable moments. Slowly they become too busy and they forget how the baby looked when she was just born. The first few days they hardly take any pictures as they are tired and getting used to the baby. Once that phase is over then they regret not doing it as these moments do not come again. These regrets also will fade with time.
12 Focusing On Perfection
Regrets either arise out of comparison or in pursuit of perfection. Tell me, if anyone has achieved it yet! Every mom wants to do everything in her capacity to provide for the child. The reason why dads can complete the same number of tasks in half the time is that they know how to prioritize and don’t sweat the details.
They understand that sometimes certain things can take a back seat. Women are wired to do everything perfectly and they end up as an emotional wreck.
The way men often do things can remind us sometimes, “What will happen if we don’t achieve this?” Reminders like these can make a mom realize that we should not let miniscule things ruin our happiness. After all, when we die we won’t remember whether we did laundry and dishes on time. The only take away, if at all, that is taken away will memories spent with close ones.
That is a great way to just relax and let go. A baby’s childhood is too precious to not enjoy it over trivial things. If baby’s onesie has a wrinkle, no one is really going to care. Enjoy this time with baby while it lasts!
11 Not Living Life To Its Fullest Before The Baby
There is no question about wanting to do certain things after the arrival of the baby. Many mothers wish they had explored the world and seen places before the baby arrived. After the baby, thinking of a vacation means double the cost. There are a few who conceive even before they could go for their honeymoon. Now they can only go for a family-moon.
Some regret living mediocre lives and not setting a great example for their kids. Now there is too much stress and juggling for a great career.
Providing the best for the baby is possible only if the baby is planned after living a fairly content life. But unfortunately, couples think contentment can come only after the baby is born. This is a fact that sets in after the baby and many parents gets a lot of surprises after childbirth.
Parents hardly train their children before they begin their new lives since they forget their own struggles after so many years and come to terms with every reality over a period of time. Having kids doesn’t mean you can’t still explore. It will just take more planning than getting up and going.
10 Comparing Her Baby
“My friend’s baby is already sleeping well at night.” “Other babies do not cry as much as mine.” “My baby nurses well but mine falls alseep while nursing only to wake up too soon from hunger.” “My baby is still not crawling yet.” Until the baby goes to preschool, all mothers compare their babies.
Worrying over milestones, sleeping patterns, and eating frequency is common. But this only adds to the anxiety of the mother. They forget to enjoy the baby at every stage while it is growing up and that happens fast.
Mothers realize only later that everything happened on time, but there were busy obsessing about everything. One chatterbox sister started speaking later than her other siblings and made a mother really concerned only to find later that now she can’t shut her up. Enjoying the innocent phase of their kid’s childhood is missed when parents remember it later in time. Mothers should follow their gut and enjoy more with the baby.
9 Not Asking For Help With Breastfeeding Sooner
Cincinnati Children’s Hospital found that almost 92 percent new mothers face troubles when they start nursing. Mothers who have breastfeeding problems are more stressed than other mothers who begin well.
Sore nipples, lack of milk, and problems in proper latching can make a mother feel inadequate and any sign of worry can further delay the breastfeeding. New mums feel that this is natural and pediatricians also assure them that first time mothers do get problems.
Those mothers who have problems nursing their babies are at a risk of quitting breastfeeding within 2 months. A lactation consultant is one option that can be considered, but better than that is sharing your concern with another breastfeeding mom as soon as possible. Some issues are brought to light only by an expert such as a tongue tie.
When a new mum starts breastfeeding there is usually an immediate bond between her and the baby and she gets relief from anxiety. So it needs to start fast.
8 Refusing A Babysitter
As much as it is important to get a babysitter, not many new mothers feel comfortable or want to take advantage of babysitters. The cost of babysitting at the time needed may seem too high for a mother who is worried about dwindling finances, so she skips the plan to go out with her husband for a dinner date and they end up eating at home.
At that point of time, dinner seems to be just food, but later it she realizes that it is more about spending time with one another and keeping their sanity and relationship intact.
Any mother would like to save that $15 an hour instead to taking time out for herself. Spending some time with the husband alone or with friends gives a boost to the energy and a much needed break to get charged once again. It is too late before it is realized. Only when the relationship suffers and the mother starts resenting her work load does she begin to understand.
7 Switching Or Not Switching To Formula
Those who switch to formula early repent later and those who start formula too late also regret. It is all in the mind! All mothers are different and their logistics at home are different. If a mother has problems with breastfeeding she may switch to formula because she cannot bear the pain. Mothers sometimes are left with no choice.
Later they worry about the child after reading articles on formulas and regret not ‘sticking it out.’
On the other hand, breastfeeding for 10 to 12 months can also take a toll on a mother’s health. She may feel tired and regret later that she did not have more fun with the child. While talking to other mums, they realize that could have introduced formula sooner and continued breastfeeding too.
Then they regret not following the easier method followed by other women. As long as the child is healthy and active, mothers should not regret their feeding choices.
6 Not Foreseeing Financial Burdens
Many first time parents do not have any idea about the kind of expenses they will have after the baby arrives. Even if they have savings, they regret buying unnecessary things only to be thrown out or donated later. Most baby items are used only for a couple for months and some are not used at all. They grow out of clothes soon.
Some parents buy diapers in bulk only to find that baby did not fit into them. That is a loss!
Young parents might not have the maturity to plan for finances before they think of a child. A vague idea is far from reality. Diapers, formula, washing, clothes, bottles, and baby furniture can hurt the pocketbook. The parents realize this only a year or two years later that they should have spent less money on items that will be used only for a while.
Instead, saving for college makes much more sense. Too late though!
5 Not Exercising During Pregnancy
New mothers regret that they did not exercise or do little bit of pelvic floor exercises during pregnancy. A few months after childbirth, mothers regret that they did not start exercising as soon as possible. Exercising during pregnancy makes delivery easier and postpartum healing quicker.
Getting back to exercising after healing gives the mother much needed energy, stamina and it acts as a stress buster.
Mothers who have weight issues also regret that they did not start working out as it becomes difficult to lose that stubborn fat. More than anything else the mother needs to be strong physically and mentally, which is possible only if she gets back to her routine. The good news is that it is never too late for starting all over again.
The only difference it will make is that the body will take longer to get back its stamina and shape. So the sooner you start, the better.
4 Waking The Baby Up To Feed
Some mothers read too much and try to implement everything they read. They ignore their instincts and when they realize it, they regret. Usually a month old baby does not need to be woken up from sleep. Waking up the baby from sleep and force feeding will only make her and the mother cranky early in the morning.
The baby should be left asleep and the mother should feed when he is hungry.
For a baby who is just days or a couple of weeks old may not demand feeding, so it is sometimes required to wake him or her up to feed every two hours. But once the baby has started gaining weight then it is best to let the baby decide when they want to be fed.
Mommy will be surprised to find the baby when she wakes up in the morning after a good night sleep. Those who are still waking up the baby, be grateful that the baby got into a nice sleeping pattern.
3 Refusing Help With The Baby
Family loves to help out the mother with the new baby. Grandparents, aunts and uncles try to stop by and help, but the new generation mothers find it to be interfering. No wonder that more and more mothers are going into post partum depression.
At times, mothers do not realize that a few days of stress are enough to make her a patient. But it is only in hindsight that they regret not taking help.
Who can understand the value of a good night sleep more than a mother. But she gets it only when she stops being ungrateful for helpful grandparents. It becomes too late before she realizes it. Let the grandparents help (or interfere if you don’t like them) with the baby-care because no grandparent would ever harm their grandchildren.
A mom can enjoy the first few days of the baby and will have no regrets later.
2 Not Having More Fun With Her Baby
Time flies and really fast! Even before the mother knows the baby is already walking and a year passes in a jiffy while struggling with loads of responsibilities. Parents become so burdened that they can only adore the little baby, but there is no chance of having fun. Moms love their babies, but very few moms love to be mothers.
Motherhood is synonymous with sacrifice and they see it more as a responsibility rather than a rewarding and learning experience.
It is a perfect opportunity to live childhood once again if parents participate and enjoy playing with the kid. Serious parents will raise dull kids. Mothers should never let the liveliness of a child die. One partner needs to constantly break the gloom of the house and bring some laughter if they have a good sense of humor.
It is possible to turn things around, but with planning and involving family. Allow yourself to get down on the floor and act silly. Your baby will love it!
1 Not Documenting Her Pregnancy And The First Year
Many mothers hardly remember any of the trials and tribulations of childbirth. Not even the beautiful moments. Children grow up to throw different challenges at parents and in that process we tend to forget how it all started. Although many document the milestones thoroughly it hardly matters to anyone later.
Many women wish they had written a journal at least once a week to express their emotional state as a first time mother.
In hindsight, every panic and worry appears such a waste of time that mothers think if only they could re-do the first time again. A journal is a good idea in the long run. Once the baby grows into an adult he or she can get a complete picture of what they can expect when they are expecting a baby.
It is worth giving it to them and they will enjoy every line of it and will love the parent more for what they did for raising their kid.