For the majority of people out there, having a baby is one of the most joyous occasions ever experienced – once all the pain has subsided and the birthing process is over of course. The feeling of holding a baby for that first time, putting a finger in the baby’s palm and experiencing that grip reflex, staring into the baby’s eyes as he/she stares back – no explanation can do that actual feeling justice; all you mothers will know.
The baby is totally helpless and dependent on you, then things begin to change. Your baby grow up, develops into his/her own little person, develops a personality. It’s a long process for a parent; many see it as one of the best experiences possible in life – raising your own child – but there’s no doubt about it; it’s a long process and can be a real struggle depending on individual circumstances.
Many women and families are desperate to have a baby and do everything possible to try and conceive – it’s all they’ve ever wanted. Others fall pregnant without even trying and the prospect of child-rearing fills them with dread. Sometimes everything’s all well and good, but problems occur down the line that make some moms look back and contemplate what things would’ve been like had they not gotten pregnant and had to raise a kid. It sounds heartless to those of you who lovingly dote on their babies, but who are we to judge – as we’ve mentioned previously, people have to deal with different circumstances. These are 15 reasons – regrets some women might have over having a baby.
15 No Time Off
In those first few years – well, for the next decade and a bit in fact – your child’s going to be totally helpless and dependent on you for pretty much everything, Babies – especially new-borns – require round-the-clock care and attention; someone has to be with the baby 24/7, and if you don’t have anyone to help you out, don’t have family to help, can’t afford a childminder, can’t get your kid a place in kindergarten, that someone’s got to be you. A lot of mom’s think nothing of doing this, but for many it all becomes a bit too much; they don’t anticipate that it’s a constant job. Since it’s a constant job, unless you’re superwoman, it’s going to be very difficult to continue your previous lifestyle, whatever it may have been. There’s no time off, no free weekends, no sick leave – nothing like that – and that’s something a lot of women resent and it’s one of the major regrets of having a baby.
14 Haven’t Accomplished Goals
This is kind of a continuation from the last point. Have a baby and you’re going to have to be its primary carer, which is essentially a 24 hour a day job. That means that other things will have to be sacrificed. If you’re working towards certain goals and have it all mapped out, it’s going to be extremely tricky to work your way through them – to try and accomplish your goals now that you’re caring for a baby. Of course, we’re talking about larger, major life goals here – not everyday goals like “I want to get the living room cleaned today.” A lot of people have goals, like they want to travel the world or start a business – something along those lines – but again, unless you’re superwoman or have a seriously strong support network, you’re going to have to wait for those goals to be fulfilled. A lot of women regret not doing more to accomplish their goals before having a baby – regret having a baby before achieving their goals; the timing’s all wrong, but then again, a lot of people can’t pick and choose when they have a baby.
13 Feeling Ordinary
This is more to do with the timing of having a baby; well, the majority of the regrets on this list are because of the timing of the pregnancy. Many moms regret bringing a child into the world which they know is going to reared by an ordinary person. Yes, many women deem themselves to be ordinary; an accumulation of the fact that they haven’t achieved any or many of their life goals, perhaps they’re not in a solid relationship and they’re just not where they want to be in life. Then a baby comes along and so there’s now very little opportunity to change all of that.
There are also women that regret having a baby at a certain time because they simply deem their existence to be too mundane, and can’t fathom the idea of their kid emulating snippets of their own life. Many women have the fear that “my kid is going to grow up like me,” and that’s something a lot of women dread.
12 Pretty Much Everything’s Put On Hold
Here’s the 24 hour a day job point again, but it is a major factor of raising a baby, and something many women don’t look back at with fond memories. Raising a baby, especially during those initial months, truly is a full-time job. Some mothers relish it, but for some it’s just too much to handle; especially for first-time moms who haven’t experienced the rigors of motherhood before, or young professionals who are used to going into the office everyday – swapping that high-performance work environment for staying at home and changing diapers can be a baptism of fire for many women. Yes, for the majority of women, everything’s put on hold – those major life goals and all those other little things you envisaged doing with your days. For many it’s a sacrifice worth making, but for some it’s all just too much - a 360◦ change from normal life as they knew it to be.
11 Never Know What The Future Holds For You
Looking back at things, many women may be filled with joy and love when they give birth, but pretty soon worrying thoughts begin to creep into their psyche. Many women begin to worry about the future; it’s near on impossible to say what the future holds for you once you give birth – all that’s certain is a large part of your immediate future is going to be dedicate to taking care of your baby. And that brings with it its own problems; you can never be certain how your baby’s going to turn out – parenting could be far from a doddle for some.
Some women regret having a baby because of the lack of control they face over the future. Approximately the next two decades is going to be one of devotion to your kid; many women just can’t fathom that. “Think about what I could be doing if I wasn’t raising a baby” – another common thought; thinking about what ifs and dreaming is a wonderful thing.
A lot of women regret having a baby at that time in their life, because of how old they were when they gave birth.
When you’re young you do stupid things, and for many, that includes having unprotected sex. Teenage pregnancies can be really tough on the mom, and not all get through it unscathed. A lot of those who keep their babies still bare the mental, emotional scars of giving birth at such a young age. These scars eventually go on to heal for many, but the majority of moms do have it tough. Loving their babies isn’t an issue, but many do regret having a baby at such a young age; young moms have to sacrifice more than most – it could be school, college, friends, a social life, etc.
This works the same for pretty much any woman who didn’t want to get pregnant; they regret it happened and at that particular time in their life.
9 Everything’s Child-Orientated
Having a kid is all about sacrifice. Like it or not, your baby’s going to have to come first, ahead of other things- your goals and passions – and possibly ahead of other people too.
Many women regret having a baby when they did – some regret having one full stop – because they feel it marked the end of their dating life. Women with so-called “baggage” seem less attractive- they’re less likely to get into a relationship because the guys know that the baby is always going to be number one – and for some that’s extremely hard to take.
It’s not just about love life. Other relationships – relationships you already have – may get neglected too. From some, a baby can bring people closer, but for many it marks the beginning of the end. If you’re in a relationship – in a couple – things will change when you have a baby; it’s often the guy that gets the hump – the baby becomes number-one and the guy feels neglected, as if he’s fighting for approval, but sometimes he doesn’t fight – will just leave.
8 Business In The Bedroom Was Never The Same
This is one regret that many women have. They regret having a baby because it changed their sex life – sometimes for good.
It’s common knowledge that after the rigors of childbirth, certain areas are going to be tender and more sensitive, the extent of which largely depends on how easily you sailed through childbirth, whether there were any issues, complications or not. But after childbirth, it’s recommended that you don’t have sex for at least six weeks, in order to let things get back to normal. But even after this six week period elapses, for many women, getting intimate with their partner just doesn’t feel the same. Firstly, the baby is the only thing on their minds – showing someone else that much attention and affection just feels wrong. But even if that’s not the issue, many women feel extremely body-conscious and simply just don’t want to get it on in the sack. Post-pregnancy hormone changes and the rigors of childbirth could also make intercourse extremely painful – even after six weeks; sex just wasn’t the same as before, and that’s one thing about having a baby that pisses some women right off.
7 Having A Baby…Then Not Having Another One
This may sound a little odd, but think about it for a sec and it’ll make perfect sense. Many women have one kid and are happy raising a single child. But after a while, as the baby begins to grow up and they’ve gotten over the painful experience of childbirth, they want to do it all again – unsurprising since it is one of the most amazing miracles of life. For many women, childbirth puts them off wanting to go through the experience again, but others just enjoy the whole pregnancy experience and want to keep popping kids out. It’s also about not wanting to raise an only child, to give your baby a sibling or two to play with as he/she grows up. Many regret not this – not being able to put all the negative things they may have gone through during childbirth out of their minds and carry on having kids.
6 Stress Of Finances
Having a baby is a major commitment; an all-round life commitment and sacrifice. But like it or not, taking care of a baby costs a hell of a lot of money – you can’t raise a baby on the cheap. Therefore finances are a major factor when considering to have a baby – or should be. But having said that, not many people in today’s day and age are financially set – are financially where they want to be. You can’t wait for ever – to have your ideal amount of money in your bank account – to start a family. But it’s still something that people regret the most – not having enough cash in the bank to raise a baby and support everyone in the family comfortably . Couples want to give their baby everything and spoil them rotten with toys, take them on holiday and pack as many experiences into their lives as possible – not that they’ll remember a whole lot at that age. This all costs money, and it’s something that people always want more of – especially when raising a baby.
5 Health Problems
Plenty of women regret having kids if they go through a particularly tricky time during or after childbirth.
Childbirth can be excruciatingly painful for some, particularly if there are complications. The process is rarely a smooth ride, but for some, it can just be too much to bare. Plenty of women suffer from health problems due to childbirth; prolonged labor, tears, excessive bleeding, and just the complications that arise during pregnancy could mean that many women deem it to be a forgettable experience - some want to put the blame on someone and many put it on their baby.
Postpartum depression is another serious issue that makes many women – and men - resent their kid and regret ever falling pregnant in the first place. Unless treated – either through non-pharmacologic therapy (group therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, etc.) or medication – things could spiral out of control and the regret – and actual hate – could last and just get progressively worse.
4 Made Me Feel Trapped In A Relationship
If you have a baby and you’re in a committed relationship, all’s well and good – in most situations that it. A baby often completes the family, but what happens when cracks begin to appear in the relationship and things begin to sour. A lot of women end up resenting their other half or partner because like it or not, things change when a baby comes along. The dynamic of the relationship between you and your partner may change; you may begin to resent the fact that he’s out and about carrying on with his life, taking no responsibility while you’re at home changing diapers. A whole accumulation of things could make you feel that you want to run fave to stick around because you want your baby to grow up with a stable, loving family.
Plenty of women regret bringing a baby into the world they know isn’t perfect; not the world as a whole – that’s never going to be perfect – but their world and their own life.
At the time though having a baby was all they could think about. Cradling their own baby in their arms was what they always wanted, and their wish was fulfilled. But then things get tough, and such couples start to regret the decision; not because they don’t love their baby, oh no, but because of the timing of the pregnancy.
These women wanted nothing more than to get pregnant, but possibly years later, start to regret having a baby at that specific time in their lives, mainly because things got tough. They deem themselves to be selfish – selfish for bringing a baby into a world when they couldn’t give it everything; toys, money, a nice place to grow up, etc. A lot of women regret bringing a baby into a world they know is far from perfect.
2 Didn’t Want To Be A Parent
This may sound like a harsh thing to say, but there are people who just didn’t want to be thrust into the rigors and responsibility of parenthood and didn’t want to have a baby. This could be due to any number of reasons, or just because having a baby didn’t appeal to them – not everyone wants to be a parent.
But although the baby wouldn’t be planned, most of these people with these thought processes eventually come round to the idea when they set eyes on their baby for the first time and cradle him/her – their own flesh and blood – in their arms. This is enough for most people to come around to the notion of parenthood.
However, there’s still that regret there for some. Whether it’s the age factor, they see a baby as a financial burden, or an accumulation of reasons, there are some that just aren’t cut out for parenting and some who didn’t want a baby.
1 Didn’t Enjoy It
There are plenty of mothers out there – and fathers too – who regret not embracing the whole experience. It can be a tricky thing to do if the baby wasn’t planned and you didn’t really want to be a parent. But there’s no manual to parenting – every new mom or dad is just thrust into it and they have to learn on their feet. It may not be an enjoyable experience, especially if you’re young and immature at the time and would rather be out and about living your own life and doing other things. And so, a lot of parents struggle initially and just do what they’ve got to do, and nothing more.
Raising a baby isn’t a walk in the park. It’s hard work, but if the baby was planned, it means doing the work doesn’t really seem like work – it becomes second nature and you enjoy taking care of your little one. But if the baby wasn’t planned, every diaper change, feeding time can be a real drag and not an enjoyable experience for anyone. Even playing with the baby could be a real effort – that’s something plenty of couples look back at and regret; not embracing the whole experience and enjoying – or trying to at least, being parents.