Relationships are hard, and they fail all the time. It would be safe to say that every minute of every day, there is a couple out there who are parting ways. Whether it be a family duo, a friendship, a relationship or a marriage. Relationships end for a multitude of reasons. One of the biggest reasons why relationships end is because of children. Whether it be when a baby is born, or when the child is older, it is one of the biggest reasons for a relationship to fall apart.
This could be due to a multitude of reasons; one parent may not be able to handle being a parent or all the responsibilities it presents. A couple may also come to find that they disagree on how to raise the child and what the important values and morals are. Sometimes, couples can not come back from these moments.
It is true that having a baby changes every aspect of life. With that being said, it is only normal to expect it to change a relationship as well. The beginning of the journey as new parents is often full of frustrations and exhaustion, both of these things mixed together are bound to make anyone short-tempered.
If we look at this statistically, when one of the parents bail from the relationship and from being present in their child’s life, it is normally the father. Whatever the reason for this is, it normally is the father who leaves the relationship. If we look at factors that contribute to someone walking away, plus what has happened to other women, we may have been able to find 15 signs a dad will leave after the baby comes. We also may have found some tips on how to make sure the relationship survives to try and prevent dad from leaving.
15 How Did He Take The Announcement?
Nine months seems like a long time when a woman is pregnant, there are so many days full of sickness and comfortability that it is a journey that never seems to end. This may mean that a woman hardly remembers the day she got pregnant. By the time she is near birth, she has completely forgotten how she felt in that moment she saw the two pink lines on the test. She also may have forgotten how her partner reacted when he heard the news. Either she forgets, or her brain has changed the memory and all she remembers is that he was happy, because she assumes he must have been happy, right? This could be a big mistake to make.
It is important to check in with your partner and really watch how he takes the news. Was he happy? Did he just smile and go through the motions of being happy?
This may mean nothing, men do show emotions different than we do. However, if he displays more of the signs on this list as well as not being elated with the news, it may mean that he is truly not ready and may bounce once that baby is born.
14 Did He Come To The Appointments?
When a woman becomes pregnant, it is going to feel like she lives at the doctor’s office. There are so many appointments, ultrasounds and prenatal tests that she is going to have to go through.
A good and supportive partner will come to these appointments with you. Sure, there are times when he can not come with you, whether it be due to travel or work, but he should at least show a want to be there with you and a sadness or frustration that he can’t be there.
The big appointments are the ones where he should be trying every and anything to be there. The anatomy scan is one of the biggest appointments that a pregnant woman can have. It is when they make important measurements and confirm that everything is growing and developing properly. It is also a sweet moment, when mom and dad can normally get their first really good detailed look at their baby. They also may find out the gender. This is one appointment that he really shouldn’t miss. Again, this one has blurred lines, because there are circumstances when he can not make these appointments but watch how he feels about missing them.
13 How Did He Handle Your Hormones?
It is no secret that being pregnant changes a person, in every aspect. It seems as if every way a woman can be changed, will be changed. Hormones play a big part in a woman’s life, pregnant or not. When she becomes pregnant, these hormones are running rampant through her body. They are going through a lot of changes and rising and lowering. All of these are bound to alter her mood at times. It is not something she can control or change, it is all natural.
The degree of how these hormones will affect each individual woman varies, and no two women are going to respond to the changes the same. If a woman is one of those ones who suffer a lot through their pregnancy with the changing hormones, then she needs to pay attention to how her partner reacts to them.
Is he supportive? Does he understand why you are acting the way you are and not give you too much trouble for it? Or is he always saying how hard this pregnancy is for him?
He needs to be supportive and understanding when it comes to the hormonal changes that occur, because they only get worse after birth and it may be enough for him to run.
12 Who Was Getting All The Cravings?
Another thing that hits a lot of women hard when they are pregnant is cravings. Eating is a battle when a woman is pregnant. In the first trimester, she may be so sick that she can barely get anything down, as well as all the food aversions she may be having. Then she starts to crave things. These may not always be the weird peanut butter and pickle cravings we hear so much about either. It could just be for a certain specific food that she needs (wants) at that time. The problem is, nothing else will look satisfying to her at that moment so she needs to get what she is craving.
This affects the man as well, as he is more than likely the one going out and getting her the food she has been craving. Whether this is in the middle of the day, or at one o’clock in the morning. Pay attention to how your partner treats you when you have these cravings. Is he supportive? Does he go and get you what you are craving?
It is not easy to be the partner of a woman who is pregnant, and most men who are supportive won’t mind getting you your craving. It is just one small thing they can do to help you during this time.
11 Was He Present During The Pregnancy?
A lot of women who have experienced their partners leaving once the baby is born often look back over their pregnancy and wonder if there were any signs or hints that this was coming. That they would one day be raising a child alone, without the man they thought would stick with them. One of the common factors they seem to notice is that their partner was not ‘present’ during the pregnancy. Sure, he may have physically been there and even have come to every single doctor’s appointment but was he mentally present.
Was he involved in a lot of the discussions about having a baby? During the pregnancy, did he seem like he was focused on any discussions revolving the baby, or was he one his phone during the entire doctor’s appointment?
These could all be signs that he is not emotionally involved with the baby and does not have any real connection to you or the little one. The easiest way to try and curb this before it becomes an issue is to communicate with him. Ask him what’s going on, he may just be having some minor anxiety about being a dad and all he needs is to talk about it.
10 Money Means More Now Than Before
Having a baby is not cheap, it costs a lot of money and this news does not come at a surprise for anyone. It is another big worry on every parent’s mind when they find out that they are about to become parents. If there is a baby shower, you can hope to receive a lot of your big-ticket items then but there are still daily costs that must be taken into consideration. Ironically, along with children, money is another main reason why couple’s do not last.
How has your partner been about money since you found out you were pregnant? Has he been about the same? Or has he become closed-wallet?
It is always smart to start watching your money when you are expecting a baby, and to start saving, but it shouldn’t become an obsession. It can work the opposite way too, has he been over spending?
Just throwing money around and buying anything he wants. He could be panicking about the thought of not having any money for himself once the baby comes. This could mean that he is not at the same maturity level as where he should be. Sacrifices must be made when a new little baby is about to enter the world.
9 Does He Blow Off Important Conversations?
A lot of signs that something is not right can all be boiled down to communication. When two people are about to become parents, there are a lot of conversations that need to happen about what to do. Are you going to opt out of certain prenatal tests? Then there are nursery decisions, name decisions and other medical decisions that need to be made. Not all conversations are easy or pleasant, but they must happen. How does your partner react when you try and engage him in these decisions?
If he is an active participant, then you have nothing to worry about. This means he is engaged and attentive and is glad to have input about all things baby!
If he blows you off and doesn’t want to have these discussions than that could be a sign that something is wrong and that he may be having fears and hesitation when it comes to being a father.
When we want to protect ourselves against something, then it is common that we avoid all discussion about that object, we imagine that if we do not have discussions about these things than it will hurt less when we walk away.
8 Does He Care About The Baby’s Name?
One of the biggest decisions a couple will make when they are about to welcome a baby is the baby’s name. It is a title that our child will carry for their rest of their lives, and it usually goes a long way to define who they are. It is normally a discussion that takes some time, and a little bit of compromise. Even the most balanced and happy couples can face disagreements when it comes to what to name their baby.
The one response a woman does not want to get when she asks her partner what they should name the baby, is “I don’t care, whatever you pick.” You may think you want this answer, because you then have full control of the name, but you really don’t.
When he doesn’t care what the baby’s name is, it shows very little interest in the baby and little investment on the future.
He should want to be a part of the decision, and while he may ultimately want you to make the decision, he should still be receptive to having discussions about the name. It should be a large red flag if he brushes it off and doesn’t care at all.
7 How Involved Is His Family?
I stated earlier that we all have a natural defense mechanism to protect ourselves from getting hurt. If we think we are going to have to give something away, or walk away from something, we do all we can to protect ourselves from getting too attached. The same goes with our family.
Has he told his family about the baby? Is he giving them regular updates about the baby’s development and progress? A man who is not openly speaking to his family about the upcoming baby may be the sign of a man who is about to split.
If he thinks there is even the slightest possibility that he is going to bolt once that baby comes, he won’t be wanting his mother to intervene. He won’t want her nagging at home or telling him what he is going is wrong, hopefully, that is what she tells him. It is important to make sure to watch how he interacts with his family. Sure, some men are not as extroverted as women are, especially when it comes to pregnancy and babies. So, he may not be shouting it from the rooftops, but he should be talking about it to some extent. If he is all close lipped about the baby, then you have every right to be suspicious.
6 Where Did His Friends Go?
There is a strange phenomenon that happens when you become a mother, as soon as that little baby pops our your friends all seem to disappear. Now, it is off to some mom groups to try and make a new circle of friends. If you are a stay at home mom, then this can be a lonely point in your life. This happens to Dad’s too; the only difference is that women seem to handle this a lot better. A lot of dad’s start to really miss their life pre-baby and it can really affect them.
Pay attention to his social life when you are pregnant, and track if it gets worse or better. Sometimes, his friends may start disappearing while mom is still pregnant. They call him less and less to come out and have a couple beers with them.
Dad may figure that it will only get worse once the baby is here as he drastically tries to cling to a semblance of his life before.
It can also go the opposite way, if you notice that he is only going out with his friends, and he is doing it more and more, it could mean that he has no intention of stopping, and he may be leaving once this baby comes.
5 Does He Just Look … Bored?
Sometimes, there are no signs. Men leave after the babies are born almost every day and sometimes the wife is completely shocked and had no possible inclination that this was coming. Or, did they? Sometimes, men can do all the right things. They can say all the right words and show up to every appointment and take part in every conversation, but are they doing it with joy or with necessity?
Do they constantly look bored when talk to them about all the baby things? Do they sit in the doctor’s office with their phone pulled out scrolling Facebook or playing Candy Crush?
The arrival of a new baby should not bore them. It may overwhelm them, or make them a little scared, but it should not bore them. It is normal for men and women to feel a little overwhelmed, especially if this is the first time they are expecting. As overwhelming as it may be to welcome a new little baby, it should also be mixed with intense excitement. If you notice that your man is looking a little bored, it is always best to just ask him how he is feeling, sometimes he just needs to talk about it.
4 Has He Told You To Stop Complaining?
No one likes to complain; pregnant women do not like to complain. Unfortunately, it happens, and it happens for good reason. Being pregnant is not easy and it takes a toll on our bodies and our mind. With that being said, sometimes we can’t help but let little complaints out here and there. We feel like we are completely safe to vent and complain to our partners, that they are there to support us and listen to us vent. If your partner is not being supportive, and is being downright mean when you are suffering, then chances are he is not in it for the right reason, and you may want to rethink the relationship yourself.
If he responds to your complaints with complaints of his own, that is not a good sign. If he sees that as an opening to start complaining about the sliver he got today or that his back hurts, fight the urge to smack him, but also take it seriously.
Even worse, if he gets mad at you for complaining and tells you to just stop complaining all together, that is another red flag. It may be hard for him because there is not much he can do to help, but the least he can do is be a listening ear and supportive shoulder.
3 Who Is Decorating The Nursery?
While pregnancy may be long and hard, it is also filled with beautiful and fun moments. There is the baby shower to look forward to and getting everything ready for baby. The biggest thing that needs to be set up is the baby’s nursery. It is a wonderful time, as mom and dad pick out the paint colours, the crib and all the other cute things that will be in his room. It is a team effort, or it should be, and it can be disheartening when mom finds that she is setting it all up on her own.
Now, there will be people out there who state that setting up a nursery and all that decorating stuff is something that (generally) women are more interested in than men, but this is about a lot more than just picking a paint colour.
It is about bonding together over the upcoming arrival of your baby. It is about communicating and deciding what you both want the room to look like.
Even at the very least, he should seem interested and actively participate in any conversations about what the baby’s room will look like. Even if he doesn't have an eye for the aesthetic or is colorblind, it can still be done together.
2 Log His Nights Out
We touched on this earlier, but make sure to start paying attention to how much and how often he goes out. It is only a concern when you notice a drastic change.
If he starts logging more hours at the bar, and the visits are more frequent as the weeks go on, this is a sign that he is not feeling comfortable with the pregnancy.
Again, it is important to keep the lines of communication open because this could be his way of coping with the nerves and anxiety that comes with being a new dad. If that is the case, chances are this is not a sign that he will leave.
If he shows other signs on this list, as well as going out more and more often, it could be another sign that he is not invested in the pregnancy and that he has no intention of staying. It is his way of detaching from the pregnancy. The less he is around you, the less he must be reminded of the upcoming baby. The less he must think about, and the less he must talk about it. You also do not want this behaviour to continue once the baby is here, because that is not fair to you or the baby, better to talk about it now and get to the bottom of it all.
1 The Closeness Is Gone … Poof!
There is absolutely no reason why a man and woman need to refrain from any form of personal intimacy when she is expecting. As long as there are no medical concerns from your doctor, all extracurricular activities can resume as normal. Men sometimes have a worry that they will hurt the baby. You may have to hurt his ego a little bit, but you can tell him that there is no chance of anything coming anywhere near the baby. The baby also has no idea what is going on, so you are not corrupting their mind.
The only real problem with intimacy during pregnancy is finding a comfortable position. There is a fair share of articles about intimacy during pregnancy, so I won’t bore you with the details here. What you need to watch out for is the intimacy within your own relationship. If the intimacy dies down, there may be a chance that he is bound to leave the relationship. Even if it is just romance that has dwindled, it is not a good sign. The best way to prevent this from happening is to make sure you speak about your concerns and go on those date nights and keep that love and fire alive, that is how the baby was made and we all could do with a small reminder of that every now and then.