Whether a couple has enjoyed several years of wedded bliss, or they are newlyweds who want to start a family right away, most women wonder what their other half is going to be like as a daddy. Their guy is the ideal husband, and they envision their happy little twosome starting a family. They picture their husband’s nurturing a sweet little one and being a rock-star daddy.
However, when the daydreaming wife starts to really picture her husband being a father, she should really take a good, close look. If she really wants her husband to be the ‘picture perfect’ daddy, she should really examine his behaviors and his actions to get a good, clear, realistic picture of what life will be like when the couple welcomes a baby into the family.
Do his behaviors and action suggest that he will willing be getting up to share the responsibility of late night feedings, or do they do more than hint that he will put a pillow over his head and snore louder every time the baby awakens in the wee hours of the morning? Will he change diapers, soothe the baby to sleep and partake in quality bonding time; or, will he run for the hills when diapers need to be changed, put earplugs in when the baby cries and think that quality bonding time is letting the baby play in his pack-and-play while he watches the football game with his buddies?
A daddy plays a big role in his child’s life. Before trying to start a family, take a good, hard look at your other half: There are actually several signs that may indicate that the transition from hubby to daddy will be a tough one.
15 Following Through Is Not His Forte
Following through with things is a very important trait for a good daddy to have, and if that’s something he struggles with, then chances are, transitioning into the role of daddy is going to be tough for him.
Is he the kind of person who starts a project and then leaves it by the wayside when the going gets tough? Did he join the gym and start buying all healthy food, only to never actually go to the gym and leave the veggies rotting in the fridge while he munched on Big Macs? Did he get amped up about starting a business, but then trashed the idea when he realized that it was actually going to take a lot of work?
While he may have the best intentions, giving up is not something that a father can do when the going gets tough; and believe me, the going can get really tough when children are involved.
14 Selfish Is His Middle Name
Being selfish isn’t necessarily a bad thing: We all need to be selfish every now and again; it’s good for the soul. However, if a husband consistently puts his needs first and foremost, there’s a good chance that being a daddy will be tough for him.
If he prefers to spend his money on himself instead of saving, or he never wants to spend quality time doing the things that his wife wants to do, those could be signs that indicate being a dad isn’t for him. If he has a ‘me’ mentality, then that’s a real indication that he may not be cut out for fatherhood. If he is the center of his own universe, his ego may take a big hit when he has to come second after a baby arrives.
13 He Has ZERO Patience
The old saying goes, “Patience is a virtue;” and when it comes to having kids, nothing could be truer.
Yes, everyone loses their patience from time to time, so if he snaps when he is repeatedly cut off while he’s driving, that’s doesn’t necessarily indicate that he isn’t father material; however, if he has a severe case of road rage when he has to stop for a school bus that is letting kids off, or because there is a family of geese crossing the road, then yeah… patience may not be his virtue.
When children are involved, patience isn’t just a virtue, it’s an absolute necessity. Babies cry because they can’t communicate, toddlers walk slower because their legs are shorter and kids make messes when they are playing. If he seems like a guy that is going to snap as soon as the baby cries, who is going to always yell when his child is lagging behind, or who is going to have a meltdown every time there’s a mess of toys, then being a father may be a challenge.
12 He Gets Grossed Out Easily
A husband who gets queasy at the mere mention of the word vomit, poop or pee may not be ready for the whole daddy gig.
Let’s be honest, there’s nothing really appealing about vomit, poop or pee, and of course, nobody wants to deal with these things. However, they are a huge part of dealing with children. If a husband is going to toss his cookies every time the baby spits up, he has to change a diaper or he gets peed on, well, the parenting thing may not be for him.
Being a parent takes an iron stomach, and while yes, we all may turn green in the face when we are faced with the gross things that come out of our children, we have to be able to stomach them. It’s not a pretty part of parenting, but it’s definitely a big part of it.
11 A Penny Burns A Hole In His Pocket
It comes as no surprise that children cost money. A lot of money. And while it sure can be tough to set a realistic budget, it sure is worth a try.
Yes, it’s fine for a guy to spend money on himself; however, if every dime he makes it spent on him rather than things that others need, or saving toward the future, then maybe he isn’t ready to spend money on children.
A father should be financially responsible. If the mother is the sole breadwinner, that’s great; however, the father needs to be frugal and responsible with the money that is brought into the house, especially if children are going to be brought into the house in the future.
10 He Doesn’t Contribute
Children are a HUGE responsibility, and they require a lot of work. In order for a mom to keep her sanity, she is going to have to rely on the help of her children’s father.
If a husband keeps adding dishes to the sink and expects you to do them; if he doesn’t take out the garbage; if he keeps his socks and underwear balled up in his pants; if he has to be asked over and over again to mow the lawn… In short, if he doesn’t contribute to these types of things before children arrive, he probably isn’t going to contribute once they do; and when children are in the picture, there is going to be even more that needs to be done. If his lack of contribution drives you insane now, it’s going to make you go made when you have children.
9 He’s Lazy
Everyone deserves to be lazy once in a while. We all have to unwind and let our gears rest; however, if a husband’s main hobby is being lazy, then fatherhood may not be a good idea.
Does he prefer to sit on the couch every free moment he gets instead of doing projects around the house, or if he asks you to pass him the remote that is sitting on the coffee table when he is sitting on the couch and you are in the kitchen, then being a dad isn’t going to be a difficult transition for him.
A guy can’t be lazy if he’s going to be a dad; he just can’t. He has to be a mover and a shaker. He has to be ready to jump up at the drop of a hat – especially when a toddler is about to try to take on a staircase.
8 His Hobbies Include Being A Slob
A husband who is an outright slob is going to make parenthood all the more difficult.
Children are adorable and so worthwhile; however, they are messy. I mean, completely, utterly and downright messy. If a husband can’t keep himself or the house clean, he certainly won’t be able to keep up with the mess that the kids are going to make. Sure, there’s a chance that he could change; but, if you have asked him over and over again to change his ways and to make more of conscious effort to clean up after himself, then I hate to say it, but he probably isn’t going to change too much when children arrive. I mean, he could change his slobbish ways, but there’s also a very good chance that he won’t, which means an even messier house – and more aggravation – when the children do come into the picture.
7 He’s A Total Neat Freak
While being a slob is a sign that he may not be ready for fatherhood, so is being a neat freak.
Kids make messes. They make big, big messes. Toys will be strewn about the living room, mud will be tracked across the floor, walls will be drawn on and things will definitely be put out of their place. If a husband needs to have everything in its proper place at all times; if he can’t stand when there’s a speck of dirt on the floor; if he goes into a panic when something spills on his shirt, then going from husband to daddy is going to be tough for him.
Yes, being a neat freak is a good thing when it comes to cleaning up after the kids; but, it could certainly prove to be a negative trait if he freaks out any time he sees that a mess is made or a drink is set on a table without a coaster.
6 He Thinks A Woman Should Always be “Put Together”
A husband who thinks that his wife should always be put together is going to be in for a rude awakening when children come into the picture.
Even the most well dressed, perfectly polished woman is going to have days when she doesn’t get dressed, when her hair hasn’t been washed and when she doesn’t wear makeup. Heck, many moms who dress to the nines trade in their skinny jeans and stilettos for sweats and moccasins when they have a baby.
Babies require a lot of attention, they are a lot of work, and they are exhausting. A mom who is overworked, stressed out and overtired probably isn’t going to spend time trying to look her best. Not to mention the fact that it’s going to be tough for her to find the time to look perfectly polished; and she’ll probably want to spend the time she could have spent primping herself making silly faces and singing “The Wheels on the Bus” to make her baby giggle with delight.
5 Communication Is An Issue
Communication is an important part of a health relationship, and it is absolutely vital for parents. If communication is an issue in your marriage, than it is going to be a big issue when you become parents.
A husband and wife need to have open lines of communication, especially when it comes to their children. How do they want to raise their family? What happens an issue with the child arises? How are they going to deal when one person becomes completely overwhelmed? The only way to know the answers to these questions is to discuss them.
The truth is, while communication is such an important part of parenting, it is something that a lot of couples struggle with. Many couples become parents without ever having discussed how they want to raise their family, what their ideals are, or how they plan on handling the big things, like discipline. Parents need to coordinate and compromise with each other, so if they have a really tough time trying to decide what to have for dinner on a regular basis, communication is going to be really tough when they become parents.
4 He’s Very Defensive
If he gets defensive over the slightest thing, chances are that he is going to have a difficult time becoming a father.
A man who is extremely defensive may take his wife’s questions pertaining to the children as an insult. For example, when she asks when the last time the baby was fed after she went out for a quick lunch with her children, a husband may think that his wife is insinuating that he doesn’t know how to take care of his child. His defensiveness may make him extremely angry and may lead to serious arguments, which will only make the job of parenting even more difficult for both husband and wife, not to mention for the child.
3 He Expects His Wife To Wait On Him
A husband who expects his wife to wait on him hand and foot probably isn’t going to be good father material.
Listen, it’s nice for a wife to do things for her husband; however, when a husband expects that his wife should do things for him, like always have dinner on the table, always make sure his shirts are pressed, always keep his drinks full, well, it’s going to cause big problems when it comes to parenting.
Kids require a lot of attention and they have a lot of demands that need to be met. When a child comes into the picture, the husband who expects his wife to wait on him hand and foot is going to be in for a huge wakeup call when he finds that she is taking care of the baby more than she is taking care of him. It’s also going to be a huge wakeup call for the wife when she realizes that her husband doesn’t think of her as his equal.
2 He Doesn’t Tend To His Wife’s Needs
Women have needs, and they need to be tended to by their husbands. If a husband is not willing to tend to his wife’s needs, then that’s a really strong sign that he isn’t cut out for being a daddy.
From pregnancy to labor and delivery, to postpartum recovery and all of the years of child rearing, a wife is going to have a lot of needs, and a husband is going to have to help fulfill those needs if the marriage is going to survive parenting. Add to that the fact that if a husband isn’t willing to tend to the needs of his wife, then he probably isn’t going to be willing to tend to the needs of his children.
Not tending to a wife’s needs is a recipe for disaster when it comes to having children; it will do nothing but make a woman resent her husband – even more than she may resent him for not meeting her needs before a child comes along.
1 He Thinks Raising Children Is A Woman’s Job
Yes, he may be into the idea of having children. He may even say that he is totally looking forward to being a dad. However, if he thinks that the role of being a dad involves interacting with his children only when it is convenient for him, and he thinks that the mother should be responsible for all of the ‘dirty’ work, then he isn’t going to make a good dad.
A dad needs to really be involved with his children at all times, and that includes changing diapers, feeding, disciplining, helping with homework… You know, all the things that are involved with raising children. If he thinks that raising children is a woman’s responsibility, that should be a huge eye-opener for her, as it shows that he is not going to be fully invested in being a father – and he’s going to make her even more stressed out and resentful when a baby does arrive.