In most families, pregnancy news is met with celebration. A couple expecting a baby are full of excitement, cannot wait to meet their new addition and share the happy news with everyone. In some cases, this is not exactly true. While women are mostly the ones who feel good about having a baby, men are sometimes quite the opposite.
Some men don't meet the pregnancy news with the same level of excitement that their partner feels. Instead, they feel like a new baby is a heavy load, particularly if the pregnancy is unexpected.
Often, they welcome the news well and share the excitement, but when the novelty wears off, they rethink what life will be like after a baby comes into the picture and decide that it is not what they thought. They decide that it is not for them and that they want out.
Partners walking out on their expectant spouse or girlfriend is not new. Men have been running from responsibilities for a long time and in many previous generations. Today, relationships are more disposable than they were before and everyone thinks about what they can take from a relationship a lot more than about what they can give. Naturally, breakups and divorce rates are soaring.
When a man plans to leave, he may not be explicitly honest about it. Some men keep it a secret until the baby is born and others just stay quiet till they figure out what they want to do. Either way, it's obvious that they change their mind and they start showing some signs that they might be leaving soon.
15 He Wasn’t Thrilled When He Found Out
The way a man handles the pregnancy news says a lot about his intentions. While men don’t habitually yelp with joy and jump up and down, it shows whether they are happy about it or not. If a man shows confusion, frustration, anger or gloom when he finds out his partner/spouse is pregnant, this is not a good indication.
This is especially true if it is accompanied by negative words and lack of enthusiastic response when someone offers congratulations.
Some men get shocked when they know the news at first, but their attitude changes over time. If the pregnancy is unexpected or if the reality is just too different from what they thought, they don’t know what to make of it at the time. Then, after they take some time to process the news, they get excited, talk about the baby and show lots of smiles and encouragement to their pregnant partners.
14 He Doesn't Attend The Prenatal Visits
An important sign of how a father will deal with a baby when it is born is what he is doing long before that birth. Prenatal visits are part of routine health care offered to pregnant women to ensure the health and safety of the women and the baby.
It's true that some men have long working hours that clash with those appointments, but no interested father would miss a look at the ultrasound. Many men do not come to every appointment, but some never come at all.
Fathers who are ready to leave are detached emotionally from the entire affair. Not only do they skip attending prenatal appointments, but also, they do not ask how it went or what the updates are. They do not care if the baby is growing well, how the birth will be of if there are any expected complications. They are neither concerned about the mother or the baby.
13 The Ultrasound Doesn't Interest Him
Skipping prenatal appointments is not the only sign. Some women are able to take photos of ultrasounds at over 3 months of pregnancy. At this point, the head, arms, legs and abdomen are clearly visible. A woman who rushes home with this ultrasound only to find a frowny face waiting at home is in for a disappointment.
She needs to notice this reaction and not accept excuses about why such a milestone was not exciting for the father.
When a man does come to a prenatal visit, there is often the option of hearing the baby’s heartbeats with a fetal Doppler. It is one of the most eye-tearing moments of a pregnancy. If this moment does not make a father emotional or if he brushes it off like a normal everyday thing, he is definitely not interested and may not be involved in the future.
So, it is not only about whether he crosses his duties off the list, it is about how he feels about those duties.
12 He's Stingy With His Money
Having a baby is a very expensive experience. Building the basics for a baby are a huge cost. Of course, there are things that are not essential for living and others that parents cannot skip during baby shopping. When a father does not intend to be there for his baby, he refuses to “waste” money on the baby’s things.
He labels all the baby’s needs as unnecessary and looks for ways to get away with not buying what he should.
He may delay buying the essentials till the last month, give excuses about waiting for making a better decision instead of buying things on an impulse and if he buys something, he chooses the cheapest. If the mother works, he may starting withdrawing his money and waiting for her to buy things on her own dime.
He may also shy away from buying the mother prenatal vitamins or paying for her doctor’s visits.
11 He Spends Money Only On Himself
Although fathers who plan to take off after a baby comes do not spend money at home, they still spend money on themselves. Some men become more economic after they get the baby news because they want to be able to afford everything, but if they only withdraw money when it comes to baby things but still spend on themselves generously, something is awfully wrong.
They still want to maintain their standard when it comes to fashion, lifestyle and all expenses with complete disregard to the baby. It often happens because they feel chained and want to make up for it by giving themselves a taste of luxury and indulgence.
Inconsistency in payment does not only come in the form of the wrong balance of self-versus family. Sometimes, men hide funds entirely from their partners.
After a woman was probably the money manager of the house, she will suddenly feel disconnected from the cash. If a man has a plan to leave, this plan may be costing him, so he stops letting his partner manage money for him. He may also lie about where the money went or accuse his wife of asking too many questions or nagging.
10 He's Not Interested In Details About The Baby
There is a lot to think about when a baby is on the way. Some parents start talking about things like names as soon as they receive the news. As the pregnancy progresses, topics start popping up. Parents talk about accommodating the baby financially, their parenting philosophies regarding feeding, sleep, diapering and other details.
In other words, the happy pregnancy news is just the kickoff for a 9-month long discussion on various baby related topics.
If a father is regressing from talking about those details, it is a cause for concern. He does not give opinions on suggested names, does not talk about his expectations regarding what life will be like and does not even discuss the basics of how they will afford the needs of the baby.
He keeps responding with thing like “It’s still too early to decide” or “I don’t have time to talk about this now” and never re-opens the topic.
9 He Doesn't Talk About His Family
Once a man receives pregnancy news, he usually starts spreading it around and sharing it with the people who matter the most to him. When a father is not happy about it, he does not share the news with his family, and even if they find out, he does not interact positively. There is no talk about how his parents, siblings, or extended family reacted to the news. It is as if he is pretending the baby does not exist.
Some men have a close parent or sibling with which they share their true intentions. If this happens, the in-laws who were close enough to call every other day or share family secrets start distancing themselves. This is especially important because in most families, grandparents share a part of the baby’s care. When there is no talk about what his family will do for the baby, a mother knows that they probably want nothing to do with it.
8 His Friends Disappear
Similar to what might happen with the in-laws, the father’s friends may disappear too. In many couples, the friends of the father get to know their friend’s partner and may even start being “couple friends” by introducing the ladies to each other. Some already have common friends before getting together, but there are always friends that came from the man’s side. Those are the friends that change when something is wrong.
Friends are actually more likely to know about a man’s intention to leave than his parents, which is why they may suddenly avoid contact with the partner completely. They will stop asking how she is, ask her for help with anything or even try to reach him through calling her. This indicates that he has distanced her and told them to stay away. In other cases, the friends are not sure what will happen so they save themselves the trouble and choose to stay away from the whole issue.
7 He Leaves the House More Often
This one is a no-brainer. If a man loses interest in a woman, he stays away from her. He will stay longer at work, go out with friends more often and start doing things outside the house that he didn’t use to. All this is done to avoid long contact with the woman. He wants to stay away from all the baby talk, and sometimes wants to stay away from the mother herself.
It gets very annoying and hurtful when a woman starts noticing this behavior and asking why he has changed or why he is not spending time with her anymore. If the responses are all illogical or downright rude, then something is not right. In such cases, a man will usually throw around an excuse or two, and when the woman does not take “NO” for an answer, he gets angry and starts talking in a louder angrier tone.
6 He Keeps Himself Busy
Sometimes men who are not interested will not necessarily leave the house. Instead, they will stay inside, but do anything else besides talking and communicating. They will start doing work at home on their computers, spending more time making phone calls, or just sit mindlessly on the couch staring at the TV screen.
They could also start attending to delayed projects inside the house that they used to run away from. Also, they will take longer time to do simple things, like prepare a sandwich, because they are in no rush to get back to their partners.
The psychological barrier created by the man is impenetrable no matter what the woman does. He refuses to talk, answers questions with a simple answer and closes conversations as soon as he finds a way out of them. In today’s world, a man would happily stare at his phone to scroll through social media forever instead of talking to his woman. In short, he will avoid eye contact and conversation by any possible means.
5 He Fights More
All the trouble brewing inside a man’s mind is bound to find an outlet. On the other side, a woman facing all this neglect and lack of feelings from her man will also eventually speak up. This clash may turn into the daily life, with each of the two trying to make their point and refusing to listen to the other person.
Usually, a man will call his partner a nag because she is bothering him, but in reality, it is him who is making a big deal out of things.
Fighting over small matters is a sign of stress. It is true that everyone expecting a new baby is intimated by the unknown future, but after they get angry for a few minutes, they reconcile and things get better. With a man who wants to leave, things get worse fight after fight, because instead of making up, he insists that his partner is wrong and becomes more aggressive and hurtful.
He may also become more violent by throwing objects, even if this is something he has never done before.
4 He Blames His Significant Other
What is more indicative of extreme trouble than the number of fights is the nature of those fights. Inside quarrels, a man who wants to dump his partner will use accusatory tones and try to make her feel bad about herself. It could be in part due to him trying to rest his conscience by convincing himself that he is the victim in this situation and that she is to blame. This is quite common in unwanted pregnancies where the woman is the one on birth control.
Men who are inconsiderate of women’s feelings forget that both of them are responsible for the pregnancy. They go into complete denial and try to dump the blame on someone else. If the couple agreed not to have children and a pregnancy happens, some men think their partners did it “on purpose.” Those sick thoughts drive the man crazy and makes him say illogical things. A woman has to pay attention to the words, even if they reconcile later, because often the words thrown around in a fight come from within the heart and mind.
3 He's Not Interested In Being Intimate
Sexual intimacy is a part of a healthy relationship. Contrary to popular belief, sex life is not indicative of a good marriage or relationship. It is actually the other way. A good relationship is reflected in a good sex life. Otherwise, when a couple are not comfortable and happy together, their sex life declines in terms of frequency and quality.
A man who has a problem with his partner will not be as passionate about her like he used to be.
A man who is not happy with his partner will retreat from sex. He will not be interested in romance anymore and will not show affection towards his partner. It begins appearing in the little things like holding hands and smiling when they meet after a long day, and gradually escalates to extinguishing physical affection from their life entirely.
The point here is not to keep tabs on the frequency of sex, but on his attitude towards it.
2 He Openly Flirts With Others
A man who plans on leaving is not concerned with how his partner feels. His comments on other women exceed the normal commenting on the looks of a beautiful actress on TV and becomes open flirtation with other women on the street.
It can be as simple as extra conversation or a flirtatious smile to the pretty girl serving the morning coffee and could be more embarrassing if he starts flirting with single friends.
It is often paradoxical that a man who starts leaving a relationship tries to find another. This is not the case with such men. Men who flirt are not looking for a relationship or even for a date. They just do what they want with total disregard for their partners’ feelings, because they no longer care about them.
When a woman objects such behavior, he turns the table on her claiming she is too jealous and insecure.
1 He Drops Hints
A man who is planning to leave will not openly say “I’m out” until he really is. Yet, some men are unable to hide how they feel so some hints slip out during conversation. Some men say things like “This baby is a mistake.” “I don’t think I can do this,” and “I’m not ready to be a father.”
Other men are sneaky enough to mentally prepare the partners for leaving by expressing constant blame and disapproval, making the women believe that the men leaving is their fault, putting them in a malicious pit of self-blame when the breakup occurs.
Expressing worry is normal, but constant negativity towards the matter means that there is no silver lining left for him to see, and it won’t be long before he decided he wants what he thinks is better. When this happens, a woman should extend the conversation to examine what is wrong and talk it out. If he refuses, that means this is the end for him.
He is not just worried and wants reassurance and planning. He is done and has already made up his mind.