Apparently the Tiger mom has some competition out there. What animal is there that is taking on that Tiger. It's a panda. Specifically a Panda Dad. Did that just strike fear in your heart? That makes zero of us. And I think that is the just the way the Panda Dad meant it to be.
You see, this Panda parenting prototype stems from a dad's reaction to the Tiger Mom phenomenon. This was a dad that witnessed the super strict kind of parenting that is showcased in China. The father, in fact is or was an American born man living in China with his wife and three kids. He found himself at odds with the system that seems to stifle creativity and not encourage innovation. He found himself wondering where the dad's were in this whole Tiger Mom Universe.
This article is going to explore some signs to recognize a Panda Dad. Is your husband a Panda Dad? Is your father a Panda Dad? Is your brother a Panda Dad? Would it be fun to call them a Panda Dad? Could you start them a collection with random Panda things for the next few years if they are? Probably should. Seems like a wated oppurtunity if you don't.
Since Panda Dad was started in response to the Tiger Mom, it will be almost impossible to not draw some comparisons between the too. This is not meant to critique either type of parent, as obviously different things work for different groups. This is purely informative.
15 Cuddles
If the guy seems to prefer cuddles to yelling or strict punishment, this could be a good indication that he's a Panda Bear Man Cub. This doesn't mean that the doesn't know how to let the claws come out if necessary, but it means that there is generally a progression that takes place. If he is able to take a minute and try to understand what is going on that is causing a change in behavior, rather than just hammer home the punishment, you may have a Panda Dad. If he is willing to hug it out and forgive, than you might see yourself dealing with a Panda dad. If he understands that sometimes there aren't really words from a parent that can make things better, but a hug can change the course of a day - than he sure might be on his way to being King Panda Dad.
14 Controlled Chaos
There is an order, but it's just not an order that you would probably be able to distinguish. That is just the way a Panda Dad likes it.
The Panda Dad describes it like this "... controlled chaos reigns in our house – and it works for us, even if this has befuddled some friends and family members and sent weak-kneed babysitters scurrying for the door."
This seems familiar to me. If there are not a lot of areas in the fellas life that could be easily picked up by someone else and taken care of than he may have a controlled chaos situation. If there aren't a lot of hard and fast rules about how they prepare breakfast or how they have things arranged in the kitchen, that could point to Panda Dad material. If things tend to work out, but looking at them you can't even begin to figure out how or why, than that's probably Panda magic.
13 Teaches Independence
When compared to the micro managing that appears to happen within the Tiger Mom realms, a Panda Dad has a little bit more leniency. This is likely to be something that can foster a since of independence for the kids. Teaching independence is a cornerstone and a very important part of parenting.
According to this parenting style (that of the Panda) teaching independence is a far better outcome than getting all A's for the rest of their lives. Of course it is possible to both achieve straight A's and to have independence. In the Tiger mom way of doing things there is extreme pressure on the child and it begs the question if once the child is on their own they can sustain the same arc of accomplishment without having someone breathing down their necks. There is also a question of whether that pressure ever lets up on the child or if they will always feel like they are not fulfilling something. Independence means meeting your own standards.
12 Prizes Confidence
Much the same as above, confidence is something that the Tiger Mom style may not foster. Sure there can be some confidence gained from succeeding at things. However, life is somethimes about learning how to have confidence even when you fail. If you never fail, how can you learn that the world doesn't end. The Panda Dad seems to understand that confidence isn't something that isn't only achieved through doing superior work to everyone, it's something that is achieved by contributing to things that you care about and exceling in those things. Confidence is something that it seems would be hard to teach in a Tiger Mom scenario as the control and ability to place pressure on the child may be lost if too much confidence is gained by their child. The Panda family turns on the children having confidence in themselves in order to do the things important to them and contribute to the family.
11 Encourages Competence
We are not all going to be the best at everything that we try to do. That shouldn't be something shameful. That should be something that we learn from. By encouraging the children to be competent in things if they can't be masters, this allows them some freedom to pick what things they need to dig deeper and work harder at according to Panda Philosophy. You should be competent at making your own meals, but you don't have to be a chef. Be competent at cleaning, but you may not keep your house and room the exact way that I do. Be competent at balancing your checkbook, but you don't have to be an accountant. There are so many examples of this. Competence reminds me of being a jack of all trades, but a master of none. Eventually if you jack enough trades, you will find the one that you are master of and that is what Panda's want.
10 Believes Interests Should Be Varied
There should be things outside of school work and music instrument practice. Much like the comments above encourage reaching out in order to learn how to do more things that will help the child help themselves in the world. The Panda Dad thinks that more experiences give more character. More character give more opportunities for success. If a Tiger Mom only allows their child to do things that they can be the best at, this may foster a fear that they can't try anything. Who wants to go out and fail if they are made to feel that failure is larger than life? The Panda Dad thinks you should encourage children to do things that they enjoy. Hours of practice on instruments and math problems unless requested by the child is not how to foster a varied series of interests. This gives the child very little ability to speak with others her age or develop skills to deal with people according to a Panda Dad parent.
9 Sees The Importance Of Social Interaction
Here we can flow right from number 10. If the child never develops varied interests, and only spends their time doing the lists of problems that they are given from their mom- do they even learn how to interact? Social interaction is something that we all need to be able to do. It just is. Depriving the children the outlets to practice social interaction with their peer groups is blinding them to something important in their development according to the Panda Dad philosophy.
Panda Dad is pretty on point with the additional observation that a child not allowed to spend time with peers could start to feel isolated. Functioning adults need to use their social skills. This pull quote from Panda Dad explains a little more about this "Aside from being a much cheaper option than babysitters, sleepovers also help children learn to sleep anywhere, in any bed, with any pillow. This is not an ability to be scoffed at. It is, in fact, one of three goals everyone should realistically set for raising their kids: get them to adulthood with no sleeping, eating or sexual hang-ups."
8 Responsibility
A Panda Dad believes that responsibility is learned when they are able to divide up their time in a little more free way. If you are managing every second of their day, one could argue that the you are taking all the responsibility from them. If they know that there are tasks that need to get done, and they are free to choose when those tasks are completed this fosters a way for them to drive in terms of their time. This responsibility will align with natural consequences. If the children don't get the things done that they should there will be consequences, but they are bound to be more natural and less ruthless than a Tiger Mom may employ. There are many ways to teach responsibility that are based more on building the child up, rather than breaking a child down for not living up to the responsibility.
The Panda Dad will likely seek out a more encouraging approach to building responsibility.
7 Thinks Accomplishments That Are Self Motivated "Feel" Better
A Panda Dad often feels that accomplishments that are self motivated just "feel" better. That lemonade that was squeezed freshly from your own hands tastes better than the kind that was in the store. If a child took it upon themselves to complete a project, it is a lot better if the initiated the accomplishment. According to a Panda Dad this sense of self is one of the most important things we have to teach our children.
Eventually we will not be there for our kids to direct them the steps to take for their life. It's important that they can accomplish things without the input of others on what they should do or how they should do it. Kids should get that joy of doing something for the interest of doing it for themselves.
6 Refuses to Schedule The Complete Day Of A Child
You will not catch a Panda Dad with a trapper keeper full of playdates marked out for the year. You likely won't find a detailed list of care instructions. You won't likely find a list of every project out there for the school year. This is so the child can learn to spend their time a little more freely. The beauty of being a child is that they don't have meetings and conference calls. They don't have to travel to the other side of town to have a date. They can spend hours playing pretend. They can make fun things happen around them. A Panda Dad doesn't want to see the magic of childhood lost with an over scheduled way of life that leads to stress and a decreased ability to enjoy the moment. A Panda Dad may think that too much focus placed on what is coming next, leads to decreased focus and appreciation on what is going on now.
5 Encourages Sense Of Self
A Panda Dad wants to foster a sense of self for their children. They believe that in the end this sense of self will be what helps them make the hard decisions in life. It's what will lead them to try to achieve a little more than their peers. It's what will lead them to shine a little brighter. They believe that encouraging them to do things for themselves instead of for an outside reason is going to benefit them in the long run. Encouraging a sense of self doesn't mean there are not requirements placed on the child or that they roam free. It means the child is treated like an individual. A Panda Dad will see each child as a separate person that may require a separate approach in raising.
4 Doesn't Attach Their Ego To The Accomplishments Of Child
A Panda Dad doesn't require their child to be perfect in order to feel accomplished. In many of the things written about the Tiger Mom approach there seems to be a big part linked to the Tiger Mom's ego. That if the child doesn't succeed it means that the mother and or father are not succeeding.
A Panda Dad doesn't feel that the accomplishments of the child reflect on them, good or bad. If their child performs with honors at math and spelling- a Panda Dad will congratulate and be proud of their child. They see it as their child shining though and not as anything done on their part that caused this to happen.
3 Perfection Is Impossible
A Panda Dad doesn't believe perfection to be possible. They focus on getting through a world that is "how it is." There is no waiting until the conditions are perfect before jumping in to take on life. There will never be a perfect time to do anything in this world. The Panda Dad is trying to train a child t realize that you can overcome things and navigate through a less than ideal world, still coming out on top. Or sometimes not on top.
A Panda Dad introduces the children to controlled chaos early and shows that the world has a lot of moving parts. An adult doesn't get to take a time out from life and study for 8 hours, so showing a child that they should do that may not be showing them how real world works. Panda Dads like to prepare.
2 Big Picture Focus
A Panda Dad may not look at things broken down into the smallest tasks. There may be a bigger picture that they focus on. That can come in handy to motivate and get the children on your side. Than they can use their common sense skills to help get to the big picture.
If you see a dad that leads the children to know that the room has to be cleaned up in 10 minutes, but doesn't break down the exact things that need to be done to get their- this may be an approach. As a mom I sometimes break things down- pick up those books, pick up the dolls over there, move the legos into bin, and make the bed. A Panda Dad may be a little more hands off on the process of getting to the big picture.
1 Has Their Own Interests
A Panda Dad is able to have their own interests outside of what the children accomplish. They take pride in their accomplishments instead of placing all of the value on the children and what they accomplish. This goes along with the number 4 where they don't attach their ego to what the children are able to do.
A Panda Dad will understand the importance of a family unit and yet they realize that a sense of self is important for adults as well as children. They certainly don't mind "showing off " a little bit with the things they have accomplished, and they understand that having interests outside the family is another way of adding to the family. A rich mixture of interests can make a great dinner time discussion.
Do you subscribe to Panda, Tiger, or any other type parenting style? What is your main parenting goal?