To many, parenthood seems to be exciting, especially with the first baby. After months of enduring the pain of pregnancy, mom now has time to heal and be back to her pre-pregnancy state again. What joy does this little bundle bring to the family!
Even before the baby was gotten out of his mom’s womb, everything was ready. his Dad has set up his crib and mom has decorated his room with glow-in-the-dark stickers up at the ceiling. The baby clothes are ready and everyone in the family is anxious to welcome the new member of the family.
However, being married and having children isn’t as engaging as it seems it may be. There are always adjustments and it’s not easy for the couple. The couple should adjust in their living and always acknowledge that it’s not the two of them anymore, because they have to nurture their child. The husband should also adjust to the physical changes his wife has after being pregnant. Honestly, it’s not the same anymore.
There is an old proverb that states a woman will start to feel motherhood soon as she is pregnant, but a man will feel fatherhood soon as he sees the baby. Women seem to accept easier that she’s a mother, but for some men, it’s a hard thing to do. It’s because he’s not used to it. It’s understandable that post-pregnant women undergo postpartum blues, but men also experience some struggles after the baby is born. This usually brings a lot of women to cry themselves to sleep at night.
There are many issues regarding the loss of interest of the dad in the mom and baby, and they are going to be tackled in this article. Here are 15 signs that may show he’s over the mom and the baby.
15 There's No “Spark” When He Looks At The Baby
After long hours of labor, all the hard work and pain will disappear as soon as the mom sees her baby for the first time. She will cry tears of joy. Even doctors and nurses of the delivery room feel the good vibes of the arrival of a wonderful guest.
Of course, dads will be happy, too. Usually they say, “Finally, I am a daddy!” However, there’s not always a “and they lived happily ever after” after the birth. No, not for dads.
They say that looks may be deceiving, but the eyes won’t lie. There is something wrong when the dad doesn’t have a spark in his eyes when he looks at the baby. There is something wrong when there is no “Awww” feeling for the dad.
He doesn’t see the child like how the mom sees it. He might do his fatherly duties, but he will do it out of obligation. He just feels miserable of having a duty. He might find that being a father is no fun at all.
14 He Says He Doesn’t Like The Baby
When a man says something, it is simply what he means. Usually, he won’t decorate his sentence with flowery words, which typically confuses the meaning of the idea. “I don’t like the baby,” he might say, and he means it. There’s just no warm feelings at all.
Maybe he will change the diapers, feed the baby, read a story, and do what ever a father would and should do, but he’s not happy. Sometimes, he will even find the child annoying.
This is very devastating for the mom. Before marriage, she most likely sees her soon-to-be-husband as the soon-to-be-father of their child, and realizing that it didn’t go the way it should can be very frustrating. Although many times the mom will encourage the dad, it is not just happening. They just end up arguing over the matter.
This will usually also stir up conflict in the intimacy of the couple.
13 He Doesn’t Dream Of The Baby’s Future
“When he grows a little older, we’ll go fishing together. I’ll teach him how to be the best baseball player. Hmm…it’ll be great if he would be a doctor or a lawyer or be the president! I don’t know. I just want him to be happy.”
Isn’t it wonderful to have a husband that is crazy about the baby’s future? This dad must have wild dreams for his baby! If that’s the case, it’s obvious that he is excited about his fatherhood.
However, when dads don’t have dreams for the baby’s future, then he might not care at all. He won’t have plans to have picnics with his family or just even spend time with them. There is no bright future ahead. All he thinks is that the baby is a burden and a responsibility. He might just tolerate the baby because he loves his wife or just because he should act as a father.
12 He Doesn’t Want To Communicate Anymore
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. If he talks with his wife, but just always about casual things, then she should suspect that something is wrong. Usually, a woman speaks up whatever is in her mind.
That’s also her way to release some stress within her. Yet, that’s the opposite characteristic of a man. He won’t express himself totally. He typically won’t be hysterical or emotional about matters, unlike a woman.
If he talks about politics a lot or some current issues that sidetracks romantic or intimate talks between him and his wife, then clearly, he doesn’t want to communicate. When he talks with his wife, he will usually start up with a dry topic.
Normally, a man won’t talk about politics when he is talking to a girl he wants to be a girlfriend, in the same way, if the starry-eyed conversations are gone, he’s not interested at all.
11 He Spends More Time With The Electronics
Does he spend more time watching the television at night? During his leisure times, does he spend a lot of time browsing the internet? During at night in bed with his wife, is he holding his phone instead of talking with his wife? Does he spend more time with the electronics than with his family? He is over his wife and his baby — his family.
While it is true that electronics should bring people closer to their loved ones, when they are far away, but it also true that it also detaches them from the family that is physically with them.
If the dad is spending more time with his gadgets, then it is a clear sign that he uses this as a coping mechanism for the foreseeably low survival of the marriage and the family. He’s most likely stressed out so he’s finding ways to be relieved.
10 He Runs Away From Arguments
Whether it’s about the marriage or even about the baby, it all ends up in arguments and conflict — that’s the usual thing. Arguments are always part of the family relationship. From the smallest thing to the biggest issue, the mom has a lot to say, and the dad has a counterpart argument. Arguments, if remained unresolved, may result in bigger family issues.
However, when the dad runs away from the argument, it may seem beneficial for the mom, but it is not actually a good sign. In a normal argument, for example, the mom will say a lot of things, and the dad will say his part and be furious.
If in the argument of the couple, the dad will shake off the issue (without it being resolved) just to get out of the conversation, that means he has no interest in listening. It also means that he has no interest in getting the problem resolved because he really just doesn’t care much anymore.
9 He Doesn’t Want To Hold Hands In Public
While there are offensive ways of public displays of affection among couples, such as public kissing and the like, holding hands while walking doesn’t offend anyone. When two people are holding hands in public, that means they are a couple or they are somewhat in a relationship.
Holding hands is a harmless and undeniably a legal form of public display of affection. It may seem to be a small thing but thinking about the time before they became a couple…isn’t that man dying to touch the hand of his woman? Isn’t it a boost to the pride to walk hand-in-hand publicly with the woman he loves?
Some may think he might be ashamed of being with his wife, but in most cases, he’s not. He’s just not so much into showing affection to his wife anymore. If he used to hold her hand every time they were out together and he no longer does it, the love or the affection may be gone. This is an important sign to take note of.
8 He Brings Up His Ex
What’s more hurtful than being ignored by the husband? It is by him bringing up his past — his ex-girlfriend and being compared to her. This is a very clear sign that he’s over his present relationship. There wasn’t even the consideration of having his own baby. He is just not satisfied and happy with what he has.
Not only to the ex-girlfriend, but if he’s comparing his wife to any of his female friends, female workmates, or any girl, then that means he might be aggravated by his wife and might be falling out of love. He is looking for someone to satisfy something that is not satisfied by his wife. This will be very hurtful to the wife.
She doesn’t know what she did wrong, but it’s her husband who’s desperate to get out of the picture. Here, the wife should make an extra effort to save their family. Engaging their baby in their relationship and bringing back the glory of their love should be her aim.
7 He Doesn’t Want To Be Intimate
Intimacy is about knowing each other deeply. This is where security and trust is built in marriage. Intimacy with the partner comes in different forms. One, the couple could have long, meaningful talks together. Two, they could spend time just being together or with their baby on an exclusive family trip. Three, they could do a project together. Four, they could make love. If intimacy is lost, then none of that could happen.
Marriage will be dry and boring if there is no intimacy that sparks up the relationship. A husband won’t usually refuse his wife’s invitation to be intimate, but if he does, then that means he isn’t interested anymore. Now, this does not just physically detach the couple, but also emotionally.
He won’t just be withdrawing from physical intimacy, emotional intimacy will be taking a hit as well. The wife will know his whereabouts from his friends or other people. This just makes the relationship worse.
6 He Doesn’t Comfort Me Anymore
A man shall never lay violent hands on a woman. But another thing that a man shouldn’t do is to let his partner cry without making any effort to comfort her. In every relationship, arguments are inevitable. Sometimes, arguments are too hard on each other, and in the end, it’s either the husband or the wife loses.
However, for example, if the wife loses the argument and even for a while the husband didn’t make amends or even comforted his wife, then it might mean he doesn’t care anymore.
Not only in arguments, but also if the wife has experienced pains just as pleasures in her life, and it doesn’t affect him or matter to him, most probably, he lost his love for his wife. He may already be unaware of his wife’s emotions. Then of course, this might carry over and he wouldn’t really care for his baby.
True love between a family will endure life through thick and thin.
5 He Has Lots Of Excuses
When invited to a date, an uninterested husband will have a list of reasons to decline the invitation, like being busy at work, having commitments before being invited, or more. When being tempted to have an intimate moment by the wife, he may reason out that he is tired because of work. He might even be cheating on his wife already.
Excuses like playing golf, going to be late from work, working out in the gym, and more, are common excuses that husbands give when he is cheating. When he has a lot of excuses for everything, then most probably, his family isn’t his priority.
Probably, moms, thinking about their babies who suffer from the excuses of their husbands will overlook these faults, and just move on. They want to save their marriage anyway…for their baby. No matter how hard and obvious it is, moms still aim to fix things. They think it’s always better for the baby to grow with a complete family.
4 He Spends More Time With His Friends
Friends aren’t really bad vibes, but if he spends a lot more time with his friends than at home with his family, then there may be a problem. This is a strong sign of abandonment. He just does whatever he wants. He doesn’t take care of their baby or help in the home. There is no interaction between him and his wife nor him and his baby. With this, he has forced his wife to do all the work while he relaxes somewhere with his peers.
A wife might make several attempts to win her husband back. However, for some instances, it’s impossible to fix. The husband escapes from the responsibility and even the commitment he has for his wife and child. This isn’t impossible to happen even if the couple had been good friends before marriage. Soon in their married life, they could experience this kind of coldness.
3 He Doesn’t Make Eye Contact
What is so important in making an eye contact with a loved one? It is said that eye contact increases intimacy between the two. It’s in the eyes that true affection will be seen. It could identify if a person’s smile is real or fake. In the eye, there is a part called the pupil. It is believed that it dilates every time one sees someone of his interest.
Also, mutual staring is a sign of love. It’s a spark that spices up the relationship.
If he doesn’t make eye contact, something big is absent. If he only looks “through” his wife and not making eye contact, then it is a guarantee that affection is gone. A man who is in love will always be willing to have a romantic eye-to-eye moment with his wife. He will love looking at the eyes of the one he loves.
If he can’t make eye contact anymore, then he must have lost interest in the relationship.
2 Talks To Her Like One Of His Buddies
People talk differently when they talk to their mom, dad, boss, subordinate, children, peers, and their spouse. When talking to their parents, they usually address them with respect and acknowledging them as someone who has authority over them. Formal conversations are usually done with the boss.
In subordinates, one can speak with authority. A different, friendlier approach is needed for children. One can be the true self with the peers. However, for spouses, there should be transparency and intimacy. Therefore, style in communication is different and special.
If he talks to his wife in the same manner he talks with his peers, then that means his wife doesn’t qualify anymore as someone extremely special to his life. She isn’t someone to have sweet, romantic talks with. It means that he is seeing her as one of the friends only.
There’s no more engaging in deeper talks that could be the means of knowing each other better. There’s no more transparency or intimacy.
1 He Doesn’t Compliment Her Anymore
One of the most important things a woman should feel is to feel beautiful when with her husband. She will spend a lot of time in front of the mirror just to make herself pretty. When the time came that a man came into her life and married her, they had a child.
She may look fatter or less pretty than before, but she still does her best to make herself attractive to him. She takes care of the baby, so it can’t be helped but look haggardly and tired sometimes. A simple “You look stunning today”, “Your hair looks good”, or “You smell really nice” could really make her day.
Compliments are gone when he has fallen out of love for his wife. This also affects the children. He wouldn’t be able to appreciate the small things of life. He will not appreciate the beauty of his wife. He can’t see the value of the precious existence of his baby. He no longer feels that it is part of his responsibility to help her feel good about herself because he just doesn’t care anymore.