When you went to high school, you were used to having friends who were disguised as frenemies, or they were just very two-faced. They may have been friendly to your face, and allowed you to sit with them during lunch- but what they did behind the scenes was not pretty. They would talk behind your back and spread rumors, and when you found out about what they did- you felt obviously betrayed and devastated.
You would have also thought during your college days if you attended that is that the old high school drama had ended back then. Especially if you didn’t encounter very much of it during college or any at all.
If that old type of high school drama had ended back in high school, then you would certainly not have a reason to believe it would resurface after becoming a mom! However, the sad fact is that the old high school drama sticks around- especially once you become a mom.
It is quite common for mommy friends who you believed were truly your friends to secretly judge you, mock you, and tear you down with other mutual friends- or just with others in general. In fact, they can be downright cruel, and really say some horrible things about you. And it usually ends up coming out at one point or another. When it does, you will feel the same way you did when you experienced the same during high school. It, unfortunately, happens a lot more than you would think. I will now list 15 signs that your mommy friends are talking behind your back.
15 They Act Differently Around You
Only you know your friends well, and you know the kind of routine you have with them. It doesn’t matter whether you get together with your mommy friends for coffee and take your babies with, or you chat on the phone a lot.
If your friend starts acting very odd around you, such as your routines with your friends are changing suddenly because of them- or if they laugh in a different way when you are talking, then something is up. Perhaps whenever you see these friends, their eye contact becomes quite nonexistent with you which never happened before.
If your mommy friends are acting very strange and are changing their ways- and you know nothing is going on with them personally, then chances are they have been talking about you. They may start acting strangely because being around you who they have been bad-mouthing is simply making them uncomfortable.
14 Look Out For Whispering
This one only applies if you are seeing your mommy friends face to face. If you are getting together with several of them for coffee or lunch, and you notice that they are whispering with one another often without including you into their hidden conversations- then you know something fishy is going on. Heck, you may even hear your name every now and then in their own little-hushed conversation.
If your mommy friends are whispering with one another without including you in their quiet talks, then chances are they are talking about you, behind your back! The same thing can apply if you go on a chatroom with your friends online, and as soon as you enter and it gets quiet- and they change the subject, you can bet that there is a reason for that. Chances are they have been talking about you behind your back and are keeping quiet so you don’t ever hear or over read anything they have said!
13 They Freak Out When You Touch Their Phone
If you are having lunch or coffee with your mommy friends and you see that one of them has a new wallpaper on her phone- and you start asking about it and point to it, she will freak out if she sees your hand going near her phone! What could possibly make your gesture of simply pointing at her phone cause her to become so jumpy? What is it that she is exactly afraid of you seeing?
Since she reacted this way by you even attempting to touch her phone, there is no way she will leave her phone on the table with you while she heads to the bathroom to change her baby or to do her own business. If she is so worried about what you could possibly see, then there is a good chance that you have been the topic in her texts to others which are not all that nice. And the last thing she wants to ever happen is for you to see what kind of nasty things she and her friends have been texting about you.
12 That Mean Snarly Look
The majority of people who are talking behind someone’s back do anything in their power to make sure that whoever they are talking about never finds out. However, there are some who really don’t care that if you know that all of the negative things about yourself have been a topic of their conversations.
Therefore, they could give you some kind of mean expression to confirm that. Or they may not even realize that they are giving you a nasty look but do it automatically because looking at you makes them angry. Or they may do it on purpose to make you uncomfortable because they want you to squirm or be fearful when they look at you!
So that means if your mommy friends are starting to look at you in ways that will intimidate you out of nowhere, you can bet that they are talking about you behind your back!
11 A Sudden Group May Emerge
You may have regularly had chats online or in person with your mommy friends for a long time, and when you had these chats your outings or online conversations were always pleasant. However, if all of a sudden that your mommy friends are forming cliques with one another that do not involve you at all, then that is a bad sign. Especially if you know that they are having lunch or coffee together, and have online chats with one another but you are never asked to join them.
It sounds like you are in high school again in that situation, but unfortunately, life beyond high school - whether it is life in college or life as a mom can still mimic those awkward days. If a clique of your mom friends forms but you are not part of it, you can pretty much guarantee that they excluded you for a reason- and only they will know what that reason is that they have spoken about it with one another.
10 They Go From Hot To Cold In No Time
One major sign that your mommy friends are talking behind your back is that if one moment they are incredibly friendly to you, and the next they are as cold as ice to you! Changing from hot to cold is a sure way to know that something fishy is up, especially if these friends of yours never pulled this in the past.
It is one thing if someone is naturally moody, or is going through a tough and overwhelming situation that is messing up moods. However, if none of that applies and your friends are pulling this on you- then it is personal.
All you have to do is walk into the coffee shop or restaurant where they are sitting and even invited you to join and then they become very unfriendly. You are obviously on their crap list and only they know why, but you never will because they are talking about it behind your back.
9 They Give You Underhanded Jabs
Your mommy friends that are talking behind your back may not necessarily go from hot to cold in no time, or avoid making eye contact with you, or act oddly. They may get to a point that they have been so good at talking behind your back that they are not giving you any other reason to believe they are. Now they are to the point that they will make purposely hurtful comments to you that will end up making you feel worse about yourself than you ever did.
If you have put on weight, oh they will certainly let you know and not out of concern. They will go and even call you a fat cow, or if you are wearing something that is not fashionable- well you will end up getting some hurtful criticism over that as well. If your mommy friends are purposely sending you hateful comments, well they are saying those things about you with each other as well. It hurts, but with friends like those, who needs enemies?
8 They Indulge In Schadenfreude
If you don’t know what schadenfreude means, it is a German word that made it into the English dictionary for malicious joy. In other words, schadenfreude is finding joy out of someone else’s suffering.
So if you are finding that your mommy friends seem annoyed whenever something good has happened to you instead of being legitimately happy for you then that is a red flag. If they are annoyed after you announce another pregnancy, or getting a legitimate decent paying work from home job, or if you are doing well in your home business, or if you got a job and hired a nanny or so on then something fishy is going on. If they don’t get annoyed when they will downplay your good fortunes.
At the same token, if you had something good happen such as getting pregnant, and they are struggling they may react the same way but any true friend will be honest as to why she cannot be happy for you at that time due to her own struggles. This does not apply to those mommy friends who are annoyed when they hear about good things happening to you and yet are so happy when bad things happen to you!
If instance if you got into a car accident or your kid got sick in a store and they are giggling or grinning- yeah they are basking in a bad case of schadenfreude because they don’t like you and they are talking about you too.
7 They Leave Snarky Remarks On Your Social Media Updates
Whenever you post an update on Facebook, whether you are venting about something or proud of something and your mommy friends leave remarks that are quite insulting on whatever you are posting. Even if you are posting a silly meme on Facebook or Instagram, the same thing happens. Your friends are mocking your updates. And if you are posting pictures of your kids, your meals or any selfies on Facebook or Instagram, your mommy friends have nothing nice to say about those!
Well, that certainly is a sign that they are saying not-so-nice things behind your back. You can also see hidden digs about you on their profiles if they are making insulting and cruel updates about someone and they are displaying these behaviors towards you. Especially if their other friends are getting a good laugh out of it. That is a sure sign that your so-called friends are talking behind your back.
6 They Never Return Your Calls, Emails Or Texts
Sometimes your mommy friends can be flaky, busy and understandably forgetful so it may take them a while to return messages that you left them days ago or even weeks ago. In other words, if these mommy friends don’t get back to you right away or at all- there is no hidden agenda with them. That is just who they are.
Because I have a touch of ADHD, and I will never for the life remember anything if I don’t make a note of it- I am like those friends. I can be flaky! I mean no harm.
However, if you had a group of mommy friends who you chatted back and forth with on a regular basis, and it didn’t take them much time for them to return your calls, emails or texts then there is something fishy going on if it all of a sudden stops. It is even fishier if they all of a sudden call you when they need something, which would have been out of character for them. They are definitely doing something sinister at your expense behind your back if this happens.
5 They Badmouth Others
Let’s face it, whenever your friends are sharing gossip with you, it can be entertaining. Especially if you are talking about someone who had deliberately wronged you in some way. I admit it. I have been guilty of that due to being angry and needed to vent about it. However, I would have never dreamed of gossiping about any decent friend.
However, if your mommy friends are constantly saying nasty things about other people who haven’t really done anything wrong to anyone- that in itself is a red flag. You may think at first they are venting to you about these people but if it gets to a point that all they ever do is badmouth others- you can bet they are doing the same to you and you will end up finding out about it when they do. I can tell you this because I, unfortunately, know from experience! Never trust anyone who constantly badmouths others.
4 Watch Their Body Language
The fact of the matter is that body language can say everything that you need to know, even if they don’t make snarky comments or give you dirty looks, or blow hot and cold with you. Pay attention to the hand movements that your mommy friends are making, and observe how they walk.
If they walk quickly past you, don’t maintain eye contact with you while speaking which was discussed previously, or if they act jumpy or nervous around you- then something sinister is going on. Especially if nothing else is going on in their lives, and they behave normally around others. If they are displaying odd behavior around you based on strange body language then they are hiding something from you. And that thing they are likely hiding is the fact that they are talking behind your back. Why else would they act so odd around you, and not around anyone else?
3 They Stand You Up
Back in the days when you were dating before marriage, or serious relationships and kids came along you may have been stood up by dates or even boyfriends. Whenever they promised to pick you up from home and take you for dinner, you would be left waiting and waiting and waiting until realizing that you had been stood up. That feeling really hurt. I remember since it happened to me a few times. And when I tried calling these guys most of the time they never got the phone or if they did they said they forgot.
Well, the fact of the matter is that if your mommy friends have arranged to have a lunch or coffee time with you, and they don’t bother showing up at all then that is a red flag. They said they would meet you at the restaurant or coffee shop and had only left you there to wait. They never had the decency to call you and let you know they were running late due to something. And when you try calling them or texting them, they either don’t answer or if they give you some silly reason as to why they didn’t show up. If your mommy friends are making arrangements to meet you and are standing you up- then there is a reason behind it and they obviously do have it in for you. They tell each other about it behind your back.
2 There Are Rumors Spreading About You
When you think of rumors circulating around you, you may be thinking of the old high school days. And you may have thought that after finishing school, or after finishing college if you went, and after marriage and kids (or being in a serious relationship which resulted in you having kids) - those rumor days would have been ancient history.
Sadly they are not always. If your mommy friends seem friendly to you and are not displaying any of the behaviors mentioned previously- that doesn’t always mean that they are your true friends.
If you are having mutual friends or people who they know and who you know asking you disturbing questions out of the blue, then something is up. Examples of those questions may be Are you really sleeping around behind your husband’s back? or Are you really neglecting your kids? And so on- well then if random people are asking you these awful questions and you are innocent then awful rumors are being spread about you and it may not have been started by some random hater.
Especially if these kinds of rumors that are being spread that contain information about you that only your mommy friends would know about. They are then the ones doing this behind your back and it is devastating.
1 You Intuitively Know They Are Talking Behind Your Back
The changes in your mommy friends’ behavior may not be so apparent. They may still look at you right in the eyes when speaking to you, they may not be displaying any odd body language and they are not making mean remarks. However, you still may feel deep down that they are not as nice as they had once appeared.
You may not be able to put your finger as to why you are feeling this way, but this is what your heart or your intuition is telling you- and your intuition never lies. If you feel these mommy friends or any mommy friend is really a frenemy, then it must be true on some level.
If you are feeling so strongly that this is true, and nothing else is indicating otherwise then you still need to trust your feelings. You may question these feelings and you may wonder if you are feeling insecure or paranoid for some reason, and what the cause could be. However, you are likely fine and you deep down know that these mommy friends are not really your friends.
Then it will be confirmed once anything previously discussed ends up happening, because if your gut is telling you that your mommy friends are badmouthing you, then they probably are.
Source: CafeMom.com, Ranker.com, BuzzFeed.com, Levo.com