Having a child is a huge deal and whether you like it or not, it may force you to take a closer look at your significant other and really judge if they are the one you want to have a child with. Although having a baby is an amazing experience, it is important to revaluate things in your life, especially since a baby will change things drastically and dramatically. You can love someone with all your heart but realize they aren't the one your should raise a child with. Here are some signs that your partner just isn't ready and reasons you might want to hold off making a baby.
Being a kid at heart doesn't count. We're talking about the real stuff here. A lot happens and there is a lot you have to go through while pregnant. It's no joke, and a lot of changes will happen. If they are still laughing or are grossed out about the thought of your period then they surely won't be able handle the pregnancy, labor and actual birth process. Not to mention how many times the doctors have to check you (on the inside.) It's uncomfortable enough as it is, you don't need snickering in the background or someone who will "get off" on it. Grow up!
14 You Disagree on Major Things
There will many things that come up that you never even thought about. Whether or not church will be attended, if you want to co-sleep but they aren't okay with it. You want to give him all the attention in the world and they think you should let the baby scream. If you guys will not be able to find common ground on the big things, it's not a good idea to have a baby. You will be miserable and worst of all your child will end up being stuck in the middle of it.
13 Hopes of Salvaging Relationship
This happens all too much. A couple is having problems and they think that bringing a baby into the mix will reconnect them or make them happier. WRONG! Honestly, it will probably make you a happier individual but it will NOT save your relationship. Sleepless nights, stress, a crying baby, who is getting up this time, who is changing this diaper. If your relationship is rocky, a baby will probably make more arguments/problems, its not easy. Don't do it!
12 If you Have Doubts About the Future
If you don't see yourself with this person down the road and doubt whether they are the right person to be with, then it's probably not a great choice to bring a child into the world with them. Yes, sometimes things happen, even if you don't expect them. If there is an unintentional pregnancy, the best thing to do is to try and take care of those doubts. Remember, it's not about you anymore. A child is at stake here. It's important to not stay in a relationship for the child. If it's not working, your better off to leave than having your baby grow up in a house where these is lack of love and affection.
11 Your Partner is Controlling
If your partner has to know everything at every second. Approve of literally everything that you do. I don't know about that. If they control your weekends then they may try to control your parenting. It's important for you to explore your parenting skills, what works for you may not him and vice versa. You should be able to talk and share ideas about different things without being accused of "doing it wrong". There's no book. Every child is different, don't be afraid to try new things.
10 They Bring out the Worst in You
Your significant other should bring out the best in you anyways. But if you fight a lot and he has a bad temper, or even you, or both. Do you want your baby around when you guys are angry, miserable, and twitchy. You don't want your baby growing up around fighting, yelling, crying or holes being punched in the wall all the time. If your partner makes you feel or act like the worst version of yourself it's not fair to bring child into that. I've always said my goal as a parent is to raise a child that doesn't have to recover from their childhood.
Being pregnant is HARD, giving birth is HARD, and raising a child is HARD! You need someone who is going to be there for you. A support system is very important and your partner should be number one on the list. If not, you may want to do some rethinking. You need someone that will be there for you when you cry because you're so tired and exhausted or the baby just wont stop crying. You don't need someone ignoring you when you cry about how bad breastfeeding hurts, or labor. You have to do all the work, you need someone that will help and understand the whole ride and try to make things better for you. It's not easy!
8 No Interest in Having a Baby
If they tell you that they don't want children, they aren't lying to you. Listen to them. Don't trick them into having a baby or lie about birth control. If they don't want a child and it happens anyways, odds are they still aren't wanting a child even though they're getting one. Sometimes they will agree to it because the pressure from society or because they love you and want to make you happy. DON'T DO IT! If they don't want a child, you shouldn't have one with them.
7 No Help with the Current Responsibilities
Yes, everyone has lazy days and yes, everyone is entitled to them. But raising a child is a lot of work and responsibility. You cant have lazy days when it comes to your child, it's a 24/7 job. The life of a helpless human being is in your hands completely. If you have to beg your significant other to do dishes, laundry, or take out the trash, they probably won't be very helpful or responsible when it comes to the baby.
6 They are Abusive
It doesn't matter how often or if it's emotional, verbal, or physical. An abusive partner is not someone you should be with, let alone raise a child with. You want your child growing up in a house of love and happiness, not seeing their mother crying herself to sleep every night. And more importantly you don't want your baby becoming a victim or growing up thinking that it's okay to treat people that way. IT'S NOT!
5 They Never Admit they are Wrong
Children are insanely humbling. Just when you think you know it all, they prove that you indeed do not. Children are very sensitive creatures. Especially when they feel like they have failed or disappointed you. Its important to address the issue without going over board. It is important that if you do lose your temper and go too far or are inappropriate that you get to their level and apologize with a damn good explanation. They are just kids. They don't need to be traumatized, no one does. If he already can't admit fault and apologize to you, a baby will be worse.
This sort of goes with admitting your wrong and/or apologizing. It takes a lot of patience to raise a baby and there are times you will want to scream. Having a high tolerance is key when raising a child. If they don't have patience you're in trouble. Or should I say your child is. Whether they have little patience for the child or they will raise the child to be intolerant to others, or both. It's not a good thing. Lack of patience can easily put your baby in danger.
3 You Hope your Child is Nothing Like Them
I'm not saying you should want an exact replica of your significant other. And I'm not talking about eye color or height. But if there are qualities that you're scared of your child having because your significant other has them, you need to stop the baby bus. If your partner has some personality issues or anger issues or whatever that are so bad it makes you afraid that there is a chance your child might have. PASS! That's not the one you want to be having a baby with.
2 You Don't Trust Them
The lies or trust issues don't even have to be major ones to cause a complete trust problem. You guys should be a team. When there is a child involved there isn't much room for trust issues. You especially need to trust that your partner will be faithful. Any distrust or fear you have of your significant other cheating on you is a big red flag. So be sure that he is in it for the long haul and that his focus in on you and your child. It is also important that you trust them watching over the child and that they won't be taking your child anywhere inappropriate or unsuitable for them and that their diaper will be changed accordingly and they are safe. All of those things need to be of certainty, because if there are trust issues now, it will get worse when the child is involved.
1 They Aren't Good With Kids
The next time you're at a friend's house who has kids, keep an eye out for how your significant other handles them. Does he steer clear and stay as far away from them as possible, or is he engaging with them: rolling around on the floor, playing hide and seek, cracking jokes? If he seems terrified when you pass him the baby to hold, it may be a good idea to question whether or not he wants or is ready for a kid. It safe to say that if your man loves kids, he will show it when in the presence of little ones. But if he cringes at the thought of his toddler niece's sticky fingers...it might be a sign.