The title of this article may be a little bit harsh, but do we not all have “dumb” moments? Moments when we are so tired, or frustrated that our brains just seem to shut off and go into dumb mode? Of course we do, it is called “mommy brain”, and if you hear someone tell you that they never have these moments, then they are lying. Guaranteed. While, it is OK for us to turn off our brains for a moment, we can not afford it to happen too often, the lives of our children are in our hands.
What if I told you there were products out there designed to help combat "mommy brain"? No, I am not talking about medication, or even a week-long vacation (wouldn’t that be nice). I am talking about products we can use in our daily life with baby that will help all of us when we have those ‘dumb mom’ moments. There are some pretty creative people in the world, and they take advantage of our short-comings and make a profit.
Some of these items may seem like they will genuinely help us in our day to day life, but a lot of them are just pure nonsense that have to be made with the pure thought of the dumb mom’s. It’s OK, these products are made to help you, even if you feel a little dumber using them. Have you used any of these products? Do you know a mom who is in desperate need of some of these? Well, share away, there may just be a diamond among the rough with these 15 really smart products for some really dumb mom’s.
15 Over The Shoulder Baby Holder
OK, this one is ridiculous. When you become a mom, you learn very quickly how to multitask. You need 8 arms, and since we only have 2, we start to automatically function like we have more. It is amazing the amount of things we can do with a baby on our hip. Now, this product’s basic premise is that when you are in a public washroom, and you have to pee, you can hang the baby on the side of the stall while you do your business.
Now, the reason this is clearly for dumb mom’s is because there are so many more options than spending money on a wall-baby hanger thing. If you are in public, do you not have your baby’s stroller? Or, bring them in a shopping cart? Accessible washrooms are made big enough to fit these items in them. Also, I am pretty sure most smart mom’s can manage to go pee while holding their baby, we sometimes, do not have a choice.
14 Is The Old Way Just Not Good Enough Anymore?
The way our parents and grandparents lived and grew up just doesn’t cut it anymore in our modern world. Every day, there are countless new inventions coming out designed to make our lives easier. Do we ever reach a point where it becomes quite clear that we are either lazy or just plain dumb? Well, with our next product, it is clear that the day is here. This is the piggy-back rider. An easier way to carry your kid around piggy-back style.
Have mom’s forgotten how to give a piggy-back ride? Or have we evolved into a generation so dumb that we just can not figure it out. Sure, I am sure this has some benefits, maybe it is easier on your back. Or maybe, it has some form of magical properties to actually turn you into a piggy? I don’t know it seems like a smart invention, but I think the clientele are questionable.
13 Why Cry?
OK, this one blew me away. It is a little machine that is supposed to help you determine why your baby is crying! When your baby cries, the machine picks it up and a light will flash in the correct response. So, it will now be able to tell you if your baby is hungry, tired or wet! Now, we all know babies crying is inevitable. Your baby will cry, a lot, and it is our job as mom’s to comfort and fix the problem at hand.
I am sorry, but I think if you need a product to tell you why your baby is crying, you may not have been ready for children yet. A newborn’s list of needs is fairly simple, there are only so many things that can be wrong. Hunger, Comfort, and a wet diaper are the more common needs that will cause a baby to cry. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out if they haven’t eaten in a while, then they are probably crying out of hunger.
12 Crumb Cap? WTF?
Babies are messy, they are constantly having blow outs or spitting up all over the place. It is not something we can avoid, and when you start them on solid foods, there is no looking back. My daughter would rather wear her yogurt than eat it. Well, if you are a mom who can not figure out how to keep the mess contained, or how to clean your child after then this next product is for you. It is called the crumb cap.
This ‘genius’ invention for complete bib coverage, including the top of their head. That’s right! No more peanut butter or applesauce in their hair, because that is really hard to clean up. I mean, you could just quickly throw them in the sink and give them a rinse down, they would love that as much as we do a clean baby, but what do I know?
11 Moo Mixer
I am not sure if this next one is designed for dumb mom’s or lazy mom’s. it is called the moo mixer. Children love chocolate milk, well I think a lot of people like chocolate milk. A lot of the time to make this delicious beverage is to add chocolate syrup to a nice, cold glass of milk. Then you have to stir it together. That is literally the recipe right there. You don’t even need to measure, pour as much chocolate as you want in that milk, and stir.
Apparently, someone thought it was a genius idea to make a cup that would do all that mixing for you. Is mixing that hard? Does it require a lot of upper body strength. I really wish I could say this was a silly gag gift, but it is a legitimate product designed to take all the guess work out of your next glass of chocolate milk.
10 A Travel What?
Going on a trip with a young child can be difficult, especially a road trip. They constantly ask when they are getting there, and the potty breaks seem to be endless. Well, if you are a mom who just can not figure out how to get your child to a bathroom, do we have the product for you; a travel urinal! It is a little plastic tube with a lid, that your little boy can pee in. So many questions.
Are you unable to locate a public washroom? What ever happened to pulling over and letting your boys just pee in the grass? The biggest question to me, is who is going to hold the travel urinal while he does his business? It just seems like more work, and even more un-sanitized than any public washroom. Come on mom’s, you can figure this all out, it’s not that hard.
9 Knee Pads
Knee pads are great, and wonderful inventions. That is, if you have a child in a rough sport where you want to protect their little knees. These are not those kind of knee caps, these are for crawling babies. This just seems like a gadget that is made to just take your money, and suck you right in. Don’t you want to protect your baby’s knees? They can get pretty beat up when a baby starts crawling.
The reason these are for dumb mom’s is because it apparently never occurred to them to just put pants on their kids while they are crawling. Or, here is a hack, cut the toes off a pair of socks and use those, if you are desperate for your baby to have knee pads. Please don’t buy these, they are un-necessary and will make you look like a dumb mom for wasting your money!
8 Is Butt Cream So Difficult?
So, we all put one type or another of butt cream on our little one’s butt. Their little bottoms are very sensitive, and they need to have some form of barrier on there between their skin and the diaper. Seems pretty simple, you open the container of baby butt cream, and put it on. Apparently not. They now make a little baby sized spatula that allows you to “properly” place the cream on their little tush.
Now, I am sure that this was invented so that a woman’s well-manicured hand can stay clean, but it ends up looking like a product for a mom who has no idea what she is doing. It is just another one of these gadgets that companies make in an effort to make some money, because a lot of “dumb” moms want to stay with the trend and have all of these little cool gadgets.
7 A Keurig For Formula
This product seems pretty useful, and it sure gets a lot of mixed reviews on the internet, but I can not help but think that this was a very smart invention for a very dumb mom. No offense intended of course, but it is not that hard to measure and mix formula. Sure, it can be tough in the beginning when you are new to the whole baby-feeding thing. After your first couple of bottles though, most mom’s can do this blindly.
Now, if you want this purely out of convenience and not because you do not know how to make a bottle of formula, then beware that there are a lot of bad reviews on the safety of this machine. There are numerous reports that the insides can not be properly cleaned and sanitized, causing chunks of formula to get caught in the wiring.
6 PeePee TeePee
I know this one is a hit among mother’s of boys, and I can see the charm. Little boy’s are known for peeing as soon as their diaper is off, because their anatomy is ‘pointy’, that pee will go flying up and probably cover mom or dad. Then we have the introduction of the peepee teepee! A little absorbent paper cone that you place over your baby’s penis, so that it catches any pee that comes flying out.
If you have succumbed to these tempting products, than you have been fooled, and you probably had the word ‘sucker’ written across your forehead. These are completely not needed, a washcloth, towel or even a baby wipe will do just fine. These items are much more accessible and affordable than having to restock your supply of peepee teepee’s! Please, do not be one of those mom’s, you do not need this product!
5 Baby Poop Alarm
So, we already found a product that will let you know exactly why your baby is crying, and this next one is a little similar. If you need this item, then you may have a bigger problem. It is a baby poop alarm. It is something you attach to the baby’s diaper (because that is always comfortable) and a little alarm goes off when your baby poops. If you need an alarm to tell you that your baby has pooped, something is either wrong upstairs or you need to get your nose medically checked ASAP.
Some people may think I have been a bit harsh in this article, but you have to agree with me on this one, it must be for some pretty dumb mom’s. Take a whiff, or even better, just take a little peek in every now and then, simple as that. This is just going to be a headache, and the noise it makes may just scare the crap (literally) out of your baby.
4 Zaky Infant Pillow
OK, this one is on the list because it is too ridiculous not to have on the list, and I am sorry but if you use this product than there are so many reasons why you are dumb. This product is two gigantic hand pillows that you place on your baby to help them sleep without you standing there and holding them all night. First, most smart mom’s know that they really shouldn’t have something like this in the crib with the baby while they are sleeping, that is just dangerous.
Second, do you really want your baby to get used to sleeping with two large, and very creepy looking hands? I think this was definitely designed with dumb mom’s in mind, who would buy this thinking it was a good idea, and I guess in theory it is, anything that helps our baby sleep is always good. This just crosses a line to me.
3 The Baby Bible
This next one is a book instead of an actual product, but it is a book that almost every pregnant woman buys. It is What to Expect when Expecting. I see the benefits to this book, I really do, so before you all attack me I get it. What I do not get is the absolute need for this? It seems another money grabbing trick that sends out a beacon to all dumb pregnant woman. First of all, you don’t need a book! You have a mother, friends and family who have all been pregnant and given birth before.
You also have a doctor, a doctor who you should really be trusting all of your questions too. Not a book, that they are going to charge about $30 dollars for. Save your money for when your baby comes, because you are going to need. Come on, be a smart mom!
2 The Kickbee
There is a point when modern technology and social media reach a limit, this is it. This is the kickbee, it is an electronic device that a pregnant woman wraps around her baby bump. It is connected to mom’s social media, and every time the baby kicks it will send an alert, announcing to the world that “I kicked Mommy”. Can you say annoying, and stupid! This is actually a very smart product, the technology is great, the implementation is not.
Can you imagine how overloaded your feed will become when your baby decides to have a party in there? I know how often it happened to me. Also, is there nothing that we want to keep private in this world? Announcing the first kick and some few others is fine, but every single one? Are there mom’s out there that actually buy this kind of stuff?
1 Baby Perfume
Yup, this is a thing. There is a line (multiple lines) of perfume out there designed for your little baby. I didn’t know that babies needed perfume. The reason I didn’t know they needed it, is because they don’t. No smart mom would ever think of dousing her baby in a chemical spray, no matter how lovely they smell. Smart mom’s also know that babies smell wonderful all on their own. Have you never smelt a baby’s head? It is magical!
This is defiantely a product for dumb mom’s, who just want to throw money away on an item that is not needed. Also, a baby’s skin is so sensitive, and even if the product says it is non-toxic, can we ever be sure? No, baby could be allergic or could even breathe some of it is! Let’s be smarter than that! The bigger issue I see here, is that someone is buying these products, for them still to be in sale.
Sources: buzzfeed.com, parenting.com, ranker.com, huffingtonpost.com