Is it possible to imagine a world without the Internet? No Facebook, no Twitter, no YouTube! Although the Internet offers much more than social media channels, we often think of it as a necessity that helps us kill some time... and argue with people.
Some people forget that having access to information has made education, medicine and travel so much easier, making the Internet one of the greatest invention of our time. Thus, many people use social platforms just to preach hate or quarrel with people.
Internet trolls are all around us as it’s easy to hide behind the screen and play a modern armchair philosopher. Even moms are not immune. Advice on how to be a mother can be found everywhere and sometimes even small remarks or objective information can grow into a brutal online discussion and shaming.
Celebrities are not an exception. Some celeb moms are happy to burn other women at the stake, verbally but still, painfully. Look at Kim Kardashian, for example. She can argue with almost anyone: from Beyonce to Taylor Swift, Kim just needs more and more attention. Fame costs a lot. As Bill Murray tweeted, “It’s hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it’s damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person.”
So here are 15 ridiculous feuds that will make you feel better... simply by not participating in the show.
15Let Her Suffer
Oh Gosh! The second one mentions epidurals and the whole world becomes sadistic. Nobody minds anesthesia when it comes to dental surgery, but if it’s about labor... No! Women should go all natural as this is God’s punishment. Phew, that apple!
From discussions on how bad epidurals are to comments about women who hope to ease one of the most intense pains in the world, the epidural needle can start many online feuds. True, incidents happen. What’s more, sometimes epidurals don’t work. Whatever the case is, many moms face a lot of criticism.
It’s like birth practices haven’t changed since the Middle Ages and people think it’s okay to crash the pelvis of the mother to take the baby out.
A mother says, “Getting an epidural slowed my labor way down… I hated the way the epidural made me feel… I never had the urge to push… After delivery my son was so sleepy and we had some issues breastfeeding.”
The ‘best’ part is that people who went natural dare to say that they’re better women: “I can't even begin to explain the super woman feeling I got from going natural. It is sort of like a "I am a woman, hear me roar" feeling but so much more!”
But as actress Camilla Luddinton says on the topic, “If I get a paper cut, I’m in bed for an hour, so I know I would like an epidural… One of my girlfriends described it as birthday drugs. And she was like, ‘Get all the birthday drugs you can get!’”
In fact, the topic has triggered a lot of heated discussions in Italy where women are requiring hospitals to make epidurals available and stop “obstetric violence.”
So if you’ve had or are planning on having an epidural, leave all comments behind. As Dr. Lim at Magee Women’s Hospital of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center says, “We found that certain women who experience good pain relief from epidural analgesia are less likely to exhibit depressive symptoms in the postpartum period.”
To epidural or not to epidural. Just try to feel good!
14Easy Way Out
C-Sections! Or the “easy way out”, as some people say. Just like epidurals – it seems that people’s mentality has not changed. Instead of being grateful to medicine as c-sections save lives, people argue how easy it is. In fact, c-sections are required in many conditions, such as breech presentation, placenta previa, genital herpes, and preeclampsia.
Still, people talk about all the negatives. A mother says, “it is VERY invasive, less safe and not as healthy for your baby. Not to mention you'll likely be in pain for several weeks and have a beautiful scar forever.”
And something unbelievable: people get really cruel. A photographer refused to attend birth claiming that “surgery is not birth.”
Fed up with all that, blogger Olivia White was brave enough to show what c-sections “really look like" to "anyone who thinks it's "the easy way out". So for everyone who thinks that, as Olivia says, moms who had c-sections are more than brave as the experience is “like a gutted shark who had the body parts of the surfer it ate retrieved, that's then sewn back together with fishing wire while it feels like your vital organs are trying to escape.”
In fact, experts are talking more and more about ‘gentle’ c-sections, which are closer to natural birth, allowing the baby to emerge slowly and giving mothers the chance to be more than passive patients.
13Oops! It Slipped Out
Poop during labor is something everyone fears. We are ‘ladies’ in the end. At least that's what people say. Although there’s nothing left hidden during birth, many women worry about such 'accidents'. Lauren Smith, a mother of two, says, "It was all I could think about with my first pregnancy! Throughout active labor, I kept asking my husband if I was pooping. He reassured me that, no, I wasn't, but I felt like he was lying! I couldn't focus on breathing or listen to what my body was trying to tell me. I was fixated and terrified that I was pooping."
Online discussions can’t change the fact the bowel movements occur when one’s pushing. The chances to poop are high. But as a midwife says, “there are much more important things in labor that are going to happen and a poo is not that a big a deal… Everyone's seen it before."
Some women decide on enema. And here the arguing starts. Is it safe? Is it bad for the baby? Is it hygienic? Whatever you decide, the important thing is to be relaxed. So to all Internet trolls, enemas are one of the oldest clinical procedures and yoga techniques used not only during birth but for constipation and colon cleansing. Anyway, as a midwife says - the second stage of labor is all about “moaning and pooping.”
In the end, the important thing is to feel good even during birth So, to all Internet trolls, stick your comments up your a**.
12You Don't Do That
Breastfeeding! Ouch! A very sensitive topic. Here online feuds may become overwhelming. While people agree that women should breastfeed, many online philosophers argue on how long: only six months, the baby should be independent; two years, the baby needs all those precious nutrients; 18 years… What's the best time to wean a baby? Nobody knows but everyone knows.
At the same time, breastfeeding moms are shamed in public. Some sick individuals even photograph women and shame them on their profiles. The sick part is that even kids do that: a seventeen-year-old wrote while posting a photo of a nursing mom in question, “What? I come to the food court to enjoy my food, not watch someone flop their boob out. You don't do that where people are trying to eat.”
One of the most heated discussions was started after Cheryl Lee had been photographed breastfeeding in public. People criticized her saying that she was just trying to get attention for this year’s Mrs Singapore & Classic Mrs Singapore Pageant. Her response was genius, though. “Those who suggest using a cover should try eating or drinking under a cover and see if you like it or not… It isn’t that hard to just look away if you don’t like to see a baby drinking milk… What’s so sexual/wrong about it? Hahas! Maybe girls should stop eating bananas in public as some might find it sexual too.”
And all that while having posters and adverts of breasts flopping around...
11Formula Doesn't Kill Babies
And if a mother can’t breastfeed or doesn’t want to breastfeed, then she becomes a target of hate and disputes. In a post “I Hate Breastfeeding”, Monica Sakala says, “There is so much pressure to breastfeed and so much talk in the media about how breast is best for baby and there is so little talk about what it means for the mom. Somewhere along the way, it’s like everyone forgot about her. She became a mom, therefore what is best for her doesn’t matter because only the child matters. Where along the way did we forget that formula doesn’t kill babies?”
On the other hand, moms who don’t breastfeed call breastfeeding moms the “milk mafia.”
They, on the other hand, take any chance to say “Breast is the best.” I met a mother who told me that next time I should try harder. Really?
So instead of joining such discussions, simply enjoy the bonding process with your baby.
Many Internet feuds have been triggered by the diet of a baby. It’s okay if people don’t eat meat or other animal products, and it’s okay if people like meat. However, many vegan activists have embraced some extreme practices. For example, a group of French vegans allowed themselves to be branded during a protest.
On the other hand, parents know that a diverse diet rich in calcium and iron is the best. Still, many cases of malnourished babies have been reported recently. For instance, a 7-month-old baby died in Belgium due to a strict diet based on quinoa milk.
Also, a severely underweight 14-month-old baby triggered a legal debate in Italy. As a result, Italian parliamentarian Savino has introduced a new law that proposes jail sentences. As she says, “I have nothing against vegans or veganism as long as it is a free choice by adults. I just find it absurd that some parents are allowed to impose their will on children in an almost fanatical, religious way, often without proper scientific knowledge or medical consultation.”
Many people agree that forcing veganism is bad. A blogger said, “To me, that's unethical. It's removing the child's choice of food and limiting it to a very, very small subsector of diet.” To which a parent responded, “There's a lot of things people won't let kids eat. I bet many Americans wouldn't let their children eat the meat of dogs, cats, horses, or human flesh for that matter.”
Do not forget that babies need lots of love in their diet.
9The Vaxxers Vs. Anti-Vaxxers
The anti-vaccination feud is probably among the most serious and heated disputes among parents. Parents who support vaccines attack “anti-vaxxers”, while parents who are against vaccinations blame the pharmaceutical industry. We should admit that there are tragic cases of harmful vaccines and that some researchers link vaccines to autism.
However, we should look back. Before the polio eradication campaign in 1985, figures show, the disease was present in more than 125 countries. 2.5 billion children were vaccinated against polio, preventing 10 million cases of paralysis. Polio is now endemic in only three countries.
Sadly enough, another fact is that measles has infected more than 644 people across 17 states in 2014, although the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention declared that measles had been eliminated in America in 2000.
Jocelyn Elders, the former U.S. surgeon general, says, “Not getting a child immunized is child abuse. When you choose not to have your child immunized, you're cheating other kids." However, some pediatricians say, "In an era when people are less accepting of authority and do not expect to do something because the government says so, trying to enforce immunization may actually make matters worse and create martyrs." Politicians also argue. As Hillary Clinton says, “The earth is round, the sky is blue, and vaccines work. Let's protect all our kids."
Right or wrong, instead of arguing online, an open dialogue is needed.
8Piercing Baby's Ears
Ear piercing also leads to many heated online disputes. Some parents say it’s okay as babies won’t feel too much pain. Others say its’ up to the child to decide as ear piercing is a form of body mutilation.
In fact, more than 40,000 people have signed a petition to ban ear piercing for babies, a campaign started by Susan Ingram. As a consequence, many mothers, such as writers Kelly Rose Bradford and Raj Gill, went against each other.
For instance, Hilary Freeman and Jerri Lee had a heated debate on This Morning. Jerri said, “I had mine done when I was six months old…my mum myself didn’t have them till she was a child, she’d asked them to be done, her parents didn’t let her till she was a certain age. She had fear and anxiety of it, when she had one done she had an asthma attack and ended up in hospital. So she did mine as a baby and I did the same to mine, to take away that fear and anxiety for them. It’s maybe six seconds of pain.’
Hilary Freeman didn’t agree: “Why put a hole in a child’s ear and cause them permanent damage?’ I think it looks naff…like you’re turning your child into a fashion accessory. It’s putting your child through unnecessary pain to look a certain way. In a way it’s a form of child abuse because the child has no ability to consent, and you’re just imposing something that causes pain and possible infection on a defenseless baby.” The discussion was so heated that host Phillip Schofield had to shout “Stop now!”
Kim Kardashian couldn’t stay away. She triggered a lot of debates with the photos of North wearing earrings. Some comments went: “Kim Kardashian has pierced her one-year-old's ears? That's cruel AND tacky...”, “I can't believe Kim Kardashian pierced her daughter’s ears...”, and something we all will agree about “This #northwest piercing saga is so annoying.”
On top of that, a video of a 4-month-baby crying in distress after being pierced by her mother upset many viewers. Some people claim ear piercing is disgusting, sad, disturbing, and such a shame.
Many feuds revolve around fashion. In fact, most of our products are sexualized. As psychologists explain, viewing kids in this way starts from an early age. Even fairy tales are ruled by gender stereotypes.
However, when it comes to clothes, many parents find some trends disturbing: makeup for girls, inappropriate T-shirts for boys, and even botox. We all remember the case of Kerry Campbell who gave her 8-year-old daughter a... Botox injection.
Actually, celebrities spark outrage the most. For instance, Kim Kardashian triggered a lot of discussions after she showed her new children’s clothing line on Snapchat. Many tweeted that the clothes were more than sexist and revealing: from bikini to slip dresses, fans said that they would never dress their kids in something “sexier than Victoria Secret lingerie.”
Amie Logan even tried to rally people in a petition to ban Kardashian Kids from Babies R Us. "I don’t want my child to grow up to be a [explicit video] star. You pulled the Breaking Bad toys because they promoted [illicit substance] use. You should pull this clothing line because it promotes bad behavior as well. The madness has to stop.” What has Kim got to say?
6Don't Deserve To Be Moms
Social media feuds can be devastating, people don’t hesitate to bombard moms with hate. Some people think that addicted mothers don’t deserve to be mothers… Having in mind the severity of the problem and the fact that, according to data, every 19 minutes a baby is born with a neonatal abstinence syndrome, such comments are more than cruel.
In fact, Melissa Lee Matos, a mother of one, has shared some photos that reveal the sad truth behind illicit substance use. She says, "To the people who decided to bash me, attack my character and belittle me, put a value on my life and tell me I don't deserve to be a mother, here is my message to you. Two days ago, I posted a message of truth, hope and recovery, hoping my message would reach even one lost soul. That message has now gone viral. It has been viewed and shared by over a million. For every ONE hateful comment, I have received FIFTY messages of support and love. I'm sorry if my story offended you. Please forgive me for not responding to your ignorant messages and comments, but I am currently extremely preoccupied with spreading a message and helping those who have reached out."
Do they deserve to be moms?
5Snap Out Of It
Many people argue if women suffering from PPD deserve to be mothers. While people agree that mothers need help, not many provide support. The social stigma is a burden and therapists reveal that a high percentage of patients commit suicide due to social pressure and guilt. The truth is that if a mother is diagnosed with a postpartum mood disorder but doesn't get help, she might even take the life of her child.
A mother with PPD shares she was shamed for her condition. Even by friends. People should understand that comments, such as "I'm just not sure parenthood and mental health illnesses mix well, you know? You can't take care of someone else when you can't even take care of yourself,”, or "You have to snap out of this” worsen the guilt and the emotional state of many mothers.
Charities often tackle the problem. According to Sage Therapeutics, “When it comes to postpartum depression, Silence sucks. PPD is the most common medical complication of childbirth. That’s worth a conversation ― for you and your baby.” However, their Intsagram photos triggered a lot of heated debates, “This ad campaign is disturbing. The conversation is worthwhile, but showing grown women with pacifiers in their mouths is severely misguided and infantilizing ... What a missed mark on such an important conversation… Showing adult women sucking on pacifiers while crying does nothing to legitimize the emotions experienced by women during postpartum depression, but rather, diminishes and trivializes their experiences.”
It's not a joke. Some mothers with PPD kill their babies. For instance, Andrea Yates who drowned her five children triggered a lot of heated discussions. Was she ‘crazy’? Are postnatal depression and psychosis an excuse?
4Battle Of Moms
Not only trolls but moms shame other moms. As we know, it’s not the battle of the sexes anymore, but the battle of the moms. One of the reasons that trigger online feuds is... lifestyle. While some women quit their jobs, others continue working and rely on nannies.
A stay-at-home mom says, "Everybody struggles, and everybody envies what the other has. The working mom wishes she had more free time to be available to her child, and maybe have coffee after drop-off. And the nonworking woman would maybe like to have something that's a reflection of her as an individual - a label that says she's a capable, creative person who knows about more than just baby formula or after-school programs."
Some working moms are shamed for not spending time with their kids. As journalist Allison Pearson says, working moms are not heroines that do it all anymore, as working has become ordinary.
A TV executive says, "Nonworking mothers are much more judgmental of working mothers than vice versa. Nonworking mothers assume they're better mothers because they've made the choice to stay home. A friend of mine once criticized our nanny and told me I should spend more time with my child. I didn't say anything, but I was furious; I would never have told her what I thought was wrong with her parenting skills."
Instead of directing their anger towards bad practices, such as zero days paid maternity leave, moms fight.
3Cry It Out
The Internet is full of destructive feuds. One of the biggest dilemmas is if one should leave the baby to cry it out, a topic that divides a lot of parents. Some say that this practice is cruel and leads to emotional traumas, others say 'cry it out' is the only way to teach the little one some independence.
In fact, an expert says, “Controlled crying isn't a form of neglect; it's a way of helping a baby to cope without constant handling.” To which some people say, "It's a pure form of abuse."
However, each case is individual. Only parents know how to raise their own kids. Trust your intuition first, then the Internet.
2Babies Or Handbags
Some people argue over silly things. Do you remember that Chrissy Teigen was attacked on Twitter for mishandling her baby? The comment went, “@ChrissyTeigen, this is not how a baby is held!!!! I don't give a crap where that baby popped out from! Do not hold a baby like a handbag!” Teigen couldn't help herself, "Really because that's how I'm f*cking holding her."
It’s interesting that many online comments attack women, in particular mothers. As John Legend said on Twitter, after Teigen was accused of being a bad mother (just because the couple went out a week after their daughter was born), “Funny there’s no dad-shaming.”
1Give It A Like
Feuds over the way one looks are terrifying. Many mothers have been criticized for the way they look, their postpartum bodies, body hair and even the way they dress. Strangely enough, social media is not a place where one can share photos but a dangerous arena.
Some mothers have been bullied for pictures they’ve shared. Pregnant model Porsche Thomas was shamed on Instagram for her “nasty” belly. However, as she said, “While some of y'all been in my comments criticizing the blackness that is my belly and me during what shoulda been your holiday cheer, I been over here enjoying life, growing tiny humans, performing miracles and hopefully getting even blacker.”
So instead of arguing online, mothers should enjoy the summer and feel good!
Sources: bbc.co.uk, dailymail.co.uk, nymag.com, parenting.com, thehollywoodgossip.com
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