It’s estimated that one in four pregnancies ends in a miscarriage. This statistic isn’t all that shocking to most moms today, because if a mom hasn’t experienced a miscarriage personally, odds are she knows someone who has had one. No one knows the devastation of a miscarriage as well as women who have experienced them. That’s why it’s important to share those experiences, because every woman is different and every woman’s experience will affect her life in different ways.
Some women don’t feel like their pregnancy is “real” until their belly begins to grow, while others have an inkling they’re pregnant before a test ever tells them so. Some moms go on to have multiple miscarriages, sometimes risking their lives to have a baby the biologically “normal” way. While these women’s experiences range from mild discomfort to downright excruciating in both physical and emotional ways, part of understanding how women recover from a miscarriage is hearing it straight from them.
These fifteen stories from women who have personally experienced a miscarriage might make you hold your own children a little tighter, or possibly remind you of the grief that you carry daily for a child who is no longer here.
15Narrates The Whole Thing
Babble contributor Stephanie Portell laid it all bare for readers when she shared the narration of her miscarriage at 8 weeks gestation. Part of what’s so compelling about Portell’s experience is the way she retells it, as if we’re in the moment with her as she begins to feel cramping, as she starts spotting blood- the momentary relief as she takes a pregnancy test and it still comes up positive.
Then to the emergency room, where Portell second-guesses even going in the first place, and finding out that the sac is empty and her perfectly laid plans are falling apart. Her grief is apparent in the way she writes; “I saw the space inside of me where something once was, but now is not.” But, Portell concludes, grief is grief, and she will never again be afraid to show it to the world.
14Blogger Looking For Closure
Mom of two daughters Alexis Fretz was overjoyed to be welcoming a baby boy to her little family. But at 19 weeks pregnant, Fretz began bleeding and took the advice of her midwife to go to the ER. By the time she was prepped for her ultrasound, Fretz said she knew she was in labor.
By the end of the day, baby Walter was born, his tiny heart still beating as his parents and sisters said goodbye. Fretz shared with the Daily Mail that she originally posted her story on her blog so that she wouldn’t have to recount all the details to every family member and friend who knew about her pregnancy. Ultimately, she cherishes the photos her husband took of their son, and is grateful to have him acknowledged as a baby and not just a product of a miscarriage.
When she found out she was pregnant with her third child, Sherry Clair was exuberant. With a family photo shoot already planned, Clair knew it was the perfect opportunity to spring the news on her husband. The pair even had a nickname for their future/potential baby: Pancake. The photos that resulted were funny, sweet, and hugely endearing, right down to the signs that the older two children held that said ‘oldest’ and an edited ‘middle.’
But by her eighth week of pregnancy, the family’s dreams of becoming a family of five had ended. Clair shared with The Mighty that even as she took those pregnancy announcement photos, she wondered if it was too soon, if something might happen. But after suffering a miscarriage, Clair knew she wouldn’t have changed a thing. Pancake would still be part of the family’s life, forever memorialized in those announcement photos.
12A Pregnancy She Didn't Want
At first, Courtney Sollie wasn’t excited about the prospect of having a second child. Her first child wasn’t even sleeping through the night yet, and he wouldn’t be more than 15 months old when his sibling arrived. But around eight weeks gestation, Sollie began to experience spotting. When she arrived at the doctor’s office, an ultrasound confirmed her baby was still alive. At that point, Sollie wrote on her blog Mom Upside Down, she fell in love.
Sollie began planning for the new addition. Then the bleeding came back, and didn’t stop. By ten weeks, a miscarriage was imminent. Sollie held her baby, in the palm of her hand, and cried from the moment she arrived for a D&C procedure until days afterward. She shares that people around her downplayed her experience, and unjustly so, because a miscarriage at 8 weeks is still a loss.
11Hides Miscarriage From Cameras
Sara Walsh, a sports journalist who used to travel a lot for her work, shared with Today that before her twins were born, she experienced a miscarriage while on live TV. The mom of two, twins Hutton and Brees, explained in an Instagram post that she and her husband had struggled to conceive, undergoing egg retrieval and IVF to become pregnant. Following their devastating miscarriage, which Walsh hid while working a live event since no one knew she was pregnant, the couple was afraid to try again.
With their last two eggs, Walsh and her husband tried one last time to have a biological child. They ended up with two! While Walsh admits having twins was twice the blessing she could have hoped for, that doesn’t take away from her grief at losing her first child, and having to deal with it while literally smiling on live TV.
10Second Miscarriage In 7 Months
Former Big Brother star and model Krystal Forscutt recently shared via Instagram that she had experienced two miscarriages in only seven months, Who reported. Mom to son Sunny, Forscutt had previously shared a photo of her visibly pregnant belly on Instagram. After those experiences, Forscutt notes that so many well-meaning friends and even strangers will press mothers about their baby making plans, like asking when they’ll have more babies.
Forscutt explains that “it’s not some box that you tick that determines how many children you will have – it’s an emotional, unpredictable journey and it’s completely out of your control.” She told her followers, stop asking questions and just be supportive of one another. After all, you never know what someone is going through privately, as Forscutt has proven by sharing her personal experiences.
9Mom Suffers Loss But Doesn’t Stay Silent
Scary Mommy writer Ann Zamudio shared that the moment she found out she was having a miscarriage, the word felt abrasive to her. She hadn’t heard the word “miscarriage” before in polite company, and she didn’t hear it afterward either. As commonplace as miscarriages apparently are, there’s still a veil of mystery and pity surrounding them, and people are afraid to talk about it openly.
Zamudio set out to change that, she says, because she’s not a “shut-up-and-suffer” kind of person. So when people asked why she wasn’t feeling well, she shared with them what she’d gone through. Plenty of people looked away awkwardly or talked in hushed tones, but Zamudio also received a lot of support from people who have gone through a miscarriage too. She notes that through sharing, she encouraged other people to open up- a small step toward ending the stigma of miscarriage.
8Miscarriage At 30 Weeks
Alexis Marie Chute couldn’t wait to tell family and friends she was pregnant the moment she found out at 5 weeks along. She told Today’s Parent that she remembered thinking, at least if something goes wrong, I’ll have support. But when the mom of one, a then-four-month-old daughter, went in for a 25-week ultrasound, something wasn’t quite right.
The Chutes found out that their son, Zachary, had Tubular Sclerosis, which caused tumors to grow throughout his body. His chances of survival were slim, and the parents were offered the option to terminate the pregnancy. But Chute explained, “I didn’t want to choose to end his life. Everybody has their own moral and ethical feelings about that kind of thing,” and for their family, Zachary’s short life would be cherished regardless. Zachary was born at 30 weeks and died within minutes.
7Mom Is Thankful For It
So many Whisper confessions shock and horrify us, but this one is so deeply sad. While it’s obvious that this mom experienced emotional and physical pain during a miscarriage, she’s realizing after the fact that it’s almost a good thing she didn’t have the baby. What worries us is that obviously an abusive partner isn’t just bad news when a baby’s involved, it’s bad for the mother too.
We hope that this woman goes on to find a new partner, one that won’t be an abusive father to any children she ends up having. We also hope she has someone to talk to about her miscarriage, since the father’s being abusive makes us think he probably doesn’t care much about the baby that his partner lost in the first place.
6Mom’s Photos Go Viral
Mom of five living children, Felicia Cash was thrilled when she and her husband found out they were expecting their third biological child. They also adopted three girls out of foster care, right before finding out they were pregnant with their first biological son. The third pregnancy, however, did not start out as easy and stress-free as the first two. This time Cash experienced complications from the start, and was told she was carrying twins but that one miscarried while the other was alive and healthy.
By fourteen weeks and six days, however, Cash went into labor and baby Japeth was born at home, stillborn. As a pro-life advocate, Cash hoped to share the images of Japeth’s tiny body to encourage mothers considering abortion to rethink their plans. She shared the images with the website Live Action, saying that sharing about her baby helped ease the pain of losing him.
5Reality Star Won’t “Move On”
Former Married at First Sight contestant Jamie Otis experienced a late-term miscarriage with Otis’ first pregnancy. The parents-to-be had shared their joy widely on social media, so when their son Johnathan was born and passed away, they knew they had to share their story. Following the loss of their son, Otis posted online that some people had told them they needed to “move on,” the Huffington Post reported.
While trying to gloss over the fact that a mother or couple has lost a baby is not only rude and hurtful, Otis came out on top and decided to do more to help moms memorialize their babies who have gone too soon. Otis also maintains a blog where she freely discusses her son’s short life and the impact he had on her. The couple also found out they were expecting their rainbow baby around Johnathan’s original due date.
4Positive Spin On A Devastating Experience
This Whisper confession is startling on the surface, but it’s definitely understandable when you think about the implications. The woman only states that the man who violated her got her pregnant, not how old she is or what the situation was. For all we know, this could be an underage girl or someone trapped in an abusive situation.
For this woman’s mental wellbeing, we’re sort of happy for her too, since many women struggle with raising babies that are the result of an attack. At the same time, while a miscarriage is an awful experience to go through, it’s not the mom’s decision the way that an abortion would be, and we hope she doesn’t feel guilty either way. We just hope she doesn’t have to see the attacker again, and that she can move on and heal from this.
3Grieving Mom Gets Massive Bill
Janie Faville and her husband were expecting their first child when instead Faville suffered a miscarriage around nine weeks gestation. The experience itself was devastating, as the couple were ecstatic to become parents, but then the bill showed up. Faville opted for a D&C procedure rather than waiting for the miscarriage to continue on its own.
Weeks later, a bill arrived for $5,584. Amidst their grief over losing a child, the Favilles had to cough up roughly $1400 out of pocket for the procedure. Faville explained that while she realized there would be a cost for the procedure, she hadn’t realized it would be that massive. Naturally, it’s a difficult price to pay for having your child surgically removed following their death. Faville went on to establish a payment plan, and paid on the bills for more months than her child even existed.
2Reality TV Takes On Topic Of Miscarriage
Love & Hip Hop’s Remy Ma shared the details of her tragic miscarriage on an episode of the show, where she explained that it just didn’t make any sense. Like all moms who suffer miscarriages likely feel, the rapper explained that she just couldn’t understand that everyone else’s baby was fine, and hers was gone.
Hollywood Life reported that Remy Ma had an ectopic pregnancy, which eliminated all chances of naturally conceiving a baby in the future. However, she and husband Papoose aren’t giving up yet, Ma maintains. She gave her doctor a shout out on Instagram, saying that when the pair find the right IVF doctor, they’ll be seeing their OB again for the birth of their child(ren). Followers and fans commended the pair for their honesty and offered [mostly] support during their difficult time.
1Pro-Life Movement Does A Disservice
The Cut interviewed fifteen moms on the topic of their miscarriages, and one mom named Gabrielle had a tragic story. Not only did she have to undergo IVF, involving shots and drugs and egg harvesting, she and her same-sex partner had to deal with their first loss alone since no one knew they were expecting yet. The next pregnancy was twins, but one twin miscarried early on. The remaining twin was delivered at 30 and a half weeks but died that day.
If that wasn’t difficult enough for the moms, their medical insurance made it difficult to take time to grieve, since they only had three shots at getting pregnant. Gabrielle noted that the pro-choice movement (which she is a part of) has made it hard for women to talk about their miscarriages as if their babies were truly people.
Sources: Tommy’s, Babble, Daily Mail, The Mighty, Mom Upside Down, Huffington Post, Today, Who, Today’s Parent, Scary Mommy, Live Action, IJR, Hollywood Life, The Cut
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