Before becoming a parent, no one truly knows exactly how much their lives will change. All any expectant parent knows is that things will be different. They think they know what to expect, but at the end of the day, they truly have no clue. Funny how we think we have it all figured out before we're actually sleep-deprived for years on end.
It's not just your day-to-day life that changes once you have a baby. It's also your relationship with your husband or boyfriend that really takes a hit. Don't get me wrong, it grows stronger, and the changes might be completely welcome. But it most certainly will add a new dynamic to your relationship.
Many expecting parents speculate on what that new dynamic will be like. They might even think they know what the new arguments will look like. Certainly, no yelling or negativity around the baby, right? Hopefully not! But the fights or arguments that you have after the baby arrives may surprise you.
I remember watching a television show while I was pregnant, and it showed two new parents who started off their new journey to parenthood in absolute marital bliss. By a couple of months in, they were bickering in bed over who needed to get up to care for the baby because both of them claimed to have done it last. I remember thinking to myself, "No way, that will never be us." Little did I know what was coming for me!
15 Who's Spending More Time Bonding
You might envision your first couple of weeks with your newborn as a power struggle between you and your partner. Nothing serious, just the normal bickering over who gets to snuggle more, and nitpicking over the details of caring for the little one.
While this is true, to a certain extent, it doesn't exactly paint the whole picture. Sure, you'll have some days where you'll want nothing more than to hold your baby,
but the image you have in your head might paint a slightly brighter picture.
This is mostly a problem for my family whenever my son hurts himself. I absolutely feel like I need to be the one to hold him and make him feel better. I cannot stand having someone else comfort him when he's crying, even my husband. Not that it's not endearing and sweet to see, but it's like my bones ache and I feel this incredible urge to pull him from my husband's arms to have him all to myself. But believe me, when he's not hurt, sometimes I just need a break, and I'm more than willing to pass the hugs on to someone else.
14 Where The Sweet Baby Is Going To Sleep
I remember stressing out over this so much while I was in the third trimester. I bought every possible kind of sleeper that you could think of: the kind that attaches to your bed, the kind you put in-between your partner and yourself in the bed, a rocking bassinet, a regular bassinet, and of course, a crib (yeah, I definitely overdid it). It was such a scary choice at the time. You want them to be comfortable and safe, but you don't want to have them too far from you, either.
Well, let me just tell you right now - it will be fine. Buy a bassinet and a crib for later, and relax. You won't be arguing over where the baby is sleeping. You'll just be thankful when they do.
13 Mother-In-Laws Overstepping Boundaries
Aren't we all a little weary of our mothers-in-law overstepping boundaries? It doesn't matter how awesome she is, how much you love her, or how close you are. They're still bound to get under your skin from time-to-time. It's just a part of marriage. You're bringing a second mother into your life, and as much as you love your own mother, you can't tell me you haven't gotten aggravated with her before.
Add in a new grandbaby, and you're in for a few problems here and there.
Grannie's been around the block, and she wants to share her wisdom with you. Nothing wrong with that. Except we want to figure it out for ourselves. We don't need anyone stepping in and walking us through motherhood.
Now, maybe your mother-in-law is more overbearing than mine, but I can promise you, you'll thank her on at least a few occasions. Everyone needs help from time to time.
12 Whose Turn It Is For A Diaper Run
Why would you want to go to the store when you could be at home, soaking in those sweet baby cuddles? You'd rather stay in your pajamas and tend to the baby than get dressed and go to the store for diapers. Right? Right?
Not always, my friend.
Who wants to peruse the store without your little one crying to be held? Yeah, I bet you didn't think about that. Sometimes the break is worth it. Oh, you'll miss the baby. Probably as soon as you get to the store. But it's important to miss your newborn at least every now and then. It reminds you of your unconditional love for them. When you never have the chance to miss them, the days will blur together and it's easier to become complacent.
11 When They'll Get Alone Time
If you're expecting a baby soon, you're probably already prepared for the reality of never having alone time with your sweetheart ever again. You know that you can always hire a babysitter, but it's not the same. You can't just go out on a whim, unless it's a baby-friendly place, and you spend thirty minutes packing and getting ready. By the time you've fed and changed the baby, and you have the diaper bag ready,
you're not really in the mood to go anymore, and all you want to do is prop your feet up and watch TV on the couch.
You may even think about how your intimate life will be different. There's certainly less time for mid-day romps. It will be like magic, every time you think you might have time, the baby will cry. No one can explain it!
10 Not Letting Anyone Watch The Baby
You don't want anyone watching your baby, I get it. Either you're scared they won't do as good of a job as you, or you simply think that you have no desire to let anyone else watch them. It's not unusual. Let me tell you though, this might change with time.
While you're pregnant, you're planning and stressing, and planning some more. You're preparing for everything like crazy, and you think you have it all figured out. And granted, some moms still don't let anyone watch their babies, no matter how hard it is once they're actually here. But mark my words! About half of the people who swear they'll never let anyone watch their kids are going to end up calling family soon after they become parents. It's hard! You need the help.
9 How To Get The Baby To Sleep
Will you rock the baby to sleep? Are you going to try gentle sleep training? The cry-it-out method? Maybe you're planning on nursing them to sleep every day? The options seem overwhelming when you're expecting your first child. Oh, who are we kidding, it's hard every time. Every single child is unique.
Maybe your husband wants to let them cry it out a little bit, and you're against that.
Maybe you don't want them to have a pacifier at all. Well, let me tell you, I didn't plan on it, either. And I felt pretty strongly about our sleeping habits before my son was here. Now, it's a totally different story, because I've had some actual experience with the matter.
Now let's talk about what new parents will actually fight about.
8 Who Has More Free Time
Yup, that's right. You thought you'd bicker over who gets more bonding time with the baby? Nope! More than likely, you'll actually argue over who gets more time to themselves. That doesn't mean that you don't love your baby! Of course you do! But you're only human. There's nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed when your life suddenly changes drastically.
The reality of not having any time to yourself starts to sink in when you find that you can't eat a hot meal anymore because your baby magically knows, and starts crying. When you can't even brush your hair because your newborn gets hungry at the exact moment you grab your brush. So, yes. You'll probably bicker over who has more time to do normal things like brushing their teeth and eating a meal without holding the baby. It's all totally normal!
7 Who's Gotten More Sleep (Down To The Minute)
That's right! It's not about where the baby is going to sleep. It's about who is getting any darn sleep! The baby will sleep when they sleep. I mean, it really is just a seemingly never-ending cycle of feeding, burping, and changing the baby every two hours. They'll be just fine, as long as they're in a safe crib or bassinet.
You might be aware that babies wake up frequently throughout the night for feedings, but you might not fully understand it until it's happening.
Putting the baby to bed isn't really a "thing" until they're a few months old. It's all just a series of small, 2-hour naps, and lots of tears. You'll soon realize that as long as the baby is safe, it really doesn't matter where they are. In your room in a bassinet, in their room in a crib, in your arms, who cares!? They're sleeping! You get a mini-break.
6 Who's Taking The Night Shift?
When my son was born, my husband and I took shifts. We were so frazzled and scared, even when the baby was sleeping peacefully, that someone had to be awake at all times. We didn't think about who put the baby to sleep, or where. We argued over who got more sleep, down to the very minute. If he got three minutes more than I did, you can bet that I let him take care of our son the next time he started crying. It sounds crazy, but that's many new parents reality. You can't think about anything but sleep!
It starts to wear down on your mental well-being, especially because you never get to see your sweetheart anymore. At least it doesn't last long.
5 When Is Your Mother-In-Law Coming Over To Help?
Yeah, we're all guilty of worrying about our mother-in-law coming over to bother us during the first few weeks home with the baby. What many expecting parents don't think about is how much you'll actually need their help.
You think that since women have been taking care of babies on their own for thousands of years, so surely you can, too. But it actually has never really been that way.
They say "it takes a village" for a reason.
People used to breastfeed each other's babies so they could take turns sleeping, without batting an eyelash. So before you feel like a failure for needing help, just stop. All women have supported each other and helped each other, it's totally normal. And sometimes, absolutely necessary. It's no wonder so many of us struggle with postpartum depression when we're so unwilling to allow others to help us. This isn't a jab, either, I struggled with this too.
4 Who Gets To Go To The Store For More Diapers
Yeah, it's not about who has to go to the store for more diapers. It's about who gets to. You thought that it would be a hassle to get dressed, put your shoes on, get in the car and drive to the store? No ma'am! You would gladly let your hubby take the baby for thirty minutes so that you can do those things! It's kind of relaxing to drive without someone screaming at you at every red light.
And don't even get me started on how awesome it is to get out of the car and just walk to the front door and shop without unstrapping the baby and putting them in a carrier or a stroller, just to run in for five minutes. Don't get me wrong, I love my son, but it's always nice to get out alone.
3 Why They're Never "In The Mood" Anymore
Yes, there's much less alone time for you and your husband or boyfriend. But when you do get alone time, chances are you don't even have the energy to do anything. You're tired from being up with the baby all night, and your hormones are all out of whack. Even if you felt like spending "quality time" together, you might be too emotional or sleepy to do it.
The problem isn't time, it's energy!
You'll find yourself with a free moment to do whatever you want together, and you end up watching television and passing out halfway through a show. It might make you even more tired and upset, because you've gone from an active, happy marriage, to a tired, boring life. It doesn't last forever. Don't worry, the spark will come back. It's still there, it's just buried beneath exhaustion.
2 When Can Someone Watch The Baby?
Gone are the days when you thought that you'd never accept help from family or friends. Now you're practically buttering them up on every phone call, desperate for a little help. It's not like this for everyone, but I know that I for one, was ready to drop my baby off with uncles, aunts, or even family friends, just for a moment of peace. To be honest, I didn't do it very much, because I'm super attached to my baby, but I was more than willing to on several occasions. I'm much more trusting of other people now that he's actually here. When I was pregnant, I was SO certain that I wouldn't be comfortable with anyone else watching him. So make sure that you're on good terms with every family member in a five-mile radius!
1 Who's Putting The Baby To Sleep?
Please, tell me it's not my turn! Sometimes you'll even let your baby stay up for a few minutes, even when they obviously want to lay down, because you're just hoping and praying that your husband will take initiative and lay them down for you. Will they? Sometimes. Most of the time, probably not. He's holding out, hoping for the same thing.
You're both exhausted and have blurry memories of who last put your baby to bed, and you're both convinced that you're right.
The fights are never serious, but the bickering is real you guys. You're tired, you're emotional, and your whole life has changed. All of those things are bound to bring a few less-than-pleasant conversations. Not to worry mamas, just keep pushing through, and you and your husband will be stronger than ever.