All moms are perfect in the eyes of their little children. Ask any kid who the best mom in the world is, and they’re likely to endorse their own without batting an eyelash. After all, mom feeds them, bathes them and dresses them. Mom provides them with toys and treats galore, as long as they wash behind their ears, floss and avoid picking fights with their little brother. Mom is there to run to when they need help or, at least, someone to teach them how to do math homework. Because nobody else knows fractions like mom, right? And mom is there to give them advice or stick up to them about anything from bullying to fights with the best friend to that mean new teacher.
It isn’t until much later that children often realize that, just like them, their moms are just human. And with this sudden shock comes the realization that (gasp) mom makes mistakes just like any other person. It can be shocking for a child to realize, after all, that mom is also prone to the dark, sinful temptation that is chocolate. Or that she does, in fact, do occasional selfish little things under everybody’s nose. So much for the image of the self-sacrificing mother!
So we’re going on a little mommy exposé to reveal some of the things that practically all moms are guilty of, but probably won’t admit to the kids. At least, not until they’re well into adulthood and are doing these very same things too!
15 “That’s Enough Dessert”
Admit it: when mom has made a nice, big batch of brownies, the whole lot is likely to vanish within thirty minutes of them being cool enough to eat. And this is a bit unfair because mom, in fact, is likely to want some brownies for herself as well. Hence, there will be dessert restrictions, which sound fair enough to the average adult.
After all, we all know that too much sugar is bad for the health. It is associated with numerous health problems such as diabetes and heart disease, probably more so than cholesterol. (Although in that respect, brownies put up a double whammy because they’re likely to have butter in them as well!) No sensible parent would allow their kids to go loose in the kitchen like a bunch of sugar addicts, after all! Still, that does not explain why, when all the kids are out in the yard and aren’t looking, mom discreetly stuffs more than her fair share of brownies into her mouth.
14 “Go to Bed”
Different households have different bedtimes. And we get this because every parent has a different lifestyle. Most will encourage their children to adapt to similar sleep schedules, as this makes child care much more convenient for everyone. After all, this allows everyone’s schedules to sync up neatly. But, naturally, the kids will be made to go to bed much earlier. After all, growing children need plenty of sleep. Much more sleep than grown-ups. That’s a scientific fact.
But we can’t help wonder why bedtime can vary suspiciously depending on mom’s favorite evening show or date night arrangements. Sometimes, even, bedtime may even be imposed because mom just needs a bit of “me” time, a bit of peace in the hourly struggle of enthusiastic kids who have just had way too many brownies. So even if mom tells the kids that early bedtimes are for their own good, the fact is that it’s also for hers as well!
13 “It’s Only Grape Juice”
Occasionally, one might run into one of those holier-than-thou purists who insist that “good moms don’t drink.” They might say that alcohol gets in breastmilk and nobody wants a drunk baby. Or that it leads to terrible decision-making and thus bad parenting. Or that it sets a bad example for the kids who might, one day, become drunkards themselves!
But, truth be told, we wouldn’t begrudge a stressed-out mom a glass of wine once or twice a weeks. After all, sometimes everybody needs a bit of alcohol to take the edge off of everyday parenting. Of course, as with anything, moderation is the key. We hardly encourage drunk parenting. But as there’s a rather clear line between drunk and just a glass of alcohol, we don’t think that we should completely put a ban on it! In fact, a little bit of wine occasionally we’d say is harmless. Sometimes it may even be necessary for mom’s sanity!
12 “Of Course I Breastfeed!”
Speaking of the holier-than-thou crowd, there are always those moms who always insist that bottle feeding is something of an unspeakable crime. We all know the drill: “I’ve breastfed little Johnny until he was two years old. That’s why he hasn’t been sick at all. Unlike, you know, Betsy’s kid, who hasn’t been on the teat since she was three months. Now look at the state of her.”
As if breastfeeding was somehow the best indicator of good parenting. But sometimes some moms are tempted to affirm and say that their kids are purely breastfed, if only to avoid the inevitable litany of benefits of breastfeeding and all the terrible, terrible things that will happen to your kids if you don’t do so. But we all know that it’s terribly unrealistic for every single mom to only breastfeed. So we just tell that little white lie and get on with our day.
11 “Sorry But I Have Kids”
Ever get invited to a “hip” new party full of people you want to remain on good terms with but actually don’t really care to talk to. Or, perhaps, to a “business meeting” by that friend who just wants you to invest in the latest network marketing thing that will “make you rich in three months.” Or perhaps you just want to relax social interaction-free for one night, with Netflix and popcorn and maybe the hubby if you feel like it.
Instead of telling the honest truth, however, it’s sometimes easier to go ahead and tell the friends that “sorry, I have to be with the kids tonight.” Even if the hubby is willing to look after them for the night. Or even if it’s super easy to get a babysitter or to drop kids with the grandma. Sometimes a mom just wants to stay home, after all, and the kids are just a convenient excuse!
10 “I Don’t Have Favorites”
We all know what it’s like to have a sibling (or, if not, a classmate) who is simply the favorite. We all know what it’s like when mom seems to let the brother’s mistakes slide, and yet be harsh on us. We all know what it’s like when our hard work is ignored, but the little things that the sibling does gets praised. It’s frustrating. It casts a shadow in the happy memories of our childhoods. We swear that when we have kids, we’ll never, ever have favorites. And we declare this proudly to our kids.
Only, most moms actually do have favorites. Sometimes we just see ourselves more in one kid than the other. Sometimes we are inconsistent. Of course, mom doesn’t actually like that she behaves that way. She wants to be a good mom, after all. And so she’ll try to conceal the fact that she likes kid A better than kid B. But, trust us, the kids probably know already.
9 “Pizza Is Healthy!”
Every mom dreams of treating her kids daily with healthy, home-cooked meals made only from natural, organic ingredients and no preservatives and chemicals. Enter reality, however, and she might find that she barely has the time to read all the labels to check for preservatives. What’s more, she might find out that all foods are made of chemicals. In fact, everything in the whole darned world is made of chemicals! If you follow the true, technical definition of a chemical, that is.
Anyway, between a job and doing the laundry and washing the dishes and changing the diapers and all the rest of her daily to-do list, sometimes mom just doesn’t have time for cooking! As such, mom might occasionally (maybe frequently in extra desperate times) serve her kids lovely packaged food fresh from the microwave. Or from the pizza delivery guy. Just make sure the kids don’t pick all the veggies off the pizza and they’re all set!
8 “It’s All Clean!”
You know those moms who like to pride themselves with their pristinely clean homes, probably with toilet seats so clean you could eat off them? Well, we can’t all be them. And even those who say so are impostors who literally sweep thing under the rug. Has the pacifier fallen to the floor? Mom might say “of course, I sterilized it in boiling water!” But, really, some of them just pop it into their mouths to “clean” it and then into their babies’. Has the toddler knocked over and caused minor damage to a vase? Mom might not want to bother patching it all up and so just chuck it into the trash.
The image of the mom who keeps everything spic and span and perhaps even sterile might be easy to maintain. However, plenty of it is often just for show. If online mom confession threads are any indication, even the strictest of moms have violated their own cleaning rules.
7 “Go To Your Room!”
Kids do crazy things. And, more often than not, these crazy things are darned funny. Kids cut off their own hair. (It’s not your fault you forgot to bring them to the barber shop!) Or maybe they put their own younger brother’s life at risk. (“We were just playing doctor, mom!”) Or, perhaps, they mistakenly slapped the poor elderly neighbor’s bottom. (You can’t count how many times you’ve had to apologize.) Even Anne of Green Gables dyed her hair green at one point. (“Red hair is my life-long sorrow!”)
Of course, mom can’t just laugh these things off because the children might think it’s OK to do so. So she might, with much effort, put on her stern face, give the kids their just desserts and tell them to go to their room. Or else. And, of course, once they’re out of earshot, mom is going to laugh uncontrollably. And who can blame her?
6 “He Doesn’t Stink Yet”
Some kids just don’t like baths. And even if it’s mom’s God-given responsibility to give her kids baths (it’s probably in the ten commandments or something), sometimes she just doesn’t want to, either. After all, first she has to convince the little one to go into the bathroom. Depending on the kid, this may involve a lot of negotiation or a chase and abduction that could rival any Jason Bourne movie. Once the kids get to the bathroom, there’s either lots of whining or, if mom is lucky, they find that they actually enjoy the bath. To the point that they don’t want to get out anymore. And mom certainly doesn’t want to leave the kid alone in the tub because he might drown himself she’s making dinner.
And so many moms make the obvious choice: bathe the kids very infrequently. Maybe twice a week, if they’re lucky. As long as their playmates aren’t complaining about the stink, it’s probably still alright.
5 “So Many Things to Do”
With momhood comes creativity. After all, when you’ve got a roomful of bored school-age kids, trouble is likely to happen within thirty minutes. Or they’re going to hound mom for either a snack or lots of attention. As such, mom might want to devise a whole load of things to do. Creative projects to keep the artists in them satisfied. Music lessons to transform them into Mini Mozarts. Perhaps even a play date with the next-door neighbor’s kids.
But many of these things that mom devises for the kids have only one purpose: to distract them so that she can live without trouble or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. At least for a couple of hours, after which she has to devise her next strategy to keep them busy. This frees up her time to do the much-ignored household chores. Or catch up with her sleep debt, which is already accumulating compound interest.
4 “I Didn’t Hear That”
Men have it good. All they have to do is orgasm. They don’t have to carry a bunch of cells that transforms into a human being in the span of nine months. They don’t have to go through the trouble of pushing the said human being out of their privates or, alternatively, get cut open. Their breasts don’t get sore and heavy, only to be relieved by the sucking of an infant, who, as she gets older, is at increasing risk of chewing on the nipples. Surely, after all the trouble mom has gone through for this child that is also half his, he’s going to attend to them for one more single hour.
As such, some moms take the sneaky route. They’ll feign all sorts of excuses not to attend to the children’s cries, just so hubby goes over to do it himself. Whether it’s sleeping or going to the bathroom or not hearing, all excuses are fair game.
3 “I Don’t Judge”
As much as our own struggles as moms gives us plenty of sympathy for other women who are also in the verge of raising their own kids, it can be tempting to grin (secretly) in delight when they’re doing something wrong. That’s a nasty part of human nature. We hate being judged, but sometimes we just like judging others. Especially if their kids are little pricks and, by some miracle that has descended from the heavens, our own kids are being angels.
It can be all a mom can do to keep herself from gloating, “ha! I’m the better mom.” Although, sometimes, when she’s the one in the stressful situation, she can also secretly hear other moms judging her silently. It’s a vicious cycle. But not something that many moms can help. Might as well enjoy these little victories while they last. Because, trust us, sometimes they just don’t last as long as we want to!
2 "It's Bedtime"
When a child refuses to sleep and mom really needs him to sleep, things can get really dirty. And we do mean dirty. Whether it’s giving the toddler a dose of that cough medicine that makes him drowsy before a trip (at the recommended dose for his weight, of course) or getting the little one to face a breeze so she’s compelled to shut her eyes, sometimes a mom has to do what a mom has to do.
Naturally, she’s not going to be super proud about doing these things. But it’s all in a day’s work. Especially if mom is just desperate for time or rest or peace. As long as the tactics are harmless and done infrequently, after all, no permanent damage will be done and the little ones will likely remember all the rest of their happy childhood instead. Unless mom gets the irrepressible urge to confess once the little one hits thirty.
1 "I Got It Done"
We’ve already established, so far, that no mom is perfect. Sometimes she will only half-heartedly do the laundry and leave that little, stubborn stain exactly where it is. Sometimes she’ll pick the kids up a bit late when she needs a few extra minutes of shuteye. Sometimes she won’t perfectly segregate the garbage. That is, there will be plenty of little flaws in the way that she cares for her kids. If you think about it, however, all those little imperfections come together nicely into care that can only be given by a mom who is perfectly dedicated to her kids. There are only so many hours in a day and so many things to be done, after all. Sometimes, a few shortcuts must be taken.
And all that is alright! It’s unreasonable to expect each mom to do things by the book. Especially if the book is inherently unreasonable at times!