One of the greatest lies that society makes us believe as children is that our parents are models of perfection. It is often advocated that our parents should be our idols and we should look up to them no matter what. This, if we think about it, is a responsibility too great to be trusted upon any individual.
And by anybody, we mean even the most flawless of people shouldn’t be held responsible for how a young child turns out to be in life.
It is crucial to understand that parents are people too. They are adults who know about as much about life as anybody else. They make mistakes and their opinions seldom 100% correct. Experiences that adults like to boast about are purely subjective in nature. Case in point - no child has to believe that the world is a bad place because his mama told him so.
In the sheer ecstasy and confusion of having a little human all to themselves, parents often forget little things that in fact carry the potential of shaping their kid’s life. They also forget that they carve the foundation of the relationship that their child will have with her/his parents for a lifetime.
Traditional parenting methods weren’t questioned until recent times, with the rise of liberalism. Even so, new parents are getting a variety of modern insights regarding how to bring their child up, it is vital to first and foremost pledge to never forget certain things that parents often do; and that matter more than they can possibly perceive in the immediate present.
15 Parents ALWAYS Look Lame To Children
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There is no way in any universe that a parent will genuinely be cool to their kid. There is no certain parent or a certain kid that feels this way. Literally every child knows that their parents try really hard to be cool but fail miserably. They might even find that adorable and appreciate the efforts, but never will they say that the efforts yielded any considerable results.
It is only in super hot movies where that happens; the sudden realization that the parent was cool all along. Do the parents who crib about their kids not finding them cool find their own parents cool? We think not.
No parent should ever worry or even try to impress their child and become cool to them. Everybody has struggled enough to impress their own parents at a certain point in their lives, we deserve some relaxation. To be honest, children aren’t all that rad either. They’ll eventually grow up and realize their parents don’t have to be cool in order for them to be good parents.
14 Children Will Do Pretty Much Anything For Attention
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And at the end of the day, parents have to pay attention to them sooner or later. One of the many perks of being a parent. Yay!
As a parent, it is vital for one to make time for their child. Children don’t find it easy to function without getting the attention they demand. Some children turn to a constant series of shenanigans and planned mischief even when they know it can get them scolded or punished. Negative attention is better than no attention at all. That’s not what we say – it’s what children think.
If parents notice a sudden increase in the amount of pranks and naughtiness their child displays, they should never assume a strict stance. Making gentle conversation with the child and giving them the attention they need is a simple solution to most issues.
Children are constantly looking for validation, and the attention of their parents is one of the greatest forms of the same. Children deserve all the attention in the world.
13 Strict Rules Breed Rebels
There is something in the adrenaline rush we get while disobeying or trespassing that is unparalleled to its legal alternatives. Rules were originally meant for workplaces where the employees were supposed to follow a certain code of conduct, and work according to a documented set of regulations.
But, guess what? At the end of the day, you’ll get whatever target you wanted to achieve, but you’ll get it from unwilling and unhappy employees. It’s the same with children. Parents need to remember to set reasonable rules and not impose curfews on their child, for children are clever and they will do the forbidden anyway.
In fact, the more you try to be strict with your child, the more they will rebel. Also, how about irony here? Parents tend to forget how they themselves were as kids. Show us one parent who never rebelled against their parent, and we will show you pigs that fly.
12 Children Are Not Parents’ Property
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It has become the norm, sadly. Parents believe that since they had decided to have a child, their decision offers them full control over everything their offspring does. A lot of women back this up by saying that carrying a little human inside them for nine months calls for certain privileges over it. Woman, ONE SIGNS UP FOR THIS.
Children owe nothing to their parents. To the parents who plan to emotionally manipulate their child in the future by making him/her count all the times they cleaned their mess and how they work hard to earn a living and give them a good life. The child did not ask for any of this.
As a parent it is one’s legal and ethical responsibility to take the best possible care of the child. A parent does not under any circumstance command control in the decisions their child will make as an adult.
11 Curiosity Is Important
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Fun fact – We are told just half of that old proverb “curiosity killed the cat”. It originally was, “Curiosity killed the cat; but satisfaction brought it back”.
It is difficult for parents in the recent times to be able to manage time out of their schedules to spend quality time with their children. Moreover, they tend to get irritated on being asked ‘too many’ questions. However, honestly and accurately answering a child’s questions should be considered no less than a moral duty. Children question everything.
Their understanding of the world depends on how the people they ask questions to answer their queries. There is nothing that can’t be simplified and talked about. It will only strengthen the parent-child bond and the child will know who to go to with all his outrageously mundane questions.
It is always advisable for parent to take time out and talk to their children; it always turns out to be worth it.
10 Punishments Don’t Really Work
It is a huge misconception that a person can be ‘brought back on track’ by the use of unpleasant means of reinforcement. Keep in mind though, we’re talking about tough punishments, and not time outs or asking your child to give up their phone for a few hours.
Psychologically speaking, punishments only induce dislike or in extreme cases hatred towards the person who is punishing the other person. In some cases, the use of punishments has shown to encourage the person into engaging in the prohibited activity further, just to prove a point.
This is why parents should opt for discussions. Discussions promote healthy relationships. By listening to the child’s point of view and for once accepting the fact that children are natural pranksters and shenanigans are something that they as parents have signed up for, conflict can be reduced to a minimum.
The trick is to remember one’s own childhood and empathize with the child in question. By frequently punishing a child, one not only does forsake his/her relationship with their kid, they also sometimes sow the seeds of discord for a long time.
9 Children Observe Their Parents
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Children are natural mimickers. More than listening to what the parent is saying, a child tends to simply copy the parents. So if the child is being screamed at repeatedly and told to be softer in the ways they speak, one can be almost certain that the child will take to screaming anyway (rebellion, remember?)
Children are extremely observant. They grasp everything happening around them and desperately try to make sense of it. Most of a child’s time is spent with parents. Young children perceive themselves as helpless and totally under their parents. They are their heroes.
In the struggle of being as much like their parents as possible, children concentrate completely on mirroring the actions of their parents. It is how a toddler learns to speak and walk and so on. This should be counted as a thing of common sense, but sadly, it is among many thing parents tend to forget.
So the next time parents start arguing in front of their child, better think twice. Because that's exactly what the child is going to emulate.
8 Children Can Be Rude And Unpleasant
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It is a common misconception that children suddenly become passive-aggressive and hot blooded on reaching the age of 13 or 16, thus transitioning into the dreaded species of humans known as teenagers. But the truth is that children can be rude and unpleasant long before that.
It is crucial to understand that children are constantly growing and learning. The cause of any sort of unpleasant behavior may rest with an argument or discord between peers, struggles of creating and identity for oneself or simple physical discomfort. No reason is invalid or not good enough in nature, and parents need to recognize this fact.
If a child is in distress, the problem is very real to them. It doesn’t matter what parents think – it’s important what the child feels. Growing into adults is when children learn to rationalize thoughts and emotions, thus assuming a more likeable and calmer personality. Till then, giving children their time and space is important.
So is not taking statements made by them during a fit of tantrums, seriously and using it against them later (guilt trips don’t really work well with children)
7 Gender Roles Are Not Real
Most of us have been conditioned into subconsciously giving in to gender roles and biases. A baby girl does not grow to be a man if her bedroom walls are blue, you know. Girls can spare the color pink and still be every bit a female. Boys do not start getting periods when exposed to pink articles or even “girly” toys like Barbie dolls.
Children do not necessarily like the colors assigned by society to their respective genders. Parents also tend to assume that their male child will develop crushes only on girls and their girls will only fall for boys. This is as untrue as it gets. Sexualities are not phases. If one can ask his 7 year old son if he like a girl at school, then he can very well also note that his son might have a crush on a boy.
Respecting the preferences of children is vital. Winning their trust and making them feel comfortable is something that only happens when one sees them as human distant from the constraints of gender. Which brings us to our next point –
6 Children Seldom Understand Criticism
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Criticism is meant to be constructive in nature. It is redundant if only the negatives of something are highlighted and no suggestions are being given in order to make improvements.
Children get criticism and judgment from parents, and automatically assume themselves to not be good enough and unworthy of their love and affection. It is particularly sad on the parents’ part, because according to them they’ve contributed to the well being of their child by counting their child’s flaws, thinking it will result in lots of improvements in the long run. They’re so wrong.
Little do they realize that the child becomes emotionally wounded, and in desperate need of affection in order to make up for the harsh statements made towards them. This is because children to not understand the concept of criticism. To them, either what they did was good, or bad. There’s no in between.
So, make sure not to criticize them. If criticism has to be made, ensure helpful tips and suggestions are added, not to mention not raising one’s voice while criticizing children.
5 Perfect Scores Do Not Necessarily Equate With Success
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Gone are the times when one could depend upon a perfect mark sheet and a spotless academic track record for a successful career. Children are all humans, and by that virtue, are unique. It is not smart to compel a child to get perfect As, do well in sports while taking music classes and sleeping on time.
Children develop and start showcasing their natural inclinations sooner or later. It is up to the parent to identify these inclinations and talk them out with the child. In the current global scenario, marks and grades have taken a backseat. A student does not need to take EVERY class on EVERY type of skill existing.
While some children can cope with this sort of pressure, most are not able to. Giving the child his/her time to reflect and decide on his/her hobbies and passions is a must. While children should be directed to be goal driven, they should also be trusted. It is their life we are talking about right now.
4 Not Always Sugar And Spice
Another misconception. Girls are almost always considered to be the epitome of grace and calmness. They are thought to be full of dignity, more dedicated and studious, a lot less trouble than boys etc etc. Boys, on the other hand, are considered rowdy, messy and the type of people who would not hesitate twice before getting into fist fights.
Basically, every stereotype imaginable about both the genders, are applied again and again upon them till the children have no option but growing into, and thus, fulfilling those stereotypes.
The truth is, letting a child’s gender affect the parents’ behaviors towards them is plain wrong. Owning a different set of genitals means nothing. Boys can be forgiving and graceful and girls might just raise hell and wreak havoc. Don’t believe us? Go on YouTube. Check Twitter or Facebook. See how the society is witnessing a gender reversal.
The truth is – a child will grow up to be as their parent wants. Without gender stereotypes, children often grow up to be who they truly are meant to be.
3 Newborns Look Ugly
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This one is for parents-to-be. They more or less are misguided into believing that childbirth is a magical experience the joys of which are unparalleled. They’re also inclined to believe that their kid will be the prettiest thing ever right from the time it exits the womb of the mother. Nothing can be more inaccurate.
Newborn babies have translucent skin that is wrinkly and gooey from all the fluids it’s been around for the past few months. The face is screwed in a cosmic frown and eyes are shut. The main point is that new parents should not expect or force people into complementing the new born.
In all likelihood, it looks nothing more than a potato to them. And then coming on to those parents who realize how, ahem, not pretty their child is. It’s okay to be sad, disappointed or even frustrated…. and even have second thoughts about being parents. But don’t feel bad or guilty - millions of parents go through the same emotional cycles that ya do..
2 Vacations Seldom Bring The Family Closer
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This is like saying being jail inmates brings criminals closer. It does not (obviously, exceptions exist). Vacations don’t necessarily strengthen bonds and family members don’t suddenly start getting along with each other. Especially for those children who find it difficult to adapt quickly or are simply impatient by nature.
While most parents knew each other before marriage and the others have now learnt all about their partners and are managing well, the child did not have this luxury. It is legitimate for certain children to feel out of place in their own families for a certain period of time. During this time, vacations can turn out to be a disaster.
It is illogical to expect a child who acts disturbed in their own home will feel comfortable once the family is out vacationing. Parents simply need to accept that not all family members necessarily get along with each other all the time. Rather, giving them their time and then talking things out works a whole lot better.
1 Parents Aren't Responsible For How Their Child Turns Out
Parents need to do themselves a favor and stop feeling guilty about their kid flunking at school or getting into drugs. They do not need to question their upbringing and start questioning their own existence.
The thing is, parents aren’t the only factor that influence children these days. There are friends, neighbors, school peers, comic books, TV and even the internet that greatly condition the young minds of today. It is a fact hard to register for parents, as they are very closely knit with their child in emotionally.
But they need to know and accept that under no condition are they 100% responsible for how their child turns out to be in life.
If anything, a parent’s job has become that much harder, thanks to the influx of technology in one’s life and the easy access that children have to a lot of things, including drugs, alcohol and porn. Parents truly do their best to ensure that their children grow up to be responsible citizens, but then that’s all they can really do – their best.
What their child grows up to be despite that love and care, is beyond their control.