Childhood is a beautiful thing. It's filled with many precious moments from babies first teeth, words, and steps to teenagers getting their first license, first dates, and graduations. Everybody knows children of any age can be a lot to handle and parents sometimes get caught up in parenting. Moms struggle to find the balance between jobs, family, and self. In many cases, once women have children they begin to change who they are and what they are all bout to the point where they are unrecognizable to past versions of themselves. The scantily clothed, wild haired, heavy make-up wearing girl who partied all the way through high school and college, got married and had twins. Now she sports mom jeans, bangs and a bob, and runs the PTA. The reality is: once parenthood hits, you never know what you are going to get.
Most of the time, moms do a great job keeping their lives and their children in check. They try to teach their children to have good manners, and be respectful of others, but there is always that small percentage of moms that don’t seem to care about anyone but their own children.
Here are 15 things some moms do that drive others crazy.
15 Changing Diapers In Places Other Than The Bathroom
Little Johnny has a stinky smell coming from his backside as he weaves in and out of the aisles at Barnes and Noble. So, mom scoops him up, smacks down a changing pad, and opens up that danger zone right there on the table meant for reading books! This is a disgusting and unsanitary habit but many women change their children anytime and anywhere. Nobody wants to see and smell all of that. It might be a total pain to pile up all the kiddos and make a run for the john but it’s an absolute must. Here’s the scoop on poop: while for the most part, all microbes found in human feces are harmless, there is great potential for opportunistic parasites to be present. So she should keep it where it belongs - in the restroom - where she can wash her hands afterward. Tip: Mom, you wouldn’t stand on the table in Starbucks and take a crap, so don’t let your kid do it. If you think the changing tables are gross use your car, a good blanket and a large trunk are excellent for this sort of thing.
14 Fine Dining After Five
You have waited all month long to go to the luxurious steak and sushi house downtown. You have starved yourself all day so you can scarf down lobster rolls, a huge steak, and down a couple martinis without feeling guilty. It took your man weeks to book this reservation and honestly probably most of his paycheck to afford it. You arrive at 8pm and sit down in your dark swanky candle lit table, order your drink, and uh-oh, a mom and dad come shuffling in with a toddler and a car seat holding a baby. Before you can even catch a buzz from your cocktail and taste your first “house special” roll, there is a toddler standing at your table asking you to hand them their crayon that rolled under your chair. The rest of the evening is spent trying to make conversation over the tired toddler whining about the fact that they have no chicken nuggets on the menu, and the dad shushing the baby as he stands way too close to your table rocking the fussy chubster back and forth. This is so not cool. Tip: Mom, fine dining after five is for adults only. Please get a babysitter! Or try having it delivered. Or go to Chili’s. Once upon a time you would have supported this rule!
13 Letting Kids Stare At People
It’s always fun at first when you catch that cute little kid staring at you. You make a funny face back, and they might giggle, then they make a funny face and you match it. It’s all fun and games until it gets creepy. The kid is still starting at you ten minutes later and you are all out of ideas for entertainment. Ten more minutes later and you glance up from your coffee and the little psycho is still staring at you. Kids are adorable, for the most part, but that cuteness wears off after 8 minutes of intense eye contact. Research suggests most people are only comfortable with eye contact that lasts for about 3 seconds. Anything longer than that can make people increasingly uncomfortable. Tip: Mom if your kid has locked on to a stranger like a bulldog, distract them, give them something to do, or move them around. Don’t ruin other people’s meals or flights just because your kid wants to star in the remake of The Shining.
12 Heart-To-Hearts In Busy Places
Ok, this isn’t Full House so we can cut the back ground lesson-learning music. Whole foods, Target, etc., is not the place for mom to have long winded talks about behavior issues and the like. While the population in general appreciates the parents that do encourage their children to have better behavior and better manners, please keep it at home. Nobody wants to hear mom explaining why Cindy, age 3, should stop shouting and pouting because two sugary cereals contain tons of gluten and corn syrup, and that good girls listen to their mommies, and on and on. First of all, Cindy doesn’t comprehend, she is three - simply 'no' would be sufficient. Second of all, move, other people need to grab their Wheaties, too. Tip: Moms, keep the talking points for the car if it can’t wait till you get home.
11 Letting Kids Act Like Adults
"Micah, tell the waiter what you want to order” and the kid muffles something unrecognizable. Or "Kelly, pay the nice lady your money for the popcorn." And Kelly pulls out quarters one at a time from her tiny pocket spilling half of them on the floor. It’s all very cute until its 12 minutes later and the scene is still being played out. There are certain things that are for adults only until kids reach a certain age, this includes: paying, ordering, sacking and carrying groceries, and shopping in general. Tip: Mom, if you want to teach your kids about money and ordering at restaurants, play pretend at home, that way nobody is waiting, so your children can take as long as they need.
10 Young Children At The Movies After Noon
Similar to no fine dining after five, moms should not bring their young children to the movies after noon, that is 12pm, until they reach a certain age. There is nothing worse than settling in for a good movie and WAAAAAHHHH! Some woman is trying to quiet a newborn during the R-rated horror flick. What did she expect exactly? That the child would somehow sleep through the loud scary chainsaw murder scene? Get real ladies. There is a reason there are age restrictions and suggestions for movies even if the parent is present. R rated movies are for older teens and up. PG-13, means just that, 13 and up. PG and G rated movies are for everyone, but she should still be considerate of others if her child is being loud or moving around a lot, and remove them from the theater. Tip: Moms, if you have kids under 10, you really should hesitate to take them to the movies at all because they have a hard time sitting still for 1.5 hours. If you do go, try the 10 or 11am showings. Anything goes in the matinee. Or wait for it On-Demand...
9 Cleaning Kids’ Faces With Saliva
Should we really discuss this one? Yikes, here goes. So the kid has eye boogers or dried spit trailing from their mouth and, gag, mommy or daddy licks their thumb and cleans them up. Listen, this isn’t the jungle book. We might be animals but we have since moved on from this phase in civilization. These days we have these neat little things called tissues, and towels, and water. No need for the slobber. There isn’t much else to say about this disgusting parental habit but here’s a tip: Mom, keep this mother bear behavior at home. When you leave the house, take baby wipes or really anything other than your bodily fluids to clean your child’s face.
8 Letting Children Throw Epic Tantrums In Public
“But I want blue cupcakes mommy, blue cupcakes!” Have you ever seen a kid totally flip out on their mom and she just kind of stands there embarrassed not knowing what to do?Tantrums happen, they can even be healthy for children to sometimes let off emotional steam, but come on. Rolling around on the floor in Walmart? Kicking stuff off shelves? Screaming at their mother to buy them something? These episodes need to be shut down immediately. If mommy can’t control her brood, then the clan needs to stay at home. Tip: Mom, the second your child starts what may become an epic tantrum remove them from anywhere they would have an audience, sometimes this is nothing more than a show… The “embarrass the crap out of mommy show.”
7 Flying Unprepared With Small Children
People don’t hate when people fly with babies and small children. They hate when these babies and small children are not given what they need to make it through the flight. Flying on a plane is a huge thing for a kid, there isn’t much space, there isn’t much food, and there is nothing to do. Of course they are going to whine, cry, stare at people, kick seats, and make anyone within 50 rows of them miserable. Tip: Moms, during take-off and landing, kids always need something to suck on or drink to prevent their eyes and ears from popping and feeling strange. Whether that’s breastmilk, a bottle, a lollipop, heck - get creative but save them from the discomfort. Also bring food and activities on board. Lots of food and lots of activities, no matter the length of your flight. And don’t forget pillows and blankets. You’d be surprised how much they will let you bring on board to keep your animals tame.
6 Feeding Kids Food From Their Mouths
Back to the animal kingdom again. We aren’t birds people. If Sammy cant chew her carrots then maybe she should serve her the kind for babies? You know, the kind in a jar, or she can even make her own baby food at home depending on how nature bound she is. Maybe mom isn’t chewing, swallowing, and regurgitating the food into the babies mouth, but it's still a lot for other folks to see. We all know that everyone needs to get over the breastfeeding in public thing because that’s life and its wonderful and beautiful, but tweety-feeding is different. Tip: Mom, keep this one at home, too. If you are at a restaurant the only way you should feed your kids is with a fork or spoon.
5 Canceling For Silly Reasons
Yeah, I can’t make your book signing because Natalie will be napping. What?!? Put her little butt in the car seat and get real. It is not okay; how much people change unnecessarily when they have kids. A nap should never be a reason to not show up for family and friends that probably supported her through every ounce of parenthood. We know how important children are to their mothers. But moms should try and remember that other people are important, too. If she expects people to stop, drop, and roll every time Suzy plays a potato in the school play, or Tommy wrecks havoc on everyone’s eardrums during the violin recital, then she simply must return the favor. Tip: Moms, if you say you are going to attend an event that someone has invited you to, and they gave plentiful notice, then do your darndest to be there. Whether that requires a babysitter, make it happen or a pacifier to keep them quiet. Although, you are off the hook if your kid is sick.
4 Posting Every. Single. Thing. On Social Media
This is okay: Tommy's first step. Tommy's first word. Tommy’s first trip to Disney World. This is not okay: Tommy’s 19th word. Tommy’s silly little dance that looks exactly like the one she posted yesterday. Tommy picks his nose. Tommy doesn’t like oranges. People love to peek into people’s lives via social media and people love to share. But there is a way to do it, and then there is the way to over-do it. Anything that might make someone’s stomach churn is a definite no-no. Holidays and birthdays, please share, but keep some things private. Some things are sacred. A lot of people forget that these days. Tip: Moms, posting something about your kids more than once a week can get old really quick.
3 The Utterly Annoying Parental Countdown
"Janie, you’d better get over here right now." Nothing. "OK, that’s it!" Nothing. "Here we go! 10! 9! 8... 3! 2! 1..." Nothing! Please do not count down if the kids will not listen. Warning them repeatedly of a “consequence” that turns out to be another countdown, is not only annoying, it’s foolish. Similar to allowing children to throw epic tantrums, counting down to the grand finale of another countdown is a good way to waste time and will eventually cause her children to lose respect for her. Nobody wants to hear all that counting and then watch her wait in vain. Tip: Moms, if you do count down (if you must) then start at three! And if nothing happens by one remove your child from the environment.
2 Kid-Shaming People That Don’t Have Kids
You just wouldn’t get it, you don’t have kids. Ummm, excuse me, everybody "gets" being broke, or tired, or angry or happy or proud. Life doesn’t begin the second a woman becomes a mother. While it can change dramatically once a woman has kids, everyone, those with children and without, experience the same spectrum of emotions and experiences. So, yes, Kelly knows what it feels like to be tired even though she wasn’t breastfeeding a baby all night. Tired is tired, whether you studied all night, nursed all night, or even partied all night. People without kids may not totally “get” the whole parent thing but they definitely get what it means to be human. Tip: Mom, If you want people to listen to your joys and pains, do the same for them, without the “kid shaming.”
1 Becoming Judgmental Once They Are Parents
Oh, no ma’am. Please don’t pretend you haven’t ever been to a club or done some questionable things. What's with some women changing into judgmental snobs after they deliver their first child? It's almost like a magical spell that causes the same women who were doing the same things they now hate (short dresses, tequila shots, eye liner, and the likes) to suddenly forget their past selves. While mom may not partake in any of the wild and sometimes silly behaviors of her youth, she can at least remember and remain apathetic to people in certain situations that she used to find herself in. Truth be told, a lot of that judgement and hatred is jealousy in disguise. Mom can’t “wild out” like she used to because she’s a mom now and she has responsibilities. But part of her yearns for the freedom she once had. Here’s a final tip: Moms, every once and a while take a night off. Get a little wild. Shake out that old LBD and hit the streets with your girls. You will probably be a better mom for it.