First off, shout out to my mom. She is going to be so proud of me for writing about this cr*p. Secondly, let's shoot the poo and see if we can make this a little less taboo of a subject. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't.
There is a chance that when you are pushing a baby out there may be some bonus material that also comes out. Hopefully with this handy dandy list, we can make the chances of that happening near to none. That would be my dream for you. Check in and let me know in the comments....or don't because your friends and family can see your comments on Facebook and we don't need them to know what happened here.
You can't really predict how your body is going to react when you go into labor. There are a lot of factors. Also interestingly enough there are a lot of ways that labor begins, so it's not even that easy always to tell if you are starting it or not. The things we women go through, huh? It doesn't seem fair. My real point was that in the final weeks try to be mindful of these things, but don't beat yourself up if you still meet with this outcome. Some of us sh&* the bed. It's just how life works.
This was my biggest fear before giving birth. Nights were spent awake and worrying. Once labor started, this could not have been further from my mind. Let's just get this done! Was in my mind a lot or OWWWWWWW, flashed in there some times.
Here are the things that will make you poop the bed without further delay:
15 Not Having An Enema Before Hand
Being serious here. You can request the nurse give you an enema before you get too into labor. That will make you clean as a whistle before you get to the pushing. That only works if there is time. Also, this seemed to be something that they used to do in the older days and discontinued now. Now, you do have to request it. If this is something that interests you, check with your doctor prior to going into labor to verify that this is something that is offered where you are birthing. Having never had an enema, I can't tell you if it's going to be a better option than pooping the bed. At least the enema will allow you to do the pooping in privacy. And you may feel more comfortable pushing your hardest right off the bat if you are confident that you aren't going to let any crap slide.
14 Resisting The Urge to Relieve Yourself Early
Many women report that their first impending sign of labor was loose stools. Do not try to fight nature and keep it in. Even if you are out in a public bathroom or at your in-laws. When you get to the end of this pregnancy you need to let things clear themselves out It's a losing battle to try to wait for a more convenient time. You are on borrowed time here and you don't know when that baby wants out. If you feel the need to go, go. If you don't get it out, then you will get it out on the table. There is just no way to push a baby out without unleashing it all. That's a sad twist of fate. The most beautiful moment of life can also have some of the ugliest things involved. Help yourself by allowing your body to do the clearing process ahead of time and don't try to be polite and not use the facilities for fear of people's thoughts. Would you rather stink up the whole house at your mother-in-law's, or have everyone watch you go on the table?
13 Big Heavy Greasy Meals
Look, I remember how good that stuff can taste. When you get to the end though, don't eat like a hungover college student. Your gut can not bounce back from this and it's a mistake. Your body could go into labor at any moment. Try to treat it well. Make sure it knows that you are looking out for it. The closer you get to the "D" day, the more you might want to lay off of the foods that cause you some gastrointestinal distress. If you have a gut of steal it may not matter. Kind of the only way you know is once you are already on your way to pushing a baby out. If you really need that butterburger, try doing halvsies with your partner. If you are saying, but I am sharing it with the baby already... I like you and how you think. However you are going to thank me later if you treat your stomach right towards the end here.
12 Not Taking Proper Care of Digestive System Ahead Of Time
But I don't want things coming out you say, so why would I be taking probiotics and getting myself to go. Umm you do want things coming out. Constipation is no fun. If you keep things regular there is less chance you will end up with a surprise in the delivery room. You can check with your doctor about any exercises that can help things move through. Yoga helps move your digestion along. Let's be frank, if you are starting the day you go into labor to turn over a new leaf and get things "regular" it ain't going to work. This is something that you should do throughout. It's kind of like kegels, but for your stomach- oh and also : you should really do it.
11 Not Receiving A Suppository Before The Big Show
This didn't dawn on me as an option. I have never had a suppository before. I'm not sure I really know what it is or how it works. However, you can request one from the nurse ahead of time. It is something stuck in the back end that helps you go. Similar to the enema, but in a pill kind of form. Again the theory being that you get out ahead of labor by, well getting it out ahead of labor. I'm interested to see if anyone has any experience with this. I honestly had never heard of it before researching this. I'm not sure if it's widely used or not. It doesn't hurt asking for more information from your doctor if you think it would ease your mind. Also, check how long it takes to work and when you would have to have it by in order for it to help.
10 Stressing About It
Listen, if your stomach is pretty responsive to stress - you'll want to learn to meditate or something to calm yourself down. If stress equals running to the bathroom; you may find that no matter what you do, you are going to have issues on the delivery table. Stressing about the very thing that you are wanting to not have happen will surely make it happen. That is at least for me. The best thing to do is to talk to your doctor about fears. Let them reassure you that they will not judge, care or even notice if this happens because they see this biological process all day, every day at work. If you are stressed about a husband/boyfriend seeing anything tell them it was all a rouse to see if they can handle changing diapers. Also, tell them this is something we never speak of again.
9 Swearing That It Won't Happen To You
The best way to have anything happen is to swear that it will never happen to you. Unless the thing is winning a million dollars. Then somehow it doesn't work. I tried. A lot. Anyways parenting is like the end all be all proof of this. You will begin to think all the great judgements you made before you had kids. I miss how much I knew back then and how sure I was about my decisions. I also kind of think this way about getting on the delivery table. If you are certain that it's not a thing you are ever going to experience, you just might. It's the universe's way of taking you down a few pegs. You can't be that surprised that the universe would want to do that when you have that attitude.
8 Castor Oil To Self Induce
When it gets towards the end of pregnancy some women go a little bit nuts. If you are on any birth boards you know this. They look for ways to get the baby out. One is to use castor oil. Drink it and it's supposed to get your stomach so crampy and upset that it upsets your uterus into getting angry and quitting it's job too. It brings on labor. Castor oil is a stimulant laxative. It makes your intestines do some contracting and than it makes your uterus contract. We all know that you can have some contractions and not be in labor. Sometimes this trick does work to get things started. When that happens you may find yourself experience labor contractions with the added bonus of stomach cramps from the laxative. I don't have to tell you what that could lead to on the table (psst - it's pooing). Also check with the doctor before trying this method just in case.
7 Crazy Foods To Get Labor Started
You are taking a gamble when you ingest anything that your body is not used to. They may cause you to experience discomfort and gas. If you read the suggestions online many of the foods that are supposed to jump start labor are spicy, hot, and flavorful things. If you are not used to eating 5 bell chilli with oregano and hot sauce, maybe it's not a good time to try it out. If it works than that's great that you achieved your goal, but will you have time to empty out all that stuff from your gut before it's time to push out the baby? I'm not sure. Are you willing to take the risk? Because it is a risk. It can definitely leave you caught with your pants down at the end of labor. Maybe try these foods before the end of the pregnancy and see if they have any bad effects on your gut. Then you can feel comfortable trying them to get things going.
6 Not Drinking Enough Water
Water is important in every aspect of life. Of course this is not an exception. Drinking water ahead of time can help you to stay regular in your bowel habits. Staying regular is a huge advantage to your body at "go" time. This means that you may have already emptied out for that day and you won't have to worry about it later on. Hydration really is important for feeling good in general. If you feel a little run down, constipated, or hangry try drinking some water and get relief. This does go along with number 12 above and taking care of your digestive system ahead of time. The older I get the more I relate and understand those Activia commercials about staying regular. So chug, chug, chug. Pretend it's the wine you'll have after your done with this pregnancy.
5 Not Having Enough Fiber
This is another all important thing that you should try to do in general. This can go hand in hand with drinking more water. It helps to move the fiber through. It helps to keep things regular in the bowels. You are going to have a much easier time if you are able to keep your bathroom habits easy peasy and pretty normal. Not only will this help you to not poo on the table. This will also help you after giving birth. Not sure if anyone has filled you in, but the first bowel movement after having a baby can be pretty traumatic and not fun for any woman. If you are already in a good routine with your digestive care, you will not be as traumatized (fingers crossed) when it comes time to doing that deed. Vegetables, fruits and whole grains are your friends.
4 Eating Through Out Labor
There are conflicting opinions on this. Some more natural proponents of labor encourage eating throughout labor to keep your energy up. That makes sense. Depending on how long labor lasts, how fast you dilate, and when you can get to the bathroom - this can cause you to have a deuce on the table. Having a baby in the hospital, the staff generally don't allow you to eat anything after you are admitted to have the baby with the exception of ice chip and water. You will likely have an IV to help keep you hydrated. I can't say that I really felt like eating during labor. It wasn't really a concern for me at the time. There were so many other things going on. However, if a woman is in labor for a very long time, she might start to develop an appetite, just be sure to run the risks before ordering a cheeseburger.
3 Being Induced (Sometimes)
If you are being induced instead of allowing your body to start labor on it's own this can cause some shortcuts on your bodies' end. It skips some important steps that hormones would make happen if left to natural ways. As previously discussed, when labor starts often times your body's first reaction is to empty everything. This means going to the bathroom. When you are being induced, your gut doesn't get the invitation to let got of the food it's holding. Therefore it can throw things off a bit to be induced. Since your body didn't get the memo ahead of time to purge it's insides in the toilet, it may wait until its time to push and then it may decide at the worst possible time to unload. Of course that isn't the case always. Some women report that being induced actually was the opposite.
2 Not Having A C-Section
Ha, okay you caught me. This isn't really a fair one, but it is true. I heard many c-section moms get excited to not have to stress about this one thing. If you are not having a c-section than there is a much larger chance that you will poop the table. One positive thing that C-sections have going for them is the lack of pushing and therefore lack of pooping that accompanies them. Woohoo! This really is the only surefire wayto avoid any of this mess. Also, with all the other stuff they have to worry about this seems like they should get to at least enjoy something. There are positives and negatives to every way of giving birth. If you are thinking of doing an optional c-section only because of the poop thing, let me say right now... that's silly. It's not that big a deal.
1 Being Human
Sorry guys, if you are human and giving birth vaginally you are on the hook as a possible table pooper. You can spend time worrying about it or you can accept that it might not happen. That it won't change it from happening if you stress about it. You can realize that your doctor has seen this so many times that they aren't even going to think about it. You are going to realize that your whole life for a few years is going to revolve around someone else's poop. Enjoy your poop's last moment in the sun for awhile. It will be out-shined and out-loved here shortly. Parenting is a dirty job, birthing is a dirty job... getting pregnant was a dirty... well never mind. Very best of luck to you mama. If you should find yourself pooping, then you are in good company.