Motherhood is the single most amazing, rewarding, demanding, exhausting, disgusting journey you will ever take. It is a 24/7 commitment. However, the love you have for the kids runs deep and is unconditional. Beyond what you ever imagined possible. In spite of all of the wonder and amazement, there is a dark side to motherhood. One that most of us try our best to hide.
Moms try so hard to paint a picture of perfection. There is a ton of pressure to be the best, have well behaved kids, do it all and do everything right. You quickly learn that parenting is hard. Likely one of the hardest things you will ever do. If it's not, you aren't doing it right. It definitely is not for the faint of heart.
Behind that curtain of perfection lie so many secrets. Moms aren't perfect! No matter how perfect we think our kids are, they do things that drive us crazy! Many times that crazy causes us to turn into something we don't recognize. We become a Momzilla! Trying desperately to regain control and have things exactly our way. The way they should be.
When Momzilla enters the picture, it's typically unavoidable. Things have escalated and been blown so far out of proportion that there is simply no other way to handle them but to turn into a huge lizard beast that leaves a path of destruction. Try as you might, you can't control it.
Here are 15 things guaranteed to turn any Mom into a Momzilla:
15 Mama Is Hangry!
From the moment we wake up we're off and running. Chasing kids, wiping butts, repeating instructions, kissing boo-boos and juggling everyone's schedules. There is no time to stop and eat a meal. Heck, at times we are so busy we simply forget to eat. Caffeine is literally the only thing keeping us going. A lucky few of us get to snack on random pieces of crust tossed aside at lunch, grapes that rolled under the table or goldfish crackers we find on the floor of the car. It's something, but it is nowhere near enough calories to take the edge off of our hunger. After a while, we begin to feel delirious. The kids are arguing. You turn around to find someone just spilled your coffee, but no one can tell you who. It seems the tiniest things will turn us into a screaming banshee. Get Mama a sandwich!
14 The ENDLESS Hunt For Shoes
It never fails. The moment you are finally ready to walk out the door someone says, "Mom, I can't find my shoes." There they stand in their bare feet wearing a puzzled look. Apparently they didn't hear their "get ready" warning over Paw Patrol. Inevitably you are already running 20 minutes late and there are no shoes to be found. ANYWHERE! Frantically you begin running through the house searching for anything that resembles a shoe. Sweat starts collecting on your brow. You're moving chairs, lifting cushions, throwing clothes. Everything in your path is just slowing you down! Along the way you are screaming, "Why can you NOT just take your shoes off by the door like a normal person?" When you are lucky enough to find one shoe, there is never a match close by so the hunt continues. By now smoke is rolling out of your ears. Why can kids not just take both shoes off in the same place and keep them by the door?!
13 Mom. Mom. Mom. MOM. Hey Mom!
Kids love your attention. They crave it all day long. Don't dare take it away though or you will quickly regret it. The needs come rolling in the moment you attempt to do something that isn't focused on them. Everything from taking a shower, talking on the phone, cooking dinner or God forbid trying to pee alone. It's like the kids have immediate radar. They realize Mom's attention has shifted and they must get it back. So how do I get her attention? Everything becomes an emergency. I'm pretty sure they start making stuff up because it's usually forgotten once Mom's attention has been returned. Regardless, Mom radar is turned on. Mom? Mom? Where are you Mom? Hey Mom! Mom. Mom. Mom. Even as you respond and request a moment, it continues. It seems Mom radar automatically turns off their ability to hear you. Their calling gets louder and louder. MOM? MOM!!
12 Don't Touch The Baby... GERMS!
Having a sick kid is the worst! The only thing that trumps it is a sick baby. That's why Mom's go to great lengths to protect their young from germs. They implement hand sanitizer rules and refuse to go out in public until the baby reaches a certain age. There is just something about a cute baby that makes everyone feel the need to touch their hands, face, head, feet. Everything! Today it's quite common to see tags hanging on baby carriers and strollers that say, "STOP, do not touch my baby." I've even heard of NICU Mom's forcing their older kids to change their clothes when they get home from school so as not spread the germs they came into contact with during their day. Then there are the complete strangers that believe they have free reign to pass on their unsuspecting germs, it will quickly send Mama Bear into overdrive.
11 The Constant Whining
Some days my child never speaks unless she is whining. Simple basic sentences said in the most annoying, shrill voice I've ever heard. It's worse than nails on a chalkboard. A constant drone of unhappiness. It's really no wonder so many Mom's can't stand their child watching the show Caillou. Your kid is whining. He is whining. How is it his mother doesn't hear that? She has never once corrected it or requested he "talk like a big boy"? Why are you teaching my child to use their whiny voice for everything? It doesn't take long and my patience begins to dissipate. Sometimes I wonder if I even remember the sound of their regular voice because they spend so much time whining. The whining takes me from Mom to Momzilla quicker than almost anything else. Just talk normal! It's in those moments that I would consider doing anything to make it stop.
10 Another Parent's Bad Mouthing
You know the looks. Those sideways glances as your child throws a tantrum in the middle of Target. The whispers when your baby cries in public and you become the world's worst mother. Strangers quickly find fault with your child's behavior and how you are handling it. They don't know you or understand the situation and yet they are experts and must stick their noses in. Then there are the more assertive types that speak up and offer their two cents. At a baseball game they holler out that your kid can't hit the ball and should be sitting on the bench. At the school play they laugh when your kid forgets their line. That bully parent that isn't afraid to put your child down in front of everyone else. Momzilla rears her ugly head! There is no way anyone gets away with bad mouthing my kid. There is zero tolerance for that.
9 Unsolicited Advice From Non-Parents
Remember before you had kids? When you used to say things like, "When I have kids..." and ended it with ridiculous statements related to co-sleeping, breastfeeding, learning, tantrums, and other things you knew nothing about. These are the statements that now drive us batty! Stress is already high now that we're in the throws of parenting. It's always in these moments their advice seems to come out of nowhere. Delivered in a tone that says, "You poor dear. I don't know how you have made it this far. Here, let me share my wisdom with you." As they spit out one of those ridiculous statements and appear to take pity on you, blood begins to boil. You are not a parent. You know nothing about it so just shut your mouth! In these moments I get vengeful. I find myself wishing their first child be just like the worst version of mine. Let them see what it's really like. You know, karma.
8 Don't Wake The Baby
Nap time is one of our favorite, most needed times of the day. A chance to take a breather and have a moment to ourselves. There have been many days I worked hard to make nap time happen. Getting a baby to sleep takes every trick in the book coupled with a whole lot of luck. It never fails the moment that little cherub falls asleep, something wakes him! The phone, the door bell, a dog barking, or something as simple as the sound of their door closing. Those precious little eyes pop open and the crying begins again causing you to start the process all over again. Have that happen enough times in a row and any Mom would be ready to rip their hair out (or the hair of the person that woke the baby). Each time the process to get them back to sleep becomes more stressful and necessary. Mama just wants a break!
7 Another Parent Grabs The Child
There aren't many people brave enough to attempt this one. Those that are completely deserve what comes their way. I'm not saying I support violence. It just may be unavoidable in this particular situation. In fact, any parent (or non-parent for that matter) that grabs a hold of my child in an attempt to try and parent them is going to attract the immediate attention of Momzilla. I will fly into a fit of rage they won't even recognize. Momzilla will return the favor and bring her own version of discipline. It's one thing when a friend kindly redirects my child. Sometimes it is even necessary. I can't be everywhere and see everything. I appreciate their intervention because it really does take a village. However, it's something completely different when someone physically makes contact and attempts to change my child's behavior. There is absolutely no reason you should ever touch my kid! Period.
6 Kids Making Messes In Places That Were Just Cleaned
My time is precious. There are only so many hours in the day. My preference would be to spend the least amount of those hours doing things I don't enjoy. Cleaning my house definitely falls at the top of that list. While I am no clean freak, I do have times I appreciate a neat house. Most of the time this occurs prior to having company over. It quickly turns ugly as kids follow along behind me making messes and undoing all of my hard work. Mop the floor. Juice gets spilled and mud tracked inside. Start over! Pick up kids' toys. They dump the toy box. Start over. Kids are running around in circles, screaming, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. My head begins to spin. Hands ball up into fists. It's not humanly possible to keep up. Why do I even try?! All I want is 15 minutes of peace and for you to STOP messing up the stuff I just picked up. Is that too much to ask?
5 Kids Running In And Out... In And Out...
Back in my day, when we were sent outside to play we stayed there. All. Day. Long. We knew better than to return before Mom came to the door and yelled our names. Kids today don't have a clue. Let's go outside. Let's go inside. Let's go outside. Let's go inside. It's like they can't seem to make up their minds. Get a group of them together and the behavior is magnified! An endless game of tag ensues as kids run back and forth. To make matters worse, they slam the door. Over and over again. Then they leave the door hanging wide open. Every bug and creature has full access to enter as they please. Seriously?! I can only take so much before I turn into a raving lunatic! I swear I'm going to start locking them out. Sometimes I think it's the only thing that will stop the madness.
4 No Sleep
Motherhood essentially means learning to live on little to no sleep. This is why everyone tells you to sleep before the baby comes because once that happens, it's all over with but the crying. Literally. Babies wake up all night long. Toddlers wake up all night long. All kids wake up at the crack of dawn regardless of when they went to bed or how long they slept. If you have more than one child there is a good chance you aren't sleeping at all. Add in your husband's snoring (and inability to hear any of it) and your level of intolerance goes through the roof. You find yourself living for nap time. It never fails the moment your eyes close, someone is there staring you in the face. Climbing all over you. Crying. Makes Mama quick to snap! The tiniest things set off major fireworks and before we know it we are full blown freaking out.
3 Repeating The Same Thing Over And Over
How many times a day do you feel like you are talking to a wall? Repeating the same thing over and over and over again. I swear most days I should just record myself saying something and hit play. Regardless of what is said, children don't seem to be able to hear it. Maybe it's selective hearing? As a Mom, when your kids don't listen, your frustration builds very quickly! Soon you're running around screaming at the top of your lungs throwing your arms in the air just to get their attention. There is a saying that no one hears Mom until she has turned into a crazy psycho screamer. It's true! It doesn't matter how many times you repeat yourself. No one hears a single word until you are screaming at them. Save yourself some time and let Momzilla take over right from the start. It may give you the most success with the least effort.
2 Bedtime That Drags On For Hours
Bedtime. My arch nemesis. The time of day I sometimes look forward to most. Yet, it is the time of day I hate the most. How is that even possible? It starts off all sweet and innocent. Cute kids in their pajamas. Sweet moments of snuggles, whispering silly stories and kissing foreheads. Getting everyone snug as a bug in a rug. Then all hell breaks loose. Just as you sit down and put your feet up to enjoy your free time, someone needs a drink. Then they need to pee. Where is my blanket? I am too hot. I am too cold. My covers are messed up. I can't sleep. I didn't get a snack. Bedtime quickly turns into a battle of the wills and let's see who can annoy Mom the most. Before long bedtime has turned into 2 hours. You grow horns as your head begins to spin while you are screaming, "GO TO BED NOW!"
1 Being Asked, "What Did You Do All Day?"
You've finally made it to the end of the day. It's time to sit down. Relax and unwind. As you look around you see the destruction of the day. Yet, there is this sense of accomplishment. You made it. Just as you start to swell with pride, your other half appears. They sit down beside you, look around and say, "Wow! Look at this place. What did you do all day?" Instantly you are fuming. How dare you! There is absolutely no way to tame the beast now. Are you kidding me? How could you possibly ask that question? As Moms, our entire day is spent with no adult interaction, sleep or a decent meal. We've listened to kids whine all day. Calmed each tantrum and struggled to wrangle the herd. It's a lonely place with little to no help. Please don't make me justify how difficult my day was! I would love to see you walk in my shoes.