Just imagine a world without moms. It is indeed unfathomable to picture, as their presence brings great balance to a very large extent, to the parental equation. Homes will be grossly incomplete without moms. They are the fulcrum around which all the vital processes of most successful homes revolve.
Thus, a home's effective functionality and progress is largely based on the quality of mom it has. Hence the mantra; Super mom - Super home.
In lieu of these facts aforementioned, it is quite understandable why motherhood is usually an exciting thing or phase to look forward to, as many young women relish the perceived joys of motherhood, and its attendant blessings.
he very thought of giving birth to a fresh life, and also being given the honorable and noble responsibility of nurturing same into a strong, healthy, fit, proper and valuable member of the individual's society is most cherished in the tender heart of every woman.
However, this noble duty of maternal parenting is not wholly a bed of roses as some eventually find out, some a tad too late, thus making them get fretful, or frustrated as they were left unprepared for the task.
Knowledge they say is power, so we seek to arm the average young woman with sufficient information or vital tips that every "would-be mom" should, must and will put into consideration as they journey gloriously into that all important phase of their lives. We'll take a look at fifteen things to kiss goodbye after becoming a mum.
If a woman has been used to keeping late nights, for whatever reason, she’s going to find that those times are going to come very rarely once she’s a mom. Some people are simply ‘nightowls’ and this is fine, however, it seems that all young children are early risers.
If mom is going to be of any use throughout the day, she is going to have to keep more normal hours to be up and ready for her kids.
Getting up early affords the mom the opportunity to bond with her children through various activities like helping them with getting them dressed and fed, helping with homework, watching TV together, and reading them bedtime stories. There's nothing as rewarding to growing kids like having their mom available to them.
This improves them, and helps in their psychological development, as her presence gives them a certain sense of security and self worth, that money cannot buy.
14The Potty Mouth
At this point in her life, she has to seriously and cautiously mind her language, and choose her words carefully, at least she should not be caught using foul language around her kids. In fact, in it best to put a stop to all bad language wherever you happen to be, lest one pop out when the kids are nearby.
This is because for growing kids, parents attain demigod status in their little, unformed minds, thus their words to them are law. Children learn language from us, and if some of the words are cuss words, they will learn those.
Children pick up these indecent vocabulary words and will use them when they feel appropriate, just like mom. It may surprise her to know that some kids will take the words of their parents use as gospel, and will almost stake their lives on them. That explains how tales of Santa and the Tooth Fairy came to stay.
So this copying tendency is also inclusive of lying to her kids, bad mouthing others and gossiping in front of her kids.
13Little Miss Criminal
For decent moms, she will have to stop immediately any activity that could be classified as a felony, or even a petty crime, or civil wrong. A mom should uphold the law, and she should teach her kids same. She will have to try really hard not end up in jail. Who will take care of the kids, then?
That would be ruining their childhood, as she will be depriving them of her presence throughout their childhood.
This will take extreme tolls on them; the stigma of having a convict mom, what they will be subjected to in school, they could be bullied, taunted, and even abused both verbally and physically as a result, plus the consequences of living with a single dad, a relative, or worse, being transported from one foster home to another.
Suffice it to say, no woman should want this to her kid(s). Not even less consequential crimes are excusable, because even though she doesn’t get jailed for them, she rather passes on the wrong message to her kids. So please, there is no such thing as Gangster mom.
12Driving Like A Maniac
At this point it is pertinent to point this out, as we are mostly all guilty of this. Driving like a bat out of hell, or like a headless chicken is a no-no. We all know she has to get to soccer games and ballet practices, but playing need for speed, on a real road, running traffic lights and turning the road into a Formula 1 race track are not stellar examples for the children.
Not only is it against the law, she wouldn’t want them picking up these habits because it can not only land them in trouble eventually, but it can most definitely lead to their death.
It is not rocket science that speed kills, it is a fact that we all know, and even the movies and games warn us not try this in real life as they are carefully selected and well rehearsed routines, carried out in carefully selected and safe environments.
And every mom should know this so when next you feel like racing, kindly put a game disk in your kid's Playstation or XBOX console, and enjoy the thrill of racing fantasy.
11Working From Home In Peace
In today's fast paced, super efficient, competitive and ever demanding economic and corporate world that we all directly or indirectly belong, it is normal and almost inevitable for us to have work that hits after hours, especially for those of us, who work at home. It's almost as if we live (and we do!) in our office 24/7.
However, there has to be a time in which a mother puts the phone down and stops checking the email between particular hours so that she can:
- a) Be a parent and effectively enjoy the time she has with her children.
- b) Relax and decompress from the day.
- c) Pay keen attention to her children, so that she remains sensitive to their moods, attitudes and behavioral patterns, thus helping her pinpoint any amiss.
Not to talk about the screaming associated with kids. Even though there are bills to pay, her lovely kids should not be ignored. So suffice it to say, mom will have to reduce the amount of work she can do at home. Remember jobs are transient, but families are permanent.
Commitment they say, is an act, and not a word. In truth, many of our promises to our kids seem pretty hasty and inconsequential. We may really mean it when we said it, but being able to deliver that promise is nearly impossible or extremely inconvenient sometimes.
If our kids’ momentary disappointment was the only outcome from us breaking our promises, it might not seem like a big deal. However, there is power in our words and when promises are carried through on, it can have lasting outcomes. When promises are broken, the first thing children learn is that we can’t be trusted.
Other consequences are that they begin to feel they aren’t important to us, and they will lose respect for us. Parents who don’t keep their word will lose their children’s respect. Due to the frailty of human nature, we are bound to still make mistakes, but when it happens, and we can’t, or don’t, keep a promise, explain why. And sincerely seek and obtain forgiveness.
9Goodbye To Some Friends
There are some friends of that just innocently won't respect the fact that she is now a mom, and thus no more in the same league with them. They continually present themselves as perpetual space invaders, and family time gate crashers. Their lingering insensitivity towards her new status cannot and should not be tolerated for too long.
The smaller her friendship circle, the more beneficial it can be for mom. In fact, an almost complete overhaul may be in order. A new mom may have to make new mom friends (moms with kids the same age as hers) that she clicks with, laughs with, and create friendships in which they can share their deepest mutual fears of motherhood, and other aspects of life and receive informed counsel on how to hone their new found art of motherhood.
Her friends may feel she is becoming snobbish, but any true friend will eventually understand that she deserves bonding time with her family and she deserves her privacy, and that "Friday girls only night" may not quite be possible with her anymore.
8Being On Top Of Personal Hygiene
This is very important to all women, but most importantly for moms-to-be who go around and cleaning in a flurry until the baby arrives. While every mother strives to have high levels of personal hygiene, after the baby comes, personal hygiene takes a back seat. This includes taking a shower or bath every day and cleaning the house.
A lot of women feel their poor hygiene and messy house reflects poorly on them, but in reality, just about all new mothers go through a period where showers are a luxury and a clean house is a distant memory.
An untidy home may not be a personal ideal, but it's ok for the time being. As new moms get used to their daily chores grooming the kids and doing house chores gets easier. So just in case she is accustomed to putting her clothes away, making her bed, cleaning the house, she must realize that this transition of motherhood is normal and to be expected.
7Bad Habits Gotta Go
A mom should be decent enough to realize that smoking or taking hard drugs before her kids, and asking or even warning them not to, will pass as the greatest folly of all times. If they see her do it repeatedly, it does not matter what she says, one day they will try it. The negative health effects have been proven many times over, so that should not be a bone of contention here.
If she really is keen on stopping this, she does not have to battle it alone. She can ask for help, from a specialist, midwife or her doctors. They're specially trained, and have helped even very heavy smokers to kick the habit. Don't be surprised by how understanding the doctor, nurse or midwife can be.
By telling them that she wants to stop smoking or taking drugs, she is taking the first step in the right direction. They will respect her for that.
This applies chiefly to single moms. No one is trying to judge her and no one is saying she should deny sexual urges, and utterly suppress her libido, but in front of the kids? To do so is to go way overboard, and crosses the line of decency.
Not only is it very wrong for kids to be exposed to explicit sexual viewing or even hearing it, it is emotionally damaging when it is their very own lovely role model of a mom starring in a lead role in a pornographic movie.
It is not only immoral, but selfish, as she is boldly declaring that her sexual pleasure takes priority in her mind over the decent and proper development of her kids. If a mom wants to have sexual relations, it is fine, but it must be done away from the children. She must find a babysitter and be sure that the children are safe and then mom can have a night to herself.
It is often said that we are addressed the way we are dressed. If she does not want her children to grow up to hear obscene comments from naughty classmates like "your mom is a hoe," then she will have to think carefully, the next time she puts on clothes that makes her look like she is naked.
It's important for her to acknowledge that the hair, clothing and activities she used to indulge in may not be the most appropriate for her now.
That's certainly not to say she cannot enjoy her life and be attractive. Aging gracefully will make her happier in the long run. It is time to dress appropriately. As a woman with children, it is no longer appropriate for her to walk around dressed provocatively (not that it ever was).
We're not saying that she should throw out her whole wardrobe, but keep in mind, she is a mother now. There are time for being pretty and sexy but she should keep it classy and time appropriate.
There's no denying the fact that cooking at home can be an onerous chore and that there are moms that still feed their children unhealthy meals. But if children are not incentive enough for her to start making more healthy meals, then hopefully, the following benefits (health and social) to eating healthy meals will convince her
- a) Healthier and happier kids.
- b) Decreased chance of teenagers using alcohol.
- c) Reduced consumption of sugar and processed food.
- d) A longer life.
To further trigger her interests in cooking healthy meals for her kids, then she should consider:
- Evaluate how much time and money that will be spent on hospital bills when the child falls sick due to unhygienic and unhealthy meals.
- Fall in love with your kitchen - invest in your kitchen by getting some basic cooking equipment that make your kitchen an organized and pleasant nutritional haven.
- Plan ahead - Ensuring your kitchen is stocked with all the necessary ingredients or food you will need for healthy meals.
- Cook, and for those days that you can't, stock the fridge, so you only have to reheat for the coming few days.
3Ignoring Health Issues
Neglecting her health and saying "You only live once," is not acceptable anymore. Missing out on major medical checkups? Bad idea. When there are other people depending on her like her kids, it’s a worse idea. As a mother, taking care of herself has to shoot way up on the priority list.
It's high time she stopped the lacklustre attitude towards her health and well being. A home would be thrown into gloom and utter chaos if mom falls ill suddenly, most especially when the kids are still very young.
So it is advisable that mom should take appropriate care of herself, as she cannot afford to be sick out of her carelessness or sheer negligence. Here are some tips that could help her retain her vitality and strength.
- Regularly go for medical check ups
- Drink clean, filtered water all day
- Start your day with green
- Reduce intake of sugars
- Snack on healthy foods
- Read what inspires
- Talk well to your body
- Enjoy some low-key exercise
- Take a nap
2Time Spent On Social Media
As a mom, it is time to say bye-bye to late night chatting and indefinite web surfing. It's time to kiss her excess photo uploading to her two thousand Instagram followers goodbye, and cut down drastically on the time spent on gadgets. Staring at her phone more than she makes eye contact with her family is not ideal.
She does not want her kids’ primary memories of her to be the top of her head while she stares at her phone or laptop. This is a struggle for many because we feel the pressure to be constantly connected to the world, and sometimes it even feels like a necessity in working to provide for our families.
Still, we need to create clear boundaries to have the electronics shut off as often as possible so we can be fully present and engaged at home. It's time to look her kids in the eye, and pay rapt attention to them while sustaining meaningful conversations that foster the love, and unity in the home.
1Watching R Rated Movies
It's time to say goodbye to careless and unrestricted viewing of pornography, TV content with adult viewing restrictions and horror films. She may have been addicted to pornography from her teen years, but before she decides to watch her next series, she should imagine if she innocently leaves them around and her growing child stumbles onto a stack of adult films carelessly kept within reach of the child.
If such paraphernalia is around, it is bound to be discovered by a curious child, no matter how well hidden it is. The best advice is to get rid of the porno so it won’t ever be discovered. Secondly she should decide what she allows her kids to view on TV, even though she would love to watch certain programs.
When children are old enough to sit and watch the TV, it is time she activated the parental control settings on her electronic devices. Children are very impressionable and seeing or hearing sexual situations, often seems like violence, and with horror movies, it actually is. This can all be very frightening until they are old enough to understand the real difference.
Until their teens, such paraphernalia should be kept out of the house and the children kept safe.
Sources: BabyCenter.co.uk, PersonalExcellence.co, The Guardian.com, MadameNoire.com
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