Women spend years trying to NOT have a baby. Baby-making wasn’t even on the mind. Okay, so it was. Just in the opposite way. You took the pill, patched up or filled your bedside table with protection. Then you grew up. You met the man of your dreams and decided to pull the goalie.
Your S.O. is super-excited that he doesn’t have to wait half an hour for you to find your diaphragm. And, he’s even happier that he’s going to be a daddy (hopefully in nine months!). Not only is getting busy recreational right now, but it also serves a purpose. A major purpose.
So, you let loose and are down to try any time that the mood strikes. It’s all roses, silk pillow cases and romance, right? Um, sometimes not. Hey, making a bay can be tons of fun (the constant sex, no birth control to worry about, the closeness that the two of you feel when trying to create an entirely new human being together). But, there’s also plenty of humor to be found in the experience. Huh? What? Baby-making is funny?
Well, it’s not exactly the act of making of conception that’s making you LOL. It’s more the mystique surrounding it. If you don’t believe us, check out these baby-making sex memes. They get down to the basics, in a way that might even make you pee a little. Oh, by the way, get used to that – you’ll have more of it (non-laugh induced) when you’re pregnant and for years after.
15 Bye-Bye BC
You’re finally free! Whoo-hoo! It’s time for a celebration. That’s right, you’re done being shackled to your birth control pills. Or, maybe that IUD is now IU-out. Whatever way you were protecting yourself from getting pregnant was, it’s all done now. Okay, maybe you’re not completely finished with it. But, for the time being you def don’t need it.
For years you had to wait until your BF ran to the store to buy condoms or fumbled your way through inserting your diaphragm. That meant the spontaneous sex that seemed so romantic wasn’t ever an option. Sure, the beginning of it was completely on the fly. Then you had to put everything on hold. And, then there were the times when you had absolutely no birth control anywhere nearby. That ended things quickly – very quickly.
Now that you’re in a conception state of mind you can get romantic anytime you want. Yay!
14 No Worries
Gone are the days when you counted days and cringed when you realized you were late. Every time you had intercourse you worried. Yeah, you enjoyed it. But, there was also that little voice whispering in your ear, “Maybe you just got pregnant.” And, you wanted absolutely nothing to do with that voice.
You took your pill, used a condom and bathed your insides in spermicide. Even though you did everything but tie your tubes, you still got nervous in those pre-baby-making days. Now that you actually want to get pregnant, you have a super-sized stress taken off of your love life. There’s no more, “Ugh, did it slip?” or, “Um, I think I took my pill. Or maybe that was an Advil” anymore.
Intercourse without worrying can make the entire act extra-special. When you’re done you can bask in the baby-making glow instead of freaking out about a possible pregnancy.
13 Setting The Mood
Okay, we all know that baby-making is for one thing and one thing only – procreation. Err, wait. Hold on. That’s not terribly romantic. Yeah, you need that sperm to meet up with an egg. But, you can’t just go and get busy without anything leading up to it. Baby-making 101 isn’t a pictogram-esque manual and it shouldn’t be purely functional.
After all, you’re making a baby with this man because the two of you are in love. You want to create something special, and raise the little guy or gal together. Instead of tackling conception in a totally matter of fact manner, bring the romance back. Start with some get-in-the-mood music to set the stage for a night you’ll remember (at least for nine months). Yeah, yeah, it doesn’t have to be in the light jazz arena. Pick something that you’re both into and that gets you ready for romance (and not just making a baby).
12 Working At It
You stop taking your BC, grab the lacey lingerie and boom – you’re a mama-to-be. Um, not always. For some women it’s as easy as relax and you’re prego. For others, it takes more work. That’s not to say the work isn’t hugely fun. Even so, just deciding to conceive won’t always equal a baby.
Instant pregnancy is something that is more of a myth than a reality for many women. Keep in mind, that doesn’t mean you’re infertile if you don’t get pregnant after one round of conception. Roughly 12 percent of women in the U.S. have difficulty getting or staying pregnant, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
While charting your ovulation, mapping out your basal body temps and constantly checking your cervical mucus isn’t exactly a night on the town, sometimes it’s what you have to do. There’s a balance between that you need to strike between baby-making fun and baby-making work. Obviously, you need to keep the romance going when it comes to conception. But, in some cases that isn’t enough.
11 Fertile Myrtle
Your honey is all about jumping into bed every night, and afternoon and morning for that matter. So, go ahead. But, that doesn’t mean each roll in the hay will get you a baby. Even though you spent years faithfully using BC every day, you never had 30 fertile days a month.
Understanding your menstrual cycle is the first step in knowing when it’s conception time. There are a few different ways (or combinations of ways) to pinpoint when you’re at your most fertile. The calendar method includes charting your menstrual cycle, starting at Day 1 – the first day of your period. After figuring out how long your cycle lasts (that can take a few months), you’ll subtract 18 from the total day number of the shortest cycle that you have. To get the last fertile day number you’ll subtract 11 from the longest cycle. Whew!
If that doesn’t work for you, you can chart your basal body temperature (first thing in the morning). Your temp rises as you ovulate. You can also check out your cervical mucus throughout the month (yeah, it’s not the most pleasant method). The amount of mucus typically increases right before ovulation (it may also look slightly different and feel stretchy).
10 Look Forward To It
It’s the 16th again. And you know what that means. Time to stop whatever you’re binge watching, toss of the clothes (or at least the ones that matter) and get to it. That’s how baby-making works, right? Well, if your conception routine has become mundane to the point of robo-sex, you’re not taking full advantage of this time.
Instead of booking a date for procreation, try looking forward to it. Yes, you probably have specific days when you need to take action. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t work yourself up to it. Don’t just look forward to getting pregnant. Look forward to how you’re getting that baby too. If it all works out, even the mere thought of romance will fly out the window in about nine months. Between poopy diapers, constant crying and staying up all night for feedings, the only thing you’ll look forward to doing in bed is sleeping.
9 Waiting Games
You’ve done it. Fingers crossed. Well, at the very least, you actually did IT when you’re supposedly ovulating. You’ve counted, taken your temp and you’re at least somewhat sure that your baby-making sex-capades have actually made a baby. Job well done. Now what?
You could run to the local big box store and buy a basket filled with discount pregnancy tests. Even if they say “early” on them, it’s still way too soon to tell. That little pink plus sign won’t pop up immediately. Keep in mind, you won’t get a positive until your body starts producing human chorionic gonadotropin (the hormone hCG). You won’t have a detectable hCG level until the fertilized egg implants in your uterus – about six days after you conceive. Taking a test before the first day of your missed period isn’t likely to get you an accurate result.
So, you had the sex. And, now you’re desperate to know if it worked. But, you’ll have to wait days (or more). That’s okay. You can continue to have to do it – in a totally non-conception-related way.
8 Acing The Test
It’s finally time! You waited, and waited and waited some more. It’s that time of the month, and your Aunt Sally hasn’t shown up. Yeah, yeah, it’s only been a day. But, you’re so ready to dig in to your stockpile of pregnancy test.
Even though it’s only the first try, you’re absolutely, positively sure that you did it. You’ve got this, and you’re ready to ace your test. After drinking a few gallons of water, juice and sparkling soda, you pee on the stick. And, wait again. Oh, the waiting – it never seems to end. You’re watching to see if that second pink line fills in. You’re so sure it will, but then it doesn’t. Your mood drops and you can’t stop looking at that BFN (big fat negative). You're angry, and that's understandable.
Don’t start stressing just yet. There’s no reason to think that you’re infertile, he’s infertile or you both have some sort of problem. Right now, it’s back to the baby-making. Hey, there could be worse things!
7 Try, Try Again
And, it starts again. The ovulation prediction-conception cycle is now on a roll. But, you’re still kinda’ sad. It’s time to snap out of it. Yeah, it’s super-disappointing. You didn’t get pregnant immediately. It’s normal to feel like you’ve in some way failed. Just know this – you haven’t!
Turn those slow jams back on, light a candle and grab the lacey lingerie that you picked up at the VS semi-annual sale (if this works, you won’t be able to fit into it for much longer – so take advantage of your pre-baby bod right now).
Instead of looking at your second (or third, or fourth) round of baby-producing intercourse as a drag, remember that you’re actually getting to do it. It should be pleasurable, and not filled with sadness and despair. Put those baby-making fears out of your mind and just do it. Keep the romance going and get hot with your honey as much as you want.
6 Up The Romance Factor
You didn’t make a baby. At least, not last month. But, you very well could this month. So, it’s on to the mechanical, pre-scheduled love making. Yeah, you’re rolling your eyes already. How much fun does that sound like? Um, none. None at all.
Beat the routine and combat plain ol’ conception fun by making it extra romantic. If you’re not a “romantic” type, switch things up and be super-spontaneous. Grab your guy when he walks in the door from work and throw him down on the bed. Sure, he’s tired after a long day. But, not tired enough to fall asleep right now. He’ll be totally into it, and it will keep things fresh.
Along with what you’re doing, pay attention to what you’re not doing (or, what you shouldn’t be doing). Stop all baby-making talk. Ban it from the bedroom entirely. This will help to keep things on track, without adding stress to the situation.
5 Set Goals
You’re ovulating. Again. But, you were supposed to go to your BFF’s house-warming party. It’s going to get in the way of your baby-making day, but you don’t want to cancel. Remember, you have goals here. What’s that goal? Of course, it’s to make a baby!
There may be times when doing it isn’t practical, possible or something you’re totally into. Whether you’re just not feeling it, have to be somewhere else or can’t keep your eyes open after a way too busy day, you need to shift your mindset. This isn’t regular sex we’re talking about here. You can pass that up any time you want. This is baby-making time, and you have a teeny, tiny window.
Go back to your goals (again, to get pregnant) and rethink your priorities. Should you do something you really, truly don’t want to do? Nope. But, if there’s any chance that you could get into it right now, put that picture of your brand new baby in your mind. There you go – inspiration!
4 Live Well, But Clean
You’re setting the mood and romance is all over your bedroom. You’ve got lace, tulle and even a pink boa. What better to get the two of you in the baby-making mood than tall bubbling flutes of champagne? You’re not pregnant yet. So, alcohol really shouldn’t be an issue. Wait! Before downing that glass, keep in mind that you’re prepping your body for making a baby. That means the big no-no’s, such as alcohol, smoking, drugs and caffeine, are all things to stay away from.
Yes, splitting a bottle of wine with your honey may seem like it would make conception all the better. It could help you to relax, and add to the enjoyment. But, you’re not just having sex for the sake of it. You’re doing it for a baby. And with that comes responsibility. Start your healthy pre-baby body routine right now.
3 Leave Some Stuff Out
You usually use your little “helper” to get things going. But, now that you’re on a baby-making plan, you might need to leave it in the dresser drawer (at least until you’re pregnant). Why? Most lubricants aren’t exactly pH compatible with sperm. That doesn’t necessarily mean that lube acts as a spermicide. It isn’t a form of birth control.
Even though it’s not BC, lube may stop the sperm from getting to where it’s going. As you’re about to ovulate your cervical mucus thickens (yeah, yuck). Even though you don’t want to think about the mucus that you make down there, it does help when it comes to baby-making (it creates a just-right pH environment for sperm to thrive in). Lubes tend to be too acidic for your future baby-daddy’s sperm.
Instead of lathering on your regular lube, try some serious foreplay. If that doesn’t do the trick, look for special TTC (trying to conceive) lubricants. These are formulated to keep sperm alive.
2 Re-Test, Mama
That BFN was last month. In between then and now you’ve done it countless times, and in every position possible. A new month means a new hope that your baby dreams will come true. So, you re-test. Again, you pee on that little stick and cross your finger.
You wait, and wait again. And, it’s positive! That pink plus sign pops up and you’re on cloud nine. Suddenly all of that sex had a purpose. You hit the sheets over and over again, and you’ve actually conceived. The planning, the charting and baby-making sessions have paid off – gig time. Yay for you (and your S.O. also)!
Hold on, does this mean that all of the birth control-free sexy times are done now that you’re officially a mama-to-be? No way! Just because you finally met your goal (in other words, got pregnant) doesn’t mean that the romance is dead and buried. At least, not for now.
1 The Next Nine Months
In nine months, intercourse will pretty much be the last thing on your mind. We can’t say it will be the last thing on his mind. But, you’ll be feeling the aches and pains of birth for weeks after baby’s big debut. That’s not to mention the late nights (or extra-early mornings), dozens of diaper changes and everything else that comes along with having a newborn.
Okay, so having a new baby isn’t all bad. It’s mostly amazing. You’re relishing in your new little one’s sweet face and you can’t believe that you actually love someone so much. Your heart’s about to burst with joy and you’re in mommy mode 24-7. That leaves little time or romance.
Between the baby-making days and becoming a parent (with a child on the outside) you have roughly nine months of post-conception fun to have. Yeah, your body’s changing. That’s okay. Your honey doesn’t think you’re fat (um, because you’re not). He thinks you’re hot. Take full advantage and keep the fun going.