Listen up men, this article is all for you. If you are a woman reading this, pass it on to your husband, boyfriend, partner, whoever you need to. This is an article that we think you should use as a roadmap on what you should not do when your woman is carrying your child. I am going to repeat, this is a list of what NOT to do. Just skim over it, and we promise you will have a happy mama!
We know that we are not the easiest to deal with when we are pregnant, but you can’t really blame us. We are hormonal, uncomfortable and if we have to go to the bathroom one more time we may just never consume liquids again. Unfortunately, a lot of this comes out against you. It really is a sign of love, we trust you and know that you will let us unwind and vent our frustrations to you.
With, this does not mean that you should make it worse. Even if we know we are being hormonal, don’t you dare tell us we are, that is not OK. Unfortunately, a lot of the problem is that the poor men just don’t know what to do, or not to do. They walk around us blindly, on eggshells afraid of upsetting us.
That is where this list comes in handy, these are the things that are happening to our body, and what you can not do to make sure that we stay calm and happy, or as calm and happy as we can be when a little demon (I mean baby) is trying to pull off one of our ribs.
15 Don’t Tell Us What To Eat!
There is this little thing that occurs when we are pregnant, we get hungry a lot. We also get super strong and super weird cravings. One day we may want to eat an entire chocolate cake, and the next we may be dipping pickles in sour cream. It just is what it is. This is NOT the time for you to be questioning our dietary choices. I’m not kidding, don’t even look at us weird.
We know it’s weird. We know it is not common practice to eat jalapeno peppers with chocolate pudding, but it is what we want. This is your window to win best husband of the year award and just smile and get us what we are craving, no matter how weird it is. It is not the time to question our eating decisions of habits. We just want to eat an entire case of Oreos, and that’s fine.
14 Watch Your Words!
Listen, if you really think about it, this whole pregnancy thing is weird. If you take out all the feelings behind it and look at it from a scientific standpoint, it is weird. The fact that there is a little being (some would call it a parasite) living inside of us, attached to our bodies, and just sucking all the energy from us is weird. Some may say it is downright scary.
Just because we know this, doesn’t mean you should say it. When you feel that baby kick for the first time, do not say that is weird or creepy. When you see the belly move as the baby roles over, do not ask us if there is an alien inside. It will not go over well, that is your child, not ET. Your best bet is to just talk about how this is the miracle of life, although I am sure we’ll get mad at you for that too.
13 We Don’t Want Your Advice
A new trend in the world today is mansplaining. That is when men try and give their opinion and advice on something they could not know anything about. It may be a pride thing, but it really must stop. You don’t have to know everything, that’s fine. What you definitely do not know anything about is carrying a child. Sure, you can read the books (and you really should) but you will never be able to grasp carrying and growing a baby. This is OK, accept it.
With, please do not give us advice on anything. If it doesn’t directly involve the health and well-being of your child, just keep it to yourself. We do not need your maternity fashion advice, nor do we need a list of all the foods we should or should not eat. Trust us, we know all of this, and we do not need your opinion on how many cookies we should really be eating.
12 Do Not Cook List!
Listen, we know that you may love your bacon, and your beer, and there was a time we probably loved these things too, but not anymore. We get some pretty serious food aversions when we are pregnant, and just the sight, smell, and even thought of certain foods is enough to make us run to the bathroom. Unfortunately, some of those aversions may just be to your favourite foods, and when that happens they have got to go.
Don’t put up a fight, just let it go. If she can no longer stand the smell of bacon and beer, then those will have to go. You can not cook them in the house, or have the anywhere near her. There are other places you can get those things. You can go out to breakfast, or pop over to the local pub. There are bound to be sacrifices that you have to make too, we sure know we have to give up some stuff.
11 Speaking Of Sacrifices
Since we brought up the topic of sacrifices, now may be a great time to let you know that there will be sacrifices for you as well as her. It is only fair, you are half of this pregnancy. She may be carrying the baby, but you need to offer the emotional support. Most of the time when we are pregnant, we are not feeling the greatest. Either it is the first trimester where we are sick and tired all the time, or it is the last where we are uncomfortable and tired. You have a few weeks there in the middle where everything is fine, but for the most part we just want to stay home.
So, when you casually mention that you want to go out for a boy’s night, and she just wants you to stay home, feed her chocolate and watch movies, then that is what you need to be doing. The boys will have to wait until she feels better.
10 You Will Feel That Baby
One of the best parts of pregnancy (because there are some, no matter how I’ve made it sound) is feeling the baby move. It is the thing that moms look the most forward too, and they want you to experience it as well. We feel a bit guilty that we get to feel all this incredible movement and life, while you are a bit left out.
Therefore, when we ask you if you want to feel the baby move, your answer should be an immediate yes. Don’t say no, in fact, don’t even hesitate. It should become like a reflux. When we ask you if you want to feel the baby move, you just say yes. We already know you probably think it is a little weird, and it may even creep you out a bit, but you are just going to have to suck it up for a little bit. It is the miracle of life.
9 Do Not Ask Why We Are Crying
Here is the thing with being pregnant, it is all about those hormones. Some may say that it is just an excuse we use when we feel like we are going a little nuts, but it isn’t all in our heads. Pregnancy hormones are raging through our body and they make us a little emotional. If you come home from work and she is just sitting there crying, your best bet is to not bother asking us why we are crying.
The truth is, we probably don’t know why we are crying, or it was over something we know is completely stupid. It may have been because the bathroom towels were a little damp still, or because we saw a commercial for toilet paper. The point is, we know the reason why we are crying is dumb, and when you ask us, it just reminds us how dumb we are being, and we don’t need that. Your best bet is to just give us a hug and offer to get us a snack.
8 Do No Comment On Our Bodies
We would really hope you know already that when it comes to comments about our body, all you need to say is ‘you’re beautiful.’ This applies to us when we are expecting as well. Do not make any comments on how big our bump is getting, or start wondering if there are twins in there. None of these situations will work out well for you.
We know we look huge, and that we may just explode, trust us. We don’t need you to point it out to us, because all we will hear is that you are not attracted to us anymore. We honestly get enough of it from strangers as well. Those annoying comments about how our bodies look, that people would never think to say if we weren’t pregnant. You should just stick to telling us how beautiful we are, although we will probably get mad at you for that too because we won’t believe you.
7 Bug Her To Knock Boots
Now we know how fun it was to get pregnant, but that time is over, and you better just accept it. Sure, for some women the hormones actually work in your favour and she wants it all the time, but this is not usually the case. A lot of the time, we are too sick, uncomfortable or just too damn tired to hop in bed with you. You need to be OK with this.
Even if the doctor says it is fine and completely safe to continue with your activities while mom is pregnant, this does not mean she will want too. It does not mean that it is ‘doctor recommended’. Your best (and safest) bet is to let her come to you, chances are the more you leave her alone, the more she may want to connect with you. Being constantly bothered makes us want it less.
6 What Did She Do Today?
Here is another question you should never ask a pregnant woman, and that is ‘what did you do today.’ If she has already started maternity leave and is relaxing at home before the baby comes, she is allowed to do whatever she wants, which includes doing nothing. While it may seem to you that she has done nothing all day, the truth is she has been very busy.
Even if she just slept or laid in bed all day, she was working. Her body is working very hard to make a baby. A task that you can’t see happening, but it is always happening. It is working during the day and it is working all throughout the night, so mama needs her rest. The best thing you can do is take up some of the work and chores around the house.
5 Welcome Strangers
We get it, men are excited to become dads, and they find so much joy in everything that is happening to his partner. After all, it is easier for him, he isn’t the one carrying the baby. Sometimes, men can get a little over excited and start involving strangers in their lives. What I am talking about specifically is men inviting strangers to rub his partners belly. This is not OK, and is a good way to lose a hand.
The problem is, women are subjected to this anyways from strangers. People love pregnant women, they want to talk to them, offer some advice and even reach out to touch their belly. It’s almost like we can’t help it. As much as we know it is in good faith, will ill intent not usually have meant, it is not OK. No one has a right to touch your body, especially a stranger, so we don’t need you to help them.
4 Do Not Copy Her
I have the joy of having a husband who thinks it is funny to mock my dry-heaving sounds when I am right in the middle of a nasty bout of morning sickness. So, I can say from experience, please do not do this. Don’t mock her or try and mimic what she is going through. First, when you make mock dry-heaving sounds, it makes it worse and chances are we will throw up on you. Second, it’s not cute.
Even though we know you love us, we take it as you are making fun of us, and no one likes to be made fun of. We are not oblivious to the changes our body is going through, or the weird cravings we are having, but we do not need them pointed out to us. We would rather get through the pregnancy with just a little bit of grace and dignity.
3 Don’t Bathe In Cologne
One of the more unfortunate side effects of pregnancy is having a heightened sense of smell. This is not always a good thing, because we don’t normally just smell more roses and chocolate, we smell all kinds of bad things. Things that will have us running to the bathroom to throw up. Even things we once loved now make us sick and there is not much we can do about it.
That means that the cologne we bought you for Christmas, the one we picked out because we loved it so much, now makes us sick. Thanks to our heightened sense of smell, you wearing a dab may smell like you took a bath in it. This may be a good time to go scent-free for a while, at least until we get this whole smell thing under control.
2 Don’t Ask For A Massage
Gone are the days where you can ask your wife for a massage without getting some pretty nasty attitude, and maybe even a smack to the head. For these 9 months, the only one giving a massage should be you. Don’t ask her to do anything for you. Not to say that you will never get a massage until well after the baby is born, but you really should wait until she offers to give you one. That is your safest route.
This is really when you should be pampering her. She is growing your child, and it takes a lot of work and her body is going through a lot of changes. These changes bring a lot of aches and pains that she will need relieved. She will be a much happier and patient wife if she does not walk around in a lot of discomfort and pain. This is the number one way to make sure you have a happy wife.
1 Over Involve Your Mother
If this your first child, and more importantly the first grandchild, be prepared for a lot of advice and ‘words of wisdom’. People mean well, but it can be overwhelming and leave mom feeling like she is a total failure (even though she is not). Some of the worst perpetrators for this crime are mothers, both her and yours. The difference is, she probably wants her mom’s opinions, after all, it is her mom.
What she may not want is your mother’s advice, and you need to be OK with that. We get it, it may suck, this is after all your child too and your mother’s grandchild, but her mother will almost always take priority. Don’t invite your mother to the delivery without her permission, or to come and live with you both to help with the baby. This is not going to end well, and may breed into a hostile relationship when she needs all the family more than ever.
Sources: babble.com, buzzfeed.com, scarymommy.com