A big motivation for me to become pregnant a second time was to get to experience labor and delivery again. Yes, I of course deeply, more than anything else in my life, also wanted to bring another baby into our family, to enjoy the happiness and face the challenges. But an important factor in my decision to want to conceive again was, no doubt at all, the hope that I would have the chance to do it all again, and do it — even more than the first time — my way.

I’m a sensitive, introspective person, at times. I tend to really analyze my own thoughts and feelings, and because of this I think I tend to have a strong sense of what I know to be right or wrong for me.

For example, I knew I wanted no one else in the delivery room except for my husband during my first labor. I knew without a doubt that I did not want a doula. What I’m saying is, when faced with the many choices that may come up in planning the best I could for labor, I had zero hesitation when it came to making many of these calls. I knew what I wanted and how I wanted it.

I think a lot of what made me have what I would describe as incredibly positive experiences during both of my two labors and deliveries is that I did not hesitate to state and do anything I needed to do to get the experience I wanted. Yes, I agree with what many a pregnancy book, doctor, and nurse will tell you about trying to be ready to be flexible should changes need to be made to your “birth plan.” But I believe strongly, too, that the best way to get the birth experience you want, that will make you happy when you look back on it, is to be clear about what you want with everyone involved and — most importantly — not be at all scared to break with convention or what you or anyone else might perceive as “normal.”

Without fear and with great excitement, let’s now consider fifteen unconventional things you might want to do when it comes to going to, and being in the hospital.

15 Be Antisocial

Sure, many people choose to allow only a select group of people into the actual delivery room. This is a special, private time, for many, and they opt to have only certain family members, close friends, or professional helpers (such as doulas) in the room with them during the big event. Have you ever heard, though, of women choosing to restrict who comes into the recovery room?

I hadn’t either, but I decided this was the best choice for me. I certainly love my family very much, and celebrating the arrival of a new baby with them, friends, and coworkers is just wonderful. I knew, though, that giving birth was an intense, tiring affair. I knew that I wouldn’t want to be worrying about what I looked like or which clothes I was (or wasn’t) wearing in the first day or two after the birth of my babies. I knew that any spare moment I had between feedings, I’d want to be trying to at least rest my eyes for a moment, or perhaps having some special time with my partner.

Perhaps you can’t wait to welcome in the crowds after baby is born. But if it’s not quite your style to socialize immediately after giving birth, I’d say don’t hesitate to make your wishes clear to your loved ones, who can always come visit in the weeks and months ahead.

14 A Family Affair

For much of my second pregnancy, I stressed about the timing of having a relative come to watch my two-year-old once I went into labor. It was important to me to have life go on as usual as much as possible, to be relaxed at home with just my husband and daughter there as I labored. I hoped, somehow, to have a trusted relative arrive just in time for us to hop in the car and make it to the hospital when I was far enough along that delivery would be almost imminent.

I was under the impression, due to remembering incorrectly something I had heard in my hospital’s childbirth classes, that older siblings were not allowed in the delivery room. Then I was reminded by a doctor that I hadn’t regularly seen during pregnancy, as we reviewed my plans in the final weeks, that older siblings were indeed allowed and often slept through the whole affair, in fact, behind a privacy curtain. (It was nonrelated children, after all, that were not allowed.) This gave me great peace of mind, and I really didn’t hate the idea of having my sweet girl there with us, and not having to worry so darn much about getting the timing just right (which I realized would be pretty much impossible).

Well, the big night came, my labor progressed very quickly, and there my daughter was, in my husband’s arms as he cheered me on through a speedy delivery. Looking back, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. To hear her pleasant giggle as she tickled my feet during the first time I fed her little sister in the delivery room was one of the most delightful, memorable moments of my life so far.

In creating your new family, I’d encourage you to have no fear when it comes to incorporating siblings.

13 Feel Fabulous

A hospital gown is not very soft, nor very wonderful to breastfeed in. The stretchy bamboo tank top I ended up delivering in? Very comfortable, indeed, and the nurse even stuck baby right in there for some skin-to-skin time right afterward.

I didn’t change into a hospital gown ahead of time because minutes after my (moaning and groaning) arrival, the nurse had me go into the bathroom to change and I almost immediately shouted, “Pushing!!!!” and was rushed back out, to deliver within something like half an hour. Thinking back, why would I care to interrupt my labor groove to change clothes? Certainly the $10 to $60 spent on a standard women’s top could be sacrificed for this noble cause, should it somehow be ruined (and it wasn’t even!).

Afterward, I felt much better once I changed out of a hospital gown, as well. I chose, for my second delivery, to pack a pretty nursing nightgown. I felt cliché as I purchased and packed this item that I didn’t really need, but man, once I showered and put that on, with soft matching robe, the world looked a little brighter.

Anything that helps you to feel more like you, and more comfortable and confident — and less like a sick person in a hospital — I’d encourage you to do without hesitation, whether that’s wearing your own clothes, putting on your usual makeup, or even just brushing your teeth at the regular times. It’s great to, as quickly as possible, feel like life is normal again, yet even better because of your new addition!

12 Homeward Bound

We figured we would stay the standard two days after delivery with my second pregnancy. I had a wonderful, trusted relative at home with our two-year-old, and you sort of get in the mindset from your first, or I did anyway, that you’re supposed to really take advantage of getting to be in the hospital; nurses and food the simple click of a button away.

But when my doctor came in after day one had ended, she saw me showered, in my own clothes, doing my makeup and brushing my teeth. She could clearly see I was doing fine, moving around, and in wonderful health and spirits. There was really no reason that I needed to stay in a hospital, so she offered to discharge me a day early. I hesitated, unsure what the best decision would be.

Then I realized the reason I’d only gotten minutes of sleep at a time following a sleepless night of labor and delivery was that nurses kept coming in to take my blood pressure as soon as I was about to drift off.

We got discharged, went home, and had one of the best nights of sleep we ever got in the early weeks with our new baby, our toddler snoring snuggly in her bed, and our journey as a bigger family officially, pleasantly begun. I would never again feel the pressure to stay if all was well with mom and baby.

11 Milkshakes For Breakfast

Comparisons are sometimes made between birthing a baby and running a marathon. Your mind and body do hard, hard work during this process. And while you probably want to get right back to eating a healthy, well-balanced diet immediately following delivery, so you have the strength and well-being to be the best parent you can possibly be, I would by no means begin restricting calories or even being very careful in the very early days.

You need fuel to be happy and comfortable. The best thing I had within the first day after my first baby was born was a chocolate milkshake just ordered off the menu of the hospital cafeteria. Enjoyed alongside whole grains, proteins, fruits, and so on, it gave me a delicious boost of calories, calcium, and… chocolate. I may not have slept in the first day or two, but I made sure I had the energy I needed to push through.

Do what’s best for your style and your health, of course. But what worked really well for me was to not care too much or overthink what I was eating, just as long as I was getting plenty of fiber and plenty of calories and hydration. For delivery number two, I made sure to have my milkshake reward all over again!

10 Say No To More Than Just Epidurals

Especially if a natural labor with minimal pain-relieving interventions is the goal, many will advise you to just say no to Pitocin when possible. The synthetic mimicker of oxytocin, known as Pitocin or Syntocinon, is sometimes given to start or increase contractions, and many women report a more painful experience once it is administered.

My goal was to go completely natural, with zero medical interventions if at all possible, and I was able to achieve this. My preparation for this involved doing my homework, reading up on what I might expect in different scenarios and how my husband and I could respond to a nurse or doctor offering or encouraging various medications.

I knew from my reading that Pitocin is sometimes given when hospital staff wish to speed things along. I also knew that there are natural ways to try to get contractions to strengthen or rev up again if they’ve slowed. I knew that I could try being left alone so I could feel more comfortable and naturally get the oxytocin flowing. I could also try walking around rather than staying stationary to get my body to naturally do its labor thing. I was prepared with the knowledge of these and other tactics and completely comfortable asking that any interventions that might be unnecessary be delayed, at the very least until I’d had the time to let my body naturally do its thing.

9 Don’t Watch The Clock

Sometimes childbirth classes, books, and doctors will advise heading to the hospital based on a certain number, such as how far apart contractions are between the start of one and the onset of another. With my first labor, even after waiting a bit longer than the guideline I was given, we ended up going too early to be admitted, a centimeter or two shy of being dilated enough for the hospital’s guidelines.

I ended up having to walk the halls for what seemed like an eternity, far from the privacy and comfort of my own home, far from a floor I felt I could get into comfortable coping positions on, far from my own bed, and far from my own bathroom. It was not fun, and with my second labor, I said, “Never again!”

The books I read recommended not necessarily carefully timing between contractions, or certainly not doing it the whole time.

Instead, I made it my plan, with a completely natural labor as my ultimate (and ultimately achieved!) goal, to think about heading in soon once I couldn’t talk through contractions and to actually go in once I could no longer move through them. Once I realized I had become rooted to one place, I knew it was for sure time to go! I avoided going too early and spent almost the entirety of my labor in my dark, calm, comfortable bedroom.

8 Tell Nurse To Take A Hike

A woman’s labor can slow down or even halt sometimes once she arrives at the hospital. Mammals that we are, our labors can tend to progress well and steadily when we feel safe and comfortable, not watched and pressured.

This is why during your labor, especially if you’re told that things are slowing down more than your doctor or nurse would “like” or if being threatened by unwanted medical intervention, an idea to try might be politely requesting to have some alone time. In other words, tell (or much better yet, have your birth partner tell) staff to get the hell out for a while, in a much nicer way of course. Try, “We’d like some time alone to see if that helps.”

Similarly, after baby is born, why be shy about requesting some privacy? You only get one chance to experience the earliest hours with your new son or daughter, right? When you’re figuring out how to breastfeed, trying to get a few moments of rest, and trying your best to make a few good memories amidst it all, it can be super annoying to have medical staff constantly coming in and out of the room.

During my stay in the hospital after delivering my second baby, we put up a Do Not Disturb sign for the cleaning staff. At one point I, truly as nicely as I could manage, told a nurse that had made a rude comment to me to get the F out. The way I see it, that was my time, and it was my right to do everything I could to make the experience one I would look back on fondly.

7 Bring Buds

An obvious and perhaps common choice of person to bring into the delivery room with you for support might, these days, include your partner. It might also commonly include your mother and/or father or sibling, or perhaps even an aunt.

Many women also hire doulas to act as professional helpers through the process.

You know what, though? Having family in the room isn’t for everyone.

For me, having my husband there — and only my husband — with no other adults, was what I knew would make me completely comfortable and able to have a positive experience. Really, of course, it is probably best to be completely honest with yourself and those close to you about what you want.

If it’s not family, that’s okay, right? Because this is your birth experience. Do you have a best friend or two that will help you to feel confident and calm? Maybe that’s a great choice for you. Might as well consider the sky the limit, because this is your chance to make giving birth, as much as possible, what you want it to be.

6 Leave And Come Back Again

The hospital where I gave birth to both of my two babies would not admit laboring women unless they had reached a certain centimeter of dilation. If you showed up before you reached a certain (pretty subjective) measurement of dilation, you were encouraged to walk the halls of the hospital, while in labor, to as quickly as possible reach said measurement so that you could be admitted.

From the childbirth classes I had attended at said hospital, I knew this was the case. It was one of the facts shared during the classes that really stuck with me, and having to walk those halls while in labor was something I really wanted to avoid. But when the time came, I did end up going a bit too early during my first labor. Being seated and strapped into the car even for the short (10-minute) ride to the hospital had been almost unbearably painful for me after an otherwise very manageable, up until that point, labor, and I simply couldn’t imagine riding back home and then back in again later on. But walking those halls rather than being comfortably coping at home was not something I ever wished to repeat, and I vowed that if I did end up there too early for some reason with baby number two, I would absolutely leave and come back again.

If going all the way back home again isn’t a practical option for you, consider a nearby friend’s house or hotel room as possibilities.

5 Gain Sweet Favor

Credit must go to my brother for this rather genius idea. When you go to deliver a baby in the hospital, there will be these professionals you must entrust to take care of you, bring you what you need when you need it, and generally look out for your well-being. They’re called nurses, and guess what? They’re people.

When treated with kindness, people tend to return the favor. A great way to start things off on the right foot with all present? Bring baked goods.

Toward the end of pregnancy, you may experience that nesting instinct anyway, a sudden, intense urge to cook, prepare, clean, and generally get shit done. Might as well channel that energy into something that just might be beneficial to you during your hospital stay, right?

If you don’t end up sharing the treats, I can almost guarantee that you will be happy to have something around for when it’s 3 a.m., you haven’t slept, you’re starving, and the cafeteria’s long been closed. I suppose you could share them with your visitors, too…

4 Say Anything

To have as positive a birth experience as possible, and to avoid looking back with feelings of shoulda, woulda, coulda, why not be clear and vocal about everything you are thinking, feeling, wanting, or needing at the time throughout the entire process?

I’ve read that often if a woman’s labor has slowed or stalled, letting out pent-up emotions — sometimes by crying, yelling, or other sort of intense forms of just letting it out — can get things going again.

Basically, I’d consider it a great time to, as much as you possibly can, let go of caring what anyone else thinks.

No, I didn’t yell at any nurses, but yes, I did, between pushes, turn to my husband and say, “I didn’t like it when that nurse said _____,” when I was pretty sure (but did not care) that said nurse was right there on my other side. I knew that this was my time, my chance to create the birth experience that I wanted to the best of my ability, and that if I let it out then, it could only help me to feel better about things in the future.

3 Take A Look!

If feeling like the road ahead is too long, or perhaps just uncertainly long, why not get a clear view of your progress? When pushing the baby out, it can be a lot of one step forward, two steps back. And although you may feel the progress of the baby journeying through the birth canal, it may be hard to determine, from your perspective, just how close you are to meeting your baby.

Requesting that a mirror be placed where it can reflect the action in your direction is a great way to be encouraged as you actually see your baby emerging. It really helped me to focus in and more effectively push during my first labor.

Whether or not it’s your style to take a peek at how things are progressing, you might consider reaching down to feel for yourself. Once you’ve actually touched that head, it can all seem a lot more real and imminent and be very, very encouraging.

2 Stroll On In

I have never read or heard this tip anywhere before. It is an Amy Smith original, as far as I know, and I will share it with you now: If you have a stroller that your baby carrier/car seat clicks into, bring it into the hospital with you.

I thought of this in the final weeks of my second pregnancy. I remembered, after delivering my first baby, the awkwardness of the scene. The nurse wheeled me out in a wheelchair, as is standard procedure when being discharged from a hospital. Bags were hooked over the handles, stuff was loaded onto my lap, and a flower arrangement was tucked into each arm. My husband had bags on his shoulders and struggled (especially after two days of zero sleep) to lug our new little bundle in our fairly heavy car seat/carrier down long and winding halls, down elevators, and out to the car.

For my second go-round, I decided we should just click the empty car seat into the stroller and carry our bags beneath it! When it came time to check out, so to speak, we could just click the car seat in and my husband could wheel it all comfortably to the car! Pretty smart, right?

1 Walk All The Way

Many women find that motion is a great way to cope with the pain of labor and to keep things moving along. If they arrive to the hospital, are seated in a wheel chair, and given a ride to the labor and delivery unit, it can really interrupt their flow.

With both of my labors, I chose — through contractions, fluids leaking, and more — to walk to the car, get in myself, walk into the hospital, walk to the elevator, and walk into the rooms where my babies were born. I simply couldn’t consider sitting down.

I bet you’ll know what is right for you when the time comes. If what you need is a few moments of rest, then a two-wheeled ride to your baby-delivering location might be the best choice for you. For me, though, the very best choice to manage the pain was to keep on moving and grooving.

Sources: Natural Hospital Birth: The Best of Both Worlds by Cynthia Gabriel (Harvard Common Press, 2011)