Motherhood is undeniably one of life's biggest privileges - at least for us women. This certainly doesn't mean that it's easy as pie, though. In fact, becoming a mother brings its own set of challenges.
For all mothers, their lives are changed dramatically the moment they give birth to their new baby. For others, the big changes occur a little later on. For instance, some women deal with the shock of being awakened every two hours by a hungry newborn. Others don't experience this sense of shock until they can't do something they want because of a baby in tow.
Some women have partners, external support, or even a certain lifestyle that significantly helps them cope with the shock of being a new mom. Others just don't have this going for them.
For instance, moms who are parenting alone, for one reason or another, often face struggles that supported moms simply don't face. Being able to go out to dinner with friends or have an hour of much-needed alone time is seen as a luxury by some moms.
Every life is different and every mom faces her own unique set of challenges. This post is going to examine thoughts that every isolated mom feels, because let's face it - these thoughts are real and they can really get you down. Here are 15 thoughts that every isolated mom feels stuck in.
It's no understatement to say that families are being torn apart left and right. It's happening more and more. It's more than just divorce or breakups causing this.
A mom can feel isolated when her partner works out of town, travels a lot, or even works a different shift. Sometimes partners work so much that they don't often get to see their family.
Moms who live like this can face burnout very quickly. These women commonly face resentment towards their partner. they may even feel abandoned. Most likely, these moms are carrying the entire house and parenting load by themselves.
Thankfully, we live in an age of technology where families can connect in a number of different ways. Still, FaceTime doesn't exactly help fold the laundry or take out the trash.
The country life is loved by many. Cookbooks, blogs, and even TV shows have been dedicated to the country lifestyle. Most people realize that it comes with a catch, though. To have the tranquil, beautiful life in the country, you also have to disconnect yourself from the community, per say.
Geography does indeed play a huge role in how lonely a mom can get. Most likely, her partner will be away doing something agricultural during the day leaving her to run the house.
A mom in this situation often feels lonely or even cut off from the rest of civilization. Here's the kicker, it's not just rural moms who feel like this. Moms who are too busy trying to put food on the table don't have the time or money for socializing no matter how bad their psyches need it. Bottom line is that isolated moms are usually lonely moms.
You've heard it before that money doesn't buy happiness. It sure does offer you a lot of security, though. On top of that, having more money could open up a whole new world full of opportunities for an isolated mom.
For one, having more money would mean not having to face taking on one more low-paying job just to make ends meet. It would mean sleeping soundly for once rather than having another worry-filled night.
If the cash flow was streaming down like a waterfall then there would probably be more chances to meet people and establish relationships. Let's keep it real, too. More money means an easier life where the help is abundant and the worries are few.
Isolated moms often feel that the they don't fit in anymore. I mentioned earlier that having children undoubtedly changes you as a person and it does. Sometimes these changes are unexpected. Some women change so much that they don't really feel like they fit in anywhere or are unsure of where exactly they do fit in.
While there is nothing wrong with this, it can lead to feeling bad about it. A mom in this situation might even face a little self-doubt or start to wonder who she really is anymore.
Playing the role of mom is a 24/7 job. There just isn't room for fake friends or people who really only want your company when you can offer them entertainment. Motherhood is much deeper than that. So, isolated moms often pass through the waters of not fitting in anymore.
Most isolated moms know the power of a good routine. They bank on it! It's what helps get the kids a good night's sleep and keeps the grouchies at bay. A routine can make the difference between being able to walk through the house and needing a row boat to navigate through the disaster zone.
This love for solid routine leads me to the next point. Isolated mom often feel guilty for changing their routine for themselves. For instance, keeping the kids out later than usual because of a good ole fashion bonfire or staying in the pool through nap time are good examples of activities that could make a mom feel guilty.
It may sound silly to some, but mom-guilt is a very real thing. In reality, these moments that moms sacrifice routine are really moments of maintaining sanity.
Women are having children later and later, so it's nothing surprising to see a 36-year-old with a toddler. Granted, most of her friends have teenagers learning how to drive at this point but it's still common. So, it's also no surprise that some moms don't have anything in common with their old friends.
Many isolated moms feel like this even when they are at the same place in life as an old friend. The point is that moms who do it all by themselves just don't have time for the fluff of life.
This may sound a little harsh, but when you're not at the same place in life or can't find a genuine connection with another person, it's easy to just resort to loneliness. When you can find a group of great women who are at the same place in life as you are then it becomes easier to stay in touch and feel like you fit in.`1Z
Isolated moms can feel introverted. It's not that they are naturally introverted, it's simply that after being the solo rock for the little ones, most moms just want to sit and stare at the wall in peace for an hour.
The value of alone time increases significantly when you become a mother. Actually, it increases in value the more kids you have.
Many isolated moms just lack the energy to go out and about to social events or dinner dates with the girls. Not that your personality changes when you have kids, but how you rejuvenate your energy does temporarily change.
Isolated moms want to feel the rush of having a positive social connection. More than anything, though, they just want more energy.
Moms who are isolated are often stay-at-home moms or work-at-home moms. They don't put on uncomfortable work clothes, beat the traffic, and interact with co-workers all day. Isolated moms usually have an agenda, but it's way more zoned in on family life rather than faxing this to that person or attending another donut-filled meeting.
The problem is that many isolated moms miss the social interaction that the workplace provides. Humans are social creatures and being social at work is nearly unavoidable.
Being isolated at home raising kids isn't an interaction-less job, but it's on a much smaller scale. More often than not, the thought crosses the mind of an isolated mom that she misses going to work. Ten seconds later, the thought is gone, but it visits temporarily nevertheless.
One of the hardest things for any mom to cope with is her new body. Some women's bodies change dramatically and some barely change at all. What does change, though, is the clothing budget. Clothing priorities are shifted from cute outfits for mom to cute outfits for baby.
As every mom finds out, seasonal outfits and sizes are a flash in the pan. Kids wear an outfit on Monday only to find out that the next Monday it's too short. It happens in a matter of minutes...no, seconds.
Isolated moms really don't have the need to dress up or look cute. They can wear whatever they want to and no one says any different. While this may seem like perfect freedom, it's not. Isolated moms often miss that self-esteem boost in putting on an outfit that they know looks great. Being isolated and fashion-less often go hand-in-hand, but not many moms are happy about it.
There is not a mom walking this big green plant who thinks that being with kids is being alone. Conversely, it's a rarity to find a mom who thinks that kids are great social company. Kids are kids and moms are moms. They each need their own special interaction.
One thing that every isolate mom faces is that she might feel alone but is never truly alone. She might have little ones tugging at her all day long, but might be the loneliest person in the world.
Hanging out with little ones just isn't the same as adult interaction. Many people find this hard to understand, but isolated moms understand it just fine. It can feel like a lot of pressure to be surrounded by people all day but not really "get" from them what you normally would.
Isolated moms often face thoughts that make them feel guilty for thinking them. Most of these thoughts on the list could be categorized as such. The point in exposing these thoughts is mostly to normalize them.
Raising kids alone is a tough job and most of the time it feels like your doing it all right. Maybe this is how you know you're doing it right? There's a saying that goes something like, "Bad parents think they're amazing. Great parents think they're not doing enough."
If an isolated mom doesn't feel blessed every waking moment, it doesn't mean she's failing or that she should feel guilty for her emotions. It means she's human.
Many moms fail to ask for help when they feel overwhelmed because they feel that they should be able to be supermom or underestimate their own feelings of needing a hand.
Everyone has hobbies, pastimes, and activities that they really enjoy. An interesting thing about having these as a part of your life is that they start to define you. The tough part is holding on to who you are when you no longer have the time to dedicate to your hobby.
Babies take a lot of time, especially when a mom is doing it by herself. As already mentioned, it can get hard to socialize, take care of your emotional needs, or even bathe some days. Having a hobby might be out of the question.
Many isolated moms miss who they were before kids. It's not at all that they regret having kids. It's simply that they loved themselves, too. A healthy self love is empowering. Motherhood challenges this self love in ways that nothing else does.
This is probably the worst thought an isolated mom can think. The thought is that she doesn't feel like she can be honest with anyone about how she's feeling.
When others look at her life, they see freedom and ease. They see that she gets to stay in her pajamas the whole day. She doesn't have to deal with the rest of society or get annoyed by people. She gets to have a play day every day.
Although, this is far from the truth, some people see it like this. An isolated mom will keep quiet simply because of people who belittle her role. She'll start to doubt that her "problem" is actually a problem. Do I really need a night off or dinner with a friend? Do I really need these new jeans or are my sweats good enough? Do I really need help getting groceries or am I just being spoiled?
Until you've been in the shoes of an isolated mom, it can be hard to understand where she's coming from.
A lot of pressure is put on an isolated mom. It's just her and her babies. She's IT. Then again, that's just the thing. She is the one who gets to make the judgement calls and decided what happens when. She is running this ship.
Something that every isolated mom feels is a sense of power. It may last only a micro-second, but she feels it nevertheless. She looks at her house and declares it a no-clean day. Maybe for dinner, she decides to make breakfast for dinner.
No matter what executive decision she makes, deep inside she knows that this household is only kept together because of her. She is the glue and she knows it. A thousand other feelings flood her mind and quickly push this empowerment out the door, but she's the queen anyway.
Being isolated means to feel cut off. Whether of not this is actually the case is not exactly the point. The point is that isolated moms feel out of touch with the world. The world changes to them, in a sense, and start spinning a different way.
The news, whether actual or celebrity, isn't as high on the to-do list. It's still just as interesting as ever, but there are only so many thoughts that can bombard a mom's brain.
Rather than making an effort to know the top 40 songs on the radio, she's trying her best to figure out a way to make the wheels on the bus fall off so that the song can end already!
Although her focus has shifted, it's perfect for the moment. But, it is difficult when a mom who used to be well versed in the happenings of the world can no longer name the Vice-President or even the DJ on the radio.
Sources: www.time.com, www.webmd.com, www.babycenter.com