Social media is bursting at the brims with quizzes that help the quiz taker learn a little bit more about herself or her significant other. For example, the way a mama likes to drink her coffee in the morning illustrates a lot about her personality. Does she like black coffee? She’s a strong independent woman who takes no bull. Or does she opt for the triple caramel, extra whip cream, extra milk mocha latte? She is sweet as pie. Does she forgo the coffee and drink homemade matcha tea latte with almond milk? She’s a trendy mama in tune with the needs of her body.
There’s of course the required “Which Disney princess are you?” quiz and then a blurb about how the quiz taker’s love life will unfold. There are a million of these quizzes out there that promise to inform the reader about their own personality, wants, and dreams. Of course, none of these quizzes are scientifically accurate, but they are fun quizzes no less.
In the spirit of fun and lighthearted banter, the type of delivery that a mama undergoes can also shed light on what type of woman she is. Remember this is all fun so if you had a natural birth but the description doesn’t fit you, don’t get your panties in twist. We’re here to have fun, not get all nit-picky. Here are 15 types of delivery and what it says about you.
15The Mother Formerly Known As Pro-Natural
You are the mama who was gung-ho about having a natural birth. You were adamant that you were going to birth your child into the world free from meds, free from medication, free from needles and IVs. You were going to be a natural mama goddess. At least… that’s what you thought.
But once you actually started living that “natural birth”, you quickly aborted all plans of going med-free. That was you screaming for drugs, wasn’t it? What does this say about you? Well, for starters, it says that you are not above eating a little humble pie and doing what is right for you. Who cares if you don’t get the title of a natural birth – at least you were comfortable. Also, you are calling all of your med-free mom friends on the phone and calling them liars because let’s face it – contractions are not just “intense period cramps.”
We’ve seen dozens of homebirth videos on YouTube. We know the drill. Mama paces in throughout the house while the birthing pool is filled up. The midwife and doula arrive, and the doula starts massages mom’s lower back. When the pool is filled up, mom gets in and the warm water helps relieve some of the pains. Sometimes baby is born in the water, sometimes mom moves to the bed for the actual delivery.
Was this you? Were you a homebirther? If so, you are a confident mama who knows what she wants; you don’t need the sterile fluorescent scene of a hospital. You want and love the comforts of home. You are confident in your ability to birth without an epidural, and you are happily trusting of your midwife. You are like to get down with your roots as a woman and you celebrate childbirth as a natural and beautiful process.
13The Unassisted Homebirther
While a home birth usually includes the presence of a midwife and/ or doula, an unassisted home birth is a birth in which the there is no medical support of a licensed professional; the birth is unassisted, meaning the mom delivers her own baby. (Usually, though, the partner is involved to some degree.) Some unassisted births happen inside the mom, but many of these moms opt to labor outside in a peaceful setting in nature.
If you are one of the few souls to embark on an unassisted homebirth, you are crazy (in a super confident way of course.) You have guts and no fear… or at least, if you do have fears, you don’t let them stand in your way. You are also smart because you must be doing lots of reading and educating yourself on midwifery skills. You don’t like to “play it safe” and you live a life with no regrets – you will never wonder what if because you take that chance. You also have thick skin and don’t care what others say about your or your life choices.
12The Au Natural
Unlike the undeniable naturalness of an unassisted birth near a mountain stream, the natural birth can also happen in a hospital. The natural hospital birth looks like this: mama is in labor in the hospital (or birthing center), but she has opted out of pain meds. Maybe she has an IV of fluids, but right now, she is feeling everything and breathing through contractions. She came prepared with a hospital bag filled with massage oil for her lower bag, washcloths for cooling her head, music for calming or motivating, and a yoga ball for bouncing.
If this was your birth, you are a strong mama. You’ve done your homework and came prepared to battle the contractions with natural but tried-and-true methods. You also enjoy the post-delivery natural euphoria caused by the rush of hormones. You feel like you can conquer the world; if you can birth naturally, you can do anything.
11The Iron Clad Birth Plan Mama
Sure, many moms make birth plans, but this next mama carved her birth plan into stone – no flexibility plan for this mama. She is the “everything must go according to my birth plan” mama. She has every tiny detail mentioned on her 5 page birth plan… which is laminated and spiral bound of course.
Was this you? If so, you probably already know this, but you are definitely Type A. You also don’t like change, and being flexible is difficult for you. You like to be prepared and sudden changes make you feel like you’ve lost control. Although in a setting like birth where things can change in the blink an eye, I hope you were able to find the strength to surrender just a little bit. Your doctor is there to help you after all. And trust me, when your baby has a nuchal cord, you won’t care about delayed cord clamping anymore. Ease up and the birthing experience might be a little bit more enjoyable for you.
10The Elective C
Maybe this is your first pregnancy, or maybe it is your fourth. Either way, you’ve had your elective C-section scheduled for weeks and you couldn’t be happier. Of course, C-sections aren’t “easy”, but the nice thing is you know when you to expect it.
If this was your birth experience, you had the bonus of having a little less anxiety before birth. Because you delivery was scheduled, you totally didn’t have that anxiety than non-scheduled delivery women have. Constantly wondering when am I going to go into labor? Now? Now? Now? How about now? Nope, you were able to circle the date on your calendar and have a nice, calm countdown. Bonus: if this was a repeat C, you knew what to expect and what to pack in your hospital bag for recovery - hello, stretchy top yoga pants. It’s nice to know the drill, isn’t it?
9The Cascade Of Interventions
You’ve heard the phrase “cascade of interventions”, right? It a nice little way to say once you start the interventions, they just don’t stop. And for some mamas, those interventions start with cervadil and process to Pitocin and then epidurals, and then vacuums. And if the vacuum fails, then it’s off to the OR for you. You’ve been stuck with needles, IVs loaded, catheter in. You’ve had it all.
Does this sound like your birth experience? Just one intervention after the other? If that was your experience, you are one tough cookie. You accept that sometimes you just get the rotten hand of cards and you accept that. No use in fighting the interventions because you need it to get to the next step. You are willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done, and in this case, the job is delivery a sweet little baby – whatever method or tool is needed.
The quickie birth often comes as a surprise. After all, pregnant moms are always warned about crazy long 20 hour births by the old ladies in the grocery store. So a 2 or 3 hour birth seems like a myth or something only the lucky moms get.
If you had a super short birth, you are lucky – seriously, you were spared hours of additional contraction horrors. Although, at the time, you were probably panicked, thinking “What is going on? Why is everything happening so fast?” You didn’t have time to worry too much though, because your body kept moving at 1000 mph. And before you knew it, you were holding a perfectly angelic little bundle in your arms. Just be sure not to brag too much about your quick birth when talking to a mom who labored for 20+ hours.
7The V And C-Section Mama
You were attempted a vaginal birth, and you even made it up to the pushing stage – the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe you pushed for 10 minutes, or maybe – poor thing – you tried pushing for an hour. But at some point, the doctor made the call and decided that a C-section was the best solution for everyone. So you were the vaginal birth turned C-section.
Was this your birth experience? If so, you are not afraid to try something just because it might be hard. Maybe your doctor told you that a vaginal birth might not work for you, but you wanted to try anyway. You gave it all you had; you didn’t “give up”, but you did accept what was best for your little one even if you had your heart set on a vaginal birth. You put health and safety above your wants, which is very noble and brave thing to do.
6The Social Butterfly
Think back to your delivery room. Who was in there? Was the room filled the grandparents, parents, siblings, a birth photographer, a videographer, friends and maybe even your older kids? Did the room have way more visitors in it then actual medical staff? You are the everyone-is-invited-to-the-birth mama.
If this was your birth experience, then you are, no doubt, a social butterfly. You want everyone you know and love to witness one of the most special moments of your life, and you think of this invitation as a special gift to your loved ones. You are also confident in yourself and could care less if everyone you know sees your lady bits all stretched and in their glory. You also sign the waiver allowing your birth photographer to use your images for marketing – you have no shame in your body; you are proud of what your body can do!
5Quiet On The Set
Image a labor and delivery room with the lights dimmed low. There is no noise, even the monitors have been silenced. This is the delivery room of a mama who wants silence during her labor. No talking. No lights. No noise whatsoever.
Did you have an intense yet silent birth? If this was your birth experience, you are super focused. You are an intense mama with the ability to turn into yourself when the going gets tough. You were able to find comfort in yourself, in the silence, in your thoughts and meditations. This isn’t a birth that all moms can pull off – it requires a whole different kind of strength – mental and emotion and physical strength all tied together nicely. It’s also a little impressive to think of a woman who can birth without making a noise. It’s hard for to imagine, actually.
4Loud And Proud
This mama is loud. Really loud. She is not holding anything back, and you can hear her from two hallways over. There’s yelling, cussing, and primal screams. She’s blaming her partner and she’s using the opportunity to tell him exactly what’s on her mind. Maybe it’s not all negative stuff either. Maybe she’s using the moment to tell him how much he means to her – that she couldn’t do this without him.
Was your labor loud? If so, you took the opportunity to let your filter go. You said what was on your mind without any worry if it was polite or proper to say. You wanted to say something? You said it. You oddly found it refreshing and liberating to say and scream whatever. I mean, it’s not often you get a free pass to tell you like a wild Amazonian woman, right?
Are you having a boy or girl? Expectant parents get asked this question all the time even by strangers on the street or in the grocery store. However, Team Green parents don’t get to answer the question right away. Team Green parents – either by choice or by uncooperative ultrasound – won’t get to learn the sex of their baby until the birth.
If this was you, you had 40 weeks of anticipation building up. Is it a boy? Is it a girl? Surely, you’ve had your hunch here and there but nothing will tell you for certain until the birth, and waiting to learn about the baby does give you a certain strength during labor. You are a patient, patient mother. You didn’t sneak off to the boutique gender reveal ultrasound places. You didn’t change your mind and ask the ultrasound tech to tell you. If you want wait 40 weeks without caving, maybe motherhood will be a piece of cake for you. After all, you’ll need lots of patience.
2Twin Birth V Style
Surprise! It’s twins! The moment you found out that you had two babies on board, you had to get used to the idea. Two babies! Of course, twin pregnancies mean extra monitoring during pregnancy, and a few big decisions about labor. About 40% of twin mamas opt for C-sections, while 56% of mamas pregnant with twins delivery both twins vaginally. (That last 4 percent? They have one vaginal and one via C-section.)
Were you a twin mama that had both of her babies vaginally? If so, you are not afraid to try something hard. You don’t have to push out one baby – you had to push out two babies. I guess you are just preparing yourself for getting used to doing things twice… starting with labor.
Last but certainly not least, the surrogate birth is very special type of birth. While it is difficult for any agency to pinpoint how many surrogate births occur each year in the United States, the UK states their surrogacy rats have tripled over the past few years. Surrogates are used for infertility purposes, for women who don’t want to get pregnant (like the recent trend among celebrities), and for same-sex couples. Some surrogates are friends or siblings who want to help a loved one, while others are paid through an agency.
Were you a surrogate? Whether you were compensated or not, you are an extremely selfless person – to give up 9 months of your life and endure labor for the sake of another is a very kind and thoughtful act. In all aspects of life, you are thoughtful and considerate of other’s people feelings.
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