Some moms take to parenting like it’s the most natural thing in the world. You can often tell who these moms would be; there’s always a woman in a circle of friends who’s really caring and compassionate, great with kids, etc. and occasionally the comment will come up; “you’ll make a great mom.” Of course, there’s more to being a parent than just being kind and compassionate. But that’s the basis of all good parenting – love, love and more love, with a little bit of actual parenting and discipline thrown into the mix.
Think about the ideal mom for a sec; a woman who’s successful, has a lot of disposal income, is financially set, is in a stable relationship, lives in a decent property in a nice part of town with a strong family and friend support network around her and has lots and lots of time and love to give. I’m sure for many of you this would be your vision of an ideal mom, but in today’s day and age they’re few and far between.
Being a good mom isn’t just about having money and a big house; it’s down to your personality and your characteristics too. Certain women possess certain character traits that would make them bad moms. It’s not to say that they will certainly become bad moms, that they can’t learn, change and adapt their lifestyles to the rigors of parenthood; but having these traits, these facets of their personalities indicate parenthood won’t come easy to them and they may end up screwing it all up by becoming bad moms.
15 The Emotionless Woman
Women are generally more emotional people than men. With guys it’s hard to break down that outer shell, but women are commonly much more open, love discussing emotions and feelings.
But if you’ve got a woman who’s an emotionless creature, it’s fair to say that she won’t take too well to motherhood and a lot of bad things could potentially happen down the line. Some of these women possess a hard exterior but are like marshmallows on the inside, others are just hard to the core, not letting anything faze them but not displaying or feeling any emotions either.
If and when such women have babies, holding their little one in their arms could be enough to break that shell. But that’s not always the case. For some women, being emotionless is just engrained in their personalities, and even a monumental occasion such as having a baby, won’t make them change.
Being emotionless could lead to neglectfulness – emotional neglect – which is a form of abuse, especially when being emotionally neglectful to your child.
14 The Abusive Woman
Neglect is a form of abuse – could be actual abuse or psychological abuse – neglecting another person’s needs, feelings etc. This could be mental torture, but of course there’s physical abuse as well. I’m sure I don’t really need to tell you why being physically abusive will make a woman a bad mom, but here it goes.
Plenty of partners are physically abusive to one another; there are relationships throughout the world where domestic violence is rife, where boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives, are hitting each other – or doing worse to each other on a daily basis. This type of relationship is toxic, and it’s no place for a baby. The fact that you’re physically abusive to your partner, someone you’re meant to love, means you’ve probably become used to being that way with those you love, so when your baby grows up a bit, becomes a child or teenager and throws a tantrum, how are you going to react? You’ll probably react by getting violent, because it’s what you’ve been doing all these years.
13 The Narcissistic Woman
The definition of narcissism is extreme selfishness. Everyone has to be selfish once in a while, think about themselves in order progress in the world. But this form of selfishness is extreme – it’ s a burning desire to get admiration from everyone and anyone, due to either your accomplishments or your physical appearance. Narcissism may also arise as a character trait as a result of a mental health disorder. Being that self-absorbed and possessing a grandiose view or your own accomplishments – however small and insignificant to others they may seem – may result in you having trouble seeing other things – and people – for what they are, such as babies.
To be a mom, you need to put your baby before you and your own needs, and this needs to happen for years and years – well, until your child’s ready to fly the nest. This will be extremely difficult to do – perhaps even impossible – if you’re a narcissist or display such traits.
12 The "Worships Others" Woman
I’ve just mentioned narcissism, but on the flip side, women who worship other people are equally – well, perhaps not equally – as bad. As a narcissist, you’re putting your own desires before other people’s, to the point of being overly self-obsessed with yourself. But there are some women, especially those in relationships, who worship their other half. Worshiping anyone isn’t really a great thing, because then you’ll tend to be overly dependent on that person to show the same amount of love and affection and your mood, your state of mind, will be influenced by the way that person’s feeling or behaving.
You see it time and time again; two people in a seemingly loving and committed relationship, but the woman dotes on her other half hand and foot, worships the ground he stands on, and this will be very tough to change. Even if a baby comes along somewhere down the line – it goes without saying that the baby should be your number one priority. But such women will still see their other half as their everything, and so the needs of the baby may be neglected.
11 The Oblivious Woman
Some women just have no clue when they’re doing something that you and I would think is obviously wrong, and so they continue doing the same things over and over again, making the same mistakes without putting in any effort to put things right.
There are plenty of names that have been used to describe these types of people; naive, airy fairy, head up in the clouds – those kinds of things; it may all sound innocent and not the worst thing in the world, but if you have no clue what it is you’re doing wrong and constantly need people to tell you and give you a shove in the right direction, how are you going to be as a parent? As a mom you’ll make a ton of mistakes, that’s a given; it’s all part and parcel of being a parent. But if you’re particularly prone to making obvious gaffs and have no clue how to put them right, because in your own mind everything’s ok, you’re never going to learn how to get through the rigors of parenting.
10 The "Unwilling To Learn" Woman
This is kind of a follow on from the previous point. It’s one thing being naïve and having your head in the clouds – or whatever you want to call it – about certain things. But it’s another thing not making the effort to do anything about it.
The narcissistic character trait comes into play a tad here too. Thinking you know best, what you’re doing is the right way and that anyone who gives you advice or is wanting to help is doing so out of spite. Doing things your way – even though they may be wrong – is so engrained in your own personality, that it’s going to take a monumental effort on your part to fix it. It could be tricky admitting you’re wrong about certain things, but in some people’s cases, they’re just too far gone and have been behaving the same way for so long, it’ll be near on impossible to address and ultimately rectify the issues.
As a mom you’ll need to learn, recognize your mistakes and learn from them - or at least be willing too – pretty quickly; burying your head in the sand is a no no.
9 The Overindulgent Woman
Nothing exceeds like excess; heard that saying? Well, if you’re a mom or are planning to be, it’s not exactly a saying you should take to heart and abide by.
Overindulging oneself from time to time is absolutely fine. Going on a shopping spree, taking a long vacation, getting pampered, or even stuffing your face with food and drink because you can’t stop – all examples of overindulging. You may be thinking, how will this make someone a bad mom? It won’t if it happens now and again, and you can afford to fund your overindulging activities of course. But do it regularly and it could quite possibly become a problem.
Many moms dote of their little ones, showering him/her with love, affection and all the gifts their money – sometimes borrowed money – can buy. Sure, this is better than neglect, physical and psychological abuse, but you aren’t going to be doing your baby any favors. As your child grows up, he/she will be demanding more and more from you – become selfish, which I’m sure isn’t what you’d want.
8 The "Worried About What Others Think" Woman
This can be a dangerous way to think; constantly thinking about what others think of you could result in you having a very distorted view of yourself, which could be dangerous, especially as a parent. The problem here is that despite what you might think, how you might feel, you’ll never be good enough because you’ll never measure up to other people’s lofty standards.
Also, if and when you’re a mom, those parents you speak to at the park, bump into onto your street, will be judging you nine ways to Sunday, criticizing your parenting style, the way you look, are behaving with your baby, in their heads. Of course, not all parents will do that, but the fact is a lot do, and if you’re someone who’s self-worth is defined by what others think, parenting’s going to be a very difficult road for you to go down. As a mom you need to be confident in your own abilities as a parent; different moms will have different methods of parenting, but you’ve got to do what you think is best – the best way to raise your little one.
7 The Rebel Woman
There’s being rebellious to make a point, doing what you think is best and by doing so, going against other people’s wishes, and there’s being rebellious just for the sake of being rebellious.
A lot of us went through that rebellious phase as teenagers. Teenage rebellion is often part and parcel of growing up, finding your own way in the world, finding an identity you’re happy with. It usually involves rebelling against peer norms such as violating rules, putting two fingers up at authority figures, and generally just being a nuisance. Most of us grow out of this phase, and it is just a phase. But plenty continue going about their rebellious ways well into adulthood, and if that occurs, no one’s going to pass it off as just common teenage behavior.
Firstly, you may just become pregnant in order to rebel against someone’s – a parent’s wishes – and piss them right off. But then as a mom, you may be prone to shunning tried and tested mothering ideals, just for the sake of doing so, even though you don’t have a clue what to do.
6 The Dismissive Woman
Bring on more of the emotional abuse. As a mom, you’re going to have to show compassion, have an understanding of what your little one’s going through, even when what they’re going through might be something totally alien to you. It’s not for you to judge whether those feelings are just or not; all you’ve got to do is be there and try and help your child through it. But it’s amazing how many moms struggle with this, and the signs are there that this would be an issue even before such women have kids.
Being dismissive of other people’s feelings generally means you’re number one – your feelings are the only feelings that matter and the other person’s feelings don’t come into the picture. This is generally exhibited in relationships. Some women make their partner feel inconsequential, like a nuisance and a burden. These women feel other people are inadequate and lack basic judgment, so they take on the responsibility – whether or not the other person likes what’s happening or not doesn’t come into the picture.
5 The "No Boundaries" Woman
This would be toxic in all relationships, especially the mother-child relationship. Kids are growing up, going through constant changes, and as they do they need their own space. This is especially the case when they reach that awkward teenage phase; surely, you’ll be able to recollect back and understand what they’re going through, all of which would be a lot easier if there wasn’t a prying mother snooping about.
The signs may be there before motherhood, in relationships. A lack of respect for boundaries usually occurs when couples are far too close to one another – unhealthily close where they’re constantly by each other’s sides and they each want to get up into each other’s business. This means relationships are often very intense, perhaps due to the fear of abandonment they each cling on and ultimately don’t give each other space. You can get away with doing this to your child during those initial years, but as he/she grows up, it’s going to be difficult for such women to stand back a bit and watch their children develop and grow without constantly being by their side.
4 The Center Of Attention Woman
This one’s kind of a form of narcissism; some women have a funny way of making everything about themselves – they need to be number one, centre of attention, they need to be heard. Such women will often twist things around to put the focus on themselves. They might be having a discussion with a friend who’s talking about an achievement, and women with this character trait, instead of just being happy for that other person, may feel uneasy because the attention’s being directed elsewhere. A woman like this might then say something that’s over-the-top just so people start talking about her thing and the focus is shifted.
As a mom, such women could be guilty of emotional neglect. For example, when their child does well at school, instead of congratulating the child, the mom might rant and rave to others about the great job she’s done as a parent. The attention’s got to be on the mom, often at the expense of showing interest in the child’s achievements.
3 The Psychologically Abusive Woman
This is basically a combination of most of the entries on this list rolled into one; combined, it can all add up to make one hell of an emotionally and psychologically abusive mom.
Psychological abuse can be seriously harmful for a child and can have a long-lasting impact on their mental health. But it’s actually rife in households around the world; moms often justify their actions by saying they put a roof over their kid’s heads and put warm food in their bellies, they never hit them either, so such moms think there’s no cause to complain. But it’s not only physical abuse that can be scarring.
Kids are impressionable and soak things in. If a woman’s psychologically abusive, it could make things rather hellish and confusing for a kid.
Psychological abuse comes in many different forms, but is usually due a woman’s own experiences as a kid. Back in the day, decades ago, parents used to be harsh and sometimes downright cruel to their kids. Perhaps because of this, when these women grow up they’ve developed some kind of mental health disorder, which if not seen to, could be extremely difficult to break free from; therefore, the cycle doesn’t stop, and these women act the same way when they have kids – the toxicity’s passed on from generation to generation.
2 The "Guilt Trip" Woman
Being uber critical – criticizing in such a way so that it makes you feel guilty. This is emotional abuse at its worst. Such moms justify their actions by saying that their kid needs to learn, and so by criticizing, they’re teaching them what’s right and what’s the wrong way to do things. But a lot of moms then fall into the trap of just criticizing for the sake of criticizing; they criticism everything, perhaps not maliciously, but those constant jibes at a person’s wrongdoings can all build up and leave a kid feeling that nothing they do is right or will ever be good enough.
Again, these types of women often display such traits in relationships. Criticising their partner for absolutely everything, even when things don’t necessarily warrant criticism they criticise; your partner might just sit there a take it for the sake of your relationship, but for it kid, it’s likely to provoke guilt and ultimately lead to the feeling of, “why bother? Everything I do seems to be wrong so why bother doing anything at all.” Needless to say, a kid with this attitude would be emotionally stifled and psychologically stunted.
1 The Stressed Out Woman
Being stressed is part and parcel of parenthood – being stressed is part and parcel of life full stop. No one on this planet is immune to the stresses of life, so it’s not that some women may get stressed out that makes getting stressed out an entry on this list. It’s getting stressed out easily, over minor things that most people would deem to be inconsequential, and getting stressed out frequently that makes this the number one entry. It’s also about how the stress is handled, if you let it get on top of you and you then just explode, or you deal with it appropriately.
If you fly off the handle when you stressed, or get stressed about minor things in the first place, parenthood’s going to be a nightmare for you, and you can’t – well, shouldn’t – let your feelings explode out if your little one’s about. It can be dangerous because such people often try and offload some of their stress on someone else, on a partner or friend. But as a mom, it’s your kid who’s going to be by your side more than anyone else for many years, so it could get tempting to ease the burden by venting on your kid – another form of emotional abuse, because needless to say, a kid shouldn’t have to deal with such big people problems.