It's that time of year again. The kids are back to school (finally), and we can all take a moment to breathe deeply until the next round of madness sets in - Halloween. It is never too early to start thinking about what your little one would like to dress-up as vs. what you want to dress your little one up as of course.
Most people with a baby under two go for the safe and perfectly acceptable options of pumpkins, candy corn, and the occasional itty bitty scarecrow. There might be the odd ghost or two but generally speaking, we tend to stick to the safe, non-scary, cute variety of outfits for our kids.
Then, of course, there are also older children who begin to have annoying, inconvenient opinions of their own. You want to make them a fabulous multicolored fairy outfit with lights, and spinning wings and they want to be an extra from The Walking Dead even though they have never seen it and wouldn't know Rick from Neagn if the two stood in front of them.
The thing is, we can dress our kids up in fun outfits without crossing the line of what most of us would consider appropriate. So, if you are considering what outfit to make this year, skim through this list first and no matter how cute some of them are - DON'T DO IT!
15Chucky's Not A Cutie
If you are like me, you might want to stick with the more simple outfit that allows you to make use of clothing you already have and maybe a spot of make-up. If this is the case, perhaps you would like to create a cat, a ghost or something seasonal such as a scarecrow. Wouldn't that be nice?
If your mind wonders to anything that might require blood, scars, boils, weeping pustules, disembodied body parts, or stitches try having a rethink. We all know that Chucky was a scary doll. We are acutely aware that he was child size and children love toys. This doesn't equate to it being appropriate to dress your toddler up as a sociopathic doll whose primary pass time is running people through with a knife.
14Help Your Daughter Aspire To Greatness
Now, don't get me wrong, I have no problem with the principle of Hooters. If a woman is happy to work there of her own free will and use her personal assets to get a better income than working in a dive bar, then good luck to her. None of my business and I certainly wouldn't judge.
This baby's outfit, however, that's another thing entirely. Not because of what Hooters is but because you are dressing up a baby in a costume from a bar that is inherently sexual. This is just really, really bad taste.
I personally cannot fathom quite why anyone would want to have their very own Hooters baby to take trick or treating. I certainly would have to question the fake boobs they have made by stuffing something up the poor little kid's top.
13Top Marks For Creativity
Once your kids get older it can be fun to have them dress in outfits that go together and fit a theme. This usually consists of a pair of cartoon characters or a pair of items that go together. You know the kind of thing milk and cookies, Mario and Princess Peach, Luke and Leia.
While I can appreciate the creativity, originality and thought that went into this outfit, I really would have to question the thought of making light of someone losing an arm in a shark attack!
Even the little shark looks suitably unimpressed with the whole thing. At least their parents chose not to go down the gross route and have a partially severed arm hanging off of their daughter and a son in a shark costume with a mouth full of fake flesh.
So it could have been worse.
12Just Like Dad?
Okay, I admit it, this little fella is a real cutie. Those gorgeous chubby baby arms, that sparkly-eyed smile, he is exactly the kind of little one that makes you want to start popping out more babies because they are so darn cute.
Trouble is though, the fake stubble, the fake tattoo and the general "I'm a biker baby" theme going on, is it in the best of taste? Not only that but are the other babies going to feel intimidated? Are they going to feel obliged to hand over half of their candy in order to keep their stroller free from accidents?
One thing I would like to see is the tiny little motorbike that he uses to get around town.
There are many of excellent female role models you might support your child dressing up as. Julia Roberts is a wonderful actress and has played some fabulous roles, including Vivian Ward in Pretty Woman. I don't, however, feel that dressing or allowing your daughter to dress like a prostitute is the best parenting decision you can make at any time. It is probably even worse when your kids are going to be out and about, walking the streets at night knocking on strangers doors and shouting out Trick or Treat.
Just choose another character, another actress or some other strong female role model that doesn't have an alternative kind of Trick associated with her.
10Mommy And Baby Pole Dancing Lessons
Some moms go to mother and baby yoga; others go to mom and baby dance, it would appear that this particular mom has managed to locate a mother and baby pole dancing class and is taking it very seriously indeed.
It's hard to tell what element of this photo is the most disturbing. Is it the fact that this mom has created a pole dancer outfit for her baby daughter? Perhaps it is the idea that a mom wouldn't think this was entirely inappropriate to be doing this with her daughter or maybe it is the health and safety issue posed by trying to dance on an unsecured pole (joking).
9Lil Lil Wayne
Obama might be a Lil Wayne fan, and indeed he has referenced the rapper in not one but two of his presidential speeches. In 2009 Obama delivered a speech to the NAACP and said:
“They might think they’ve got a pretty jump shot or a pretty good flow, but our kids can’t all aspire to be LeBron or Lil Wayne. I want them aspiring to be scientists and engineers, doctors and teachers, not just ballers and rappers. I want them aspiring to be a Supreme Court Justice. I want them aspiring to be President of the United States of America.”
Maybe that sentiment could have been taken on board by this kids parents, and they could have dressed him up as George Washington Carver instead.
8Trick Or Lung Cancer Or Cirrhosis Of The Liver
If a grown man wants to dress up as a bottle of Jack Daniels and walk the street during festivities that are primarily for children, then fine. What is not fine is dragging along your mini-me and having them dressed up like a packet of Marlboro.
In the last few years, the world has worked hard to find ways to decrease the number of new smokers while at the same time helping other people give up. What might have happened if someone who was trying to quit smoking had opened the door to this tiny cigarette packet on legs? They might have been trying all day to think of anything but tobacco use and have looked forward to the trick or treaters as a suitable distraction.
You, sir, may have scuppered someones hard work trying to give up smoking. Shame on you.
Only the fans of a particular cult movie will even know who this child has dressed up as, and they will also know why the posing of this photograph is comic genius.
If you don't know, then this is Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski from "The Big Lebowski." In the movie, The Dude is beaten by a gangster enforcers in a case of mistaken identity. He meets with the gangster; there is a kidnap plot, a storyline around an exceptional rug that really ties a room together. Through it all, the Dude shambles his way across the screen seemingly oblivious to the dangers he encounters.
Suffice it to say the Dude takes the word slacker and makes it his very own. When asked what he does all day he says "Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback." So maybe not the best role model for your child.
6There Are Mermaids, And Then There's This
I can imagine it now; a little girl asks her mom and dad if she can be a mermaid for Halloween. The tiny tot has visions of Ariel or other similar mermaids, and she eagerly awaits the day when her tail is ready for her to try on.
Lots of effort has been put into her tail. Scales carefully crafted, the tail finely tuned with both fins splayed and a clever wraparound waist piece that hold the tail in pace yet still allows her to walk down the sidewalk, as long as she has someone to help stop her tail dragging.
The little girl's hair is partially braided, she has a lei and her under the sea goodie bag is clutched in her eager little hand.Her dad looks down at her and says "You know what you need to finish off your outfit sweetie? Big Boobs."
5Happy Horror Halloween
This little horror show's make-up is a lesson in what happens when you overestimate your abilities. Apparently, mom or dad knew they were not up to sewing an elaborate costume or even a simple one, so they opted for an outfit that could be put together straight from the wardrobe. Full marks there for being sensible.
Then the parents went and ruined it by trying to top a simple clown costume with a simple clown's make-up job. Looking at what happened to this child's face makes me wonder if he went trick or treating in the town in which Stephen King lives. He certainly looks like he could be ground zero for every clown phobia and nightmare across the world.
I bet he didn't get much in the way of candy either. Who's going to open the door with that grinning at you on the other side?
4There Are No Words
I spent quite some time trying to think up an 'oh so smart' heading for this one. I tried to work out something around "If we'd had one of these you wouldn't be here" or "if you don't want what's in this version, use some of the real things."
No matter how I tried, there was nothing about this outfit that I could make funny. I mean, really? Your first thought for a children's Halloween outfit was a giant condom? What did you dress your daughter up as, a packet of the pill? Or maybe an IUD?
Come on people. There is funny, and there is a line. In this case, you have gone so far over the line it is just a tiny dot on the distant horizon behind you.
3Less Is Not Always More
Were you always the kid at school whose mom always said "yes we'll go and get your outfit in a couple of days" and then kept forgetting until it was actually the morning of Halloween, and all that was left in the store were some generic superhero costumes and five random outfits in sizes way too big or way too small?
Did your mom always say "Don't worry, I'm sure we can put something together when we get home" and then try and paint a clown face on you with the stuff from her make-up bag?
Well, if that was you, take heart. You are now no longer the worst off kid on Halloween. This poor little one officially takes the title of "the kid whose mom forgot Halloween, despite repeated reminders and then ended up making the worst, most embarrassing costume ever."
2On The Fence With This One
I cannot for the life of me come to a decision on whether this outfit is hilariously funny and a stroke of comic genius or just hideously lazy and tasteless.
Not that I want to get into a debate about the taste of Coke vs. Pepsi of course. I didn't mean that. I was just wondering if cutting the top off of a soda bottle and wedging it on your kid's head while wrapping a bottle label around his waist constitutes creativity or cruelty?
Ok, so it is not the most inappropriate outfit in the world but if you are going to go to the trouble of dressing up your baby, at least make a bit of an effort and don't try to use his bare skin as one of the main ingredients.
1Not Big On Social Conscience
This costume was all very cleverly thought out and well executed, but I thought Halloween outfits were supposed to be either scary, cute, or funny. It is a time for having fun and for laughing and joking around. Is it really the best time to dress your kid up as a homeless person for laughs.
Actually, I can't think of any time that would be a good opportunity to dress your child up as a homeless person for laughs. These days most of us try to raise our kids with at least a little bit of empathy for other people, especially those people that are less well off than we are.
It might sound like I'm being a bit of a killjoy, but I'm not. I just think homelessness should not be something we are using for laughs, especially when the kid has a mini cart with cans and a wine bottle.
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