The hospital can be a crazy place—especially when a woman is there to have a baby. There are nurses everywhere coming in and out of the expectant mother’s room, doctors also by poking and prodding, and even some visitors may show up—uninvited. As it is, a new mom feels like everyone is up in her lady bits when she is in labor—so give the woman a break!
After giving birth to a brand new baby, a mother is absolutely exhausted—but she is also in awe of her new little one. Those first few minutes are precious and should be spent with the mother, her new baby, and her partner if she has one. Then, it should be any other close people that will play a major role in the new baby’s day to day life.
A new little family needs that intimate bonding time together. It is practically sacred. No one wants their fifty “closest” relatives ruining that special moment—or the couple days of recovery afterward (because let's be honest, we cannot keep them all away for long). Check out this list of fifteen people new moms usually prefer to keep away those first few days—and make sure you are not one of them.
15 The Overwhelmer
After giving birth, new parents may already feel pretty overwhelmed. Suddenly, there is this new little person that is totally dependent on his parents for survival. Fortunately, this little person is so tiny and has cute little fingers and toes, so some natural nurturing instincts do kick in. But soon, an unwelcome visitor appears with her own hoards of children, disrupting that new nurturing instinct.
Soon a new mom is forced to watch SpongeBob in her recovery room, her partner becomes a human jungle gym, some gremlins are pawing at her child with their grubby little hands and the hospital bed keeps going up and down. All the while, the new mom is chatting mindlessly with her friend, but in actuality is checking out the dark circles under her friend’s eyes and her 4th day of not showering ponytail. Is this what the new mom has to look forward to?
14 The Instagrammer
Does everyone have that friend—you know, the Instagrammer? The friend that Instagrams and Snapchats every single moment of their life. What they had for breakfast, what they're doing at the gym, or even in the car… and it's all right there—jamming your feed. But we cannot help but love them anyway because, in the end, it is really nice having someone around to take cute pictures of us. Or not.
Imagine being a brand new mom who, after hours of labor, feels like trash, maybe looks like it too. But despite it all, she puts on a bright, cheerful face when her Instagrammer friend shows up. Because no one knows what kind of pictures an Instagrammer will snap—and post. And when all is said and done, and mama has covered herself in makeup to hide her exhaustion, not one picture was taken of her.
13 The Anti-Hospital Warrior
Tons of us know someone who does not do hospitals. Whether they are scared of them, or whether they do not believe in modern medicine at all, they are big advocates for the cause. As soon as they walk into a hospital, the hair stands up on the back of their neck, their head is on a swivel and they walk on their tippy toes—all in preparation for anyone who asks them if they need help.
But, in the end, they are a good friend and have decided to come visit you and your new baby—uninvited. As soon as that person enters the room, they get up on their high horse and begin preaching all the benefits of having an at-home (usually water) birth.
12 The Doubter
Many women have that sister-in-law that is just a little “fake,” and maybe even a bit competitive with them, for no reason whatsoever. She had to buy a house first, she had to have kids first and she had to upgrade to a minivan first. While we do not usually care, it really bothered us that she was gossiping with our mother-in-law about how we would for sure get an epidural, because we will probably be a bad mom anyways.
So, in spite of the terrible pain we have during contractions and pushing, we refuse the drugs. It will be an all-natural baby, baby! So, when that sister-in-law shows up and smugly asks how labor was, we say, “It was nothing,” when in actuality we were in labor for 34 hours.
11 The Sicko
Oh, just the person we wanted to see, our hypochondriac friend. In her last post on Facebook, she was complaining that she was getting over the flu (she thinks) and might have a chicken pock or two showing up on her stomach. She even posted pictures asking for advice. A little TMI, if you ask us. But, we have to give her some credit because she shows up with our favorite homemade lasagna, balloons and a baby blanket she knit—while she was sick. Mama, you better wash that thing in boiling water and bleach before letting your angelic baby gets a hold of it.
While she is very well intended, we think of a boatload of excuses as to why she cannot hold our new baby. The baby is sleeping. The baby went to the nurse. The baby has a runny nose! That's the one! Our friend would not want to get “sick” again.
10 The Pusher
Doctors and nurses keep coming in and out of new mom’s recovery rooms, just like busy bees coming and going from their hive. Honestly, the hospital should have just installed revolving doors in the recovery rooms. Soon, one doctor shows up that wants to talk about new mom’s options. What options? The doctor wants to talk about birth control options. Birth control options? But didn’t this new mom just give birth?
It isn’t like she can have intercourse anytime soon, and surely she is not thinking about it right now anyway. The doctor continues on about all of the options, but when the new mom says she is not interested right now, the doctor gets defensive. The doctor says the new mom needs to decide right now because, otherwise, the new mom could end up with another little accident... err… baby. Talk about an unwelcome visitor.
9 The Know-It-All
We all have that friend who is a chronic know-it-all. When we hang out with our friends, we might share something cool we found out in an article we read. Except they butt in with something like, “Well, actually…” We all know that person and we're picturing them right now. This is another friend we do not need showing up in our recovery room, especially if they are a parent themselves.
Of course, they are an expert on breastfeeding, a world-renowned pediatrician, also a professional baby whisperer. They are just so excited to share all of their wealth of knowledge with anyone and everyone. While their intention is good, and they did show up with the latest and greatest baby wrap as a gift, all of their unsolicited advice is pretty unwelcome.
8 The Carrier
Before we checked into the hospital, we read up on all the vaccines hospitals push for and the potential risks involved. In our research, we found that pertussis or whooping cough vaccine has been linked to an outbreak of the bacterium recently. Pertussis is a contagious disease that attacks the respiratory system. While some people are big fans of requiring family members to be vaccinated for it before they can be near their babies, this presents a bit of an oxymoron.
The truth is, the pertussis vaccine does not prevent the contraction of pertussis. It never did. Rather, the vaccine is geared toward minimizing symptoms. It is fairly effective for newborns, but efficacy wanes with more vaccines. The downside is that individuals who are recently vaccinated for it can then contract pertussis and show no symptoms.
Thus, they go around spreading this disease unknowingly. This is known as a silent carrier, and studies show this is possible for at least six weeks following vaccination. So, that friend who wants to come visit the new baby with her child that was recently vaccinated for pertussis would be better off sending flowers and a card. It would definitely be more appreciated than a face-to-face visit.
7 The Distant, Distant Relative
Someone enters the room whose face is vaguely familiar—they kind of look like your second cousin Larry—but we do not know their name for the life of us. Luckily, they introduce themselves to your partner as your half second cousin one time removed, but we did not catch the name.
They go on and on about how the last time they saw us, we were in diapers. Somehow they have heard the embarrassing stories of our childhood and begin retelling them to anyone that will listen. Unfortunately, they tell the story to all the nurses who already watched the new mom poop on the table during her delivery. This leaves us mortified, with a fake smile, because we know our mother will hear about it from somebody.
6 The One With The Empty Womb
Many women suffer from miscarriages at least once in their life, and some find they cannot have any children at all, regardless how badly they want to be a mother. It is really unfortunate. So when a woman’s barren sister-in-law, the niece’s and nephew’s favorite aunt, comes into the birthing recovery room, it can get a little uncomfortable for the new mom.
The new mom can see the longing in her sister-in-law’s eyes, as she holds the sweet little newborn. The sister-in-law rocks the newborn perfectly in the rocking chair, singing a little song to the baby. When the new baby’s hand wraps around the sister-in-law’s index finger, the new mom catches a tear in her sister-in-law’s eye. Though it is a little bit sad, at least the sister-in-law will have a new relative to babysit.
5 The Subpar Photographer
Just because a person has a super expensive camera does not mean they are an excellent photographer. While some hospitals have a no flash photography policy, others try to profit from newborn photography. Unfortunately, a lot of the time these photographers may have all the fancy duds but have no real skills as a photographer.
They may show up in a new mom’s recovery room, snap a ton of pictures of the new baby with a flash. and suddenly demand a few hundred dollars for their time and prints. Simply because the new mom wants to get rid of the photographer, she may fall into the trap of getting ripped off for some subpar pictures of her newborn. Sometimes we have to pay the price for privacy.
4 The Sleep Disrupters
Nurses are constantly changing at hospitals. As one nurse’s shift ends, another nurse’s shift begins. While it is nice to know who one’s nurse is, constant interruption because of introductions can be tedious, especially if one is a new mom recovering from delivery and trying to get some sleep before the baby wakes up again.
The nurses are all very well intended, there is no doubt, but being woke up for an introduction to the 11 PM shift change and the 7 AM shift change can be very bothersome. As soon as the new mom leaves the hospital, her sleep will never be the same again, so she really wants to enjoy it.
No more uninterrupted nights of sleep. That sleep has been traded for nights of feeding, worrying about diapers wetting the bedsheets, and nights up taking care of a sick kid for at least the next eighteen years. So please, skip the introductions.
3 The One Who Just Doesn’t Get It
Lots of people out there do not have any interactions with children, do not have children of their own or just do not get kids. Sometimes it can be a combination of all these things. These types of people can be an unwelcome guest to new moms and babies in recovery. For instance, say your partner’s boss shows up. He brings flowers for the new mom, balloons for the baby and expensive cigars to smoke with your partner to celebrate.
What he does not realize is that people cannot smoke in hospitals. But, your partner does not want to offend the boss, so they go outside to smoke—even though your partner has never smoked a day in his life. Perhaps this is the type of person that should visit after mom and baby are out of the hospital.
2 The Side Chick
One of the topmost unwanted visitors of all has to be a mom’s baby daddy’s side chick, especially if neither women knew the other existed. No one wants to deal with that much drama after all that trauma of just giving birth. If your man has a baby with her too, it can get uglier by the minute.
There have been stories about mistresses being assigned to nurse her boyfriend's wife, and that tends to result in more drama than a soap opera. We cannot always know if our man is the type of man that would have a side chick, but all we can do is avoid having or simply being with dudes that might have this kind of stuff going on.
1 The MIL
When asked, most women say that their mother-in-law (MIL) is the top person they do not want around for the birth of their baby and the recovery period afterward. We have all heard the horror story about the mother-in-law showing up in the delivery room and grabbing the baby’s head when it was crowning. While that may simply be an urban legend, there has a ring of truth to it.
Even after the birth of a new baby, the presence of one’s mother-in-law could make a new mom feel like her turf is being taken over. The MIL does not want to stop holding the baby, she starts babying her son (your partner) and she starts talking to the nurses about what medical decisions she wants the new mom to make. Luckily, not all mother-in-laws are like that, but ones like these should not be allowed in recovery rooms.
Sources: The New York Times