Labor is such a beautiful experience that I’d do it all over again. In fact, I did, and I had an even more fulfilling and meaningful experience the second time.

It is an absolute high to so clearly understand the power and importance of your body. It is beyond empowering to face something so painful, so intense, and so unknown with such bravery and confidence.

You might notice that what I’m getting at here is that yes, labor can be beautiful and empowering – and sometimes even go close to according to plan – but it also can (or maybe even will) be challenging, intense stuff.

I say get your mind in the right place however you need to. But for a lot of us, it’s not convincing ourselves that things will be easy and perfect that helps us get to the right place to feel prepared to do our labor thing.

Nope, instead, we choose to be realistic – to read up and learn from the stories other moms have shared about what labor truly feels like.

I had a pretty hard time finding honest (and readable… and accurate…) descriptions of what it would be like to go into labor, work through it, and birth a child when I was expecting – and that was just a few short years ago.

So I unleash now upon the Internet, for your enjoyment and education, 15 ways labor and delivery can tend to be idealized by women who’ve never done it before.

15 Always Be Prepared

I know we need to psyche ourselves up in whatever way works best for us. We need to feel ready. We need to feel confident, and by god, we need to feel brave.

And the focus of many pregnancy books, somewhere in those last couple of chapters, is having your hospital bag packed and ready to go. So women focus on this, thinking that as long as they have that bag stocked with every item on a book or website’s checklist, they’ll be all set and ready to go.

The truth is, many of the things you pack (both for during labor and postpartum) will probably remain in the bag where you packed them, and never end up getting used.

And the things you will really need won’t be things you can find in a bag. They’ll be things you conjure up within – mental fortitude you’ve developed throughout your life and during your childbirth preparation, strong muscles you’ve exercised and toned, support you’ve acquired through deep and meaningful relationships with your partner and other loved ones.

Sorry to say, but when you’re in search of the perfect thing to help you cope with labor and your postpartum recovery, the answer probably won’t be in that bag.

14 Woman With A Plan

Those things called “birth plans” – where you write out your wishes for how the story of labor and birth will play out – are really great ideas. They allow you to take the time to give careful, focused thought to what you most deeply desire. They may encourage you to review key points or coping strategies that are important to you with your partner or any other intended helpers.

But a birth plan should by no means be considered a strict set of rules that absolutely WILL be followed. Even you don’t know exactly what will work for you or what your body and mind will require when the big day comes.

Be clear about your desires – and work hard to achieve them. But many doctors and childbirth pros will tell you that if you have a birth-plan-or-bust attitude, you’re just setting yourself up for failure.

13 Time To Trot

Women sometimes hear and are worried that they will poop during pushing, if you judge by online message boards and comments sections alike.

All pregnancy and labor books devote at least a few words to the topic, usually trying to reassure women that if they do indeed do a number-two while pushing out their baby, they surely won’t care in the moment, nor will the various healthcare professionals in attendance who have seen this happen time and time again.

None of that is wrong. But I’m curious why there is so little discussion of the fact that it’s common to need to poop – to have diarrhea, in fact – at the onset of and during the course of your labor.

This leaves new moms to wonder if it’s just them, if all’s well, if they’ve caught a stomach bug, or what the heck is going on.

And really, once you mention it to a labor-and-delivery nurse or OB doctor, you see that it’s so common no one even takes pause.

12 Urine For More Than Needles

Here’s something that isn’t often brought up in the ole epidural-or-no-epidural discussion: If you get an epidural, you will be given a catheter. That’s where they stick a tube up in there where the pee comes out, so your bladder can drain without you needing to go, or to have control of the muscles that allow you to go.

Women don’t often consider that they’ll need to undergo this procedure should they opt for an epidural to relieve sensations of labor pain.

Now, it’s not the end of the world. If you get one, the nurse who ends up inserting it will probably have done it thousands of time before. Not to mention, it will probably be one of the last things on your laboring-mama mind.

But it is a reality that seems to quite often be overlooked.

11 My Guy

Well, I guess it used to be quite common for old dad to wait safely on the other side of one or more walls in the hospital’s waiting room. That’s the old-timey cliché, right? That he’d hear the news that his son or daughter had at last arrived, and then maybe pull out a cigar? (Side note: Smoking’s gross and always has been.)

But these days it’s of course extremely common – and has been for years – for a woman’s husband or life partner to also act as her “birth partner,” the person who will be there to support her in whatever way she needs during her labor and the birth of her child.

But, whether you take classes, read books, and carefully prepare or not, it would be a bit of a fairytale notion to assume that your significant other will be some perfect source of comfort, some knightly figure, some solid rock through the duration of your labor and delivery.

See, that person you’re thinking of? He (or she) is a human. He might get tired. He might be overwhelmed. He might get sick. He might faint. He might need to step out for a sandwich. And sometimes, he might straight up have no idea what to do.

10 ‘Not Me’ Mentality

I didn’t dare to think it either, but perhaps that was unwise, in retrospect. Although I did not end up having a C-section and was able to labor all-naturally, start to finish, 32 percent of deliveries do end up being by Cesarean section.

So to go into it with the mindset that you do not wish to have a C-section, or even that you will do everything within your power to avoid having one, is probably a more realistic approach than thinking it will never happen to you.

You may notice just how many C-sections there are yourself once you start talking to other new moms. Swapping birth stories is a great way to cope with however yours went down and to connect with other women postpartum.

Whether due to the baby’s position inside the womb, health concerns about mom, or a dangerous situation developing for the unborn baby, C-sections certainly do happen – about a third of the time, in fact.

9 Nice Nourishment

Gone are the days of only eating ice chips during labor (as long as you have a fairly normal pregnancy and labor). So many women, reading that it’s important to have nourishment during labor, assume they’ll be able to eat or even prepare dinner or some other meal or meals, just like the woman they read about in their childbirth book.

I wouldn’t assume that you can just sit down and eat like you normally would, though – or even that you’ll be able to stand the site, smell, or thought of food.

Fruit juices, water, and other super-easy-to-digest and simple-to-consume calories were all I planned on even contemplating during my second labor. And I didn’t end up having anything but water, in the end.

During my first, I’ll never forget the repulsion I experienced at the site of the salad my husband was eating for dinner – which I’d enjoyed myself many times earlier that very week.

8 Magic Number

I guess some people like being told to go into the hospital based on a set of numbers. It helps them feel in control and prepared – or as prepared as they can possibly be, anyhow.

And doctors like to tell them these numbers because it gives them something, anything, to go by so they’ll know when it’s about time to head in. They don’t want you having your baby in the car or living room if it was the goal to deliver in the standard setting of a hospital.

But even if you time, chart, and count the hours away, it can be really hard to tell when it’s time to head to the hospital – and you’ll probably just be distracting yourself, or at the very least wasting otherwise better-spent time.

Childbirth experts will recommend (wisely, if you ask me) basing your leave time on the advice of a doula, the judgment call of a good friend who’s labored naturally before, or your own (educated) instincts.

During my first labor, we headed in based on the timing of contractions. We were there too early. During my second, I recognized the stage of labor I was in based on my past experiences and reading, and we were there just in time.

7 Red Light, Green Light

In sitcoms and movies, the hardest part about the car ride to the hospital is always getting there quickly. So expectant moms may believe this portrayal to be true. In reality, the hardest part (aside from knowing WHEN to go) will probably be that it’s really painful to experience contractions while riding in a car.

This was the part I was really not looking forward to during my second labor after a super rough time in the passenger’s seat during my first.

Being strapped into the car can really interrupt any labor flow you’ve gotten going. You can’t get into comfortable coping positions. You can’t move in rhythm. You can’t poop or pee the second you have the urge – and this is an important part of labor indeed. Well, you can, but you may be more hesitant to do this in your car.

Every labor plays out so differently, so maybe it will be hitting every green light that’s your main concern, but I wouldn’t take that as a given.

6 My Main Man

Did you select your obstetrician as carefully as can be because in your mind that doctor WOULD be the person delivering your baby? Sure, in movies and on TV expectant moms are frustrated to find that their doctors just happen to be on vacation or out of town the night they go into labor, but what are the chances of that?

The truth is, in my experience, it’s very uncommon that you will see only one doctor during your pregnancy or that you will have any guarantee or even a very high chance that one specific individual will deliver your baby.

More likely, a group of doctors will provide your prenatal care, and the one that happens to be working the day or night you near the end of the pushing stage will be the first MD to meet your baby.

Each situation is different, and you can search for a surer bet if it’s important to you, but I’m just saying you probably shouldn’t assume.

5 All Relative

Here’s the thing about pain: People experience it differently, and there’s no real way to precisely compare one person’s sensations of pain to another’s.

And while some women do report not experiencing what they’d describe as unbearable pain, the majority would certainly attest that childbirth involved some of the most intense (if purposeful…) pain thus far of their lives.

Sure, there’s a spectrum, ranging from what women describe as hard but bearable to sensations so intense they leave her feeling traumatized.

But it would be naïve to try to convince yourself that there will be no pain at all, or that you’ll be one of the few for whom it’s “not so bad,” or that you won’t need incredible focus and stamina to get through it.

A more practical approach is to accept that there will be pain, practice some techniques to give into it and cope with it, and do whatever mental and physical preparation you need to do to feel confident and ready to face the challenge ahead.

4 Say ‘Cheesy’

Social media is to blame for this misconception. The way you learn of a new baby’s arrival is no longer a phone call from a relative or friend. It’s not a card in the mail – though you may still get one of those later. It’s a picture, on Facebook, of the smiling family perfectly posed around a hospital bed, the newest addition cradled lovingly in the mother’s arms.

Please know, though, that it would be naïve to think you’ll be able to get a picture-perfect shot right after the birth of your baby. And this probably won’t — and shouldn’t — be your focus at this (precious, fleeting) time.

I’m sort of a private person, compared to many my age, anyway. I didn’t even join Facebook until a few years ago, and I now try to use at least some discretion about the pictures and information I share. When a picture of me RIGHT after delivery got texted to a large handful of friends and relatives without my permission, let’s just say I wasn’t exactly pleased.

See, the shots you see shared are usually from later – after makeup’s applied, contacts are put in, hair is brushed (sometimes even washed), and mom has had a chance, at least half an hour or more, to adjust to this new life.

3 On And On And On…

You hear of labors lasting hours and hours and hours, or even a matter of days. And, perhaps out of self-preservation, you convince yourself that this won’t be you. But to assume that your labor won’t be quite a lengthy affair to be worked through would be to pull the wool over your own pregnant eyes.

For first-time mothers, Parents says the average length of labor is 14 hours. (I’ve read higher – but never lower – elsewhere.)

But here’s the other thing first-time moms may not consider: Labor won’t likely all be super-intense coping, panting, intensity, and pain.

First-time mothers, especially, tend to experience early contractions as completely bearable cramping sensations that take some time to build into the type of thing that demands intense focus and coping techniques. Contractions get longer, stronger, and gradually closer together.

2 Best To Rest

Okay, so I’ve done a good amount of reading on childbirth, of the natural (or unmedicated) variety, specifically. And in the books I’ve read through cover-to-cover multiple times – to prepare for my own all-natural labor and birth – there’s sometimes mention of women sleeping during labor.

That’s right – sleeping.

There will be two camps on this one. Some will argue that it is indeed possible for a woman to drift off to dreamland early on in her labor, to get some needed rest before things get too intense.

But I can personally not imagine ever, ever actually falling asleep during labor myself. I guess I’d just say it may be naïve to assume that you will be able to.

Now I’m not the expert on what labor’s like with pain-relieving drugs – that’s another story. But in the scenario commonly set up, where a woman has infrequent contractions and is still at home, I can’t imagine any amount of warm milk, sleepy-time tea, or other relaxing beverage or ritual slowing the adrenalin or distracting from the labor sensations enough to actually snooze. Rest? Sure. But sleep? I don’t know about that one.

1 All Aboard

In a perfect world, your labor is all about, well, you! And bringing your baby healthily into this weird, wild world.

You hope to set the perfect tone with the right music, lighting, and maybe even scents. You probably pick your preferred place to labor and deliver. You may write down your most sincere wishes for how everything will play out, what pain-relieving measures will be used, and who will be in attendance in a document called your “birth plan.”

And that’s a great idea – because the first step toward getting what you want is probably knowing what you want, and a birth plan is a great exercise through which to organize your thoughts.

The problem is, people such as friends and family members don’t always behave or support you in the way that they do in the dreamy scenario in your head.

From unwanted relatives showing up at the hospital to not being able to find someone reliable to help with older kids or pets at home, there’s certainly a real possibility that others won’t adhere perfectly to your plan.

Sources: CDC.gov, Natural Childbirth: The Best of Both Worlds, BabyCenter.com, Parents.com, YouTube.com