That headline is insane, right? No way on earth do men suffer more than women during a pregnancy, but just for kicks let’s try to imagine the ways in which they really do suffer. To do this, remember there are a variety of ways in which a person can suffer; some superficial and almost amusing and some very real. Pregnancy is obviously a great time in many mothers and fathers lives. However, pregnancy also has its fair share of suffering too. Take for example, backaches, weight gain, peeing all the time and much more afflict the mother. It is then easy to see how mothers suffer during pregnancy. Yet, men still complain that they too suffer. But, do they really?

With all the focus on the pregnant woman, the dads often get left in the dust and no one pays attention to what is happening with them and all the changes he goes through as well. They many not be as obvious as a growing belly, although that happens too, most of his changes are taking place inside.

He has many of the same kinds of worries as the mother does: will the baby be okay, what sex is it, what will labor be like, is my wife going to suffer horribly, will I be a good parent, will I be able to provide a good home, and on and on. Although it may not be as obvious, the guys are also having a hard time and some of them may seem comical, but they usually are very real to the man experiencing them.

15 He Has To Completely Trust The Mother Of His Baby

Anyone that has ever had to rely on someone for something really important knows how stressful that can be, especially if that person doesn’t have the best track record of being trustworthy. It’s difficult to rely on someone else for really anything yet it has to be done sometimes. Think back to being a child and waiting for that flaky person that is always late to take you to school. Nerve racking, right?

New mothers and sometimes mothers that aren’t so new have a very difficult time leaving their child with a sitter. For good reason, they have to completely rely on that sitter to not only keep their child alive, but fed and uninjured too. Now imagine how it must feel to be completely and utterly out of control of the health of the baby during pregnancy. That’s how men may feel during pregnancy. Especially if their spouse or partner has ever been untrustworthy or even struggled with addiction. It’s easy to imagine how incredibly difficult and stressful this could be for the father.

14 He Loses Sleep

During pregnancy, at each stage there are many things that can make a mother lose sleep. Like heartburn, back aches, and later on the need to urinate very frequently. It is easy to empathize with the fact that an expectant mother is usually exhausted in one way or another. The added stress and hormonal shifts make finding deep sleep even more difficult.

Often expectant fathers may feel tired and when they voice those feeling many people may scoff at them for daring to say THEY are tired. In reality though, expectant fathers probably are exhausted. These men usually share a bed with a woman who is constantly moving and getting in and out of bed, which obviously wakes them too. Studies have proven interrupted sleep is not nearly as good for a person as a solid 7-8 hours; this is because the REM cycle is interrupted. Not only are these men not getting as deep of sleep as before but they also have stress thinking about this new life coming into the world and relying heavily on them.

13 He Never Gets To Pick What Or Where to Eat

We’ve all seen the memes and funny videos of couples trying to decide what to have for dinner. Not getting to choose what to eat for dinner can be disappointing and even remind people of being a child and their mother saying “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” It might seem like a silly thing to get upset over, however eating at the same restaurant three days out of the week for 9 months can get pretty monotonous.

These soon to be fathers often have to live at the whim of their wife when it comes to dinner (or lunch or breakfast). Sometimes that may mean they basically lose all control of the food that comes into their home or even their mouth. If these men have a wife who happens to have severe morning sickness all day long, that could also mean certain smells (i.e. certain foods) could be completely off the table, even if it’s not the wife that is eating them. Sometimes just the odor of the food a man ate for lunch while away from his wife can be too much for a pregnant woman to handle. So, while an expectant mother gets to eat whatever, whenever, and wherever she wants her spouse will probably have to suffer through eating according to what she wants.

12 No Pampering

Expectant moms go through a lot, not just mentally but physically. Their bodies are constantly changing and shifting to make room for a growing baby and sometimes this results in physical pains. It is easy to see why pregnant women may ask their spouses for more massages than normal. However, whereas the expectant mother used to reciprocate after getting a massage, it is very likely that she doesn’t have the energy for it now and will simply just receive a massage and then go to bed for a very unrestful night of sleep.

The spouse of a pregnant woman has some idea how much she must be going through so he willingly gives her massages. That means he willingly gives her back rubs regularly, foot rubs while they watch Netflix, and even sometimes reaches over in the car to rub her shoulder. It’s really sweet, but also tiring, not only for his hands, but for him mentally because taking care of his pregnant spouse can be exhausting and sometimes he might want a backrub. But hopefully he knows better than to ask, which means he will have to suffer through with no back rubs for 9 months and who knows how long after that because everything is about to change.

11 He Gains Weight For Seemingly No Reason

Mothers gain weight during pregnancy, this isn’t news to anyone. It is expected. There are even guidelines in place to tell women how much weight to gain and when based on her pre-pregnancy BMI. It is in some ways a bit of a joy during pregnancy that suddenly women are expected to gain weight and even encouraged to do so. This encouraged weight gain is very unlike the rest of women’s’ lives when society tells them to look like a model at all times.

Men gain weight during pregnancy as well. This is news to most and certainly not encouraged. It’s been reported that on average, men gain around 13 pounds when their spouse is pregnant. Men obviously don’t have the reasoning of growing and supporting a life inside them when they gain this weight so it can be difficult to explain to his friends and family, and honestly embarrassing to him. However, it makes quite a lot of sense. If a man is being a good supportive spouse he is most likely spending most of his free time with his wife and she’s suddenly less active and more willing to eat more food. He may also simply be eating because she is eating. This all may equal a man gaining weight and having to suffer through it when he feels there is no reason for the sudden increase on the scale.

10 Dealing With Cravings

Almost no one likes to run errands, especially constantly. Often time’s errands are all done on one day of the week in order to get them out of the way. Now imagine you never knew what errands you were going to have or when and suddenly there were errands to be done at 2 AM on a random Wednesday. That is something many spouses of expectant women have to deal with.

While some women don’t have many cravings some other women do. The women that don’t have cravings may however, need something done that they just don’t have the energy to do themselves. These women’s spouses often end up going to Sonic for the “good ice” at 9 PM on a Monday night or they may find themselves constantly getting up to grab the remote or even the charger (that never stays in the same place somehow). This can all be quite the experience to suffer through, but it also happens to be good training for when the baby comes and constantly needs something too.

9 No More Hiking Or Other Active Hobbies

Individuals that end up together usually share similar hobbies. For some people that may mean active hobbies like hiking or running marathons. Doing things like this together can be great bonding and also make a person feel satisfied individually as they accomplish new goals. Things such as hiking and biking can become dangerous as the pregnancy progresses.

Couples that are expecting are no different; they too happen to have hobbies they enjoy doing together. However, as a woman progresses in her pregnancy she may find her old hobbies too difficult or even dangerous to keep doing as she becomes heavier. This can be difficult for a man to accept, not because he is not understanding, but because he doesn’t get why she doesn’t like to see him doing their old hobbies without her. So, he either has to accept taking time off from his hobbies or accept his wife potentially resenting him for doing them without her.

8 No More Smoking

Smoking around infants and children is clearly not a good idea. Pregnant women who smoke are more likely to have preterm labor and low birth weight babies amongst other problems. If a pregnant women is often around second hand smoke she is more likely to have a baby with low birth weight, which obviously comes with its own health risks given how fragile newborns already are when first born. Also, a child living in a smoking household is supposedly twice as more likely to die from SIDS.

What does that all have to do with an expectant father not smoking during the pregnancy. Number one, he can’t smoke near his partner without risking her health, as well as the baby’s. He will also make it more difficult for his partner to quit (assuming she is a smoker). It is also of the utmost importance that the father quits before the baby arrives in order to curb any unnecessary added stress of trying to quit while trying to learn how to care for a newborn. Quitting something an individual is addicted to is obviously incredibly stressful and may be even more stressful for the father because he may feel (incorrectly) that his habit doesn’t yet affect the baby.

7 Dealing With Mood Swings

Pregnancy mood swings are something that is often portrayed in movies and television shows as something very drastic and almost amusing in their intensity. However, these mood swings are very real. One minute a woman may feel intense love and almost clingy towards her spouse and the next the sound of his snoring can make her wake him up to yell at him and go sleep on the couch. They aren’t always funny like in the movies. Sometimes a man’s spouse may have stopped her antidepressants in order to not risk the health of the baby and her moods could be intense and even life altering.

These types of intense mood swings can be incredibly difficult for a man to suffer through. Especially if he feels that this is not who his spouse really is but rather “just the hormones talking.” In these cases it is best for the man to remain as calm as possible and try not to take anything too personally, but rather just be there for his wife when needed and give her space when needed. It would also be beneficial for the man to remember all the sacrifices his wife is making and that this type of behavior on her part won’t last forever.

6 He’s Suddenly Second String

Becoming a mother is an exciting time in a woman’s life. It is also stressful. Suddenly everything has changed and her own body is responsible for keeping a person alive. It is a lot to handle mentally and emotionally. Suddenly a woman’s spouse falls out of her mind because she is so worried all the time about his child that is relying so heavily on her to do everything right.

Becoming second string to a tiny baby inside their spouse is shocking. People always talk about how children bring couples closer and how creating this little human that is part of both of them will be the best thing they’ve ever done. But, suddenly instead of growing closer together, his wife pushes him away because she’s trying to prepare for the baby and keep herself somewhat well rested and sane. It’s very stressful for a man to feel like he is losing the woman he chose to bring a child into the world with.

5 No More Weekend Trips

When a couple finds out they are expecting it is an overwhelmingly joyful time (in most cases). This time if full of joy, picking out names, setting up nursery’s, shopping and more. It all feels pretty great and helps parents, especially mothers feel as though they have something they can control while waiting for this new person to join their family.

All this wonderful joy and prepping however, usually means free time starts to slip away long before the baby is born. Suddenly, there is a constant honey-do list. The nursery needs painted and she can’t breathe in paint fumes when she is pregnant so obviously a lot of these things start to fall onto his shoulders. Not only is all of this very stressful, but also confusing because people keep saying things like ‘enjoy your last time as just a couple,’ and suddenly he may start to feel like that has already slipped away.

4 No More Guys Night

While not all men have guys they hang out with regularly, they almost all have hobbies they enjoy doing alone, or with just their male friends. This is often a good thing as everyone needs their alone time in order to be well rejuvenated for the people in their lives. Sometimes some of the hobbies men love don’t go well with being within cell range and ready to drive to the hospital immediately.

Apparently, quite a few people like to hunt, both men and women. Some people like to have a few beers on a Saturday night and still others like to go to yoga retreats. Whatever a man’s hobby may be, many of them may become off limit the closer the baby gets to making their grand entrance. Being 3 hours away sitting in a tree stand is not a good place to be when the wife calls telling you she is in labor and needs to go to the hospital now (she won’t forget if she has to go alone). So many of the hobbies have to stop well before the baby even comes in order just to be ready for when the baby does decide to come.

3 Labor Pains

Women feel labor, it does not matter if they have an epidural, pain medicine, a C-section, or a natural birth, all women feel some amount of pain. Some might not have a terrible labor, but then suddenly they have an awful and slow recovery. Some women might push the baby out in one try, but guess what, it still all hurts. Apparently sometimes men hurt during labor too.

Yes, men can physically hurt during labor. I don’t mean psychological pain from watching their wives in pain, but rather real physical pain. Usually it is their own fault. However that doesn’t mean they won’t suffer from it. Some men apparently think it’s a good idea to tell jokes during their wife’s labor and the wife not being herself and being in intense pain could physically lash out. Some fathers have fainted during childbirth and gotten serious head injuries and still others have had wives with exceptionally strong grips and had thumbs dislocated. Male pain during childbirth is apparently a real thing.

2 Missing Out On The Good

There are so many great things about pregnancy. It really is a joyful time in many couple’s lives. From seeing the first ultrasound to feeling the kicks, it can be a magical time of bonding. However, there are also many bad things like random cravings, low sex-drive, and mood swings. The father knows about all these things and experiences them one way or another.

There are some aspects of pregnancy a man will never get to enjoy. Feeling those first kicks are mesmerizing and it usually is weeks later that the father will be able to feel them. Feeling the baby wiggle all day long and knowing that without a doubt in that moment the baby is okay is another thing a father will never get to experience like a mother does. It can be hard for a man to suffer through those nine months without those little reassuring moments throughout the day.

1 His Partner Changing

Women are amazing. That can’t be contested. Men are pretty great too, but as Beyoncé said “strong enough to bear them children, then get back to business” that’s women. Women are great, we are constantly changing into what is needed of us. Before women get pregnant they usually make more time for their partner.

Once a woman is pregnant she can change sometimes. Usually for the better. After all, she is bringing a life into this world and when becoming a mother, everything feels more serious and important. But for her spouse, watching this from the outside it can seem his wife is changing into a different person and it can be stressful to see the person you married change so radically. So, give the guys some credit, as they go through a lot too.

Sources: NYTimes.com, WhatotExpect.com, Halton.ca, HuffingtonPost.com, PsychologyToday.com, AmericanPregnancy.org