A woman can find out she is pregnant one day, and soon after be told the pregnancy is lost. The days, weeks, and even years following a miscarriage can be extremely difficult. The depth of sorrow a woman feels can seem endless. It might take weeks for her body to fully recover, and during that time her emotions will possibly be in turmoil. She may turn to her loved ones for a shoulder to cry on, or lock herself up in her room to deal with the loss on her own.
The pain can leave her feeling alone. Not only will it affect her deeply, but also her husband. They will both likely be angry, and feel both guilt and overwhelming sadness.
After a miscarriage, most people can go on to have healthy pregnancies. However, for some women, there are reasons they will never try again after experiencing the first loss. Reasons that may only make sense to them, and reasons that might end their marriages. The risks for them are too great to even try. They may not be able to emotionally or financially handle the possibility of another loss. Or she doesn’t think she deserves another chance to become a mom.
Many women slip into depression while some block out the idea of being a mom completely. Many find help in outside sources such as their doctors or therapists.
We list 15 reasons why some women will never go try for another baby after experiencing just a single miscarriage.
15 Fear Of Repeat Miscarriages
It’s normal to feel fear of having another miscarriage after experiencing your first. Many women drive themselves crazy with the worry and choose not to even try for another baby again. That way, they don’t ever have to worry about living through another loss.
Once can compare it to getting into a car accident. After the accident, every time you hear car tires screeching, you tense up - bracing yourself for the impact that may never come.
Many women don’t want to live in fear. They choose not to get pregnant after a miscarriage so that they aren’t checking the toilet paper for blood each time they go to the bathroom after seeing a positive pregnancy test. They don’t want nine months of worry, stress, and waiting for something bad to happen like it did the first time they became pregnant. Fear holds many of us back from trying all sorts of things, and getting pregnant after a miscarriage is just one of them.
14 Irregular Menstrual Cycle
After having a miscarriage your menstrual cycle can become unpredictable. Those irregular periods may be different than the ones you had before. You might experience a heavier flow, light spotting, or even not get your period at all. Along with this, irregular periods can be a constant reminder that you are no longer pregnant.
Sometimes an irregular period is caused by a clot or leftover tissue in the uterus. Depending on how far along you were when your miscarried, your uterus may have had to flush out more tissue, and possible some placenta. If your doctor suspects leftover tissue in there, he will probably order an ultrasound, and might even perform a D&C to remove any residual pieces.
You may also have problems ovulating after experiencing a miscarriage. Some women don’t want to deal with the hassle of figuring out what her body is doing, so she chooses not to try and conceive again.
13 Feeling Like A Failure
When a woman has a miscarriage many emotions run through her at one time. One emotion that may speak louder than all of the others is failure. Failure, often mixed with shame, makes a woman feel like a failure for losing a child. She thinks she’s not good enough to carry a child to term, and therefore will never try again. The fact that she feels her body betrayed her is another blow to her self-esteem. Many women feel like their main purpose on earth is to grow a baby, and when it doesn’t work out that way, they feel unworthy and useless.
Feeling like a failure can cause irreparable damage to a woman’s soul. It can bring out the worst in her; the part she didn’t even know existed. She loses hope, probably not forever, but for a long time afterwards.
She may feel cursed, and never want to relive the nightmare of losing a baby again, so she chooses not to even try.
12 Unbearable Guilt
Even though guilt is almost always unwarranted, many women still share the feeling of it after a miscarriage. The guilt might even last for years, or forever.
One of the reasons women feels such guilt is because they do not know what actually caused the miscarriage. Most women will look back and analyze everything they did. They try to find the one thing that they did wrong that may have caused the pregnancy loss. Some mistakenly believe they lifted something too heavy, or used some sort of contraceptive in the past that they are now being punished for.
The truth is that in most miscarriage cases, the woman did absolutely nothing to cause it. They are usually caused by a genetic problem in the fetus, such as a missing chromosome. The body recognized that it is not a healthy pregnancy, and naturally disposes of the fetus.
11 To Stressed To Try Again
When we hear the phrase Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, we usually think about war veterans. We may also of those who have experienced violent attacks such as rape. However, PTSD can also affect women who have had a miscarriage.
It’s normal to feel sadness and want to grieve after losing an unborn baby, but some women’s grief goes beyond that. Some symptoms include loss of appetite, crying frequently, fatigue, difficult falling and staying asleep, loss of appetite, and not being able to concentrate.
It’s important that a woman realizes that the miscarriage was not her fault. She needs to process her grief, but also be able to move on from it. Some women are just too sad and stressed about what happened to be able to try again. She might not be able to get past the loss without the support from her partner or loved ones. It could even be beneficial for her to talk to a therapist to help work through her issues.
10 Loss Of Intimacy
Dealing with grief after experiencing a miscarriage can majorly impact a relationship. Not only do women struggle with it, but men can have a hard time dealing with the loss as well. Women will usually get more support afterwards, leaving the man to be left out, leaving him feeling isolated and even resentful.
Men and women express their feelings of grief differently which can cause tension in the relationship, putting a strain on even the strongest couples.
Sex can also be affected by a miscarriage. Some people just don’t feel ready, emotionally or physically. Some women even feel guilt for doing something pleasurable while they are still dealing with their grief.
Some women can’t face the possibility of getting pregnant and losing the baby again, and resuming sex makes that possibility a risk again. It’s a reminder of wanting, loving, and losing, and she just cannot deal with those emotions.
9 Holding On To A Lot Of Bitterness
After a woman has a miscarriage, she will always have the fear of it happening again. What if it happens multiple times? She doesn’t want to become bitter over the situation, so she thinks she maintains control by choosing to not ever try again.
Bitterness can eat at a woman to the point that she doesn’t want to share in the joy of others. A woman who has experienced a pregnancy loss might have a hard time attending other people’s baby showers, birthday parties, and other events that remind her of what she lost.
A woman may choose to not try to conceive again after a loss because she doesn’t want to feel lumps in her throat when walking past a couple with a newborn, or angry attending her best friend’s gender reveal party. They want to move on to the part of their life when things like that won’t break her heart any longer.
8 Husband Refuses To Try Again
Sometimes it isn’t the woman who refuses to try to conceive again after a miscarriage, but the man instead. Men may not experience the physical symptoms of miscarriage, but they can share the emotional side of it. They also have feelings of anger, grief, and fear. They may not share this with their partners since they need to be the “strong” one, but the feelings might prohibit him from wanting to try for another child.
Husbands also have strong urges to protect their wives. They see their wives in pain and grieving and want to avoid them having to ever endure that again. They may feel the biggest way they can help their wives to become happy again, and stay that way, is to prevent a miscarriage from ever happening again.
The best thing a couple can do when going through a pregnancy loss is to listen to each other. Hear one another’s fears and support each other as much as possible. Seek outside counseling if you feel it would be beneficial to your relationship.
7 Not Enough Time
For women who get pregnant when they are at a much later stage in their life, a miscarriage can be extremely devastating. The chances of another pregnancy loss are much greater for a woman in her 40’s than one in her 20’s. The risk, along with the time it might take to conceive again, leave women refusing to even try to have another baby. The probability of becoming pregnancy declines with age. A woman over 40 likely only has half the chance of getting pregnant as a woman who is ten years younger. And as a woman ages, the risks of having some sort of pregnancy complication increases.
There are tests out there for women who are age 38 and older that can help predict the chances of an age-related miscarriage. However, for some women, hearing that they have a very low chance of having a successful pregnancy is enough to make them choose not to even try.
6 Too Afraid To Find Out What Caused The Miscarriage
After experiencing a pregnancy loss, many women are too afraid of it happening again to try for another. They don’t want to have repeat losses, and have to find out what the cause is. Some women feel its best not to know. The information they receive may be too upsetting.
When a miscarriage occurs, there is very little a mother, or even her physician, can do to stop it from happening. There are many things that can cause it, like infection, implantation problems, or a hormone imbalance. While it’s very rare for a miscarriage to be a result of something anyone did, most women can’t help but feel some responsibility for it happening. Even a loss happening due to an infection, leaves the mom to be feeling responsible. She might not want the proof that it was her body that failed to hold onto the child. And she doesn’t want to risk it happening again, so she chooses to stop trying to have another.
5 Can’t Afford It
For some women, getting pregnant after having a miscarriage isn’t so easy. They may try for months or years, before facing the fact that they may need to seek outside intervention to be successful. Unfortunately, many women can’t afford to go down that road, so they may never have the opportunity to have their own child.
Fertility treatments can range in price from hundreds of dollars to tens of thousands of dollars. In fact, In Vitro Fertilization can add up to $15,000 for a single cycle. Many insurance companies pay very little, or none at all, leaving the couple ultimately responsible for the entire bill. The financial burden, along with the risk of it not being successful, or even miscarrying if it is, proves to be too much for some women to try.
They cannot put that stress onto themselves or their husbands, so they try to just live with the fact that they may never be parents.
4 The Marriage Is Over
A single miscarriage can end a marriage, thus ending any chance of the couple ever having another child. Marriage is hard, but when you add in the trauma of a miscarriage, it becomes even harder. A tragedy, such as a pregnancy loss, can bring couples closer together, but it can also tear them apart. It might even happen years after the miscarriage occurred.
Couples may not feel supported during this devastating time, and turn away from each other to seek comfort elsewhere. The relationship becomes unstable and eventually falls over the edge. A woman may feel like she cannot trust her partner if he isn’t giving her the support she craves, and he may have no ideas of what she even needs. Some couples can no longer look at each other without associating them with the pregnancy loss. They may also grieve so differently, that their relationship just cannot make it through.
3 Finding Out The Cause
Sometimes being able to find out what truly caused the miscarriage is enough for a woman to be too scared to try again. In some cases a genetic problem might be the issue, and finding out from a genetic counsellor that it will likely happen again, may end a woman’s dreams of ever carrying her own child.
In other cases, women find out they have diabetes or hypothyroidism, which are two hormonal problems that can cause miscarriage. Dealing with a new diagnosis, and hearing the increased risk or recurrent miscarriages can leave a woman feeling defeated.
Other reasons for a miscarriage can be corrected with surgery. Things like fibroids and abnormalities of the uterus, such as septum can cause pregnancy loss, but can be fixed with surgery. However, there are risks to every surgery, and not all couples are willing to face those risks just to conceive a child.
2 No Support
Losing a child is one of the most devastating things that can happen to a woman. In one moment she is full of hope for the life being created. She is planning the nursery, buying baby clothes, and picking out names. In the next moment, she is experiencing a miscarriage and grieving the loss of the child that will never come.
Her partner may feel helpless or even uncomfortable with her grief. He may not know how to deal with her anger or overwhelming sadness, and instead begins to pull away from her. Others, also, may not know how to approach her, so they stay back, and she feels like she has no one to lean on.
Feeling like they have no support when going through an especially tough time, can often lead women to making it a priority to never be in that situation again. They may not want to chance getting pregnant again, losing the child, and feeling all alone again.
1 Not Fair To Have Another
Some women choose never to have another child after their first miscarriage because they don’t feel it’s fair to the child they lost. They may think that getting pregnant again means they are replacing their miscarried baby. They don’t want to feel the guilt of planning a future with a new child, when the child that passed will never have one.
It’s an internal battle many couples face after dealing with a loss. Not only are they mourning the child himself, but they are mourning the dreams they were never able to realize. A woman may feel like she did something wrong during her pregnancy to cause the miscarriage, such as drinking too much caffeine or forgetting to take her prenatal vitamins. If she were to get pregnant again, she’s certain she would be extra careful to do everything by the book, but she feels too guilty that she didn’t take those precautions with her first that she doesn’t even try for another.