It can be hard to let everything out in pregnancy. No, we're not talking about the gas! That surely comes out whether you like it or not. We're talking about all the emotions, the feelings and the other unique things happening to the body that a woman barely has time to understand, forget verbalize them to a friend, parent or significant other.
If you are pregnant now or are soon-too-be pregnant, don't let this article get you down. This is simply to give you and those around you a heads up that sometimes things are happening that moms-to-be will feel like they can't or won't share. Every woman who has had a baby knows it's not always a glorious and glowing experience.
When a woman gets pregnant, the world doesn't stop. It seems like it should, right? At least for the first pregnancy. Everything is so new and things are changing. It can be hard not to talk about your every moment as a preggo. However, whether you're a sharer or not, pregnancy can sometimes feel isolating and lead women to keep everything to themselves, causing them to sometimes suffer in silence. Below are some things women experience and sometimes hold off on telling others.
15 Choking Back Vomit In Meetings
Something that you may not have considered prior to getting pregnant is what you would do if you were to suddenly feel like vomiting during a business meeting. Unfortunately by the time you do think of it, it might be too late. The only choice is to suffer in silence. Try to stay in the moment. Don't sit by Vinnie with the strong cologne because that is sure to set you off. Don't sit by Carly because she just had egg salad for lunch and the smell is hanging over her. Try to position yourself away from the phone being used for the conference call just in case you are unable to hold back the vomit.
Of course we have all gone to work feeling a little under the weather. Maybe a little hung over. WE can all relate to what it feels like to be close to getting sick. However, the suffering that pregnant women experience is a little different. It's a constant (in many cases). Feeling like if you could just toss your cookies than you would feel better and than not being able to toss them.
14 Carry Older Sibling During Pregnancy
This one is a little more geared to the moms that already have a kid, or I guess it could be ones that had a bet too. You could be hauling around your hamster or cat and realize suddenly how much it strains your back to do so. If you decided to have your kids about 2 to 3 years apart you are right in the ball park of where you are going to be silently suffering with back pain while you soak up the last bit of time with the one child. You will probably do a couple more nights lying on the floor next to their bed holding their hand, or carry them five more minutes when you are walking in the mall. You may be in quite a bit of pain by the end of pregnancy, but having your heart and hands full that last couple times can feel so much more important.
13 Getting Out Of The Car Or Truck
I guarantee if you have ever seen a pregnant lady get out of the car, you have seen one suffer in silence. There is just no way that doesn't hurt. If you are a pregnant lady and you do that with a smile on your face, bless you. Every time I got in and out of my car I felt like my pubic bones were grinding together into dust. I never saw any proof that this was happening, no puffs of smoke when I sat down or went to the bathroom. However, this was what it felt like. It was not good at all. Therefore, if you see a largely pregnant woman struggling to get out of her car, drop everything and rush over to help her. There are a few exceptions to the rule, but in general - drop everything.
12 Guilt For Being So Lucky, But Hurting
When you get pregnant especially after trying for a long time, there might be a piece of you that feels very guilty for saying anything bad about it. After all, we have friends that have wanted a baby for so long that haven't gotten pregnant, we have friends that have miscarried, and friends whose kids were sick. There is a lot of guilt in feeling those pains and acknowledging the cruddy side of pregnancy because we know several people that would take the discomfort in a heartbeat. They would love to be puking every morning and sore every night. They would look forward to the feet swelling etc. Suffering in silence is the way to atone for getting what we want before our beloved friends have their chance.
There are few things we get into in life where doubts in our mind don't occur. Pregnancy and motherhood are no exception. This is a lifelong commitment. You would be foolish if you didn't doubt how you were going to handle at least some of it. You may want to sit and think incessantly about all the areas that it is possible for you to fail at. You may want to think about how you are going to fair with your husband or significant other to raise the child. Oh my gosh, did you choose the right father to do this with? These are all things that may go through your mind. If they do go through your mind, I would advise to leave them in the mind and not let them escape your mouth. People will say the following: You will be the best mom. It's going to be great. You got this. They say that to everyone though, so you will doubt them for not doubting you. It's a vicious cycle. Better to suffer in silence.
10 Peeing During A Sneeze
Part of that is silent and part of that is not. The sneezing is going to likely make some noise, but the peeing afterword is going to be more of a drip and then a "oh yikes." Also, was anyone else surprised when this happened and they went to go clean up and saw like two drips in the undies? I always felt like it was two cups of pee. I still panicked every time though. That is probably part of the suffering. Also, most people don't yell- oooh god I think I peed myself! They meekly go to the restroom. You will perfect your technique. If you have an especially vicious cold, might I suggest a panty liner to help to alleviate some of the suffering that this circumstance can cause?
9 Staying Awake
In some parts of pregnancy it was hard to just be awake. Being awake and having to actually preform tasks seemed almost impossible during some trimesters. You likely have a lot of people that understand the tiredness that comes with pregnancy and they are probably there if you want to suffer aloud for a little bit, but everyone gets pretty sick of hearing about it. I mean the whole first trimester and than the third trimester again. You can't expect people to want to keep hearing that. Therefore it would be best if you do a little more internal dialogue about the tiredness. Silently suffer through the yawns and heavy blinks. Try to put yourself in a hypnotic state with getting through the fatigue. Make peace with it. You can do this. Ask for help if you need it from your significant other or friends. It's okay to take it easy.
8 Keeping Emotions In Check
There were a couple times that my husband used this as a way to make it seem like my feelings weren't legit. He or someone else would say, "those hormones are making yadda yadda yadda..." Fill in yadda's with hulk rage over the banister being wet, crying over having a piece of cake that had liquor that likely had burned out of it, and crying because the cat was looking at me mean. Now do I look back at these situations and realize they were not dire things that required outbursts. Maybe I do, but do I also realize that I suffered in silence and cried to myself in the shower or in the car many days to avoid this stigma. We should have some sort of points system where we keep track during pregnancy of the times we kept it together and then we trade those points in for something... like ummm CAKE! Guys we are geniuses. This idea is gold.
7 Eating Healthy For The Baby
You have to give the baby proper nutrition. Well, you don't have to. However you will feel better about yourself if you do. This is especially a suffer in silence thing if you find yourself diagnosed with gestational diabetes. You will have a lot more things to keep track of, a lot more ways that you are accountable for healthy eating, and you have to prick your fingers all the time. Talk about suffering. Even if you don't have anything that limits your food intake there are still all the rules about not drinking, not having caffeine, and not eating lunch meat. There is the rule about not eating cookie dough too. That is a hated rule for many. Those are the main ones. So you suffer in silence and try to do the best you can, so the Starbucks employee doesn't coffee shame you for having an allowable amount of coffee for the day.
6 Exercising For The Baby
One word for you: Kegels. Well technically they are not an exercise for the baby as much as an exercise to get the baby the heck out and to get mom back to tip top shape. We do however have to suffer through them in silence. You can try to announce to people when you are doing your kegel exercises, but I think you are going to find that people get a little creeped out about it. You know what, try it and report back to us what the coworkers had to say because that might be some hilariousness waiting to happen. Don't forget walking and taking the stairs are also great options to getting the baby to work it's way down. You probably can tell that I don't have the best relationship with exercise as I consider doing it suffering.
5 Suffering Through Fools
When you are pregnant everyone has advice for you about everything. They want to tell you how to get labor started. They want to tell you what to eat and when to eat. They want to know your life story, so they can tell you everything that you are doing wrong. They want you to know that they had a lot of bad things happen during their last pregnancy etc. All these stories give you fantastic practice for fake listening and fake smiling to your kids. You will suffer some never ending stories once your little cutie pie learns to talk. The hot topic for kids right now is Pokemon and Minecraft. To take the practice to another level while suffering fools in mentally replace every 4th word with Pokemon and have a better idea of what it's like to listen to the youngsters.
4 Breathing Heavier
This one was scary at first because I didn't realize that having another miniature human being leaching blood and food from you would cause you to be out of breath. I just assumed that nothing really changed in that department. However, not too long after discovering you are pregnant, you may find that you are a little out of breath when you go on to do some of the normal things around the house. Apparently capillaries swell in order to take more blood and oxygen to the baby. Your breaths get to be deeper again to bring in more to share with the growing baby. This is all very normal and helpful to the baby, but it can be a little worrying. We kind of all learn to associate shortness of breath with bad things. This isn't, but if it feels worrying don't be afraid to check with the doctor. Low iron can also cause a little bit more of this problem.
How many of you have hobbit feet out there? Raise your hands. Ok, you didn't really raise your hands did you? I hope you did because that shows commitment, but than on the other hand I don't want people to be worried about your sanity. Swelling is one of those things that you don't really consider that much prior to pregnancy. Then when you get it and you feel what it feels like your skin on your sausage toes is three sizes too small, there isn't much to do, but suffer in silence. If you really want, you could try to talk your significant other into rubbing your feet. That was never something that worked for me. I don't like people touching my feet. They already look beat to hell. They didn't need anyone else squishing them like Playdoh trying to get them back to foot shaped. If your swelling is excessive do not suffer in silence. Ask the doctor.
2 Turning Over In Bed
You have no idea how something so beautiful can turn to something so painful until you are pregnant. Those long ridiculous pillows that they sell to pregnant women that you roll your eyes at, they are necessary. Yes, I get it. It seems dumb. Like, just lay down. Why is this so hard? Did you forget how laying down works? Also, you say you are so tired, shouldn't you be able to sleep on anything? Those are just rude questions. Getting comfortable in bed is very hard to do when pregnant. There are joints and bones that are loosened and not holding tight to make a smooth transition from one side to the other side when you are in bed. Women feel like they have to keep quiet in this situation in order to let their significant other sleep soundly. That is understandable. He won't understand anyway. Pro tip for the ladies: if the following day the significant other complains that they didn't sleep well, don't use violence.
1 Shaving Legs
Suffering in silence while shaving legs, or suffering in silence without shaving your legs. I'm still undecided on which is worse. I'm going to have to cover both. If you are like me, when your water breaks unexpectedly you rush to the hospital, get all checked in and than remember that you forgot to shave your legs. That is really crappy because you want these nurses to like you. Alas other things start to happen and you forget all that and move forward. The nurses suffer in silence with you over your shaved legs and life goes on. If you are not like me than you continue your leg shaving ritual even when heavily pregnant. Kudos to you my friend. You suffer silently through the physical gymnastics required to reach all the surface area of the leg. When you go in to give birth you are free and clear to worry about other things.