It is no secret that having a baby changes everything. Literally everything about the life one had before popping a baby out of the birthing canal will change. This is in a physical, emotional, and mental sense. A baby is the ultimate game changer.
Generally, people who sign up to have a baby, whether planned or otherwise, use those 9 months of bodily changes to prepare for all these inevitable differences that are going to happen in life. Of course, there are some changes to life that one can’t really prepare for. This is why the journey of having a baby is really just figuring it out along the way.
There are some changes that are for the better, such as having this new little bundle of joy whom you grow to love unconditionally just seconds after giving birth. There are other changes that are not so welcome, such as no longer sleeping and entering a total zombie phase of life. Amongst these not so welcome changes can be life in the bedroom after giving birth.
Obviously, having a baby, whether delivered vaginally or by C-section, does change things downstairs for women. These physical changes can have a profound effect on the emotional side of things as well as general self-esteem. For women in relationships, married, or single, having sex after giving birth can be a really daunting process.
However, this is one life change after giving birth that doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. There are many ways to get those juices flowing again and restore the love life in the bedroom once the baby is on the scene.
15 Let The Anticipation Build
Now, there is no point rushing into the bedroom once the baby is down for its first nap and ripping each other’s clothes off. This isn’t going to be the most amazing time to start trying things in the bedroom. In fact, it is probably the worst time. The female body simply isn’t ready yet. Delivering a baby vaginally or via C-section takes a serious physical toll on the body. The downstairs region or the abdomen needs time to heal.
The ideal timeframe before putting pressure on the sensitive bits is around two to four weeks. Of course, if you need longer, that is totally ok. It is really important to listen to the body with this and take things as slowly as needed. This is also a good time to get familiar with your body and get to know the bits that have altered slightly after the delivery.
14 Get Some Lube
Some weird things happen to the body after giving birth. Remember before having a baby all the juicy wet stuff that would happen before turning it on in the bedroom? Well, that might not exactly be there anymore. This isn’t anyone’s fault, except for nature and biology.
Basically, things have dried up a little bit now that you’ve shot a baby out of the birthing canal. The vaginal area isn’t going to produce as much natural lubricant when it is in an aroused state as it used to. This will restore over time, but in those first few months after giving birth, it won’t be all there. This is why it is the perfect time to invest in some lubricant to make sure things go smoothly for those first few times in the bedroom after having a baby.
13 Different Positions Are Your New BFF
As so many things have changed since giving birth, it is difficult to rely on what was once familiar and regular. Something that felt good in the bedroom before having a baby may no longer feel sexy or comfortable. Therefore, while it is important to reconnect on the old feelings, it is also a good time to try new things.
Some positions that you and your partner used to love may not feel so great any more. This doesn’t mean that the spark has gone or you’ve lost your touch, it just means that your postpartum body needs something a little different. Don’t put too much pressure on yourselves to reconnect in the ways that you always have in the past. Use this new time to explore the new folds in the postpartum body and find different positions that feel comfortable and right in the moment.
12 Think Of It As 'Stress Relief'
One of the hardest things after having a baby is setting aside ‘me time’. This can feel like a really selfish thing to do. After all, there is a baby in the picture now - why should I be entitled to even think about having a break?! That is a common thought that goes through many new mom’s head.
However, having some ‘me time’ really does make you a better parent. Many moms seek stress relief through basic ‘me time’, anything from having a cup of coffee alone or going to a walk. These things help to reset your headspace and regain focus, therefore making it easier to focus on good parenting. Many of us have realised in adult life that having sex is great stress relief. Therefore, once things get going again in the bedroom, it isn’t something to be thought of as selfish. Rather, it is some stress relief indulgence that you are certainly entitled to after carrying a baby for 9 months!
11 Don’t Rush It
After giving birth, a quickie might seem like the best option in the bedroom. After all, there is a baby in the other room who may wake up and start crying at any given moment. Therefore, getting things done quickly is the way to go, right?
Well, not necessarily. Getting intimate for the first times after giving birth isn’t something that should be rushed. This can make things pressurised and can make anxiety levels rise. For instance, if you want to rush it and things don’t work well straight away, it can make tensions rise between you and your partner. Giving yourselves time to reconnect slowly and passionately will make the experience much better. A good experience will also make it easier to come back time and time again for more sex, rather than a bad rushed one that turns both of you off the idea.
10 "It" Isn’t The Only Option
For women in heterosexual relationships, there may be some pressure to go straight for penetrative intercourse after giving birth. Obviously, this can be a bit daunting since it is the vaginal area that has taken the brunt of the birthing process (if the baby was delivered vaginally). Fortunately, there are other options to explore!
When things get started in the bedroom, you don’t have to rush straight to penetration. Rather, use the time after giving birth for you and your partner to explore intimacy in different ways, such as oral sex and hand jobs. This way, there is still the connection and reconnection with each other’s body. Your partner gets to know your body in its new post-birth form, and you also get to know it as well. Penetrative sex can wait until the right time.
9 Keep Expectations Realistic
The difficult thing with sex is that it is so often glorified by pop culture and Hollywood movies. Therefore, reality and expectation in the bedroom often don't align on a daily basis. Ultimately, sex doesn’t have to be perfect and it won’t always be amazingly wonderful. When two human bodies collide, things to get weird, noisy, and messy.
When exploring things in the bedroom after giving birth, it is important to have very realistic expectations. In fact, this might even be a time to set expectations even lower so that you avoid disappointment. It probably won’t be the most mind blowing sex you’ve ever had in your life, but it will be one of the most important. The first time after giving birth is more about reconnecting with your partner and your body, more so than making it a 10/10 experience.
8 Don't Just Focus On 'Doing It'
Getting back together in the bedroom is an important step in the post-delivery/new baby relationship. However, while the sex is important to reconnecting in this space, there is something more important. After all, a baby should be something that enhances the love between partners.
Establishing and focusing on the love between you and your partner now that there is a baby in the picture is super important to a happy and successful parenting relationship. Therefore, the time spent in the bedroom after giving birth is just as much about focusing on that emotional connection as it is about exploring the physical features of the relationship. Use this time to reflect on the past 9 months, the joy of bringing a baby into the world, and how this can enhance your relationship in the future.
7 Don’t Rely On 'Girls' For A Turn On
In life before having a baby, the breasts may have been an extremely erogenous spot that were a guaranteed turn on. However, during the 9 months of pregnancy, the breasts have undergone many changes and may not be like they used to. Not to mention, now there is a baby on the scene and these once playful areas are now a feeding hotspot on demand.
So, the girls aren’t like they used to be. In fact, they may feel inflated, blotchy, and overall a whole lot more sensitive. Having your partner touch them in the hope for some fun and excitement might now be painful and uncomfortable. The most important thing here is to talk about how they feel and discuss what is going on with your new body. Understanding and respect for the body is the most important thing between you and your partner during this time.
6 Tighten The Area For Him
We already talked a bit about doing pelvic stretches before getting it on in the bedroom, but there are more ways to enhance the pelvic area. Obviously, this part of the body has endured a lot over the past 9 months. The actual delivery process takes a lot of strength for the pelvis. It might feel like all of it’s energy was entirely used up in that labor and delivery.
It is really important, both for time in the bedroom and general muscle development, to restore some strength to the pelvis. There are many pelvis exercises you can do that will help strengthen this part of the body, and will also help you on the postpartum fitness and strengthening journey in general. Taking up some pilates or yoga classes for postnatal women, or joining a water aerobics session will really help the pelvic muscles. You will notice a difference just in walking, and then the bedroom too!
5 Embrace A Quickie
While we said earlier that time in the bedroom shouldn’t be about a quickie, here we are encouraging a quickie. The difference is that a quickie shouldn’t be the first experience of trying it out in the bedroom after giving birth. The quickie should only be embraced after time together has been explored, the sexual connection reestablished, and confidence has been restored.
Once all that is under control, a quickie is going to become your best friend. Baby’s down for a nap? Quickie. Baby’s entertained with toys and quiet? Quickie. These sexual encounters can really help to spice up the love and keep things going well between you and your partner. Then, when there is a real time for a longer encounter, the passion will certainly be there. Also, a quickie is great stress relief!
4 Don’t Always Wait For Nighttime
Once upon a time, the mood would be set with the moon glowing outside and the candles dimly lighting the room. The romance and passion would come alive during the nighttime hours and sex would carry on through the darkening hours. That stuff is long gone to a past lifetime now there is a baby one the scene!
There is no right time to have sex once there is a baby in the picture. In fact, the right time is whenever the time just works. Forget the hour on the clock, forget what is going on in the rest of the world, forget any semblance of a schedule. Getting together in the bedroom is no longer something you can afford to plan or wait for. In fact, if you wait for night time, odds are you will both be totally exhausted and conk out before anything happens!
3 Step Up The Romance
It may seem impossible to find time to set the mood now that the baby is demanding all the attention in the world. However, there are many little things that can be done around the home to retrace steps to the romance that was there when the baby was first conceived!
It doesn’t have to be all roses and chocolate and an expensive dinners out, rather romance can be found in smaller actions that are less time consuming and involve less pressure. Between you and your partner, romance is now about restoring confidence and showing that you have respect for each other’s new positions as parents. Romance can be done with a few simple candles or a light massage on each other’s tense shoulders. Respect and romance go hand in hand when reconnecting in the bedroom after having a baby.
2 Warm It Up
There is one part of the body that makes things in the bedroom really get going and this is the pelvis. During pregnancy, the pelvis has taken a weight, in a very literal sense. The pelvis ligaments have literally had to stretch to accommodate the expanding uterus over the past 9 months. The pelvic muscles have also had to get contractions going during labor and delivery. Therefore, the pelvis is entitled to feeling a little sensitive and worse for wear.
So, before getting things on in the bedroom, make sure you do some pelvis stretches. Whether standing or on the floor, try to stretch the pelvis morning and night after giving birth. The muscles will really thank you, and you will thank yourself for doing them when time in the bedroom isn’t nearly as painful as it could have been!
1 Talk About The Body’s Changes
Now, with pregnancy, labor, and delivery, it is the female’s body that has experienced the changes (or the female carrying the baby in same-sex relationships). These changes shouldn’t be kept a secret in a healthy relationship. Both during the pregnancy process and after the birth has happened, these changes should be acknowledged.
It is really important before getting intimate in the bedroom again that these changes are discussed. The female body should be acknowledged in its new form. Even if the changes aren’t glamorous and things are a little more floppy than they were before, they still need to be brought up in a conversation. The first two or three weeks after birth, before trying things in the bedroom, are the perfect time to explore these changes. Allow your postpartum body to be looked at and touched without shame or embarrassment before trying to have sex.
Sources: Babycenter.com, Fitpregnancy.com, Parents.com