It's only natural to want the man with whom you've opened up your heart to want to have children with you. But, sometimes that's just not the way the cookie crumbles. For whatever reason, there are men who want to be with women in terms of physical intimacy, but don't want anything to do with raising children with those same women.
There are a million different scenarios that a woman could find herself in with a man who doesn't want her to become pregnant. Maybe she has been with this fellow for a while and thought that he'd change his mind about wanting to have children with her or would grow up from his irresponsible ways.
It could be that no such great romance existed. Perhaps it was just an intoxicated Saturday night and a handsome man woke up in her bed Sunday morning. When he left, he never realized he left her more than some sweat on the sheets.
There is no judgment here as to why women find themselves pregnant and the men who impregnated them don't actually want the child. The fact remains that it happens. All. The. Time.
So, if you're in this boat then hang on tight because we're going to review 15 different ways you can tell him you're pregnant even if that's the last thing he wants to hear.
15 Give Him Some Rose Colored Glasses
Just because a man doesn't want kids right at this very moment or even with you doesn't mean he won't want kids in the future. The decision for you to be the mother of his children was already settled when he jumped into bed with you. There is always the possibility of pregnancy when two fertile people engage in intercourse. In short, he knows where babies come from, so ummm, no excuses.
On the flip side, some men require a little prompting. They often perceive being a dad as a negative thing. So much responsibility or having kids means having baggage, these are the negative thoughts he might face. If he's thinking this way then it might be up to you to show him the good parts of having children. It might not bring a revolution to his mind right away, but it's a good start.
14 Write A Letter To Him From The Baby
Rather than taking on the job of telling him you're pregnant all by yourself, try recruiting your new baby to join you. I know, I know, the baby is still just a little bean-like form inside of you and has little help to offer. So, you're going to have to use your imagination.
Write him a letter from his unborn child if you think this will reach his heart. Talk about how his little one will look up to him even though the baby wasn't exactly planned. Go into detail on special moments that the two can share together. If this fellow is especially into a certain activity like fishing or playing guitar then hone in on them sharing in that activity together.
13 Uncover Your Own Feelings First
Any woman finding herself in the position of being pregnant, but feeling mixed emotions is going to be freaking out just a little. After all, you might be super excited to be given the chance to be a mom. But, it's also not going to be the easiest thing in the world.
Maybe, you're not even sure how you feel about it all. And that's okay. But, here's the thing, although you made this baby together, mothers typically have a more involved job for much of a child's life. This is just the natural way of things. So, before you go knocking on his door, figure out what in the world you actually want. And, know your options, too. Who knows what he is going to want from all of this, but don't forget that this is your life, too, and only you know how to handle it the best.
12 Include An Opt-Out Button
Sadly, some men are just not going to want to be a part of your life or the baby's life. There are those individuals who really just want to have a good time then want to sneak out the door and try to forget your name. If you're aware that this is the kind of man who is the father of your child, then he's probably not of high-quality character anyway.
Maybe he shouldn't have even been in bed with you in the first place because of another commitment like a marriage or engagement. For this kind of man, you could always simply give him the green light to disappear. Though, this will only work for women who are willing to raise their baby on their own. What's important is to be honest with yourself about him and whether his involvement will be beneficial for your child or not.
11 Take The Emotion Out Of It
This heading is almost laughable. Take the emotion out of it, really? There are few things in this world more emotional than finding out you're pregnant. In short, it's a very big deal for all involved. Here's the thing, though, men don't feel that immediate emotion.
They don't feel any different in their bodies. Nothing really changes for them as they're not changing shape, feeling little kicks, or dealing with hormones. Many men don't really even "get" that they're going to be dads until after their child is born. It seems odd, but that's how it works a lot of the time.
With this in mind, tell him you're pregnant with his child as emotionless as you can. In other words, stick to the scientific basics. It may seem weird, but it will hit home.
10 Have A Friend There With You
Pregnancy is not usually something you experience all by yourself. Very few of us go through it alone. We're typically surrounded by family, friends, co-workers, and a village of people who help us through it. So, in looking to tell your guy that he's going to be a dad, try bringing a friend along.
Your friend doesn't even have to say anything. They just need to be there for you for moral support. More often than not, people handle their reaction just a tad bit different when there is someone else watching. Having someone with you might serve as a great buffer and it might help him keep things in perspective, too.
9 Do It Straight-Faced Without Humor
Because telling a guy you're pregnant with his love child is a very, very serious thing, you might be tempted to lighten the blow with comedy. But, this isn't always the greatest choice. To him, it might feel like you're presenting it as almost a joke. That is, of course, the last thing you're doing, but it might come across that way.
Rather than go the humor route, just be straight with him. Give him the facts about what happened. Offer him dates and schedules of how this whole thing is going to go down. A matter-of-fact approach might be the way to go. You don't have to be a blubbering mess and you don't have to be robotic. Just tell the truth and let him come to his own conclusions.
8 Abandon All Hope In Text Messages
Since this is going to be a very important message you're delivering to him, it's better to avoid texting. It's so much easier, I know. You don't have to look at his face or deal with his immediate reaction. The distance is nice and it's comfortable for you. I get it.
Here's the thing, text messages are easily misinterpreted. Obviously, the basics of this sort of message isn't going to be missed, but the attitude behind it could be misread. Plus, texting is just a very impersonal way to tell him someone about some very personal news.
Of course, after you deliver your news face-to-face, you can always resort to texting for making plans or further discussions if you're both okay with that. But, for the big news, talk to his face.
7 Do The Next Best Thing
There is always that unique situation where you can't actually talk in person to the guy who impregnated you. Maybe he was recently deployed or he doesn't even live in your state or country. In that case, there is another option aside from face-to-face. Thankfully, technology has granted us the freedom to have the next best thing when we can't talk with someone in person.
Skype or even FaceTime is a better option than texting or emailing this news. The reason this might be a better option is that you can gauge his reaction and sort of go from there. His facial expressions are going to tell you more than his words will. So, take advantage of technology and do the second best thing aside from face-to-face.
6 Hand Him The Proof
It's important to remember that many women before you have cried wolf and faked a pregnancy to try and lure a man into staying in the relationship. No, it's not the noblest of moves or strategies, but it happens. And, it's very common. The follow up to that tactic is to then fake a miscarriage. Both are equally devious and incredibly disrespectful to the women actually experiencing either.
One way to be sure he understands what exactly is happening is simply to show him the pregnancy tests that you've taken. You could even bring a new one to your meeting area and take one there, so that he knows you're really serious.
5 With Packed Bags
These situations don't always turn out like we want. Sometimes, the relationship is going along great and you're working through any roadblocks then pregnancy happens. It could really send both of you through the roof. Sadly pregnancy can be the demise of a relationship. Mostly, it plays out this way because you're not on the same page when it comes to having kids or even the timing of it.
So, if you know that he's not going to either want kids at all or want kids right now, it's best to approach this with being prepared to leave if he's against the pregnancy. There is no reason to stay with a man who doesn't want to share in the pregnancy.
4 Tell Him No If You Feel Like It
For those men who are adamant about not having children, he might ask you to give up your child in one capacity or another. While everyone has a right to their opinion, his opinion doesn't necessarily have to be yours. You can feel in any way that you like and you can share those feelings with him.
More specifically, if he wants you to terminate the pregnancy, don't feel obligated to go along with it. You have to do what's best for you and your baby. Quite frankly, few men, especially men who don't want the baby, know what's best for you. When you tell him you're pregnant, be prepared to tell him "no" should he ask you to terminate the pregnancy and that's not what you want to do.
3 Shift The Cross-Examination To Your Advantage
If you're like most women, you have certainly experienced a relationship with the kind of man who makes everything your fault. When you procreate with this type of man then there is bound to be some finger pointing upon delivering your news.
He might ask how you could let this happen or what you did wrong or a number of other wild questions that free him of the blame (aka responsibility). The bottom line is that birth control is the responsibility of both parties involved. Another point is that birth control is never 100% foolproof. In dealing with a man like this, make sure you allow or force the responsibility to fall on both of you equally.
2 Try The Exposure Method
Like mentioned before, making you the mother of his child was his decision when he invited you to share the bed. He just didn't see it this way. Now, you're in the position of telling him he's going to be a dad when you know he doesn't want the baby.
In saying all of this, one way to approach the big tell-tale moment is to warm him up to the idea of being a dad. Start by inviting him to hang around people with children (preferably well-behaved ones). Encourage him to engage with the kids and have fun with them. It might be that this little bit of exposure might soften the news just a little or even a lot. You never know. Some men turn to mush around children.
1 Take Your Secret To The Grave
Some situations are more unique than others. There are times in life that women have to take secrets to the grave with them. Only you will know if your pregnancy is one of those times. If it has to do with your safety or your baby's safety then you will know better than anyone else how secretive you need to be with your announcement.
The last option that we're listing today is simply not to tell him. As surprised as some of you may be to hear this, there are situations where lives have been saved with this strategy. For whatever reason, some women don't always truly know who is lying beside them. This obviously can happen when you just meet a person or even years down the line. Discovering the violence or corruption in a person then realizing you're carrying their child, will make you do crazy things - like run and never look back.
Sources: babycenter.com, modernmom.com, gq.com, youbeauty.com